How do you people manage to move out, and be on your own?

[Surgo]

So I moved into a house close to my graduate school today (Dartmouth, in case anyone is in the area). The house kind of sucks, but isn't as bad as it could be by far.

What does suck? I just moved away from my fiance, who I haven't been separated from for over a year. I am now all on my own in an unfamiliar area. I know no one. I have no knowledge of the area. School doesn't even start until the 21st. And worst of all, I miss my fiance extremely badly. Like, I just spent the past hour crying, stopped and forced myself to eat some dinner, and will now spend the next hour+ crying badly.

Anyone have some advice for dealing with this?

 

[mf]

Hey dude

First up, that sucks about your fiance, it's always hard to move away from loved ones if you've spent a lot of time close to them. There's no easy way to deal with that other than to try and take your mind off it.

I've been in a comparable situation the last few days, arriving back at university when nobody else is around and my girlfriend's back home. I've had little to do, so I've tried to focus on how I can improve my life, a lot of reflection and a lot of walking. Since you have a lot of free uninterrupted time, try achieving something that you've always wanted to do but never had the time. Write a song or a short story, create some art, make yourself an exercise plan.

Finding ways to meet people isn't easy, the best way to make contact with someone is to be "forced" into a situation together which demands interaction. Joining a club is one of the best ways to do this and you'll be guaranteed a common interest.

Good luck mate, remember time's a healer and in a week you'll be absorbed in your studies so make the most of this time off!

 

[natalie]

you have some time to kill before your classes start so i suggest you make good use of this time by trying to find a job before the town gets a massive influx of jobhunting students, and getting to know the local area, maybe looking for a few items that'll make your new house more homely.

are you and your fiance planning to make it work long distance? if so, it can't be long until she can visit your or vice versa. i know that it's hard, being in a similar situation myself, but you may even come to like it!

 

[Kay [Old]]

I'll admit that I am always incredibly happy to be back in college and to be away from my family, and while I do miss my friends a bit, I'm always busy enough to be focused on other matters. Really, just keep yourself busy, and you should be fine as far as I'm concerned. Join a club, write, etc.

 

[Doctor Heartbreak]

that sucks, surgo. i don't have any advice, but i hope you're okay and that this doesn't last long.

 

[Surgo]

I'll admit that I am always incredibly happy to be back in college and to be away from my family, and while I do miss my friends a bit, I'm always busy enough to be focused on other matters. Really, just keep yourself busy, and you should be fine as far as I'm concerned. Join a club, write, etc.

When I went to college, I was happy to be there as well. Now that I left and went to grad school though, I feel nothing but homesickness.

 

[Altmer]

long distance is a pain in the ass at times, i'm in a similar situation (well I've never lived close to her yet). Part of it (being away from what you love the most) is trying to get into a routine. If you don't do anything, it's a surefire way to start thinking.

 

[akuchi]

Natch I can't predict the future, but my advice would be to (right now) just hide around your room and cry a lot. You've just moved out, away from your fiance, that's got to be tough; give yourself time to adjust for a few days before you start doing things.

 

[Roy]

Why not do something productive, seeing as school starts in a week and you will probably have little free time? Go exploring, read up on something that interests you, work out, etc. Sorry to hear about your fiance situation, but the distance might make your hearts grow fonder, who knows.

 

[QuickDraw]

definitely don't just sit around and wallow in misery, that's just a bad idea. i agree with the job hunting sentiments (if you need one) or finding thigs to do to make wherever you are living feel more like home, give it that personal touch so it doesn't feel like you are returning to some cold house every day.

 

[ThePatriot]

Sorry bout your fiance situation. I would go out and try and meet some people that live near you that you could hang out with or something along those lines. If you make some new fiends in your area it will be much easier to familiarize yourself with the area.

 

[Surgo]

definitely don't just sit around and wallow in misery, that's just a bad idea. i agree with the job hunting sentiments (if you need one) or finding thigs to do to make wherever you are living feel more like home, give it that personal touch so it doesn't feel like you are returning to some cold house every day.

One of my problems is I'm just not sure how to go about doing this. When I was in college, I never even had a poster on a dorm room wall until my very last year (all those posters are now in my new room) because I just didn't need to -- it was great enough being at college that I didn't need room decorations. I already had everything I wanted.

So now I'm just not really sure how to give that 'personal touch'.

 

[natalie]

So now I'm just not really sure how to give that 'personal touch'.

just start small, maybe buy a new rug, plant, bedlinen, whichever necessities you're going to need or just something you had at home and will miss having. is there nothing you've always wanted to have when you get your own place?

 

[akuchi]

One of my problems is I'm just not sure how to go about doing this. When I was in college, I never even had a poster on a dorm room wall until my very last year (all those posters are now in my new room) because I just didn't need to -- it was great enough being at college that I didn't need room decorations. I already had everything I wanted.

So now I'm just not really sure how to give that 'personal touch'.

I totally got this covered for my move on Friday already. My 'personal touch' items are a lavalamp (I've always loved them), a pretty ashtray I found (because I smoke), some tins and a very lovely tea set I'lll have out (because I approve of tea as every Brit should).

just.. things you like, that make you smile. buy them in special!

 

[Kay [Old]]

One of my problems is I'm just not sure how to go about doing this. When I was in college, I never even had a poster on a dorm room wall until my very last year (all those posters are now in my new room) because I just didn't need to -- it was great enough being at college that I didn't need room decorations. I already had everything I wanted.

So now I'm just not really sure how to give that 'personal touch'.

Don't you just have small things you just keep hanging around in your room for personal reasons to improve your room? I have a Cartman and a Domo-kun plushie, a library of history books, and a few odds and ends here and there and I feel perfectly content. Just little things like that should help.

And was your college close to your parents?

 

[Nate]

I agree with everything monk there says.

When I traveled alone to China, when I first got there I was a little bit out of sorts. I had no job, I had no friends, I had no place to stay. For the first couple of days I kept myself busy by job and apartment hunting. But by the end of the first week, there wasn't really getting around the fact that I didn't know anybody in the same country as me.

I tried writing a quick shoutout on smogon. It failed pretty badly; only one lurker responded and I never ended up meeting up with him. What did work for me, though, was getting out and simply going about doing the things I enjoyed doing, and meeting people there. I went to a local internet cafe and played DotA. A few conversations and a couple weeks later, I was playing in LAN tournaments with all Chinese guys against EHOME. I googled around for a jiu-jitsu academy, and ended up becoming friends with a guy who lived only a ten minute walk from my house.

Go out and do what you enjoy doing. You'll meet people who not only share the same interests, but will probably respect you for being good at whatever it is you do. I'd say that's a little more likely to bring you success than taking the attitude of "oh, I've always wanted to pick up rock climbing..." in an attempt to meet people.

Good luck man!