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How much do looks matter when trying to date/make friends
- Thread starter Huston
- Start date
I don't think that being ugly matters that much when trying to make friends, you usually want to interact and share activities with good people. Now, I don't know anything about the social circle you're in and I don't know how they react to your appearence. In any case, if people judge you by how you look rather than caring about your personality, they're just not your friends and in my opinion you should try and meet more new people, give them a good first impression and just let everything flow :) Style-wise, just don't hate yourself, having this kind of inferiority complex due to not being as good looking as other people is something that won't do good for you, in any case, just try lots of hair-styles and clothes and see what fits better with you, I'm not even that handsome but I love myself as should you.
check out r/incels, enlightening stuff
I think when you're on the subject of dating, yes it matters to a degree. There are gonna be situations in life when you'll get rejected because your body isn't how someone else would like, and it happens to almost everyone. You just have to deal with those moments and move on, use it as motivation. My honest to god advice is just get your body to a place that makes you happy or satisfied. Don't do it because you wanna make new friends or start dating, do it because YOU want it like that. Everything else will come naturally through time imo
No clue how old you are but start lifting if you're 16-18 already. Changing your outer appearance and working out in general will also change your personality in terms of confidence, discipline etc. It'll improve your life a lot in many other aspects besides girls as well, trust me.
Yeah eh.. gtfo with those cucks.
With friends doesn't really matter. Friends sould accept you for who you are. Dating I think looks matters to a degree, but you wanna find someone that you love being with so personality is number one and looks is two.
I think it varies per person on looks. Some people really are jerks/shallow that they feel that they shouldn't even dare have a friend that they would describe as "ugly" or not dressed in trendy or good clothes that will enhance their outer appearance. But, many people don't care if their friend has any physical traits that would be deemed by others or themselves as "unattractive". Friendship is beautiful since there isn't this whole physical attraction component that makes it "work". You both like each other's personalities and hobbies.
Now when it comes to dating, yes, a lot of times looks matter since what captures the person's interest in seeking love (or wanting to like someone faster) is usually their physical appearance. I mean, a lot of people find it important or not as important as personality. Sometimes, people change with age and experience, and come to discover that they like a personality more or a balance of both. Research has also found that looks don't matter as much once you fall in love with the person since they soon become so filled with happy feelings that the person they are in love with is more based on just who they are. Looks fade out of their needs/importance and it just becomes almost meaningless, since the person makes them generally happy.
Don't give up. A lot of times it is confidence and putting yourself out there and being brave enough to start a conversation. If you want more confidence, try changing yourself in any way possible. Exercise, trying more hobbies, getting a new skill, and just liking yourself more by doing things that make you proud of who you are. If you're nerdy about some subject, blabber about it to your date and she/he might dig your nerdiness and be happy that someone has something interesting to share.
Now when it comes to dating, yes, a lot of times looks matter since what captures the person's interest in seeking love (or wanting to like someone faster) is usually their physical appearance. I mean, a lot of people find it important or not as important as personality. Sometimes, people change with age and experience, and come to discover that they like a personality more or a balance of both. Research has also found that looks don't matter as much once you fall in love with the person since they soon become so filled with happy feelings that the person they are in love with is more based on just who they are. Looks fade out of their needs/importance and it just becomes almost meaningless, since the person makes them generally happy.
Don't give up. A lot of times it is confidence and putting yourself out there and being brave enough to start a conversation. If you want more confidence, try changing yourself in any way possible. Exercise, trying more hobbies, getting a new skill, and just liking yourself more by doing things that make you proud of who you are. If you're nerdy about some subject, blabber about it to your date and she/he might dig your nerdiness and be happy that someone has something interesting to share.
This is simple but interesting question, and so I'll give as straight of an answer as I can. The most honest answer I can give is that when it comes to dating, yes, looks matter massively. People often say things such as "first impressions matter", but don't then make the connection that a lot of what makes up a first impression is how you look at first sight. When teenagers start dating, looks matter even more than they do already, this is just a simple fact that can't be avoided.
There's a reason why I have to be so blunt, and that is because if I told you it was mostly because of personality, and you then failed to get a date, you'd assume you were doing something wrong or your personality was bad, when it might not be. If that was the case, then this could really hurt you in the long term and constantly make you feel like you were doing something wrong, which would be extremely stressful.
The good news is that when it comes to making friends, looks still matter, but they're not nearly as important. You can actually make a lot of friends by being funny, making good conversation etc, even if you're not very good looking.
I noticed you talked about how you had improved your personality, and were looking to improve your looks, so I guess I'll give some advice on that. Make sure to shave often, because scraggly facial hair is unattractive. If you have a monobrow like I used to, pluck it out, don't shave it. If you have acne, use cream for it. You said you hated your body, if it's because you're overweight I recommend running, not only because it is a great way to get slimmer but also because I personally enjoy it. Something I realised only recently is that the glasses you wear, if any, are extremely important, and personally I'll probably be switching to contact lenses soon because of this.
The best advice I can give you is to do what I listed above to improve your looks and make decent fashion choices. Dating as a young man if you're not good looking can be rough, stay strong and try and be confident.
There's a reason why I have to be so blunt, and that is because if I told you it was mostly because of personality, and you then failed to get a date, you'd assume you were doing something wrong or your personality was bad, when it might not be. If that was the case, then this could really hurt you in the long term and constantly make you feel like you were doing something wrong, which would be extremely stressful.
The good news is that when it comes to making friends, looks still matter, but they're not nearly as important. You can actually make a lot of friends by being funny, making good conversation etc, even if you're not very good looking.
I noticed you talked about how you had improved your personality, and were looking to improve your looks, so I guess I'll give some advice on that. Make sure to shave often, because scraggly facial hair is unattractive. If you have a monobrow like I used to, pluck it out, don't shave it. If you have acne, use cream for it. You said you hated your body, if it's because you're overweight I recommend running, not only because it is a great way to get slimmer but also because I personally enjoy it. Something I realised only recently is that the glasses you wear, if any, are extremely important, and personally I'll probably be switching to contact lenses soon because of this.
The best advice I can give you is to do what I listed above to improve your looks and make decent fashion choices. Dating as a young man if you're not good looking can be rough, stay strong and try and be confident.
There are 2 rules when it comes to success in dating:
1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive
If you have both of these, you're good. If you don't, have a good personality pretty much. Sad realities, moreso about the dating thing.
1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive
If you have both of these, you're good. If you don't, have a good personality pretty much. Sad realities, moreso about the dating thing.
Honestly, they don't really matter at all. My current S/O is jealous, because I've been with former Adult models and women who are now working with Suicide Girls. I absolutely look more at personality and interest way before I consider how a persons looks make me feel. I feel like I've only been with Men who most people would deem "attractive" but I've been with such a wide range of women, different ages, races, sizes, ect.
There is an old saying..
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
What this means is that beauty cannot be measured by busting out your thermometer. You can't objectively grade a person's looks and expect the whole world to agree with your conclusions because each person has different ideas of what is beautiful. Physically we are all going to be ugly, wrinkled, and need help to the bathroom before it's over; assuming we all have a long life. Important to keep in mind that physical beauty does and will inevitably fade over time, so when trying to find a spouse it is better to focus on someone with an amazing personality and acceptable looks rather than the other way around. For every drop dead gorgeous woman in the world there is a guy tired of hitting that; I could go on but I think I made my point clear.
Don't put tons of focus on what we see or you might one day look back and realize your mistake. Materialistic mind frames are a large part of what is wrong with the world today. It's never about who one is but what they have done or what they have got or what can they do for me...Don't let yourself become victim to this dangerous way of thinking.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
What this means is that beauty cannot be measured by busting out your thermometer. You can't objectively grade a person's looks and expect the whole world to agree with your conclusions because each person has different ideas of what is beautiful. Physically we are all going to be ugly, wrinkled, and need help to the bathroom before it's over; assuming we all have a long life. Important to keep in mind that physical beauty does and will inevitably fade over time, so when trying to find a spouse it is better to focus on someone with an amazing personality and acceptable looks rather than the other way around. For every drop dead gorgeous woman in the world there is a guy tired of hitting that; I could go on but I think I made my point clear.
Don't put tons of focus on what we see or you might one day look back and realize your mistake. Materialistic mind frames are a large part of what is wrong with the world today. It's never about who one is but what they have done or what they have got or what can they do for me...Don't let yourself become victim to this dangerous way of thinking.
If we're making real friends, those who matter in the long run, then I don't believe looks isn't going to be a factor.
While it certainly does not harm with first impressions and it's good to be groomed, if someone does truly like you then looks shouldn't be as important in your date either if your personality shines out for the person you're dating .
While it certainly does not harm with first impressions and it's good to be groomed, if someone does truly like you then looks shouldn't be as important in your date either if your personality shines out for the person you're dating .
Looks matter a lot in dating for sure. The good thing about this is you can make yourself look more attractive. Wear good fitting clothes, maintain a clean face, find a style that works for you, and most importantly, work out (working out will also help make clothes look much better on you). For friends, however, looks barely matter at all.
Also, you haven't done "everything well" with your personality if you think you are still a social joke and hate yourself/your body. You need to love yourself, even if you don't love where you're at in your life right now. You need to tell yourself that you are a person that can become beautiful - it'll just take effort and time. You won't become a stud overnight, but every day you can try and make progress and eventually one day you will become a stud. Never tell yourself you aren't worthy of happiness.
Also, you haven't done "everything well" with your personality if you think you are still a social joke and hate yourself/your body. You need to love yourself, even if you don't love where you're at in your life right now. You need to tell yourself that you are a person that can become beautiful - it'll just take effort and time. You won't become a stud overnight, but every day you can try and make progress and eventually one day you will become a stud. Never tell yourself you aren't worthy of happiness.
People are superficial so, yes the looks matter a lot. Fortunately, looks are pretty easy to change. Lifting will automatically bump you up by at least 4.
1/10 male becomes 5/10 male if he's jacked.
You can also look up skin care, hair care, and buy clothing all on internet if you want quick improvements.
1/10 male becomes 5/10 male if he's jacked.
You can also look up skin care, hair care, and buy clothing all on internet if you want quick improvements.
I couldn't possibly agree more with DTC's post above, he really hit the nail on the head there.
While we can't choose the way we look when we're born on one hand, we're definitely free to work on our appearance on the other hand!
Your body language in the form of the look in your eyes, in tandem with your posture and a well groomed physique sends out signals.
The art of "charisma" and "having that certain something" is definitely something that can be learned over the course of time.
While "beauty" is definitely "in the eye of the beholder" as they say, looks do matter and a good first impression is always crucial.
Maybe you can ask a professional stylist to help you find your look? Be careful not to overdo it though.
People will immediately see through your disguise and will know that you're trying to be someone that you're clearly not comfortable being.
You always need to remind yourself that you can't expect others to love you if you don't love yourself in the first place.
While we can't choose the way we look when we're born on one hand, we're definitely free to work on our appearance on the other hand!
Your body language in the form of the look in your eyes, in tandem with your posture and a well groomed physique sends out signals.
The art of "charisma" and "having that certain something" is definitely something that can be learned over the course of time.
While "beauty" is definitely "in the eye of the beholder" as they say, looks do matter and a good first impression is always crucial.
Maybe you can ask a professional stylist to help you find your look? Be careful not to overdo it though.
People will immediately see through your disguise and will know that you're trying to be someone that you're clearly not comfortable being.
You always need to remind yourself that you can't expect others to love you if you don't love yourself in the first place.
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For me, looks don't matter when making friends. In fact, things like hobbies, music interests and whatnot don't even matter too much (though I do prefer it, as it gives conversation topics).
Dating however, I do care about looks. That being said, I wouldn't date a girl simply coz she looks nice.
Hey Huston I totally sympathize with you. I asked out a girl three years ago and she turned me down cold and I spiraled. I was the most severely depressed I've ever been and decided to do something about it. So I gave myself a goal and said that I would change everything about myself and that in a year's time, I would have a girlfriend.
SO I started getting a haircut every 2 weeks ($15-20 per cut), going to the gym at 5 in the morning, buying a bunch of new clothes, and trying to be more outgoing and friendly with everyone. And you know what changed about me personally? Nothing. That year went by and I didn't even have a girl I was interested in. I was still the same miserable guy I was, except now I was sleep deprived from waking up so early and broke and still single. Changing what was on the outside didn't give me the answer to my problems, and I don't think it will give you the answer either.
That being said, I always encourage my friends to exercise and lift weights (I do bodyweight exercises due to injuries, but do what you can handle). It's good for your health and research has shown that it helps you make healthier choices. I also encourage good hygiene, since you ideally want to share your personal space with someone. In terms of looks, you have the face and body that you have, so all you can do is make the most of it. No guarantees in that department, but you owe it to yourself to try to polish it up.
As for the personality bit, that was the hardest lesson I learned that year. I had been faking it so hard and trying to be this positive upbeat guy who was friends with everyone and liked going out and being social. But that wasn't who I was, and every time I tried to be that person I hurt myself inside. I'm not gonna tell you to "just be yourself". If that was all that needed to happen, you'd already be boo'd up. I will say that you should learn to love the things about yourself that make you who you are, both the good and the bad. I can be quite blunt and sarcastic, but I'm also observant and loyal. I accept that as who I am and I know that's what I bring to the table. Confronting the truth in your personality and being at peace with your strengths and weaknesses can be very ratifying for your self-esteem. And I can tell you, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more confident you'll be around others. When you're not trying to hide who you are, you can spend more time getting to know people and making meaningful connections.
Lastly, I'll tell you what a friend told me: "No one is laying awake at night thinking about you." No matter how stupid you think you look or act, chances are, nobody cares :)
P.S. PM me if you want to talk more
SO I started getting a haircut every 2 weeks ($15-20 per cut), going to the gym at 5 in the morning, buying a bunch of new clothes, and trying to be more outgoing and friendly with everyone. And you know what changed about me personally? Nothing. That year went by and I didn't even have a girl I was interested in. I was still the same miserable guy I was, except now I was sleep deprived from waking up so early and broke and still single. Changing what was on the outside didn't give me the answer to my problems, and I don't think it will give you the answer either.
That being said, I always encourage my friends to exercise and lift weights (I do bodyweight exercises due to injuries, but do what you can handle). It's good for your health and research has shown that it helps you make healthier choices. I also encourage good hygiene, since you ideally want to share your personal space with someone. In terms of looks, you have the face and body that you have, so all you can do is make the most of it. No guarantees in that department, but you owe it to yourself to try to polish it up.
As for the personality bit, that was the hardest lesson I learned that year. I had been faking it so hard and trying to be this positive upbeat guy who was friends with everyone and liked going out and being social. But that wasn't who I was, and every time I tried to be that person I hurt myself inside. I'm not gonna tell you to "just be yourself". If that was all that needed to happen, you'd already be boo'd up. I will say that you should learn to love the things about yourself that make you who you are, both the good and the bad. I can be quite blunt and sarcastic, but I'm also observant and loyal. I accept that as who I am and I know that's what I bring to the table. Confronting the truth in your personality and being at peace with your strengths and weaknesses can be very ratifying for your self-esteem. And I can tell you, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more confident you'll be around others. When you're not trying to hide who you are, you can spend more time getting to know people and making meaningful connections.
Lastly, I'll tell you what a friend told me: "No one is laying awake at night thinking about you." No matter how stupid you think you look or act, chances are, nobody cares :)
P.S. PM me if you want to talk more