Hypothetically Speaking..... I’m screwed

[TheSnoom]

Hello Smogoff, I have a quick query.
Let’s say hypothetically I was somewhere in Moscow, and hypothetically I was running away from the hypothetical Russian and Italian mob because I hypothetically hit their bosses with a hypothetical car. So hypothetically I’m in my hypothetical hotel room on the top floor of a 30 floor building. Hypothetically if all I have is a bar of soap, a golf club, some hemorrhoid wipes, a small dog, some pillows, and a Glock 9mm, and the mob is surrounding the building, hypothetically how fucked am I? Hypothetically speaking

 

[Arhops]

Dude calm down your e fine lol

 

[CaffeineBoost]

what's stopping you from just selling the hotel room and moving?

 

[TheSnoom]

what's stopping you from just selling the hotel room and moving?

Well you see, the mob has the building surrounded, so hypothetically if I left this hypothetical hotel, I would hypothetically be turned into hypothetical Swiss cheese via several rifles.
So hypothetically I’m pretty screwed. Any help on how to get out of this totally hypothetical situation would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Colteor]

If I were in this situation, I'd drop a note out of my window with the prompt from this post on it. Once the 2 mobs inevitably start fighting eachother due to differing opinions you can just run past them in the chaos.

 

[ThatOneSpork]

So hypothetically I’m pretty screwed. Any help on how to get out of this totally hypothetical situation would be greatly appreciated.

Just tell them that they need a new leader, they will start fighting amongst themselves for who leads them now. Unless either of the mafias have a predetermined next leader, in which case you seem pretty screwed.

 

[Low-Key]

checking your post today
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Hello Smogoff, I have a quick query.
Let’s say hypothetically I was somewhere in Moscow, and hypothetically I was running away from the a hypothetical Russian and Italian mob because I hypothetically hit their bosses with a hypothetical car. So hypothetically I’m in my hypothetical hotel room on the top floor of a 30-story floor building. Hypothetically If all I have is a bar of soap, a golf club, some hemorrhoid wipes, a small dog, some pillows, and a Glock 9mm, and the mob is surrounding the building, hypothetically how fucked am I? Hypothetically speaking

tips: teach your dog how to attack the mob and then go on a killing spree. also teach your dog how to dodge everything the mob throws at you. tag me when you're done and i'll have another check

 

[TheSnoom]

checking your post today
add remove comments

tips: teach your dog how to attack the mob and then go on a killing spree. also teach your dog how to dodge everything the mob throws at you. tag me when you're done and i'll have another check

So what I did is melt the golf club into a suit of armor for small dog, I then spent a few days training him in jiujitsu and then made chicken noises to get the mob to storm the building. I was able to hold them off for a while and my dog found a shiv and started cutting their ankles. The few that got past got hemorrhoid wipes in their eyes and one unlucky sap got a used one. So long story short I am now somewhere in Jamaica, waiting for things to cool down.