Is anyone here a parent?

[Forte9686]

If not, do you desire to be one? I have a six month old boy myself and am enjoying the wonders of fatherhood, and was quite curious if any other Smogonites had kids as well or were planning on having some in the future.

For those of you who already have kids/are considering having kids, are there any things in today's society that worries you when it comes to raising children? I live in Japan and after growing up in Puerto Rico and NY I can honestly say I would be terrified to bring my family back stateside considering all the recent events happening in America.

Minor side note: for those of you in High School or younger: do you encounter kids that have significant issue fitting in because they are racially mixed?

 

[Rugi]

Minor side note answer: Nah. This may be because I live in Australia where multiculturalism and mixed race is rather common but I know several mixed race kids who have no trouble fitting in and aren't discriminated against in anyway whatsoever.
(The half Irish half Russian one is mocked for his accent though)

 

[HBK]

No and I don't ever want to be one. I'm twenty and from what I've seen over the years, kids are a giant pain in the ass and I don't think that I'd ever want children. No offense to parents or prospective parents, I understand that the desire to develop and nurture a small part of you is what helps you through all the chaos, I just don't have that burning desire to settle down and have kids. And I'm the kind of person who almost never changes his opinion.

 

[Fishy]

i'm 24, and only very recently have i considered having children. not because i feel a need to reproduce or see my bloodline continue on, but because it's one of those experiences you can't really have/imagine unless you're doing it. i'm ALL about experiences! but i've helped raise a younger brother ten years my junior, and now i have a little baby sister who is 20 years younger than me. i imagine if she were my child (she looks scarily like me too, my little clone~) and if being a mother is something i'd enjoy. spoilers: i'd enjoy it thoroughly. i'm afraid i would enjoy being a mother so much that i would completely lose track of my dreams and desires, and focus 100% on my child. wonderful for the child, but simply being a mother would not be fulfilling enough for me. if i ever have children, it would be after i've had a career for a few years that is unlikely to change in the near future, or at all. there's the saying "if you wait until you can afford to have children, you never will" but i don't think that's true. too many younger parents are having babies when they still can't take care of themselves. half my graduating class is either fat or pregnant, or on their second pregnancy. no thanks! not yet!

 

[internet]

Minor side note: for those of you in High School or younger: do you encounter kids that have significant issue fitting in because they are racially mixed?

No one has big trouble fitting in for racial reasons as far as I notice, with one of my best friends being half-polish and another friends' gf being of at least partial Moroccan ancestry. Everyone in high school is gonna face jokes about every noticeable trait they have though, even those definitely not being bullied, and race is a really easy target for bad jokes.

 

[SOMALIA]

Got my first child in 2012, I need to stop spending half my day on Smogon and actually give some quality time to my kid, I even forgot to give my kid a name cauz i was watching the smogon tour final iirc

 

[Forte9686]

Got my first child in 2012, I need to stop spending half my day on Smogon and actually give some quality time to my kid, I even forgot to give my kid a name cauz i was watching the smogon tour final iirc

Haha not even sure how you pulled that one off, my son keeps me plenty busy! You got a boy or a girl? Glad to know I'm not the only dad around here.

There is a time and place for having kids, but generally you can only do so much "planning," and it usually kinda just happens depending on your situation. I can understand the desire to have a career first and totally agree with people not having kids when they are like 20 or financially stable. Being in the military I have the luxury knowing my family will be taken care of when I'm on a deployment. However, I don't think waiting until 30 is much better either since you don't
want to be too old when they grow up, so I think mid 20's is a good age range to give enough time for yourself and for your kid(s).

The reason I asked about the racial mix is (obviously) my son is mixed (half Japanese, half Puerto Rican), and I wasn't too sure how kids nowadays interacted with each other vice as to when I went to High School. I'm worried about which language he will pick up first because I don't want him having a bad accent in the other.

 

[Cresselia~~]

Mixes are popular in Japan though, from what I heard.
My only concern would be the education system in Asia.
It pretty much consists of only memorizing and practice. It doesn't encourage individual thinking.


I don't have a kid, as it is very expensive to raise one here in Hong Kong. Especially when I would refuse to send him/ her to a local school. (Thus send to international school)
However, I will not send my kid to say UK or USA.

I had been racially discriminated myself and it definitely feels awful.

 

[Menezjul]

I am a father of almost a 2 year old. I love to spend my time playing with him. I already bought him his first pokemon games. And he is a mix of mexican american indian and german from what my GF tells me they are, but mostly mexican.

We live in a small town in Illinoi its a great community where we can raise our child. I was raised here and it is a good small town.

 

[Nails]

I'm half Japanese / half Bengali and people didn't bully me because of my race. It was more because of that awkward train of thought where others would be like "is he brown...? is he taiwanese...? is he filipino...? we could just make fun of that black dude" so I wouldn't worry about race for your son.

haha your feathers are a different color

 

[Chou Toshio]

Haha not even sure how you pulled that one off, my son keeps me plenty busy! You got a boy or a girl? Glad to know I'm not the only dad around here.

There is a time and place for having kids, but generally you can only do so much "planning," and it usually kinda just happens depending on your situation. I can understand the desire to have a career first and totally agree with people not having kids when they are like 20 or financially stable. Being in the military I have the luxury knowing my family will be taken care of when I'm on a deployment. However, I don't think waiting until 30 is much better either since you don't
want to be too old when they grow up, so I think mid 20's is a good age range to give enough time for yourself and for your kid(s).

The reason I asked about the racial mix is (obviously) my son is mixed (half Japanese, half Puerto Rican), and I wasn't too sure how kids nowadays interacted with each other vice as to when I went to High School. I'm worried about which language he will pick up first because I don't want him having a bad accent in the other.

I think it's a very mixed basket when it comes to kids with an international heritage in Japan. On one hand, I've met half black kids who had no issues and enjoyed their public school experience in Japan. On the other, I've met half Chinese kids who got bullied despite physically being unnoticeable from full Japanese kids, and had a half Australian classmate in college who basically hates Japan for the deep sense of not belonging growing up there gave her. I think Japan is a country you can't help but feel the intensity of sticking out, since conformation is so important to their culture and so much of the population is homogenous. Even for me, being Japanese American married to Japanese and living in Japan, I'm curious what growing up in Japan will be like for our daughter.

Kids can't help but take deep note of differences, especially when they're so pronounced by people being so similar. For kids with an international background, I think it's important for them to also experience a larger community of similarly not-typical-Japanese people living here, and get a sense of a bigger world and everyone having a place in it.

As for education, I hope to get her a taste of as much as possible. One thing is for sure, there's no way I'd put her all the way up through public school here. My wife says learning the "harmony" of Japanese society would be important if she decides to live as a Japanese in the future-- but as the world globalizes, even Japan cannot afford to not change. It's important that we give her the skills that matter to the world. No Asian social modesty will be as important as critical thinking, expression in strong speaking and writing, self reliance and confidence, and English will become more important than ever. Considering that, public school is really not an option, failing in all those key skills. Well, maybe have her attend as summer school if we live in the US in the future...

In any case, I think it integral to have her understand the importance of an international and progressive outlook-- though I'd like her to also have pride as both an American, and as a 日本人, and the language skills to boot.

To me, the biggest issue is the college system. As a financial model, the higher education -> career system in the US simply makes no sense, and the Japanese one is even worse; how or will it be fixed.

 

[Rugi]

Haha not even sure how you pulled that one off, my son keeps me plenty busy! You got a boy or a girl? Glad to know I'm not the only dad around here.

There is a time and place for having kids, but generally you can only do so much "planning," and it usually kinda just happens depending on your situation. I can understand the desire to have a career first and totally agree with people not having kids when they are like 20 or financially stable. Being in the military I have the luxury knowing my family will be taken care of when I'm on a deployment. However, I don't think waiting until 30 is much better either since you don't
want to be too old when they grow up, so I think mid 20's is a good age range to give enough time for yourself and for your kid(s).

The reason I asked about the racial mix is (obviously) my son is mixed (half Japanese, half Puerto Rican), and I wasn't too sure how kids nowadays interacted with each other vice as to when I went to High School. I'm worried about which language he will pick up first because I don't want him having a bad accent in the other.

They will have the accent of what they are most exposed to. I grew with more exposure to English accents then Spanish accents. A lot of people often point out how strange my English accent sounds as it is an amalgam of other English accents along with some bits and pieces of English having slightly foreign sounding tones. As I grew up my Spanish accent just became of that of a gringo who learnt Spanish from someone who lived in Buenos Aires. My older brother though was exposed to English and Spanish equally and his accents in both sound identical to a native.

 

[Forte9686]

I think it's a very mixed basket when it comes to kids with an international heritage in Japan. On one hand, I've met half black kids who had no issues and enjoyed their public school experience in Japan. On the other, I've met half Chinese kids who got bullied despite physically being unnoticeable from full Japanese kids, and had a half Australian classmate in college who basically hates Japan for the deep sense of not belonging growing up there gave her. I think Japan is a country you can't help but feel the intensity of sticking out, since conformation is so important to their culture and so much of the population is homogenous. Even for me, being Japanese American married to Japanese and living in Japan, I'm curious what growing up in Japan will be like for our daughter.

Kids can't help but take deep note of differences, especially when they're so pronounced by people being so similar. For kids with an international background, I think it's important for them to also experience a larger community of similarly not-typical-Japanese people living here, and get a sense of a bigger world and everyone having a place in it.

As for education, I hope to get her a taste of as much as possible. One thing is for sure, there's no way I'd put her all the way up through public school here. My wife says learning the "harmony" of Japanese society would be important if she decides to live as a Japanese in the future-- but as the world globalizes, even Japan cannot afford to not change. It's important that we give her the skills that matter to the world. No Asian social modesty will be as important as critical thinking, expression in strong speaking and writing, self reliance and confidence, and English will become more important than ever. Considering that, public school is really not an option, failing in all those key skills. Well, maybe have her attend as summer school if we live in the US in the future...

In any case, I think it integral to have her understand the importance of an international and progressive outlook-- though I'd like her to also have pride as both an American, and as a 日本人, and the language skills to boot.

To me, the biggest issue is the college system. As a financial model, the higher education -> career system in the US simply makes no sense, and the Japanese one is even worse; how or will it be fixed.

I can understand where you are coming, as education has been a very important topic for me and my Nihonjin wife. We've come to the agreement that we will let him decide when he gets older as far as college goes. Since I'm in the Navy I am at the mercy of my assigned duties as to where he will go to school until after High School. I think that can be a negative or a positive, as multiple locations can give him a great deal of cultural diversity but he won't be able to "settle" if we keep moving. Personally, I would rather stay in Japan because growing up in NY has given me little faith in Americas schooling system (I'm sure it might just be NY though).

If you don't mind me asking, how old is your daughter and what did you name her? I named my son カルロス 仁 ゴンザレス.

 

[Chou Toshio]

I can understand where you are coming, as education has been a very important topic for me and my Nihonjin wife. We've come to the agreement that we will let him decide when he gets older as far as college goes. Since I'm in the Navy I am at the mercy of my assigned duties as to where he will go to school until after High School. I think that can be a negative or a positive, as multiple locations can give him a great deal of cultural diversity but he won't be able to "settle" if we keep moving. Personally, I would rather stay in Japan because growing up in NY has given me little faith in Americas schooling system (I'm sure it might just be NY though).

If you don't mind me asking, how old is your daughter and what did you name her? I named my son カルロス 仁 ゴンザレス.

Daughter is 1 now-- would rather not tell her name, but her personal name is one of the many many girls' names that exists in both English and Japanese (Erica, Marie, Alyssa アリサ, etc.). Boy's names are much fewer (basically just "Ken" as far as I can tell).

Our daughter has a fully Japanese name as a Japanese citizen, using her Mother's last name. As an American citizen, she has a different name using my last name and a separate and distinctly Japanese middle name-- quite customary among Japanese Americans.

My wife and I chose kanji for both her first and middle names.

Actually, I'm surprised your son doesn't have a Japanese surname on his Japanese ID documents-- I mean, I'm sure he was born in Japan and that you and him have been documented in your wife's family registry?

 

[Forte9686]

Daughter is 1 now-- would rather not tell her name, but her personal name is one of the many many girls' names that exists in both English and Japanese (Erica, Marie, Alyssa アリサ, etc.). Boy's names are much fewer (basically just "Ken" as far as I can tell).

Our daughter has a fully Japanese name as a Japanese citizen, using her Mother's last name. As an American citizen, she has a different name using my last name and a separate and distinctly Japanese middle name-- quite customary among Japanese Americans.

My wife and I chose kanji for both her first and middle names.

Actually, I'm surprised your son doesn't have a Japanese surname on his Japanese ID documents-- I mean, I'm sure he was born in Japan and that you and him have been documented in your wife's family registry?

He was born in Japan and both of us are on my wife's registry, although I am more a footnote than anything. We decided to just keep his name the same in both countries. I wanted 仁 to be his first name but my wife decided otherwise last minute.

 

[Gengar Bey]

I'm 16 but I want to get married and have a daughter one day.My biggest dream.

 

[mattj]

Kids are awesome. Sharing experiences with them that meant something deep to you as a child is immeasurably rewarding.

Everyone is different, but I would caution against waiting too long before having children. I know a couple who are in their 60s now who own a local business who waited to have kids until they "made their first million". They accomplished that goal, and their kids were born into many financial and educational opportunities that my kids will never know, which is great for them. But at the same time, he's going to be 68 when his son graduates. I'm going to be 40 when my daughter graduates. He's going to be lucky to see his grandchildren. Barring bad luck I'm going to see my great grandchildren. If I want to take my daughter or son on some adventure through miles of wilderness I get my stuff together and we just go do it. There's no way he has the physical wherewithal to do stuff like that anymore. And by the time I hit his age I'll probably be in the same condition.

Again, everyone is different, but man, if kids are something that you want, when you consider the question of "when should we start", don't forget to think about the normal, natural decline in health that comes with aging. You've only got so many years where you're going to have the energy and health needed to chase down kids and keep pace with them and do the active things they're going to want to do.

 

[BenTheDemon]

I'm not a biological parent, but my nephew lives with me, and I'm essentially his third parent.
As far as my own biological children, I'm not sure whether or not I want any. I love kids, but only in small doses. Plus, being a full time parent requires a lot of responsibility that I, at the present time, lack. Maybe I'll have some when I'm 26 or something (I'm 20 now).

 

[Hogg]

I have a son who is just under five months, and is pretty much the best thing ever.

That said, I was searching posts under my old account recently and found this gem: http://www.smogon.com/forums/threads/children.28374/#post-603099

"...I really don't feel compelled to produce any children. There certainly is a small part of me that considers the idea and could see theoretically enjoying it, but honestly, the vast majority of me really actively doesn't want any. I think there's a very good chance I will never have a child, and I'm perfectly fine with that.

I'm not sure I'm willing to go as far as to get a vasectomy, but it's something I've considered. Not very hard, or for very long, but my desire to be childless is strong enough that it has at least come up."

That was me on these boards about eight years ago. Of course, eight years is a long time - a lot of things have changed in the intervening years, and I couldn't be happier to be a father. Still, I thought it was amusing.

 

[Jellicent]

I'm not a biological parent, but my nephew lives with me, and I'm essentially his third parent.
As far as my own biological children, I'm not sure whether or not I want any. I love kids, but only in small doses. Plus, being a full time parent requires a lot of responsibility that I, at the present time, lack. Maybe I'll have some when I'm 26 or something (I'm 20 now).

Being an uncle is amazing. You have all the love of this little baby being in your life, but you get to pass them off when they get super sick or poop themselves ^.^

I'm 26 now and can't see myself being ready to handle an actual baby for a few years. I could maybe see myself being a parent someday, but I'm definitely not ready for it. I see my sister now and I'm like "Are you a superhero?"

 

[BenTheDemon]

Being an uncle is amazing. You have all the love of this little baby being in your life, but you get to pass them off when they get super sick or poop themselves ^.^

I'm 26 now and can't see myself being ready to handle an actual baby for a few years. I could maybe see myself being a parent someday, but I'm definitely not ready for it. I see my sister now and I'm like "Are you a superhero?"

My nephew is 18 years old. :P He's just a troublemaker.

 

[asterat]

well im a racist sexist fuck, so right now my thought on the issue is to marry a minority woman, and let mixed race son reap benefits for his whole life. im a shit.

 

[Chou Toshio]

well im a racist sexist fuck, so right now my thought on the issue is to marry a minority woman, and let mixed race son reap benefits for his whole life. im a shit.

Make sure black, Native American, native hawaiian, native Eskimo... Or black.

Don't do Asian because the system will just shaft you even harder than if pure white.

 

[Adamant Zoroark]

I'm a month away from my 20th birthday and in college, so right now, my answer to that question is "Ask me again in six years." My mom had kids at 20 (she was 20 when my older brother was born, 23 when I was born) and she most likely would have finished college otherwise, so I can safely say that I should finish college before I even think about having kids.

Even then, with how I am now, I feel like my answer to "do you want kids?" would be "no." I just can't stand other people's kids, especially when they fucking cry everywhere. It gets on my nerves and I'm pretty sure I'd have even less patience if I were the parent in that scenario. I mean, shit, I don't even have the patience to put up with my mom's bullshit, why would I have the patience to put up with a kid AND my mom's bullshit simultaneously? And besides, what happens if I get a divorce, the ex-wife gets sole custody, and then I have to pay alimony and child support? I'm a bit of a pessimist, so naturally I spend way too much time focusing on the outcome of the worst case scenario(s) than I should. Even if I DID have the patience to put up with kids, the words "child" and "support" put together in that order are enough to steer me clear away from having kids.

Even then, though, I feel like my parents would pressure me into having kids anyway. They've made it very clear that they want grandchildren, and in particular my mom is the kind of person who will do just about anything to get what she wants. Attempting to make me feel bad for not having kids would be the MINIMUM she would do, and just banking on my older brother having kids isn't an option because he has even less desire to have kids than I do. I guess that'd make me a prime target for my mother's manipulation, that I may possibly change my opinion on having kids but any attempts to get my brother to change his mind would equate to shooting yourself in the foot.

In fact - that's another reason I don't want kids. I always hated how manipulative my parents are, and 1) I fear I'd be just like them, 2) Even if I don't end up being just like them, I feel like they'd exert their manipulative personalities on my children.

However, I may change. I don't know the future. Maybe I'll stop being a pessimistic little shit. Maybe I'll develop some degree of patience. I don't know. Maybe I'll change when I'm like, 28 or something and decide I do want kids. However, I guess my question is if, in the future, I do end up absolutely not wanting kids for any reason, how do I put up with my parents since it'd a "I don't want children but they want grandchildren" scenario?

 

[Jellicent]

My nephew is 18 years old. :P He's just a troublemaker.

Oh, haha, that's different. My niece is still ~a year and a half. So, like, at the wobbly-walking, funny-talking, let's-watch-frozen-again-for-the-sixtieth-time stage of life. I feel like there's a reason people need over a decade to deal with having babies to having teens :3

I'm a month away from my 20th birthday and in college, so right now, my answer to that question is "Ask me again in six years." My mom had kids at 20 (she was 20 when my older brother was born, 23 when I was born) and she most likely would have finished college otherwise, so I can safely say that I should finish college before I even think about having kids.

Even then, with how I am now, I feel like my answer to "do you want kids?" would be "no." I just can't stand other people's kids, especially when they fucking cry everywhere. It gets on my nerves and I'm pretty sure I'd have even less patience if I were the parent in that scenario. I mean, shit, I don't even have the patience to put up with my mom's bullshit, why would I have the patience to put up with a kid AND my mom's bullshit simultaneously? And besides, what happens if I get a divorce, the ex-wife gets sole custody, and then I have to pay alimony and child support? I'm a bit of a pessimist, so naturally I spend way too much time focusing on the outcome of the worst case scenario(s) than I should. Even if I DID have the patience to put up with kids, the words "child" and "support" put together in that order are enough to steer me clear away from having kids.

Even then, though, I feel like my parents would pressure me into having kids anyway. They've made it very clear that they want grandchildren, and in particular my mom is the kind of person who will do just about anything to get what she wants. Attempting to make me feel bad for not having kids would be the MINIMUM she would do, and just banking on my older brother having kids isn't an option because he has even less desire to have kids than I do. I guess that'd make me a prime target for my mother's manipulation, that I may possibly change my opinion on having kids but any attempts to get my brother to change his mind would equate to shooting yourself in the foot.

In fact - that's another reason I don't want kids. I always hated how manipulative my parents are, and 1) I fear I'd be just like them, 2) Even if I don't end up being just like them, I feel like they'd exert their manipulative personalities on my children.

However, I may change. I don't know the future. Maybe I'll stop being a pessimistic little shit. Maybe I'll develop some degree of patience. I don't know. Maybe I'll change when I'm like, 28 or something and decide I do want kids. However, I guess my question is if, in the future, I do end up absolutely not wanting kids for any reason, how do I put up with my parents since it'd a "I don't want children but they want grandchildren" scenario?

grabbing you as well, since you're both funnily at 20 and predicting 26, and i'm 26 and was similar at 20 >.>

how you act as a parent will probably be similar to your parents, but not identical. you'll still be you; you'll just be you as a parent in your head instead of you as a son / daughter in your head. so yeah, you'll pick up from the source you were most influenced by on your life. you'll also pick up on what you found bad about that and what you found fun about other parents you've seen in your life. it's how you live, and your personality. that's how peeps can hate their fathers and love their grandads or vice versa. it's still you. it's just how you go about it.

how a grandparent treats a grandchild vs a child is like... mind-blowing. it's just a different reaction to amazing than one that has to fully guide it. if anything, your parents will be more expecting of you (which doesn't make it sound good, haha)

it's a thing that peeps do when they just feel ready. it's why sex feels better than a morning cig or that after-work beer at dinner. some peeps never feel ready, and that's fine. when you do, though, it's a natural instinct to continue the species. not saying it's good, but saying it's like a worm winding its way into my head occasionally for the past few years, because that's human nature.