itt: pretend to be american

[earl]

Bro you should use essential oils that usually helps me

I’ve just been taking my vitamins to boost my god-given immune system

 

[BW Tyler]

People complain about summer being too hot, but they've never been to Texas

 

[Plague von Karma]

Instead of openly discussing my country's issues, I will immediately detract from them by attacking the foreigner's country with false equivalences. Should this defense fail, I will attempt to shut down the foreigner instead by claiming that since they are not from the United States of America, the country blessed by god, they are not entitled to an opinion. I have thus won the argument and maintained the standard that my incredible country is the best in the world.

 

[Astra]

i'm only patriotic when a british person makes fun of us

 

[Plague von Karma]

I shall now spout baseless claims about underdeveloped countries to start wars for oil

 

[MegaFlareon]

I'm feeling well today. I checked my body temperature and it is 98 °F.

The mall near me is less than a mile from my house. It's 2 point something football fields wide.

Car's out of gas. Looks like I'm going to fill it a few gallons or so.

 

[cityscapes]

i believe "australia = upside down" jokes are funny despite knowing nothing about the joke other than the punchline

 

[lydian]

what do you mean seasons in the southern hemisphere the opposite? do you guys have christmas on summer?? wait what even is the south hemisphere???

 

[MegaFlareon]

I believe the southern hemisphere is where people speak different with a very funny accent.

 

[BW Tyler]

The southern hemisphere is just worse Texas. Those phonies thought they could copy the original, but all those phonies couldn't even get the all-American Texan accent correct! What a bunch of idiots!

 

[BW Tyler]

Also today my son said he wanted to be famous by playing this new video game called "tick tock," so I hit him and told him to get a job. The only "tick tock" in MY house is my American crafted watch.

 

[internet]

I can't believe people are making fun of the country i live in using common misconceptions and stereotypes... how could this be happening to me?

 

[Low-Key]

 

[Zipzapadam]

braviary is the best pokemon

 

[Ununhexium]

braviary is the best pokemon

 

[Ryota Mitarai]

Universal healthcare = socialism.

 

[MAMP]

ooc why are americans posting in this thread. i can’t win

 

[Scarf]

^ lol this kid must still be bitter about when the usa, with the help of britain, orchestrated a coup d'etat to remove an elected aussie PM back in the 70s.

lul suck it lmaoooo usa #1 babyyyyy!!!!

 

[Low-Key]

ooc why are americans posting in this thread. i can’t win

f**k yeah america!

 

[Plague von Karma]

I am so obsessed with freedom of speech that if someone asks me to not make them uncomfortable with a certain word, I will take it as an attack on my rights and go out of my way to offend them. I have a horrific lack of self-awareness and empathy.

 

[phosphor]

rocky iv is the greatest movie of all time

 

[cookie]

Hey Brett can you pass me the high fructose corn syrup with bacon flavouring? It's right next to my AR-15 loaded with cheez-wiz rounds. Thanks buddy, here's your tip. Oh no don't worry brah, I can afford it - I have several dollars left over from my tax rebate after going to the hospital for a grazed knee.

 

[Bice]

such a cute kitty <3 and so relatable too!

 

[BW Tyler]

Just because other countries have a lower drinking age I think I'm above the law an I want a drink at age 16

 

[gvmgvm40]

I believe the southern hemisphere is where people speak different with a very funny accent.

this is actually true