hello, I agree with a lot of what dramlamb said and I wanted to give you some advice as well. If they were supportive the first time, I see no issue with you coming out again. I know you said that it ended up in a big clash the first time, but I think that's pretty understandable since it's life-changing and may have taken them a little off guard or they just need a bit of time to get used to. Also, I think you should wait til you see them in person as I feel like you should have a face to face conversion given the situation. Family is family no matter what and I do think they'll come around to accept you even if it's a little shaky at first. My friend went through a similar situation and from my perspective, it's better to get this off your chest because I know it can be very mentally straining.But, uh, here we are, May 2020, and I have a definitive answer to the question of my answer... again. And it's the same as last time.
The main issue I'm confronted with recently is that I really want to sort of "come out" to my parents a 2nd time, but I can't really build up the confidence to do so. I was quarantined 400km away from them, so it would pretty much have to be over a phone call or a video call, and I've been trying to bring up the subject with them again but... it just never feels like the right time. I'm always afraid it will result in a clash, even though all I want is to be accepted by them.
Has anyone been confronted to that sort of situation before? If so, do you have any tips?
Sorry your experience trying to go to NYC was so awful. When you were here, what kind of shelter did you go to? Was it an LGBTQ+ shelter? Or was it a regular shelter? There are some shelters that specifically cater to those in the LGBTQ community (and I think there's one that specifically focuses on the Trans community? I have some friends who have been in that shelter before).So I'd like to start this post off on a positive note. I'm doing fine right now, I'm dealing with quarantine as best as I can, and I've halted pursuing transition on my own terms. That being said what I'm about to talk about is my life these last few months and how I've dealt with some pretty severe trauma. Naturally when talking about these matters it's going to be very triggering so consider this a formal Content Warning.
About 2 months ago in March I decided to sell my most valuable possession (a Gibson Les Paul Standard) and try to strike it out on my own in New York City. I was getting fed up with how unsupportive I felt my parents were with regards to my transition at the time and wanted to take matters into my own hands. The rationale behind my move is that the city doesnt require you own a car to get anywhere, there's plenty of jobs, and an accepting queer community out there.
I'll never forget my first night at a drop in center I was in a big, long room with a bunch of other homeless people separated by stairs. On one floor were the men and on the other were women. We were forced to sleep on lawn chairs as a single flatscreen TV played NBA for us. I couldnt sleep well that night, my back hurt way too much in the chair. I got maybe close to two hours after struggling for a while, meanwhile almost every other person was perfectly fine with sleeping in a lawn chair.
The next day I spent some time in Manhattan trying to figure out food stamps and whatnot. At the end of the day I went to another shelter, this one resembled a prison and had security guards everywhere. I was told it was a one night transfer shelter and that I'd be sent to another the following day.
When I approached the showers it looked like corrosion had eroded any kind of smooth surface on the floor. The floor of the shower was like this grainy concrete and you had to push this button continuously to make sure the water was running too. Needless to say the water was hot and I was grateful for a hot shower, so I accepted what I could to get through the night.
When I got back to my room my roommates took it upon themselves to talk very loudly about. That night I think I got maybe 3 hours of sleep and the lack of sleep was starting to take a toll on me in conjunction to hauling my bag of possessions everywhere. I left from this other shelter early in the morning and made sure to continue signing up for welfare programs.smoking marijuana
This new shelter was located right outside Spanish Harlem in it's own little island. This shelter was like it's own small correctional facility and the crowd of residents didnt help me feel welcome at all. There was no way I wanted to be openly queer in this kind of shelter. My whole demeanor stood out like a sore thumb and I could tell that I didnt fit in with the regulars there. It's at this point that i decided to hit up furry telegram groups for comfort when a random user told me to get out of New York City since it's a big money trap.
This person recommended that I go to Scranton, Pennsylvania (yes the same Scranton that "The Office" is set in) for job opportunities. That night I caught a bus back to lower Manhattan and slept in the Port Authority Bus Terminal waiting for a bus to Scranton. I slept on the floor as pigeons flew overhead and cops eyed the section I was in to deter homeless people from taking up residence. Again, I struggled for sleep, but tried nonetheless.
I boarded the bus and was on my way to Scranton, excited at looking for a job out in a safe part of the tri state area. However as I entered Scranton I saw a warning sign...an omen if you will. Some house had a giant banner, if I recall correctly, that stated: "TRUMP 2020", which if anything reflected the attitude to me that the people around here wouldnt take kindly to minorities or the homeless.
When I arrived in Scranton I immediately went to a building where an operation that helped homeless people functioned out of. They told me that the local church only houses out-of-county residents for 3 days max and that there were no actual overnight homeless shelters in the area. Feeling defeated I still checked in with a local warehouse opportunity that was apparently a shoo-in if I applied there.
I left for a day operated shelter and because of the news I just heard I checked into local furry telegram groups and found someone willing to take me in for the weekend, which would extend the time by which I had some residence for a few days. They told me to meet at the local steamtown mall and to meet their family as well.
The way in which this person dressed was unusual and they were obviously at least a good 15-20 years older than me, they came to meet me with their wife and kids. We initially hit it off and had a good time discussing topics...however as the night progressed I could tell something was off about this person. They were very strict and aggressive with how he treated his children. I shrugged it off and we went bowling that night and had some fun doing so. However after we went bowling he thought it would be perfectly reasonable to. I was disturbed by this, but I needed a place to stay and I decided to just ignore it as I was only aiming to stay with the both of them for the weekend.visit a porn shop and let his kids stay outside with his wife
It was by this point, he made several hints that he liked me and the day after I decided to give it a shot. I wasnt particularly attracted to either of them, but they provided me room and board as well as paid for a vast majority of my food expenses. What ensued though has scarred me and left me cautious of a lot of different aspects of queer, furry, and kink communities by association.
What was initially a weekend stay ended up being a stay that lasted over a week.The husband especially creeped me out as he had a bunch of odd behaviors and kept making passes at me that made me uncomfortable.I engaged in threesomes and sexual activity with the couple in a "unicorn" kind of relationship, during which the husband raped me. Not only that, but I witnessed the husband physically abuse his children several times.
During my stay with them I decided to cut my losses and come back home with my tail between my legs. However by this time coronavirus had become a serious concern and my parents wanted to prepare the house for my arrival, extending my stay by a few more days.I dealt with this for a few more days until I got a bus ticket back home.Towards the end I would drink alcohol to make the sex more tolerable since at this point I had no attraction to the husband and only an inkling towards the wife.
It took me a week or so after, but I mustered the courage up to block them and move on. What really stung was that I had a nasty cold from being there and it lasted a week and a half. I was worried about having covid and was mostly bed ridden for that time, but being home after such a horrible experience was more than worth it.
I'm still deciding whether to press charges on them for what I experienced and witnessed and I could go on about those two weeks, but I think this is where I should wrap things up. If you've read until the end, I thank you for your time and patience. Recalling what I experienced wasnt easy and just kind of reinforced how hard it is to be queer and homeless. Thankfully coronavirus has allowed me to relax and recover on my own terms. I wish you all the best of luck going forward and I sincerely hope none of you have to go through what I experienced.
"we should be careful of dangerous generalizations when we say things like “ACAB” just as much as we should be careful of dangerous generalizations of the various groups within our own communities."hey everybody, happy pride month.
been thinking on this post for a bit now - I knew I wanted to say something here before I really leave now that I’ve retired, but with everything going on in the world it was difficult to decide on what to talk about. Should I write about the pandemic and how difficult isolation in an unaccepting home can be for LGBTQ+ people? Or should I write about the recent protests across the country, which are an excellent means of showing we ought to do better when it comes to discrimination of all kinds in this country? Perhaps as well as my own experience in personally knowing well a gay, black cop and how we should be careful of dangerous generalizations when we say things like “ACAB” just as much as we should be careful of dangerous generalizations of the various groups within our own communities.
Ultimately however, I think it’s best for me to just avoid current affairs entirely and write about this community instead. Eight months ago tomorrow, I came out as trans for the first time, in the DMs of one of the best friends I’ve made here. A year and a half or so prior to that, I came out as gay for the first time; also in the DMs of someone who was at the time my best friend. I never would’ve been able to do either if not for the accepting community I’ve found here and especially on PS. I don’t think we’re perfect, in fact I think we have a very long way to go, but nonetheless I have nothing but appreciation for the role this community played in allowing me to find myself. I’ve seen myself grow more in recent months than in the several years prior, and I’m very excited to see where the world takes me next as I shift my focus toward the future.
I don’t believe that I am perfect either, I have made a lot of mistakes; I have an ego and at times it has absolutely blinded me, and I have many other flaws which have held me back from what I might have wished to accomplish, but all and all I fully believe that I am a better person now than the outwardly transphobic, self-loathing, shitposting neoconservative I was when I joined in 2017. And I again have this community to thank for it - I was exposed to a whole lot of “different” people and viewpoints, both when I liked it and I didn’t, and that caused me to reconsider a lot of what I believed to be hard facts.
I’m getting overly wordy again as usual, so I’ll conclude with this: I’ve been through a lot here - plenty of joy and plenty of pain, and leaving now really is bittersweet. I think it falls on every one of us here to try and promote tolerance and acceptance within the community in any way possible, as I tried (and many times failed!) to do, and I hope that we can stop ripping each other to shreds so we can focus on tackling the issues that effect all of us head-on. Maybe I’ll come back someday, and if I do I hope PS and Smogon as a community will be even better then than it is today, but even if I don’t come back I still hope that things will continue onward and upward, if only for the sake of those who come after me.
Thanks for the time, the care, the compassion, the education, and most of all the memories.
I’m angry on the internet so me being a dick to questioning lgbt teenagers is justifiedI'm no longer referring to Robyn, but I want to bring this up:
I have seen too many people in this thread and server refer to an offended call-out as a 'brutal attack' and portray themselves as the victims of a difference of opinion, which they refuse to accept could be an important one (that they may possibly have a harmful internalised opinion). They call themselves alienated because of opinions and liberal beliefs to portray the other side as a fanatical angry mob. Sometimes you need to take a little fucking responsibility and question why people are angry.
I'm angry on the internet about our internalised acceptance of harmful opinions that lead to disproportional death and imprisonment of POC so I'm going to call out someone spreading these beliefs. My post was apparently about you. Please stop saying everyone is a dick to you and instead question why they call your beliefs harmful.I’m angry on the internet so me being a dick to questioning lgbt teenagers is justified
my post was in reference to the numerous people, mostly teenagers, who've posted in this thread/participated in pokepride looking for a safe space and instead found themselves alienated by what was supposed to be a welcoming community.I'm angry on the internet about our internalised acceptance of harmful opinions that lead to disproportional death and imprisonment of POC so I'm going to call out someone spreading these beliefs. My post was apparently about you. Please stop saying everyone is a dick to you and instead question why they call your beliefs harmful.
Why "tolerating casual defense of racist institutions by not even making so much as a call out post" is a core tenet of your "welcoming community" is beyond me. To me, it seems the opposite. I'm also quite annoyed you chose to take away from my original point about the police, which I find pretty important, with this.my post was in reference to the numerous people, mostly teenagers, who've posted in this thread/participated in pokepride looking for a safe space and instead found themselves alienated by what was supposed to be a welcoming community.
the point of my post wasn't to attack or detract from what you said regarding the police. the point of my post was to attempt to convey that apparently people, mainly young people, feel unwelcome within pokepride as a whole, and that you attempting to bludgeon them with your way of thinking does more harm than good with regard to creating a safe space. if posts such as robyn's and nalei's regarding this behavior garner such support in this thread then there has to be some merit to what they say.Why "tolerating casual defense of racist institutions by not even making so much as a call out post" is a core tenet of your "welcoming community" is beyond me. To me, it seems the opposite. I'm also quite annoyed you chose to take away from my original point about the police, which I find pretty important, with this.