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posting an update to this cause this is still the only place i can really talk about this type of stuff
i've had a whole school year to think about this (i posted this at the beginning of the fall semester and now it's end of spring semester) and the conclusion i've come to is...i think i'm genderfluid? or at least i think that's the correct term based on my research. most of the time i don't really have a concept of gender when i wake up and it's something i consciously have to apply to myself, so i would consider that to be my default state. i also have no issue with being seen as feminine or called a girl, at least online when i feel like it (like as i'm writing this i feel feminine), although this state of gender is much rarer for me.
the thing is, i don't have a problem with being called a man or assumed i'm a guy either (although i do think it's funny how most people assume i am in other spaces). it mostly happens when i'm dressed more formally for like a job or something cause my main wardrobe consists of masculine-leaning androgynyous clothing like t-shirts, sweatpants, and hoodies. at first when i started having these thoughts about gender, there was a pushback in my mind to not be called masculine. originally i thought i was some form of transfemme but after thinking about some more, i think it was because i subconsciously wanted to experiment more with other identities in order to find where i fit in, not because i had anything against being seen as a guy. currently when i'm called a man i don't really feel anything; not negativity, not positivity (outside of a few select instances), and moreso like it's just correct, as hard it may be to explain. i've come to realize that my sense of gender and my identity ebbs and flows across the days, weeks, and months that make up my life. if i had to assign numbers to it, i'd say ~60% of the time i don't have a concept of gender, ~30% of the time i feel masculine, and ~10% of the time i feel feminine.
i still have no real desire to "come out", mostly due to the fact i don't feel like upending my entire social life over a change that literally doesn't affect them at all, even though i know some people who would react negatively. i have said before my ultimate goal is to be androgynous irl but i've started to reconsider due to things like how much money it would take to do things like hair removal, so it's ended up being a much longer-term goal than i initially thought, meaning that it's very hard for my demanor and clothing to reflect my inner thoughts. but also i just don't care that much about presenting outwardly, for now i'm fine with validation from the internet and friends who know. i've also been experimenting with a different name on discord which has helped to further define how i feel about gender.
so yeah something a little more positive this time. i'm more confident in myself and how i feel. happy for pride month next month as well, although i probably won't go to anything for it because even though i don't plan on coming out, i also don't want to be outed, you know?
the thing is, i don't have a problem with being called a man or assumed i'm a guy either (although i do think it's funny how most people assume i am in other spaces). it mostly happens when i'm dressed more formally for like a job or something cause my main wardrobe consists of masculine-leaning androgynyous clothing like t-shirts, sweatpants, and hoodies. at first when i started having these thoughts about gender, there was a pushback in my mind to not be called masculine. originally i thought i was some form of transfemme but after thinking about some more, i think it was because i subconsciously wanted to experiment more with other identities in order to find where i fit in, not because i had anything against being seen as a guy. currently when i'm called a man i don't really feel anything; not negativity, not positivity (outside of a few select instances), and moreso like it's just correct, as hard it may be to explain. i've come to realize that my sense of gender and my identity ebbs and flows across the days, weeks, and months that make up my life. if i had to assign numbers to it, i'd say ~60% of the time i don't have a concept of gender, ~30% of the time i feel masculine, and ~10% of the time i feel feminine.
i still have no real desire to "come out", mostly due to the fact i don't feel like upending my entire social life over a change that literally doesn't affect them at all, even though i know some people who would react negatively. i have said before my ultimate goal is to be androgynous irl but i've started to reconsider due to things like how much money it would take to do things like hair removal, so it's ended up being a much longer-term goal than i initially thought, meaning that it's very hard for my demanor and clothing to reflect my inner thoughts. but also i just don't care that much about presenting outwardly, for now i'm fine with validation from the internet and friends who know. i've also been experimenting with a different name on discord which has helped to further define how i feel about gender.
so yeah something a little more positive this time. i'm more confident in myself and how i feel. happy for pride month next month as well, although i probably won't go to anything for it because even though i don't plan on coming out, i also don't want to be outed, you know?
So, after meeting someone very special whose trans themselves and them sort of breaking down hesitation I've had for a long time now, I've decided to just take the chance and transition. I always thought about it, wondering if I was really male. I never really was attached to the idea of masculinity. It just never mattered in the slightest to me. I'm out to a lot of (online) friends who are supportive, and I feel a weird combination of happiness, excitement, and fear. My girlfriend has told me how HRT is basically black magic and she's had very positive experiences. Between that and browsing r/transtimelines on Reddit, I'm truly hoping that even little ol' ugly me has a chance of becoming a hot goth chick. She also said that she'd rather be an ugly woman than an ugly man, and that sort of stuck with me. It's like, if I'm gonna be ugly anyway, why not? Hopefully that's not the case, but we'll see. I've got a long road ahead of me, but I hope it'll be a positive one in the end. The only hurdle will be coming out to family, but maybe I won't even tell them until I can't really hide the fact I'm getting more feminine. Who knows, but I hope for the best in all cases.
Try not to focus on social beauty stigmas and focus on what truly makes you happy. Social media and reddit can be amazing at times, but it can also warp our expectations as to how HRT can affect you and the timelines for how long everything takes.
I will say, that I agree with your friend, and estrogen has been wonderful for my mental lol
So I’m wondering, am I aromantic? I’ve came out as gender-fluid to some people and it just feels so much better. Idk if it’s gender fluid or something else on that spectrum but I’ll figure it out.
Anyways, I’ve had problems with mistaking people I want to get to know more with people I want to date. I don’t really get the difference between it and friends. I definetly know I’m attracted to men and I am but I don’t really care about the romantic part really idk… I don’t know the difference.
Anyways, I’ve had problems with mistaking people I want to get to know more with people I want to date. I don’t really get the difference between it and friends. I definetly know I’m attracted to men and I am but I don’t really care about the romantic part really idk… I don’t know the difference.
Short answer: it's up to you to decide really
As a disclaimer, I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone with a weird and fucked up sexuality that could only be described by words created by the utterly deranged (something along the lines of greyromantic omnisexual). What I mean by this is that from my perspective, sexuality is a really weird and individualistic thing that doesn't really tend to fit well into categories. And even from a philosophical perspective, let's say you have two gay men and they're both very assured in that label. But how can gay man A be exactly sure that gay man B's experience with sexuality is exactly the same? The answer is that gay man A can't really. We can't actually truly ever understand another person's feelings to the extent that the other person feels them, we can only really attempt to do our best with descriptive words. The reason both men call themselves gay is because that's simply the best way they know how to explain their experiences, even if it is not a comprehensive document of their whole life's experience with attraction. To come back to my original point though, this is why I think getting hung up on labels when it comes to sexuality is kind of a not-very-useful endeavor. Especially when it comes to the more "outside of the box" sexualities. If you try to attach your feelings to a pre-made label made to be a "one size fits all", then you're actually denying the intricacies and nuances of what you feel. And the more you try to actually capture those nuances with hyper-specific categorizations (see: greyromantic omnisexual), the more it becomes a fruitless endeavor because most people won't know what the hell you're talking about, when the whole point of attaching labels is so that you can try and communicate your feelings in the first place.
To summarize the previous paragraph, placing more emphasis on the label rather than your own feelings is a bad thing to do to yourself, and trying to hyper-categorize your feelings kind of goes against the reason we place a label on things at all.
So what do I do? Since I'm using myself as an example after all. Well I just call myself a lesbian lmfaoo. "Now hold on a second" I may or may not hear you ask. "Doesn't that go against everything you just said?".
I call myself a lesbian cause it's easy to tell others that I'm a lesbian. After all, I'm a girl (ish) and tend to experience attraction to women. It's far easier than telling others that I:
> am definitely feminine rather than masculine, but am not extremely attached to the construct of being a "woman"
> experience strange bouts of romantic attraction to people regardless of gender, although I am not sure if it is really romantic attraction at all
> experience sexual attraction largely towards feminine people regardless of gender, although I on very rare occasion find myself thinking that a guy looks hot
But I digress. Coming back to my original point, I'm not actually myself hung up on the label I use to describe myself. I call myself a lesbian cause it's a convenient term I can use to quickly communicate an idea of myself to others, but I do not actually believe myself to be a lesbian necessarily. My feelings =/= the term I use to describe them, and that's ok. Because I don't need everyone I talk to to understand the weird and fucked up intricacies of my sexuality.
But to wrap it all up and bring things back to you, it really is just up to you to decide what label you want to use. If you think that "aromantic" is a good enough label to communicate your feelings, then by all means go ahead and use it. To restate my short answer, it's up to you to decide really. The reason I've written this whole long answer is so that I could hopefully explain to you that the label itself doesn't actually matter too much, and you shouldn't get too hung up on trying to attach your feelings to a word that will never be able to fully capture the entire scope of your experiences.
And btw, when you said
To summarize the previous paragraph, placing more emphasis on the label rather than your own feelings is a bad thing to do to yourself, and trying to hyper-categorize your feelings kind of goes against the reason we place a label on things at all.
So what do I do? Since I'm using myself as an example after all. Well I just call myself a lesbian lmfaoo. "Now hold on a second" I may or may not hear you ask. "Doesn't that go against everything you just said?".
I call myself a lesbian cause it's easy to tell others that I'm a lesbian. After all, I'm a girl (ish) and tend to experience attraction to women. It's far easier than telling others that I:
> am definitely feminine rather than masculine, but am not extremely attached to the construct of being a "woman"
> experience strange bouts of romantic attraction to people regardless of gender, although I am not sure if it is really romantic attraction at all
> experience sexual attraction largely towards feminine people regardless of gender, although I on very rare occasion find myself thinking that a guy looks hot
But I digress. Coming back to my original point, I'm not actually myself hung up on the label I use to describe myself. I call myself a lesbian cause it's a convenient term I can use to quickly communicate an idea of myself to others, but I do not actually believe myself to be a lesbian necessarily. My feelings =/= the term I use to describe them, and that's ok. Because I don't need everyone I talk to to understand the weird and fucked up intricacies of my sexuality.
But to wrap it all up and bring things back to you, it really is just up to you to decide what label you want to use. If you think that "aromantic" is a good enough label to communicate your feelings, then by all means go ahead and use it. To restate my short answer, it's up to you to decide really. The reason I've written this whole long answer is so that I could hopefully explain to you that the label itself doesn't actually matter too much, and you shouldn't get too hung up on trying to attach your feelings to a word that will never be able to fully capture the entire scope of your experiences.
And btw, when you said
I really felt ya there buddy. I briefly mentioned it earlier but I feel kind of the same way. Which is why I use the term "greyromantic" as a cop-out. It's definition is something along the lines of "experiences uncertain romantic attraction towards others" :haha:. Part of why I like the term in fact, is because it's so vague and does not attempt to really restrict my feelings. Rather, it's just a very general statement that's instead freeing, in my opinion. If you like that word, feel free to take it
Oh yeah this video is tangentially related to what I was talking and sort of explains things in a better way than I was able to. All that about the difference between the “thing itself” and the words we use to describe it.Short answer: it's up to you to decide really
As a disclaimer, I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone with a weird and fucked up sexuality that could only be described by words created by the utterly deranged (something along the lines of greyromantic omnisexual). What I mean by this is that from my perspective, sexuality is a really weird and individualistic thing that doesn't really tend to fit well into categories. And even from a philosophical perspective, let's say you have two gay men and they're both very assured in that label. But how can gay man A be exactly sure that gay man B's experience with sexuality is exactly the same? The answer is that gay man A can't really. We can't actually truly ever understand another person's feelings to the extent that the other person feels them, we can only really attempt to do our best with descriptive words. The reason both men call themselves gay is because that's simply the best way they know how to explain their experiences, even if it is not a comprehensive document of their whole life's experience with attraction. To come back to my original point though, this is why I think getting hung up on labels when it comes to sexuality is kind of a not-very-useful endeavor. Especially when it comes to the more "outside of the box" sexualities. If you try to attach your feelings to a pre-made label made to be a "one size fits all", then you're actually denying the intricacies and nuances of what you feel. And the more you try to actually capture those nuances with hyper-specific categorizations (see: greyromantic omnisexual), the more it becomes a fruitless endeavor because most people won't know what the hell you're talking about, when the whole point of attaching labels is so that you can try and communicate your feelings in the first place.
To summarize the previous paragraph, placing more emphasis on the label rather than your own feelings is a bad thing to do to yourself, and trying to hyper-categorize your feelings kind of goes against the reason we place a label on things at all.
So what do I do? Since I'm using myself as an example after all. Well I just call myself a lesbian lmfaoo. "Now hold on a second" I may or may not hear you ask. "Doesn't that go against everything you just said?".
View attachment 741330
I call myself a lesbian cause it's easy to tell others that I'm a lesbian. After all, I'm a girl (ish) and tend to experience attraction to women. It's far easier than telling others that I:
> am definitely feminine rather than masculine, but am not extremely attached to the construct of being a "woman"
> experience strange bouts of romantic attraction to people regardless of gender, although I am not sure if it is really romantic attraction at all
> experience sexual attraction largely towards feminine people regardless of gender, although I on very rare occasion find myself thinking that a guy looks hot
But I digress. Coming back to my original point, I'm not actually myself hung up on the label I use to describe myself. I call myself a lesbian cause it's a convenient term I can use to quickly communicate an idea of myself to others, but I do not actually believe myself to be a lesbian necessarily. My feelings =/= the term I use to describe them, and that's ok. Because I don't need everyone I talk to to understand the weird and fucked up intricacies of my sexuality.
But to wrap it all up and bring things back to you, it really is just up to you to decide what label you want to use. If you think that "aromantic" is a good enough label to communicate your feelings, then by all means go ahead and use it. To restate my short answer, it's up to you to decide really. The reason I've written this whole long answer is so that I could hopefully explain to you that the label itself doesn't actually matter too much, and you shouldn't get too hung up on trying to attach your feelings to a word that will never be able to fully capture the entire scope of your experiences.
And btw, when you said
I really felt ya there buddy. I briefly mentioned it earlier but I feel kind of the same way. Which is why I use the term "greyromantic" as a cop-out. It's definition is something along the lines of "experiences uncertain romantic attraction towards others" :haha:. Part of why I like the term in fact, is because it's so vague and does not attempt to really restrict my feelings. Rather, it's just a very general statement that's instead freeing, in my opinion. If you like that word, feel free to take it
I love the way you explain this. The beetle analogy makes a lot of sense to meShort answer: it's up to you to decide really
As a disclaimer, I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone with a weird and fucked up sexuality that could only be described by words created by the utterly deranged (something along the lines of greyromantic omnisexual). What I mean by this is that from my perspective, sexuality is a really weird and individualistic thing that doesn't really tend to fit well into categories. And even from a philosophical perspective, let's say you have two gay men and they're both very assured in that label. But how can gay man A be exactly sure that gay man B's experience with sexuality is exactly the same? The answer is that gay man A can't really. We can't actually truly ever understand another person's feelings to the extent that the other person feels them, we can only really attempt to do our best with descriptive words. The reason both men call themselves gay is because that's simply the best way they know how to explain their experiences, even if it is not a comprehensive document of their whole life's experience with attraction. To come back to my original point though, this is why I think getting hung up on labels when it comes to sexuality is kind of a not-very-useful endeavor. Especially when it comes to the more "outside of the box" sexualities. If you try to attach your feelings to a pre-made label made to be a "one size fits all", then you're actually denying the intricacies and nuances of what you feel. And the more you try to actually capture those nuances with hyper-specific categorizations (see: greyromantic omnisexual), the more it becomes a fruitless endeavor because most people won't know what the hell you're talking about, when the whole point of attaching labels is so that you can try and communicate your feelings in the first place.
To summarize the previous paragraph, placing more emphasis on the label rather than your own feelings is a bad thing to do to yourself, and trying to hyper-categorize your feelings kind of goes against the reason we place a label on things at all.
So what do I do? Since I'm using myself as an example after all. Well I just call myself a lesbian lmfaoo. "Now hold on a second" I may or may not hear you ask. "Doesn't that go against everything you just said?".
View attachment 741330
I call myself a lesbian cause it's easy to tell others that I'm a lesbian. After all, I'm a girl (ish) and tend to experience attraction to women. It's far easier than telling others that I:
> am definitely feminine rather than masculine, but am not extremely attached to the construct of being a "woman"
> experience strange bouts of romantic attraction to people regardless of gender, although I am not sure if it is really romantic attraction at all
> experience sexual attraction largely towards feminine people regardless of gender, although I on very rare occasion find myself thinking that a guy looks hot
But I digress. Coming back to my original point, I'm not actually myself hung up on the label I use to describe myself. I call myself a lesbian cause it's a convenient term I can use to quickly communicate an idea of myself to others, but I do not actually believe myself to be a lesbian necessarily. My feelings =/= the term I use to describe them, and that's ok. Because I don't need everyone I talk to to understand the weird and fucked up intricacies of my sexuality.
But to wrap it all up and bring things back to you, it really is just up to you to decide what label you want to use. If you think that "aromantic" is a good enough label to communicate your feelings, then by all means go ahead and use it. To restate my short answer, it's up to you to decide really. The reason I've written this whole long answer is so that I could hopefully explain to you that the label itself doesn't actually matter too much, and you shouldn't get too hung up on trying to attach your feelings to a word that will never be able to fully capture the entire scope of your experiences.
And btw, when you said
I really felt ya there buddy. I briefly mentioned it earlier but I feel kind of the same way. Which is why I use the term "greyromantic" as a cop-out. It's definition is something along the lines of "experiences uncertain romantic attraction towards others" :haha:. Part of why I like the term in fact, is because it's so vague and does not attempt to really restrict my feelings. Rather, it's just a very general statement that's instead freeing, in my opinion. If you like that word, feel free to take it
I more or less applied this logic to gender here but I think you did a way better job of explaining it.
Just a reminder as we go into pride month that pride is both celebration and resistance, and participating in whatever capacity you can is also contributing!! Also wanted to request that you please keep other marginalized folks in our community in mind when arranging pride events and gatherings. The queer community in my city personally is super Eurocentric culturally which makes it difficult to actually discuss my upbringing as a queer person of color in a conservative and religious family/social circle in a way other people will understand. There's overlapping elements for sure, but it helps a ton to be able to talk to other people who've lived that experience. I've managed to find other people through events where it's marketed for underrepresented people in the queer community (they welcome everyone though, but it's a space for less known topics to be discussed) and I found some queer friends in a similar situation to me because for some reason, I attract the entire fruit aisle, but the more events the better always.
Also, please make sure whatever events you may have a part in organizing are accessible to disabled people, and don't forget to encourage masking! We're all stronger together and uplifting each other will get us everywhere. Don't punch down on other queer people either - lesbophobia, biphobia, transphobia and acephobia are things I've been seeing from people who label themselves as queer - and while I don't have authority to determine how anyone labels themselves, their sexuality or their gender identity, we really are stronger together (I already said that but it's SO important) and having community is so important for us to rely on.
This pride month is super complicated and difficult for a lot of people, but I'm choosing to celebrate loud and proud in spite of that and I hope you guys do too! I'm gonna go kiss a guy now adios (I'm tragically single I literally texted my ex as a crashout not too long ago BUT in my dreams I'm not single and that's what counts)
Also, please make sure whatever events you may have a part in organizing are accessible to disabled people, and don't forget to encourage masking! We're all stronger together and uplifting each other will get us everywhere. Don't punch down on other queer people either - lesbophobia, biphobia, transphobia and acephobia are things I've been seeing from people who label themselves as queer - and while I don't have authority to determine how anyone labels themselves, their sexuality or their gender identity, we really are stronger together (I already said that but it's SO important) and having community is so important for us to rely on.
This pride month is super complicated and difficult for a lot of people, but I'm choosing to celebrate loud and proud in spite of that and I hope you guys do too! I'm gonna go kiss a guy now adios (I'm tragically single I literally texted my ex as a crashout not too long ago BUT in my dreams I'm not single and that's what counts)
with pride month upcoming
I have the understanding that what trans people want is to be treated by society with the gender that they feel natural with. Is this the correct way to see it?
I am not trans so I don't really know what it would be like to have gender dysphoria or how it is to treated as something you don't feel comfortable with
I have the understanding that what trans people want is to be treated by society with the gender that they feel natural with. Is this the correct way to see it?
I am not trans so I don't really know what it would be like to have gender dysphoria or how it is to treated as something you don't feel comfortable with
Hi, trans person here.
Yes as a baseline trans people want respect for the gender they align with, as well as just basic human rights and protections given how persecuted we are in certain parts of the world. Also we'd like more support within healthcare but that comes after making sure that we don't get killed for being trans.
Beyond that, I think a sort of "end goal" that's pretty far off is societal recognition that gender as a concept is kind of stupid. But that's kind of a luxury I suppose you could say. It's something I'd be willing to talk about more at a later time if you are curious, but I'm busy rn so i won't type up a whole essay about gender theory and stuff.
during the next month, i am now
GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
as opposed to the "gayyyyyyyyyyyyy" i was previously <3
Happy pride month! Stay safe, stay strong!
cw i am gay and mentally ill and i don’t like this website
it’s june 7th, 2025. there is another dead girl. ever since mental illness was abolished in favor of the neurodiversity umbrella, the only time we really hear about true insanity is in delightfully saccharine quirky internet memes. the market value of life is negative. tumblr won. 4chan won. reddit won. twitter won. kf won. it’s hard at this point to tell what lost.
limitless morphology and support for people with discontinuities is the only real pro-trans politics. the only way to exist as a trans woman is to not have a public past. i log onto the smogon forum, one of the so-called “last bastions of the old internet”. as before, there are thousands of posts on my account typed by the hands of something dead. i cannot modify or delete them. i wonder if they will still exist for the rest of my life, hanging over my head in case i ever become notable enough to stalk and harass. forums are not a place for people like me. there are very few places for people like me.
it is pride month. i open discord and am greeted by a rainbow-decal design of the poison gas pokemon. a joke about the holocaust has been made into a colorful, inclusive mascot. this is apparently a lucid sentence. i feel nauseous.
i spend a few minutes considering my plan of becoming a moderator solely to run through those archives and delete all those old posts one by one. what level of clearance would i need to do that, i wonder? would the higher-ups even allow it? i realize my energy is too finite for this, end the fantasy, and slip a little further down.
it’s june 8th, 2025. there is another dead girl. i should not have come here.
limitless morphology and support for people with discontinuities is the only real pro-trans politics. the only way to exist as a trans woman is to not have a public past. i log onto the smogon forum, one of the so-called “last bastions of the old internet”. as before, there are thousands of posts on my account typed by the hands of something dead. i cannot modify or delete them. i wonder if they will still exist for the rest of my life, hanging over my head in case i ever become notable enough to stalk and harass. forums are not a place for people like me. there are very few places for people like me.
it is pride month. i open discord and am greeted by a rainbow-decal design of the poison gas pokemon. a joke about the holocaust has been made into a colorful, inclusive mascot. this is apparently a lucid sentence. i feel nauseous.
i spend a few minutes considering my plan of becoming a moderator solely to run through those archives and delete all those old posts one by one. what level of clearance would i need to do that, i wonder? would the higher-ups even allow it? i realize my energy is too finite for this, end the fantasy, and slip a little further down.
it’s june 8th, 2025. there is another dead girl. i should not have come here.
ive had this account for long enough as to where if you dug deep enough you could probably find a post around here where i am at least a little homophobic. hopefully not though. anyway, i went to vgc worlds with my boyfriend last summer and am planning on going this year as well (as a spectator this time, sadge). so i guess i have the informed opinion that being gay is pretty poggers after all....
edit: here are our spheals holding flippers in lieu of a sappy photo of us (maybe later)
edit: here are our spheals holding flippers in lieu of a sappy photo of us (maybe later)
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