Am I kawaii yet?
After the news, it appears nothing new will come. You all get ready to start the day.Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is what's happening in your world today.
We begin tonight with a story we've been following all week: Hannah H., the girl from Rhode Island accused of stabbing Slim Shadow to death with a screwdriver last month. At her arraignment this afternoon, Hannah received the harshest possible sentencing from the judge: She will be tried as a black adult.
"Due to the extreme and violent nature of this crime, this court finds it fitting to try the defendant as an African American. Henceforth, you will be referred to for the jury by the name 'Rondell Brown'," judge Cubone declared.
Once the trial begins next week, all courtroom images will depict her as a 300 pound muscular black man, and jury members will be instructed to imagine her as such.
"We're going to do our best to make sure that Hannah is treated with the sympathy and sensitivity that she as a photogenic white girl deserves,” her mother protested. Her father added, "This is Big City. Nobody deserves to be treated as a black man."
Now that Hannah has been ruled black, the court has instructed local media to assume she's guilty, and police have retroactively charged her with assaulting her arresting officer.
Hannah's two dozen character witnesses have been replaced by a single talking Meowth who goes by the name of Scaggs. Hannah's parents are of course planning to appeal the ruling, saying that their daughter should be at most be tried at most as a black celebrity, or a stunningly beautiful Orange Islands lady.
Every time I hear a story like that, it makes me so glad I'm exempt from the legal system.
In other news, Weedle was seen downtown causing a disturbance. Big City News Correspondent Veronica Corningstone has more details. Veronica?
“Thanks, Ron. A small protest has been gathering outside of a local dispensary shouting out “Weedle rights, not weed rights!.” When we went to speak with Weedle, the leader of this protest, he said that the state of the media really stung, and that the continued association of his people with marijuana endangers the ability for quality change to be pushed forward.
Many here seem to have taken offense to recent coverage referring to musician “Weedle Best” by his popular nickname, “Weed”. One protester by the name of “Xx_Ke2!!_xX” pointed out quite poignantly that, “If we are to be honest with ourselves, we must admit that the "Weedle" has been inviting trainers, as well as civil society's junior partners, to the dance of social death for hundreds of years, but few have wanted to learn the steps. They have been, and remain today - even in the most anti-racist movements, like the Pokéball abolition movement - invested elsewhere. This is not to say that all oppositional political desire today is pro-trainer, but it is usually anti-Weedle, meaning it will not dance with death.”
As always, Big City News will be on the ground reporting on if there are any developments. Back to you Ron.”
That will do it for us today. So for all of us at Big City News, I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, Big City.
cmon dude, don't play this cardAnyways gg, I think the game balance was very good except for the now unkillavke neutral who sweeps the game
Was one of my favourites so far