post the funniest song lyrics you know (non-comedy songs)

mf

mf

formerly monkfish
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JME - man don't care said:
if one of you try violate me,
you get a punch in the face with my front door key,
punch in the neck with my back door key,
box in the mouth with my X6 key,
box in the eye with the fob i use to log in to my HSBC
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classic JME, taking the piss out of rappers who threaten violence in their lyrics

kano - garageskank freestyle said:
ya girl's pum pum stinks like the A13 Beckton exit
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i've never heard such a specifically local diss. unreal

des'ree - life said:
i don't want to see a ghost
it's the sight that i fear most
rather have a piece of toast
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this has got to be a troll. how can you run out of rhymes so quickly that you end up with "rather have a piece of toast"??
 
I'm going to use this thread as an opportunity to complain about an injustice. I know there are plenty of things to make fun of Kanye West for, but this was a missed opportunity.

For context, in the song "Monster" it is a common bit to make fun of Jay-Z for starting off his verse by just listing a bunch of monsters.

Sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong, Loch Ness
Goblin, ghoul, a zombie with no conscience
Question: What do these things all have in common?
Everybody knows I'm a motherfucking monster
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I guess the joke is that the lyrics are too obvious? Like yes, Jay-Z, these are in fact monsters. Anyway, Jay-Z gets made fun of for that a lot. HOWEVER, something that people fail to talk about is that in the song "All of the Lights" which is the song RIGHT BEFORE "Monster" on the album, Kanye commits the same sin during the chorus by just... listing a bunch of different lights.

(All of the lights) Cop lights, flashlights, spotlights
Strobe lights, street lights (All of the lights, all of the lights)
Fast life, drug life, thug life
Rock life, every night (All of the lights)
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Why does Kanye get a pass when Jay-Z doesn't? That's all I want to know. I personally don't think the Jay-Z lyrics are all that funny but if people are going to make a meme out of him just listing monsters in a song called "Monster," they should equally make fun of Kanye for listing kinds of lights in a song called "All of the Lights."
 
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe agaaaaaiiin
Oh noooooooooo

-MacArthur Park, various artists

The Dresden Dolls have a lot of lyrics that make you go “wainaminit.”

Guess how many fingers
Okaaaaay
Guess how many more I can fit there
Guess right, get the toaster!
But you know miss, guessing gets you nowhere

-Mandy Goes to Med School

Makes me chuckle.
 
All Hail the true master Tom Waits.

From Hell Broke Luce:
Listen to the general every God-damn word,
How many ways can you polish up a turd?
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Big In Japan (this entire song is genius):
I've got the style, but not the grace.
I've got the boat, but not the lake.
I've got the sheets, but not the bed.
I've got the jam, but not the bread.
But hey, I'm Big In Japan.

I've got the moon, I got the cheese.
I've got the whole damn nation on their knees.
I've got the rooster, I got the crow.
I've got the 'ell, I got the flow.
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God's Away on Business:
There's a leak, there's a leak in the boiler room!
The poor, the lame and the blind!
Who were the ones that we kept in charge?
Killers, thieves and lawyers!
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Cemetery Polka:
The entire song is nothing but him going utterly mad describing a fictional family lol.
The real genius here is the "instrumental sections" where the entire backing band descends into chaos and has a fight with their instruments, then the moment he starts up a verse, they all drop back into time simultaneously. Is your mind blown yet?

And to sum it all up, his acceptance speech into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was:
They say that I have no hits...
And I'm "difficult to work with"...
They say that like it's a bad thing.
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Legend.
 
No More Suckers by MARINA
When you stay over, you eat all of my food
Yeah, you mess up all my towels, but this time, I'm checking out
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I happen to think L+F is a lot better than a lot of people give it credit for, but I don't blame people for memeing on this lyric.
 
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Ransom by Drake ft Lil Wayne
The whole Lil Wayne feature doesn't disappoint but this gets me every single time.

Lil Wayne:
I told you I get paid by the letter like
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
ZZ Top
 
From one of my favorite songs by Kanye West, Everything I Am, a rather introspective and generally emotional song:
So say goodbye to the NAACP Award
Goodbye to the India Arie Award
They'd rather give me the N-n**** Please Award
But I'll just take the I Got a Lot of Cheese Award
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I do love this line unironically and it has an actual meaning, but, especially given the song's tone, that doesn't stop me from finding the concept hilarious

5ae5d6krr7ky.png
 
phoopes said:
I'm going to use this thread as an opportunity to complain about an injustice. I know there are plenty of things to make fun of Kanye West for, but this was a missed opportunity.

For context, in the song "Monster" it is a common bit to make fun of Jay-Z for starting off his verse by just listing a bunch of monsters.



I guess the joke is that the lyrics are too obvious? Like yes, Jay-Z, these are in fact monsters. Anyway, Jay-Z gets made fun of for that a lot. HOWEVER, something that people fail to talk about is that in the song "All of the Lights" which is the song RIGHT BEFORE "Monster" on the album, Kanye commits the same sin during the chorus by just... listing a bunch of different lights.



Why does Kanye get a pass when Jay-Z doesn't? That's all I want to know. I personally don't think the Jay-Z lyrics are all that funny but if people are going to make a meme out of him just listing monsters in a song called "Monster," they should equally make fun of Kanye for listing kinds of lights in a song called "All of the Lights."
Click to expand...

This was Kanye’s third light-based song on album following the previous “Street Lights” from 808s and “Flashing Lights” from Graduation. To me, this song and the chorus were built up from the Kanye West cannon, and thats why there’s a lot of hype inside the song and the huge list is just blowing it up out of proportion. Personally, song doesn’t do much for me, but I get it.

Jay Z on the other hand is coming in on a feature with this bullshit listing. You can say its parallel to Kanye’s Chorus right from before, as a feature, he just doesn’t have that weight to back him up. It also could then be a parody of Kanye, but I dont think that flies when you’re on the man’s same album.

Lastly, chorus vs. verse is a big distinguisher when it comes to acceptability.
 
Chuba chuba chuba chuba chuba chuba chubby. I don't have any lines to go right here, so chuba Teletubby.
They can't all be Stan or Mockingbird


I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay
Ain’t it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That’s too bad
This whole song is just so flat, unemotional, and poppy for what is otherwise really a protest song. More than any other song from ABBA, you can really tell that Agnetha and Anni-Frid didn't speak English.
 
Ho3nConfirm3d said:
This was Kanye’s third light-based song on album following the previous “Street Lights” from 808s and “Flashing Lights” from Graduation. To me, this song and the chorus were built up from the Kanye West cannon, and thats why there’s a lot of hype inside the song and the huge list is just blowing it up out of proportion. Personally, song doesn’t do much for me, but I get it.

Jay Z on the other hand is coming in on a feature with this bullshit listing. You can say its parallel to Kanye’s Chorus right from before, as a feature, he just doesn’t have that weight to back him up. It also could then be a parody of Kanye, but I dont think that flies when you’re on the man’s same album.

Lastly, chorus vs. verse is a big distinguisher when it comes to acceptability.
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1600882853124.png
 
Now it's like murder she wrote
Once I get you out them clothes
Privacy is on the door
But still they can hear you screamin' more
Girl I'm feelin' what you feelin'
No more hopin' and wishin'
I'm about to take my key and
Stick it in the ignition
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Guessing R Kelly is getting a lot of keys stuck in his ignition these days.
 
So many aunties we could have an auntie team
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off of Roses from Late registration

The song is about something serious and then boom, I'm imagining a bunch of 40 year old ladies playing ball in the park

I tried not to pick anything of Kanye's from after 2010 because it would just be going for the low hanging fruit at that point
 
yeah speaking of low-hanging fruit, I know this is a Lil Wayne lyric but come on:

Steady Mobbin said:
Big house, long hallways
Got ten bathrooms I could shit all day
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Like I get what he's going for here. His house is so big and has so many bathrooms that throughout the day he could take a shit in different bathrooms and not have any repeats. But the delivery is just fantastic, as if his bowel movements are limited by the number of bathrooms in his house. So therefore having ten bathrooms means he could conceivably just shit all day if he needed to. I'd like to think that Lil Wayne has some weird rule about no repeats when it comes to the toilets in his house if he has to take multiple shits in one day.
 
I'm surprised there's no Weezer in this thread. Here's two from El Scorcho:

And you would keep my fingernails clean
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I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon
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Huh?

Also I feel like a bunch of stuff from lil wayne is pretty bad on paper but much better in the song
 
AJJ - Keep On Chooglin' said:
French Quarter to the bullshit
cut your losses and play bass
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i listen to this song a lot and this line makes me chuckle. idk. i just like low-hanging jabs about bass players, i guess.

actually now that i think about it there's quite a few entertaining lines in this song. such as:
And I'm not that big of a fan of Brian Wilson,
My favorite Beach Boys songs are written by Charles Manson,
"Wild Honeypie", "Why Don't We Do It In The Road"....
No wait I think that was the Beatles
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The chorus of this track is not only fun, but also straight fire and really clever.


The Executive said:
Dough, I'm rolling in it, making a mess.
Got my Ray-Bans, favorite brands, dressed to impress.
It's all about me, baby. I'm a sight to be seen.
I'm going far. I'm healthy 'cuz I got lots of green.
So what? I'm a broker break wreckers break ranks.*
I'll break the law, I don't care, I'll never break my bank.
I got that tea cup, pinky up, elegant flow.
Got so much dough (dough) (dough) (dough) but yeah you already know.

*I'm not entirely sure what this line is supposed to be.
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Just in case the wordplay flew over your head (as it did for me initially), here are all the bolded words by themselves:
Dough
Ray
Me
Far
So
Law
Tea
Dough

 
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