Good morning/afternoon/evening/etc fellas, all good Smogoff posters have to make a tierlist at some point in their careers so I figured I'd get mine out of the way so I could move on to the other random bullshit my brain churns out on a biweekly basis
A while ago I was watching a video about competitive scrabble, being the incredibly interesting and person I am, when I thought to myself, "I wonder if there's a competitive scene around my favourite board(?) game Connect Four?". What I found brought me to tears. Not only is there no active community regarding the layered intricacies of Connect Four, but it's considered a "solved game" - a solved game being, "a game whose outcome can be correctly predicted from any position, assuming that both players play perfectly," As defined by Wikipedia. In the case of Connect Four, this means the first player to move will always win as long as they make perfect plays, thereby rendering competitive play pointless. This is incredibly depressing to me, and made me revaluate my life choices and who I am as a person.
Anyways here's a tierlist of the Gym Leaders in Pokemon who I could beat at Connect Four. I don't have a TierMaker account so I can't make it look all fancy and shit, but I do have explanations as to why I believe each Gym Leader is in their respective rank, so I hope you enjoy. Gym Leaders are ranked in order of generation, then in order of appearance inside the badge case
And that's the list! Wow, what a ride, I certainly have a lot of life decisions to reflect on now, and I hope you do too! I know I missed some of the leaders and all of the trail leaders, but feel free to call me a jackass for not including them anyways, your feedback is always appreciated (:
A while ago I was watching a video about competitive scrabble, being the incredibly interesting and person I am, when I thought to myself, "I wonder if there's a competitive scene around my favourite board(?) game Connect Four?". What I found brought me to tears. Not only is there no active community regarding the layered intricacies of Connect Four, but it's considered a "solved game" - a solved game being, "a game whose outcome can be correctly predicted from any position, assuming that both players play perfectly," As defined by Wikipedia. In the case of Connect Four, this means the first player to move will always win as long as they make perfect plays, thereby rendering competitive play pointless. This is incredibly depressing to me, and made me revaluate my life choices and who I am as a person.
Anyways here's a tierlist of the Gym Leaders in Pokemon who I could beat at Connect Four. I don't have a TierMaker account so I can't make it look all fancy and shit, but I do have explanations as to why I believe each Gym Leader is in their respective rank, so I hope you enjoy. Gym Leaders are ranked in order of generation, then in order of appearance inside the badge case
Bugsy
This dipshit has a Scyther and two cacoons on his team, he'd set up ten rows of three and never complete them, then act surprised when he loses
Brawly
Look at this himbo, this man is illiterate he's never played a board game in his life, I'd obliterate him
Wallace
There is no thought behind that man's eyes and I am here for it, he's taking a one way trip to Loser Town, Washington USA
Crasher Wake
I don't have a choice, I have to beat him. There's no way in hell I'm losing to a guy who's Japanese name is "Maximum Mask". I'd become a national laughing stock. My family would disown me. I'd feel bad about it because he seems like an alright chap but it's him or me and I'm a selfish twat
Burgh
Art student. Need I say more?
Skylar
The epitome of no thoughts head empty, sure she can fly a plane and shit but can she play Connect Four? Yeah, didn't think so
Marlon
Himbo supreme, think Brawly but turned up to 11. Would probably get water all over my exclusive SpongeBob Squarepants board & instructions
Viola
She seems polite. I'd fucking tear her to pieces
Milo
He's too busy working out in the fields to practice Connect Four. Unlike me, a massive loser
This dipshit has a Scyther and two cacoons on his team, he'd set up ten rows of three and never complete them, then act surprised when he loses
Brawly
Look at this himbo, this man is illiterate he's never played a board game in his life, I'd obliterate him
Wallace
There is no thought behind that man's eyes and I am here for it, he's taking a one way trip to Loser Town, Washington USA
Crasher Wake
I don't have a choice, I have to beat him. There's no way in hell I'm losing to a guy who's Japanese name is "Maximum Mask". I'd become a national laughing stock. My family would disown me. I'd feel bad about it because he seems like an alright chap but it's him or me and I'm a selfish twat
Burgh
Art student. Need I say more?
Skylar
The epitome of no thoughts head empty, sure she can fly a plane and shit but can she play Connect Four? Yeah, didn't think so
Marlon
Himbo supreme, think Brawly but turned up to 11. Would probably get water all over my exclusive SpongeBob Squarepants board & instructions
Viola
She seems polite. I'd fucking tear her to pieces
Milo
He's too busy working out in the fields to practice Connect Four. Unlike me, a massive loser
Erika
She'd fall asleep halfway through. During this time my jaw would unhinge like a snake and I would consume all her remaining counters
Clay
He's smart, but he thinks I won't eat his counters (I will) because I have basic self preservation instincts (I don't)
Nessa
I'll eat anything she touches (no homo)
She'd fall asleep halfway through. During this time my jaw would unhinge like a snake and I would consume all her remaining counters
Clay
He's smart, but he thinks I won't eat his counters (I will) because I have basic self preservation instincts (I don't)
Nessa
I'll eat anything she touches (no homo)
Whitney
Whitney would maul me so bad it's not even funny
Chuck
He sits under a waterfall instead of honing his Connect Four skills, what a dweeb. He'd still annhilate me though. Don't remove the h from his name
Flannery
Maybe not crush but she'd kick me in the shins and it would bruise for a few days and hurt a little
Fantina
I actually think she'd beat me every time, she's only here because I fantasise about her crushing me like a coke can regularly (no homo)
Candice
She gives off "cinammon roll/could actually kill you" vibes, idk I think she'd body me in hand to hand combat
Elesa
I don't think she'd fight me if I won, I just like to fantasise about her stepping on me (still no homo)
Bea
Yeah she'd put me in the hospital for days. I'd enjoy it though (yes homo)
Whitney would maul me so bad it's not even funny
Chuck
He sits under a waterfall instead of honing his Connect Four skills, what a dweeb. He'd still annhilate me though. Don't remove the h from his name
Flannery
Maybe not crush but she'd kick me in the shins and it would bruise for a few days and hurt a little
Fantina
I actually think she'd beat me every time, she's only here because I fantasise about her crushing me like a coke can regularly (no homo)
Candice
She gives off "cinammon roll/could actually kill you" vibes, idk I think she'd body me in hand to hand combat
Elesa
I don't think she'd fight me if I won, I just like to fantasise about her stepping on me (still no homo)
Bea
Yeah she'd put me in the hospital for days. I'd enjoy it though (yes homo)
Wattson
I don't think he'd take the game seriously, which would be his downfall as I turn him from a Mayor to a Clown
Cilan/Chili/Cress
There's three of them, which isn't fair, but they're all stupid, which tips the game in my favour
Piers
He understands the game, but doesn't give enough shits to play seriously. On a side note I think if he was real his hair would be greasy as shit. He gives off greasy hair vibes
I don't think he'd take the game seriously, which would be his downfall as I turn him from a Mayor to a Clown
Cilan/Chili/Cress
There's three of them, which isn't fair, but they're all stupid, which tips the game in my favour
Piers
He understands the game, but doesn't give enough shits to play seriously. On a side note I think if he was real his hair would be greasy as shit. He gives off greasy hair vibes
Misty
She looks like a coward I don't think I'd need the board to put her in the hospital
Tate and Liza
Psychic powers are nothing compared to blunt force trauma
Allister
I could pummel him with his own mask. Give him physical and psychological damage
She looks like a coward I don't think I'd need the board to put her in the hospital
Tate and Liza
Psychic powers are nothing compared to blunt force trauma
Allister
I could pummel him with his own mask. Give him physical and psychological damage
Koga
He's a ninja, he could probably pull off some cool trick or something idk
Morty
See; Koga
Maylene
The foul trick/scheme is that she would tell me her dad is a gambler and I'd let her win because I feel bad, but then it's revealed that her dad bet all his money on her
winning and I would be mad and demand a cut of the profits, but she'd then beat my ass
Brycen
He's a movie star, he'd offer me £10 to lose and I'd take it because I'm a broke bitch
Opal
Opal is a bad bitch, she'd scam me out of that Connect Four win like it was nothing and I'd thank her for it
Also young Opal got me acting up holy shit-
He's a ninja, he could probably pull off some cool trick or something idk
Morty
See; Koga
Maylene
The foul trick/scheme is that she would tell me her dad is a gambler and I'd let her win because I feel bad, but then it's revealed that her dad bet all his money on her
winning and I would be mad and demand a cut of the profits, but she'd then beat my ass
Brycen
He's a movie star, he'd offer me £10 to lose and I'd take it because I'm a broke bitch
Opal
Opal is a bad bitch, she'd scam me out of that Connect Four win like it was nothing and I'd thank her for it
Also young Opal got me acting up holy shit-
Lt. Surge
I am not above fighting a war veteran over Connect Four
Giovanni
I am not above fighting the head of a crime syndicate over Connect Four
Norman
I am not above fighting a dilf over Connect Four
Drayden
I am not above fighting a gilf over Connect Four
Melony
I'd fight her specifically so she'd punt me into the sun
I am not above fighting a war veteran over Connect Four
Giovanni
I am not above fighting the head of a crime syndicate over Connect Four
Norman
I am not above fighting a dilf over Connect Four
Drayden
I am not above fighting a gilf over Connect Four
Melony
I'd fight her specifically so she'd punt me into the sun
Pryce
It would be a 50/50, but Pryce has canonically had sex and that would throw me off I think
Clair
I was gonna put her under "crush me like a coke can" but Chuck was already on there and I didn't want two characters with names starting with C side by side on the list
Winona
She seems like a basic bitch but she actually has a smidgen of personality, which gives her the edge over a cuck like me
Bryon
Another Gym Leader that has canonically had more sex than me (at least once)
Cheren
Another basic bitch, but he has a backstory and character arc, which I sorely lack
It would be a 50/50, but Pryce has canonically had sex and that would throw me off I think
Clair
I was gonna put her under "crush me like a coke can" but Chuck was already on there and I didn't want two characters with names starting with C side by side on the list
Winona
She seems like a basic bitch but she actually has a smidgen of personality, which gives her the edge over a cuck like me
Bryon
Another Gym Leader that has canonically had more sex than me (at least once)
Cheren
Another basic bitch, but he has a backstory and character arc, which I sorely lack
Sabrina
If she's smart enough to use mono psychic in gen 1, she's probably smart enough to beat me. That's not really an achievement though
Blaine
Bulbapedia says he's very intelligent and I genuinely don't remember anything about him so I'm trusting Bulbapedia
Lenora
I got stuck at her gym for a month when I was younger, I think she could best me at Connect Four
If she's smart enough to use mono psychic in gen 1, she's probably smart enough to beat me. That's not really an achievement though
Blaine
Bulbapedia says he's very intelligent and I genuinely don't remember anything about him so I'm trusting Bulbapedia
Lenora
I got stuck at her gym for a month when I was younger, I think she could best me at Connect Four
Brock
He's the basic bitch gym leader. I'm the basic bitch Connect Four player. We're equals.
Falkner
I don't remember anything about him. Another basic bitch gym leader to counter my basic bitch Connect Four abilities
Jasmine
This is just the basic bitch tier. I like Jasmine but she's a bit plain lets be real
Roxanne
All the first gyms are basic bitches and Roxanne is no exception
Roark
Continuing the trend of first gym leaders being boring, Roark breaks new grounds by managing to have a backstory and still being a vanilla cuck
Gardenia
Literally who the fuck is Gardenia
Volkner
Literally who the fuck is Volkner
Grant
Literally who the fuck is Grant
The rest of the gen 6 gym leaders
I don't think anyone is going to argue when I say they're all basic bitches
Kabu
I'm so tired it's 2am why am I still doing this, it was funny twos hours ago but I'm too far in now it has to be finished
Gordie
I'm losing my mind I've spent two hours on this. Two hours of my life I am never getting back. And it was funny, sure, but was it worth it?
Raihan
God fuck finally the end of this shitting list
He's the basic bitch gym leader. I'm the basic bitch Connect Four player. We're equals.
Falkner
I don't remember anything about him. Another basic bitch gym leader to counter my basic bitch Connect Four abilities
Jasmine
This is just the basic bitch tier. I like Jasmine but she's a bit plain lets be real
Roxanne
All the first gyms are basic bitches and Roxanne is no exception
Roark
Continuing the trend of first gym leaders being boring, Roark breaks new grounds by managing to have a backstory and still being a vanilla cuck
Gardenia
Literally who the fuck is Gardenia
Volkner
Literally who the fuck is Volkner
Grant
Literally who the fuck is Grant
The rest of the gen 6 gym leaders
I don't think anyone is going to argue when I say they're all basic bitches
Kabu
I'm so tired it's 2am why am I still doing this, it was funny twos hours ago but I'm too far in now it has to be finished
Gordie
I'm losing my mind I've spent two hours on this. Two hours of my life I am never getting back. And it was funny, sure, but was it worth it?
Raihan
God fuck finally the end of this shitting list
And that's the list! Wow, what a ride, I certainly have a lot of life decisions to reflect on now, and I hope you do too! I know I missed some of the leaders and all of the trail leaders, but feel free to call me a jackass for not including them anyways, your feedback is always appreciated (:
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