No seriously, unless you don't care about the story (which you should, this is the first Pokemon game that I have actually cared about the characters and story), major battles or you have already seen the credits, don't read this. Some things might be out of order.
Took forever to get the starter. I don't really love any of the starters and don't really hate any of them either, but I picked Rowlet because I really like the other Grass-type starters. Named him Virion, he has a Hardy nature and likes to thrash about. Rival caught me off guard with the Popplio, but turns out sea lions don't like leaves. Looks like someone picked the wrong Pokemon!
Got my Pokeballs and caught some Pokemon. I thought about using Pikipek, but I caught one with a Timid nature and Keen Eye as its ability
I found it really cool that each patch of Grass had its own Pokemon spawn rates. At the same time, it also meant I missed quite a few Pokemon because I didn't figure this out until later. On the way to the professor's house I caught a Slowpoke and named him Boofers. Originally he was going to be sent to the box because Slowpoke takes eons to evolve, but I saw he started with Yawn and Curse. Considering Rowlet is weak to Fire and Rock, I decided to give Boofers a shot. Turns out that Yawn and Curse are pretty good moves in the early game. Boofers has a Relaxed nature and is often lost in thought. I only wish it had Own Tempo, because holy shit there is a lot of confusion in this game. I trained him up on Wingulls and eventually made it to the professor's in time to hear him fucking his poor dog from outside his door.
Around this time Lillie and Hau really started to grow on me. I thought they were going to be irritating or cliched like Cheren and Bianca, but they were actually kind of likable characters. I caught a Grimer that I was so pumped to use until I saw it had a Timid nature too, wtf game
I was looking for Pokemon at Route 2 when this MASSIVE, DARK, HURDLING MASS comes running at me and throws its fat body at us. I caught the Makuhita and named it Wumbo. I had an empty slot on the team so it stuck around and got some of that EXP Share love. I also had a Yungoos eating up the experience. Pokemon Refresh on Rowlet and Slowpoke improved their EXP gain too, so every Pokemon was a pinata of EXP and youngster tears.
Team Skull is actually hilarious, no one takes them seriously. Their battle music is pretty fun too. They have the Team Rocket Pokemon theme, a lot of Poison-types, rats and the occasional Drowzee.
The first Trial was going well, getting the Brick Break TM was a nice little gimme from Game Freak. Only Makuhita could learn it, sadly. Totem Gumshoos messed my day UP. Rowlet did some damage with Razor Leaf before going down, and Slowpoke managed to get off a Yawn and Water Gun but that was it. That Defense boost is actually a big deal. Then BIG DICK MAKUHITA saved the day, smacking Gumshoos and Yungoos with Brick Break. Makuhita had actually pulled its weight (an impressive feat) so I decided to train him up too. His name is Wumbo, and he has a Sassy nature, Thick Fat and likes to relax.
After beating the Totem Gumshoos I ran around looking for new Pokemon. I really like Cutiefly, it was the one Pokemon I was determined to use in my first playthrough. The game disagreed, and kept throwing me Honey Gather Cutiefly with Adamant or Impish natures. After like six Cutiefly I gave up searching for them. In Melemele Meadow, a female one randomly popped up. Hopelessly optimistic, I tossed a Heal Ball at it for giggles. It caught and I finally had one with Shield Dust and a not-shitty nature. I named her Pollyanna. She has a Quirky nature and is impetuous and silly.
Pollyanna was really underleveled, but Stun Spore and Shield Dust are amazing and its really fast. I turned off the EXP Share because my Pokemon were getting overleveled and that doesn't make the game fun. I did a little switch training to get Cutiefly leveled up and Rowlet evolved into Dartrix.
BIG KAHUNA TIME. Cutiefly was set the sweep Hala with Fairy Wind but she got a critical hit which activated Mankey's Anger Point. Mankey got a critical Karate Chop and Cutiefly was down. I sent out Slowpoke and Mankey whipped out the surprise Pursuit, OHKOing Slowpoke. Dartrix came in to clean up, outspeeding everything and OHKOing with the mighty Peck. The kahuna battle music was awesome and riding on Tauros is awesome, it was at this point I realized this game is awesome.
The Water Trail was pretty easy, considering I had Dartrix. I did start with Cutiefly to paralyze the Totem Wishiwashi, but then it called an Alomomola with Healer -_- Dartrix finished them with Razor Leaf after that. Makuhita and Dartrix were definitely carrying my team while Cutiefly was around for paralysis and Slowpoke would sometimes tank some attacks so I could heal my other Pokemon. I was feeling pretty strong tbh.
Found a bunch of Salandit at Wela Volcano. I like Poison-types and I like lizards, and even though I am not the biggest fan of Salazzle's design, Salandit is really cute and that typing was too cool to pass up. I caught two females, one with a Hardy nature and the other one Mild. That Special Attack tho. I named her Maya and she is somewhat vain. She started with Dragon Rage, aka the best move in the game before level 25. She started kicking ass right away.
But then the Fire Trial. Holy shit this trial. I thought it was going to be a cake walk, but Salazzle does not fuck around. First she gets a crit Flame Burst on Salazzle, which knocks her out. Then she poisons Slowpoke and the random Salandit she called uses Venoshock. Makuhita falls. Cutiefly falls. Dartrix falls. The random Stufful I caught and never bothered to take off my team falls. Tears fall.
Revenge time, I march right back up that mountain. I start with Salandit again. She uses Torment and Salandit gets off a Dragon Rage, which does like 60%. The next turn I use Flame Burst on the Salandit and she uses Flame Burst. Not even close, baby, and Salandit hits her with another Dragon Rage. The wild Salandit finishes off mine, but I know who really won. Slowpoke cleans up with a Confusion and I get my Firium Z.
After being fed my humble pie, I turned back on my EXP Share for some training before the next trial. Totem Lurantis ends up doing like 40% to Cutiefly with Razor Leaf and then a Castform shows up and uses Sunny Day. I go to Dartrix after Lurantis shoves a Solar Blade down Cutiefly's throat. Castform uses Weather Ball and OHKOs Dartrix while Lurantis heals with Synthesis. Lurantis hits Salandit with a critical X-scissor and Castform Water Guns it down. Slowpoke and Makuhita both get sliced by a Solar Blade and I get wiped AGAIN.
Round 2 against Lurantis, things start poorly when she calls in Trumbeak who manages to KO Dartrix and Salandit before I can even KO Lurantis, who just heals with Synthesis. Slowpoke manages to Yawn Lurantis while she is charging, but falls the next turn. I pull out Makuhita, who is KOed by Trumbeak but gives me enough time to Revive Salandit. Salandit finishes off Trumbeak but is left at really low HP. I switch to Cutiefly and begin pumping as many drugs as I can into its little body: X Defense, X Special Attack, X Speed, Dire Hit, etc, all while healing her up with Potions and Lurantis charges its Solar Blades. Cutiefly uses Silver Wind and two shots Lurantis.
Around this time both Makuhita and Cutiefly evolved. Pollen Puff turns out to be ridiculous at this Point of the game and Hariyama basically swept the Akala Island Grand Trial with Brick Break. Still looking for a 6th Pokemon, sadly nothing I caught really stood out to me, except a Crabrawler but I already had a Fighting-type
You kind of know that the Aether Foundation can't be trusted from the first cutscene in the game, but you see Lusamine and HMMMM I WONDER WHO THE BAD GUY IS, I WONDER IF SHE IS RELATED TO GLADION AND LILLIE, I WONDER IF SHE IS GOING TO BE CONTROLLED BY THE JELLYFISH HAT BUT BE REDEEMED AT THE END? Predictable but Pokemon surprises me with how heartless she ends up, a really cool villain, just a little predictable. This is what Ghetsis should have been. Getting TM Psychic was nice, Ribombee was even more strong and Slowpoke was finally 2HKOing things.
Ula'ula island starts with Hau nearly teamwiping me with his Raichu, thankfully Dartrix got a critical hit with Razor Leaf and teamed up with a revived Salandit to finish off the rest of his team. I found a wild Beldum, which was cool, but a Capture Rate of 3 meant it killed itself with Take Down before I could catch it. Thankfully the Totem Battle wasn't too bad when you have a Fire-type and Firium Z. Lmao having Charjabug as an ally but only knowing physical moves, feelsbadman. Got 2 Z-stone for the price of one too!
Dartrix finally evolved into Decidueye and Salandit into Salazzle. Salazzle was still being 2HKOed by any non-resisted attack, but Spirit Shackle turns out to be the best move ever. Sadly, the Totem Mimikyu is a critlord and managed to Shadow Claw down my team twice. Those stat boosts and that amazing coverage is too much. So I decided to get a little creative. Salazzle could take one non-crit Shadow Claw, so I had her Toxic it. I happened to have a Chansey on my team, so I just baited Shadow Claws and switched to Chansey until Toxic finished it
AND THEN YUNGOOS GETS STOLEN OH SHIIIIIIT WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM after I explore this desert. I didn't end up fully exploring the desert because I'm dumb and can't figure out the puzzle and GOTTA SAVE YUNGOOS, but I did catch a Sandile. Even though the Sandile line is one of my favorites ever, I wasn't planning on using it. The Sandile had Moxie and an Adamant nature, and when life gives you lemonade you drink it. I named him Renekton and he is somewhat stubborn. I fed him a rare candy so he evolved into Krokorok right away. I think there was another Kahuna battle around this time, but all I can seem to remember is Ribombee KOing a bunch of Pokemon with Draining Kiss and Pollen Puff.
The raiding of the Aether Foundation really shows how this game can take what I thought would be stupid and annoying and make it really interesting. Gladion even becomes likable, Mr. Edgelord himself. Guzma almost swept me with his lucky and bad Masquerain, but I used a max revive on Salazzle and turned it around. The next cutscene was nice and honestly was a little heartbreaking, but Lusamine was a pushover. Lillie's new ponytail was nice too, but ffs how do her repels work when she doesn't have Pokemon???
On Poni Island, Slowpoke finally evolved into the one true bro and was finally OHKOing things. The last Kahuna battle, MUDSDALE HYPE. Sadly I was holding out on evolving Krokorok until he learned Earthquake, so he wasn't much of help. This one was honestly pretty tough. Hariyama took out Dugtrio just fine and Decidueye OHKOed Gastrodon, but that Mudsdale was a pain in the ass. It took the combined efforts of Slowbro (who was KOed by Tectonic Rage), Ribombee (who was KOed by Heavy Slam) and Decidueye to finish it off. Flygon tried to Dragonbreath Decidueye, who was at 20%, for the KO but only did like 10 damage and was OHKOed by Sinister Arrow Raid.
The final Island Trial was a joke, really, Sinister Arrow Raid OHKOed that level 40 Kommo-o. Fighting the trainers allowed Krokorok to finally learn Earthquake and evolved into Krookodile! Lillie and I played with out flutes on top of a mountain, Nebby ascended to godhood and we went to Distortion World mk. II. I was kind of hoping the final battle would be against Lusamine as the Ultra Beast, but nope its just her boosted Pokemon team with some very angry looks on their faces. This battle wasn't too tough, Salazzle, Krookodile and Decidueye put in a lot of work while Hariayama took out Bewear. The cutscenes between the battles are both very nice. I caught Solgaleo to fulfill his dream for adventure and then sent him to the box for eternity, sorry Nebby.
And now it is time to take on the POKEMON LEAGUE. Gladion and Hau didn't put up much of a fight against my team (Sylvally did do some damage before falling to the combined efforts of Slowbro and Salazzle.) Enter the Elite Four.
Hala lost three of his Pokemon to an epic Ribombee Quiver Dance strat, but somehow Poliwrath survived a +2 Dazzling Gleam and KOed with Waterfall. Decidueye finished off Poliwrath but was KOed by Primeape. Slowbro finished off the monkey but was KOed by Bewear. It was Hariayama vs Bewear, fighter vs fighter, in the ultimate showdown. Three words: boosted Close Combat
Olivia asked how many Earthquakes from Krookodile does it take to beat an Elite Four member? The answer is 7.
Acerola was by far the toughest of the Elite Four. First, SHE SPAMS CONFUSION. I wanted to Nasty Plot sweeper with Salazzle but Salazzle herself disagreed and smacked herself in the face three times. Krookodile took out Sableye but was slower than Froslass and Blizzard never misses. It took a lot of playing around to deal with Froslass. I eventually had to pull out a max revive on Salazzle to finish it with Flamethrower. From there, Decidueye took out Palossand and Salazzle finished off Dhelmise and Drifblim.
WHO'S THIS BITCH? She brought a golf club to a Pokemon battle? Salazzle roasted Skarm. Cutiefly and Krookodile teamed up to take out Mandibuzz. Krookodile made short work of Toucan Sam and stole his cereal. Oricorio then flinched him and Slowbro to death with Air Slash, but Salazzle finished her off. I revived Slowbro while Crobat KOed Salazzle and finished the battle with a Psychic.
I ascended to the iron throne, only for Kukui to challenge me.
This battle.
This battle is amazing.
The music gets you pumped. He is the first trainer other than you I think who actually has six Pokemon. And he leads with a Stealth Rock user
I lead with Decidueye, who I had to switch out to Krookodile to take on Lycanroc. Wolf gets the Rocks up and throws a Crunch at Krookodile, but Earthquake OHKOed it. Braviary comes in and I switch to Slowbro, who tanks a Crush Claw. Braviary sets up a Tailwind while Slowbro does 60% with Ice Beam. Then he SWITCHES to Magnezone, who takes like 5% from Ice Beam. I switch back to Krookodile on the Thunderbolt and use Earthquake. Ninetales comes in, outspeeds Krookodile and hits Blizzard, no justice. Salazzle finishes off Ninetales with a couple Flamethrowers and forces some Full Restores in the process. She deals some damage to Snorlax but gets KOed by Snorlax's High Horsepower. Hariyama comes in and KOes with Close Combat. Braviary comes back out and OHKOes with Brave Bird, but deals a ton of damage to himself. Ribombee almost KOes Braviary with Dazzling Gleam but then Braviary kamikazes with Brave Bird.
I only have Decidueye. He has one Pokemon left.
He sends out Incineroar.
I sack Decidueye, reviving Krookodile while he Darkest Lariats my poor owl, and then TECTONIC RAAAAAGE
After becoming the champion, I sit back and relax as the last few scenes play out. I OHKO Tapu Koko with Sinister Arrow Raid so I can come back for it later. The final scene is legitimately moving and I realize that these were probably the best characters Pokemon had ever made.
tl;dr revive is a good item and screw Air Slash
