The Beetle and The Chimp – [=_=] vs. Light, a warstory.

Metric

is banned in America
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnus
Hello!

If you’ve been on ShoddyBattle recently, you’ll probably have seen that weird face guy [-_-] one time or another, and that’s me. Hardly a profound battler (in fact I’ll be the first to say I suck) I prefer to battle for fun or out of boredom.

One afternoon, instead of studying I’m busy wasting time on shoddy on my [=_=] account, testing out various teams on the ladder for the hell of it, little did I know that click of the find match button would result in this…

So I open the window expecting an easy fight (as my rating on [=_=] is so pitifully low) but instead see I am paired with Light.

The teams were as follows (listed in order of appearance):

[=_=]’s team:

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Metagross - ...
Honchkrow - Margret
Salamence - Rayquaza Impersonator
Heracross - lol sup.
Claydol - OMGWTF?!
Suicune - Jeebus

Light’s team:

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Yanmega - R/C Dragonfly
Garchomp - Shark Plushie
Infernape - Fuzzy Monkey Plushie
Blastoise - Turtle Aqua Toy
Raikou - Tiger Plushie
Celebi - Bedtime Fairy Doll

---

So, previously Light had beaten practically the same team as pictured above apart from the last team had a Banette instead of a Honchkrow. But were things going to be different this time?

Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Evasion Clause, Species Clause, Strict Damage Clause
  • Scoring is ([=_=] - Light)
Light sent out R/C Dragonfly (lvl 100 Yanmega ?).
[=_=] sent out ... (lvl 100 Metagross).

Light: Greetings human.

[=_=]: :s

That face means: “crap, here we go again”.

Metagross used Bullet Punch.
Yanmega lost 28% of its health.
Yanmega used Hypnosis.
Yanmega's attack missed!
Yanmega's Speed Boost raised its speed!

Déjà vu. The same thing happened the last time Light and I fought. Luckly for me I still had another turn to get a hit in.
---
Psyroclasm has entered the room.
Yanmega used Hypnosis.
Metagross fell asleep!
Metagross's Lum Berry cured its Sleep!
Metagross used Thunderpunch.
It's super effective!
Yanmega lost 67% of its health.
Yanmega's Speed Boost raised its speed!

Thank you Lum berry. That allowed me to get a reasonable dent in that Yanmega.
---
Light switched in Shark Plushie (lvl 100 Garchomp ?).
Metagross used Bullet Punch.
Garchomp lost 22% of its health.

To my disappointment, Light, not willing to discard his Yanmega so frivolously switches to Garchomp
---
Praying that Metagross could survive an EQ from Chomp, I decide to hang around and go out with a bang…

Garchomp used Earthquake.
It's super effective!
Metagross lost 83% of its health.
Metagross used Explosion.
Garchomp lost 78% of its health.
Light's Garchomp fainted.
[=_=]'s Metagross fainted.

(5-5)

Success, I was relieved to have gotten rid of one major threat, but of course it was at the expense of Metagross.
---
Thinking that Light would switch in Yanmega again I decided to have Honchkrow step up to the stage.

Light switched in R/C Dragonfly (lvl 100 Yanmega ?).
[=_=] switched in Margret (lvl 100 Honchkrow ?).
Honchkrow used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
Yanmega used Hypnosis.
Yanmega's Speed Boost raised its speed!

I expected a Bug Buzz/Air Slash thinking he’d skip sleep as it was Honchkrow.
---
6A9 Itachi 2007 has entered the room.
Yanmega used Air Slash.
Honchkrow lost 65% of its health.
Honchkrow used Drill Peck.
It's super effective!
Yanmega lost 4% of its health.
Light's Yanmega fainted.

Why, oh why did I not Sucker, now my precious Focus Sash was useless. On the positive I had finally gotten rid of that bug.

(5-4)

---
Psyroclasm: insomnia ftw
Light switched in Fuzzy Monkey Plushie (lvl 100 Infernape ?).

In comes Infernape.

Feeling emo after the loss of my Focus Sash, I decide to leave Honchkrow in to die to the fiery martial monkey.

I could have at least Sucker’d…

Light: Apparently.
Infernape used Flamethrower.
Honchkrow lost 35% of its health.
[=_=]'s Margret fainted.

(4-4)
---
With Garchomp gone, I see this as my chance to get Salamence out for some sweeping play.

[=_=] switched in Rayquaza Impersonator (lvl 100 Salamence ?).
Salamence's intimidate cut Infernape's attack!
Light switched in Turtle Aqua Toy (lvl 100 Blastoise ?).

Light answers right back with his fearsome Blastoise

Salamence used Dragon Dance.
Salamence's attack was raised.
Salamence's speed was raised.
---
I figured that only one DD wouldn’t sufficiently hurt his Blastoise so living dangerously I decide to opt for one more.

Salamence used Dragon Dance.
Salamence's attack was raised.
Salamence's speed was raised.
Blastoise used Ice Beam.
It's super effective!
Salamence lost 98% of its health.

Ow. That was really cutting it close.
---
Knowing that LO recoil would send me to my grave regardless, I decide to leave Blastoise a final parting gift.

Salamence used Dragon Claw.
Blastoise lost 95% of its health.
Salamence lost 2% of its health.
[=_=]'s Salamence fainted.
Blastoise used Rapid Spin.
But there was no target!
Blastoise's leftovers restored its health a little!
Blastoise restored 6% of its health.

Life Orb, it’s a love-hate thing.

(3-4)

---
Enter Heracross.

Now Heracross had a grudge against Blastoise from the previous battle in which Blastoise frightened him off like a coward after his show of Counter. Maybe this was the reason why I was so eager to kill the Turtle no matter what.

[=_=] switched in lol sup. (lvl 100 Heracross ?).
Heracross used Pursuit.
Blastoise lost 11% of its health.
Light's Blastoise fainted.

(3-3)

---
Typhlosion009 has entered the room.
Light switched in Tiger Plushie (lvl 100 Raikou).
Raikou is exerting its pressure!

[=_=]: great

It finally dawns on me at how stupid that was.

Right now I had two choices of who I was to send to face the mighty electrical cat, either Suicune or Claydol. So it pretty much went without saying that Claydol was my only option.

[=_=] switched in OMGWTF?! (lvl 100 Claydol).
Raikou used Substitute.
Raikou lost 25% of its health.
Raikou made a substitute!
Raikou's leftovers restored its health a little!
Raikou restored 6% of its health.

The sub was up, things looked bleak.
---
[=_=]: you don't even have any ghosts do you?

Still thinking about how stupid that pursuit was…

Xyrus has entered the room.
Light: Nah
taminnator has entered the room.
Raikou used Calm Mind.
Raikou's special attack was raised.
Raikou's special defence was raised.

The CMs had started, I had begun to lose hope.

Claydol used Earth Power.
It's super effective!
The substitute took damage for Raikou!
Raikou's substitute faded!
---
6A9 Itachi 2007: =D

At least someone was optimistic.

Raikou used Substitute.
Raikou lost 25% of its health.
Raikou made a substitute!
Claydol used Stealth Rock.
Pointed stones float in the air around your foe's team!

I decided to set up SR, in case somehow I managed to get rid of this thing.
---
Raikou used Calm Mind.
Raikou's special attack was raised.
Raikou's special defence was raised.
Claydol used Earth Power.
It's super effective!
The substitute took damage for Raikou!
Raikou's substitute faded!

At least the sub was now down…
---
While I await the HP Ice deathblow, he instead CMs once more…

Raikou used Calm Mind.
Raikou's special attack was raised.
Raikou's special defence was raised.
Claydol used Earth Power.
It's super effective!
A critical hit!
Raikou lost 75% of its health.
Light's Raikou fainted.

I could not have wished for a more appropriate time to crit. It appeared that someone upstairs liked me.

(3-2)
---
Light: Bah.
Light switched in Bedtime Fairy Doll (lvl 100 Celebi).

Celebi was out, and it wanted Claydol’s blood.

Pointed stones dug into Celebi.
Celebi lost 12% of its health.

Seems the SR wasn’t a waste.

Psyroclasm: that was most unfortunate
beez has entered the room.

Ok, so no one else is switching in to Celebi safely, so Claydol is forced to stand his ground.

Celebi used Leech Seed.
Claydol was seeded!

Cue feeble attempt at fighting back.

Claydol used Ice Beam.
It's super effective!
Celebi lost 32% of its health.
Celebi's leftovers restored its health a little!
Celebi restored 6% of its health.
Claydol's health was sapped by leech seed!
Claydol lost 12% of its health.
Celebi regained health!
Celebi restored 9% of its health.
---
Light: Then only time it needs to not crit.
Light switched in Fuzzy Monkey Plushie (lvl 100 Infernape ?).

The monkey was back, and ready to put an end to Claydol’s reign.

Pointed stones dug into Infernape.
Infernape lost 12% of its health.
Claydol used Rapid Spin.
Claydol was released!

Figured if I’m going to die, might as well die free of vines.
---
Infernape used Grass Knot.
It's super effective!
A critical hit!
Claydol lost 94% of its health.
[=_=]'s Claydol fainted.

(2-2)

R.I.P Claydol, you did well.

---
[=_=] switched in lol sup. (lvl 100 Heracross ?).

Knowing that my Hera could out speed his Infernape (yes, it’s a scarfcross :p) I decided to send the beetle out.

At this moment I didn’t really know what to expect, I didn’t want to be locked into an ineffective CC on Celebi, neither did I want to mispredict and Megahorn Infernape. The chance of miss on SE didn’t look too inviting but it was the option with the least risk, hitting both pokemon for neutral.

Heracross used Stone Edge.
Infernape lost 61% of its health.
Infernape used Flamethrower.
It's super effective!
Heracross lost 99% of its health.

Heracross somehow manages to come out of that blaze with 1hp remaining.
---
taminnator: O_O

My thoughts exactly.

[=_=]: here goes

For some strange reason I thought he was going to keep Infernape in, and proceed to Stone Edge again…

Light: Time to risk it.

…But he has other plans.

Light switched in Bedtime Fairy Doll (lvl 100 Celebi).

It’s the fairy yet again.

Pointed stones dug into Celebi.
Celebi lost 12% of its health.
Heracross used Stone Edge.
Celebi lost 24% of its health.
---
With only 1hp left, Heracross is out of there faster than children leaving school for summer break.

Now I get out my bible and pray to Jeebus.

[=_=] switched in Jeebus (lvl 100 Suicune).
Suicune is exerting its pressure!
Celebi used Recover.
Celebi restored 50% of its health
---
Celebi used Leech Seed.
Suicune was seeded!
Suicune used Calm Mind.
Suicune's special attack was raised.
Suicune's special defence was raised.

Now it was my turn to CM, my plan was to get an Ice Beam powerful enough to leave a sizeable dent in Celebi before biting the dust.

Suicune's health was sapped by leech seed!
Suicune lost 12% of its health.
Celebi regained health!

This seeding however, would make things difficult
---
Celebi used Grass Knot.
It's super effective!
Suicune lost 32% of its health.

Not nice, sitting on about 56%hp now.

Suicune used Calm Mind.
Suicune's special attack was raised.
Suicune's special defence was raised.

Ok, the next turn was going to be the strike.

Suicune's leftovers restored its health a little!
Suicune restored 6% of its health.
Suicune's health was sapped by leech seed!
Suicune lost 12% of its health.
Celebi regained health!

Yeah… thanks for that Celebi.

---
Celebi used Grass Knot.
It's super effective!
Suicune lost 25% of its health.
Suicune used Ice Beam.
It's super effective!
Celebi lost 62% of its health.

Not as much damage as I’d have hoped for but it would have to do.

Suicune's health was sapped by leech seed!
Suicune lost 12% of its health.
Celebi regained health!
Celebi restored 12% of its health.

Yes my brothers and sisters, even Jeebus himself succumbs to the might of Leech Seed.
---
Celebi used Grass Knot.
It's super effective!
Suicune lost 19% of its health.
[=_=]'s Jeebus fainted.

With Jeebus now down, the onus fell to Heracross alone.

(1-2)

---
[=_=] switched in lol sup. (lvl 100 Heracross ?).
lol sup. used Megahorn.
It's super effective!
Celebi lost 63% of its health.
Light's Celebi fainted.

That was revenge for the torture that Jeebus (Suicune) was put through.

(1-1)

---
Light switched in Fuzzy Monkey Plushie (lvl 100 Infernape ?).
Pointed stones dug into Infernape.
Infernape lost 12% of its health.

This was it, Heracross and Infernape stood there, face to face looking each other dead in the eye. It all came down to this.

After the Stone Edge of before and the damage from SR, Infernape’s health was pretty low, but Heracross only had 1hp to spare, and as such could not afford any error…

Heracross used Megahorn.

I was sure that if this hit I would have won given Infernape’s hp.

It's not very effective...

But…

Infernape lost 26% of its health.

The mighty ape manages to hang on with 1hp and answers back.

Infernape used Flamethrower.
It's super effective!
Heracross lost 1% of its health.
[=_=]'s Heracross fainted.

(0-1)

Light wins!
Psyroclasm: Oh
Psyroclasm: wow
Light: Phew
[=_=]: :(
Light: Close one
[=_=]: gg
Light: gg

Psyroclasm: that's insane

Isn’t it just.
---

I Hope you enjoyed this warstory.


Props:
  • Metagross for surviving EQ, and taking out Chomp in the process
  • Heracross for surviving a Flamethrower
  • Claydol for giving me hope again
  • Blastoise for surviving a 2x DD Dragon Claw
  • Celebi for being an annoying bitch :p
  • Light for an enjoyable game
Slops:
  • Honchkrow for wasting Focus Sash
  • Salamence for not killing anything
  • Jeebus (Suicune) for not answering my prayers
  • Heracross for not having the Swarm trait!
 
I enjoyed reading this one, close one.

though you should remove the nicknames as IMO they are annoying to read over and over and over...you get the points

Good job in a loss though.
 
Why did you Bullet Punch first move if you had Lum Berry?

Anyway, that was an enjoyable read, some very close calls indeed :heart:
 
Thanks for the feedback so far :)

I edited the post to change the names.

@Earthworm, I expected Protect or a switch, so I just used Bullet Punch for the hell of it.
 
Slops:
  • Honchkrow for wasting Focus Sash
  • Salamence for not killing anything
  • Jeebus (Suicune) for not answering my prayers
  • Heracross for not having the Swarm trait!
Why do you blame Honchkrow?, you are the one who decided not to use Sucker Punch :p
 
That was awesome. Nice ending. Very much an on-the-edge-of-my-stool (yeh, i'm not on a seat...[=_=] indeed.)
 
Thanks for the comments, I'm glad you liked it.

Oh and @rojo23 the pokemon is always to blame, never me :).
 
Love the warstory. Vurry close.

You up for a battle sometime? I've always wanted to battle the guy with the face for a name...
 
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