Top 10: Pokémon to Own

By Deinosaur. Art by icepick.
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We all know that having Pokémon would be incredible: getting to battle your friends, travel with them through the country, or even just having a companion when you need one. But there are some Pokémon that are better than others to have around just in your regular, everyday life. Whether you need help with homework, chores, transportation, money, or really anything else, these Pokémon have got your back.

10. Ninetales/Politoed


These two are pulling up as number 10 on my list of Top 10 Pokémon to Own, and pretty much only for their weather capabilities. Let's face it, there are times when the weather is bad and you just need a nice sunny day to cheer you up. That's when Ninetales comes to the rescue. I know whenever I'm in Seattle, the weather is awful (obviously, it's Seattle) and I could definitely use a Ninetales by my side. Recommended SPF 100+ sunscreen.

Politoed sits on the opposite side of the spectrum, bringing rain and joy to those like me who live in a desert. It often reaches 105 degrees here, and that's when you can pull out your Politoed to keep you from burning to a crisp. If you can find a hill, a nice long tarp can turn a normal, boring day into a long, cool slip and slide. Don't forget the soap.

9. Chansey/Blissey


If you're anything like me (Deinos are clumsy), you're gonna want to have a Chansey or a Blissey around. With the egg they have in their pouches, they can pretty much heal any wound you may have. Any of your minor injuries or sicknesses, gone! Not to mention, anything troubling starts going on, I'm hiding behind my Blissey for protection. So in the future, when I go on a bank-robbing spree, I'll have my Blissey by my side protecting me from bullets and healing me up during the daring escape. Very important to have.

8. Smeargle


With my decided inability to draw, I feel that a Smeargle would be a great benefit to my life. I would be able to be an artist for The Smog instead of having to rely on writing articles or guessing how HTML works (let's face it, I'm at a fourth grade reading level, thanks GP checks). I would be able to write comics to make people laugh instead of trying to use my words and I might even pass an art class one day. In any case, I'm guessing that I would use a Smeargle to get ahead in life as well as Smogon, which is perfectly fine in my mind. I'll just be drawing stick figures until I get one...

7. Golurk


Number 7 was certainly the most requested to be on the list, but in the end, I'm the one typing this. So it gets stuck at number 7. If ever you needed a scary-looking, giant, flying robot ghost, Golurk is your guy. According to the Pokedex, Golurk was made to protect people. That sounds pretty awesome to have as a bodyguard. No more dealing with bullies jeering: "Hahahaha, you still play Pokémon?" because Golurk would smush them. No, I know that's not a real word. I don't care.

6. Dragonite


Dragonite completely eliminates the need to drive. You know you'd be safest with a person like me off the streets. I've heard it's about 16 times harder to crash a dragon than a car, so you'll have at least a 10% chance to survive when on the same road as me. In addition to flying around and being an all around cool Pokémon, Dragonite delivers letters. This would be awesome, because you don't even have to know their address; Dragonite just delivers to them. This would be a much better way to communicate, since no one ever texts me back anyways.

5. Meowth


This is one I'd like to have personally, maybe because I'm poor and too lazy to work for money. He just creates coins. The only move I would teach it is Pay Day. Then I could buy things I've only imagined in my wildest dreams. Like a 3DS. Or I could buy more iced tea. The possibilities are endless. I would abuse my newly obtained money to make new "friends" so I could be popular. I'd also invest as much money as possible into my shower system because that's the most important system in your new posh lifestyle. If you can't be comfortable in the shower, you can't be comfortable anywhere.

4. Porygon


This is another personal favorite of mine. Porygon can eliminate computer viruses and have your computer running better than you'd imagine. I like to play a lot of PC games (because I'm pretty damn bad at Pokémon), so Porygon would be an incredible asset. Maybe I could actually run Planetside 2 without lag on high video settings. Though, I'd probably use it to get 180 FPS on Minecraft. Whatever you want to use it for, Porygon is your one-stop-shop for everything computer. That's where I spend 90% of my life now anyways.

3. Tropius


In case you ever wanted fruit smoothies to bring all the boys to the yard, Tropius is for you. The ripe banana-shaped fruits that grow on its neck are some of the most delicious fruits you'll find anywhere. The fruit and the juice you could make from it would make you loved by all who are close to you, so long as they enjoy the tastiest fruits you can find anywhere. And that's really what life is all about: having something your friends don't so that you can hold it over their head. Delicious.

2. Various Rotom formes


These made number 2 on the list because I'm a lazy boy who's sick of chores around the house. Every different forme is a household appliance for my convenience. Besides Rotom-S and Rotom-F, the Rotom formes will completely do my chores for me, like laundry, cooking, and mowing the lawn. I honestly can't think of a better reason to use a Pokémon. The Rotom formes are excellent examples of why I shouldn't be allowed to have Pokémon. I suck at battling, so I'll take advantage of them in my own way.

1. Metagross


This entire article has been a list of why I shouldn't be allowed to have a Pokémon, and number 1 is no different. I would definitely use Metagross and his intelligence to help me in my personal life. I'm no longer doing any homework, and I'll have him write the notes I need to study (we'll see if that happens) for tests. Also, Metagross would be doing all of my HTML because I'm really lazy! He'd be cool to ride around on, too. Doesn't have to be efficient as long as it looks cool. But really a giant metal levitating monster with an IQ of 5000 would be pretty damn awesome by any standards.

So that's my top 10, what's yours?

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