Pokérap Battles: Wallace vs Steven

By Plus and Goddess Briyella. Art by Bummer.
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Rap Battler Profiles


Residence: Mossdeep City
Rhyme Style: Always Steel The Show
Side Hustle: Pocket Full o' Stones


Residence: Sootopolis City
Rhyme Style: A Roaring Waterfall
Side Hustle: Synchronized Swimmer

Who's the Champion of Hoenn? You're lookin' at him
I'll Hydro Pump your momma then I'll go for a swim
Cause my anaconda's thicker than 200 Slim Jims
And if you thought that I was going out on a limb
It's even longer than my Milotic who's 20 feet thin
There's a reason why I'm guardin' the "Cave of Origin"
It's cause I'm gettin' all the ladies as I use my Marvel Skin
Only fittin' for the Champion cause all I do is win.

I was raised by the master himself, the O.G. Juan
I'm the Luke to his motha fuckin' Obi-Wan
Made it rain with the Kingdra and the Double Team with Yawn
Brought it to OST and made McMeghan john
'Cause I'm a terror to the game like Mega Kangaskhan
While Steven Stone's busy lookin' at rocks with a hard-on
Well suck on these rocks, 'cause I'm the best at Pokémon
And a legend like the fabled Smogon user praj.pran.

I'm the original champ of this Hoenn shit
My father runs the biggest company in Hoenn, bitch
Tough Claws from Mega Metagross will leave you split
I took a break from Ever Grande just to see you quit
You better think before you really come spit
You can't teambuild legit when you literally lead with Luvdisc
I can feel your blood beginning to boil
Just like when Meta got a Mega, all your Milotic got was Coil

Listen boy, I got the soul of a rebel
On the other hand you take flamboyancy to another fuckin' level
Like Oglemi if he really made a deal with the devil
To sleep with every male that was even slightly successful
You talkin' like you got skills homie, I can't tell
Get beat down worse than Danilo up in SPL
You ain't shit, so get off the pot
That's why when ORAS dropped, they put me back in your spot

Real talk, is a gay joke really all you got?
Keep gettin' flustered while I Nasty Plot
Stayin' classy while you bangin' a thot
Using my Swagger while you use Gunk Shot
Too bad your dong's like a little tater tot
You'd need a Devon Scope or it would be impossible to spot
Your rap game is forced so go post in Firebot
While your hood hangs like a fuckin' empty parking lot

Me? I rep the fresh Sootopolis City
Water Pokémon get me all the hottest biddies
I got class like a Persian while all the other Skittys
Are cryin' 'cause I don't need to purr to see the titties
And if you want to get down to the nitty-gritty
The number of women in my gym basement's fiddy
You call yourself the ORAS champ and think that you're witty?
Compared to guardin' Rayquaza, I'd say that's pretty shitty

No Fire-types with me but I'm scorchin' again
You walkin' on thin ice just like the floors in your gym
You are the weakest motherfuckin' manwhore in Hoenn
So why the fuck are you guardin' the Cave of Origin then
I mean Groudon's a bitch, nigga Kyogre ain't shit
Grass Knot with Tough Claws would do 'em in real quick
Somebody tell Juan he needs to get his bitch out of dodge
Cause you ain't seeing my flow like a mirage

Everything you spit is straight dumb
Ain't shit to take your niece Lisia and hit it from the back like a bass drum
Pop her cherry like a pimple
When I fuck, I might double my Speed and I don't even use Simple
Meteor Mash crash through ya temple
Can't penetrate this Iron Defense, no need to make this shit suspenseful
If you think you even in the same league, you're mental
I could beat ya ass with Pokémon Stadium rentals

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