Serious Mental and Physical Health Thread

Kink

it's a thug life ¨̮
is a Tutor Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Top Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
If you ever need to talk frens i'm here :]

Anyway, I used to suffer from anxiety, mine was mainly related to schoolwork and the feeling of inadequacy. Like nothing I did was ever good enough or that me finishing work early meant I was missing something or me finishing too late made me stress. Regardless, I went to see a psychologist (like I would recommend to anyone suffering these problems) and she gave me this one image. An image that basically changed my life, the way I perceived things that we fear most, death, illness, inadequacy, growing old etc etc and even though the message is ridiculously simple, me seeing the world in this light has made me the person I am today (whether you hate me or not I don't give a fuck, but you can't fault my confidence hehe bwoi)


I know it's easier said than done, but if you can embrace it, like I have, a smile becomes something you wear because you want too, not because you feel like you're forced too.
I don't think I've ever known this about you.
 
Hello guys! It's really inspiring to hear your stories about your past, and also about how you're coping with things. So first of all, thank you for that!

Alrighty. Most people don't know this about me, and usually can't tell, but I have PTSD. I was abused pretty badly in a relationship a few years back, and I was in the hospital for a few weeks afterwards. Sadly, I missed my court date so it's still going as unruled. My next scheduled date is a few months from now, and I hope it all gets resolved!

As far as my PTSD goes, I have horrible nightmares nearly every night, and suddenly I have a speech impediment. I've never had either of these before, and my therapist tells me that normally PTSD sufferers don't experience speech disabilities. She basically told me that I may not ever recover from it, and that my brain could be simply blocking everything that I had experienced (I can't remember any of it at all as of late.) and relaying it to me in my nightmares. To me, this sounded illogical and slightly odd.

I'm not sure if this will really help at all, but I'm someone who has the blunted emotion affect as well. (Limited apathy and sympathy as well as regular emotions and stuff.) Does anyone have any ideas? I don't have a family history for any of these problems at all, and it's also not something common according to the professionals that I've spoken to.

I would ask both of my parents, but that isn't their medical field. Any advice would be much appreciated, as far as nightmares and sleep remedies go! And if anyone has any possible relatabke info in regards to the whole PTSD situation, I would be much obliged.

image.jpg

This was all the worse that I was, and don't concern the neck brace, it was because I had fallen :P
 
DarkMilotic Have you talked to your therapist about sleep remedies/help with nightmares? I know there are a couple different suggestions for helping people with PTSD with nightmares, a somewhat common one I've seen is Image Rehersal Therapy (http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/when-nightmares-wont-go-away?page=2), although most sources generally agree that this is only something that should be done with professional supervision. I'll try and organize a few more thoughts and maybe edit them into this post tomorrow morning, I'm a little fuzzy right now, and I don't want to go and tell you something wrong, or anything like that.
 
DarkMilotic Have you talked to your therapist about sleep remedies/help with nightmares? I know there are a couple different suggestions for helping people with PTSD with nightmares, a somewhat common one I've seen is Image Rehersal Therapy (http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/when-nightmares-wont-go-away?page=2), although most sources generally agree that this is only something that should be done with professional supervision. I'll try and organize a few more thoughts and maybe edit them into this post tomorrow morning, I'm a little fuzzy right now, and I don't want to go and tell you something wrong, or anything like that.
I have, actually. She recommended a number of things, most of those prescription drugs and different types of counseling, etc.

I'll be sure to mention this to her though, thank you! (The closest I've gotten to even being successful in not having nightmares was after an hour and a half of meditation.)
 

KM

slayification
is a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributor
i have kidney stones again. 2 mm on the right and a 4 mm on the left. RIP
oh kidney stones are a motherfucker lol. i had a small one earlier this year and it was a bitch, so i can't even imagine.

probably not telling you anything you don't already know, but drink a fuckton of fluids, stay occupied, drink a fuckton of fluids, repeat

(also i heard somewhere that stuff like jumping jacks might help speed up the process and dislodge them? probably total nonsense but hey worst thing that can happen is that you get a little exercise so)
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
i have kidney stones again. 2 mm on the right and a 4 mm on the left. RIP
Did the doctor say it's something special with your body,
or did you not drink enough water?
(Or drank too much soft drinks/ very sugary stuff)?
 

Myzozoa

to find better ways to say what nobody says
is a Top Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Past WCoP Champion
Hello guys! It's really inspiring to hear your stories about your past, and also about how you're coping with things. So first of all, thank you for that!

Alrighty. Most people don't know this about me, and usually can't tell, but I have PTSD. I was abused pretty badly in a relationship a few years back, and I was in the hospital for a few weeks afterwards. Sadly, I missed my court date so it's still going as unruled. My next scheduled date is a few months from now, and I hope it all gets resolved!

As far as my PTSD goes, I have horrible nightmares nearly every night, and suddenly I have a speech impediment. I've never had either of these before, and my therapist tells me that normally PTSD sufferers don't experience speech disabilities. She basically told me that I may not ever recover from it, and that my brain could be simply blocking everything that I had experienced (I can't remember any of it at all as of late.) and relaying it to me in my nightmares. To me, this sounded illogical and slightly odd.

I'm not sure if this will really help at all, but I'm someone who has the blunted emotion affect as well. (Limited apathy and sympathy as well as regular emotions and stuff.) Does anyone have any ideas? I don't have a family history for any of these problems at all, and it's also not something common according to the professionals that I've spoken to.

I would ask both of my parents, but that isn't their medical field. Any advice would be much appreciated, as far as nightmares and sleep remedies go! And if anyone has any possible relatabke info in regards to the whole PTSD situation, I would be much obliged.
what medication are you on and how long have you been on it? the reason why i ask is that nightmares are common for patients going off of or transitioning meds (especially that time-release Paxil). also physiological indicators of ptsd include 'damage' to an area of the brain associated with speech and language (Broca's area).

I would suggest that yoga/pilates and getting a lot of exercise might help you sleep more than meditation, but sleep is tricky so idk.

http://www.drugs.com/sfx/paxil-side-effects.html
Some paroxetine side effects may not need any medical attention. As your body gets used to the medicine these side effects may disappear. Your health care professional may be able to help you prevent or reduce these side effects, but do check with them if any of the following side effects continue, or if you are concerned about them:

More common
  • Acid or sour stomach
  • belching
  • decreased appetite
  • decreased sexual ability or desire
  • heartburn
  • pain or tenderness around the eyes and cheekbones
  • passing gas
  • problems in urinating
  • runny or stuffy nose
  • sexual problems, especially ejaculatory disturbances
  • sleepiness or unusual drowsiness
  • stomach discomfort or upset
  • trouble with sleeping
Less common
  • Abnormal dreams
  • change in sense of taste
  • congestion
  • discouragement, feeling sad, or empty
  • drugged feeling
  • fast or irregular breathing
  • feeling of unreality
  • headache, severe and throbbing
  • increased appetite
  • itching of the vagina or genital area
  • itching, pain, redness, or swelling of the eye or eyelid
  • lack of emotion
  • loss of interest or pleasure
  • lump in the throat
  • menstrual changes
  • pain during sexual intercourse
  • problems with memory
  • sense of detachment from self or body
  • sneezing
  • thick, white vaginal discharge with no odor or with a mild odor
  • tightness in the throat
  • tingling, burning, or prickling sensations
  • trouble concentrating
  • voice changes
  • watering of the eyes
  • weight loss
  • yawn
 
what medication are you on and how long have you been on it? the reason why i ask is that nightmares are common for patients going off of or transitioning meds (especially that time-release Paxil). also physiological indicators of ptsd include 'damage' to an area of the brain associated with speech and language (Broca's area).

I would suggest that yoga/pilates and getting a lot of exercise might help you sleep more than meditation, but sleep is tricky so idk.

http://www.drugs.com/sfx/paxil-side-effects.html
Some paroxetine side effects may not need any medical attention. As your body gets used to the medicine these side effects may disappear. Your health care professional may be able to help you prevent or reduce these side effects, but do check with them if any of the following side effects continue, or if you are concerned about them:

More common
  • Acid or sour stomach
  • belching
  • decreased appetite
  • decreased sexual ability or desire
  • heartburn
  • pain or tenderness around the eyes and cheekbones
  • passing gas
  • problems in urinating
  • runny or stuffy nose
  • sexual problems, especially ejaculatory disturbances
  • sleepiness or unusual drowsiness
  • stomach discomfort or upset
  • trouble with sleeping
Less common
  • Abnormal dreams
  • change in sense of taste
  • congestion
  • discouragement, feeling sad, or empty
  • drugged feeling
  • fast or irregular breathing
  • feeling of unreality
  • headache, severe and throbbing
  • increased appetite
  • itching of the vagina or genital area
  • itching, pain, redness, or swelling of the eye or eyelid
  • lack of emotion
  • loss of interest or pleasure
  • lump in the throat
  • menstrual changes
  • pain during sexual intercourse
  • problems with memory
  • sense of detachment from self or body
  • sneezing
  • thick, white vaginal discharge with no odor or with a mild odor
  • tightness in the throat
  • tingling, burning, or prickling sensations
  • trouble concentrating
  • voice changes
  • watering of the eyes
  • weight loss
  • yawn
I've been taking Prazosin for about two years, and it's been useful but not the best that I would like to say it could be.

I exercise quite a bit, since I'm training for an upcoming marathon back home in Wales. Thank you for the advice! I'll be speaking to my doctor about a few of the things that you guys have spoken to me about within the next week or so! Keep up the helpfulness ^_^
 
Hello guys... I got some trouble to post here, you know some times is hard to admit "defeat"... I got depression since I was 12 years old (I'm 23 now)... In the beginning it was very hard, since I didn't wanted to hurt my mother (that also had depression), so I just keep it to myself... That brought me some problens in my childhood...

But okay, I could live with that part (from 12 to 17)... After that I started colege, kung fu and others activities that made me stay busy enough to forget part of the problem... About one and a half month ago this got serious, I fell in depression again and this time was a lot harder... Finished my relationship of 2 years and 4 months, lost my pasion for cooking and eating, my kung fu got worse... Every single day I have to fight against suicidal thoughts that keep getting stronger... All that I have to fight against it is a DBZ quote (I'm serious) and my humor (that is fading)...

I don't take any medicine yet, I'm trying to avoid it... This is one of the resons I came back to Pokemon Online Battles (of course that the fact that I don't know nothing about it doesn't help XD), it helps to make my mind busy... I appreciate the time you guys took to read... Just making this post aready made me fells a little better...

Thanks already...
 

KM

slayification
is a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributor
Hello guys... I got some trouble to post here, you know some times is hard to admit "defeat"... I got depression since I was 12 years old (I'm 23 now)... In the beginning it was very hard, since I didn't wanted to hurt my mother (that also had depression), so I just keep it to myself... That brought me some problens in my childhood...

But okay, I could live with that part (from 12 to 17)... After that I started colege, kung fu and others activities that made me stay busy enough to forget part of the problem... About one and a half month ago this got serious, I fell in depression again and this time was a lot harder... Finished my relationship of 2 years and 4 months, lost my pasion for cooking and eating, my kung fu got worse... Every single day I have to fight against suicidal thoughts that keep getting stronger... All that I have to fight against it is a DBZ quote (I'm serious) and my humor (that is fading)...

I don't take any medicine yet, I'm trying to avoid it... This is one of the resons I came back to Pokemon Online Battles (of course that the fact that I don't know nothing about it doesn't help XD), it helps to make my mind busy... I appreciate the time you guys took to read... Just making this post aready made me fells a little better...

Thanks already...
Hey, man, I'm glad you're finding some solace in writing about it and playing Pokemon, but you should really see a doctor. I know you might have resistance against medicine, but even therapy is a good option and this is some serious stuff. Depression isn't fully understood yet, but that doesn't mean there isn't anything we can do to fight against it. I want to let you know that you have a support group here if you ever need anyone (even if we take a little while!) and that, perhaps most importantly, depression is a temporary, controllable issue. You've said it yourself, there have been times in your life where it's not been that bad, yeah? It should be perfectly reasonable to you that that's what's going to happen in the future too - as humans we tend to take how we're feeling in the present and assume that's how we'll feel forever, but this just isn't the case.

So yeah, consult a medical professional, PLEASE. As much as we can help and support you (however much that is), we are not medical professionals, and we can not offer the same calibre of advice and treatment. You will make it through this, but there's nothing wrong or shameful about having some help. Stay strong <3
 
Hey, man, I'm glad you're finding some solace in writing about it and playing Pokemon, but you should really see a doctor. I know you might have resistance against medicine, but even therapy is a good option and this is some serious stuff. Depression isn't fully understood yet, but that doesn't mean there isn't anything we can do to fight against it. I want to let you know that you have a support group here if you ever need anyone (even if we take a little while!) and that, perhaps most importantly, depression is a temporary, controllable issue. You've said it yourself, there have been times in your life where it's not been that bad, yeah? It should be perfectly reasonable to you that that's what's going to happen in the future too - as humans we tend to take how we're feeling in the present and assume that's how we'll feel forever, but this just isn't the case.

So yeah, consult a medical professional, PLEASE. As much as we can help and support you (however much that is), we are not medical professionals, and we can not offer the same calibre of advice and treatment. You will make it through this, but there's nothing wrong or shameful about having some help. Stay strong <3

I got today to a doc and got some medicines... Well.. It's not much, but it's a beginning XD

Thanks guys =)
 

KM

slayification
is a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributor
Heya Ohioisonfire :)

Talking to a therapist will help a lot, especially if you already know and like them. If you don't have a strong support system within your family, having a trusted adult you can go to can be super helpful. A therapist can definitely help with your social anxiety and depression issues too; I wouldn't underestimate how meaningful a good therapist can really be. Other than that, I can really only offer you a rather generic (but absolutely true) it-gets-better statement. High school fucking sucks for a lot of people, and you do have a whole life ahead of you, not to mention all the hormonal stupidness of being a teenager. Hang in there and stay strong; you've got a whole world of awesomeness ahead of you. Your problems won't all go away, of course, but having the freedom to choose who you associate with and who you stay away from can be pretty great.

I'm not qualified to tackle any of your specific problems, but I'd definitely make sure you're being completely candid about your situation with your therapist. It's only hurting you if you don't provide them a full picture.

Best of luck <3
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
I worked in a pharmaceutica that produces ADHD medicine.
Side effects of these medicine include depression and hallucination.
But these should stop when you stop taking the drug.
It's not real depression like other peopoe have got.
 
I feel as though perhaps I can add something. The last 19 1/2 months have been some of the most stressful months I have ever had to deal with. Felt like everyone from my parents to my boss (I was a department manager in a retail store) demanded everything of me and I felt like I had to keep on going otherwise risk pissing one or both of them off. I was so stressed I was drinking 6-8 cups of coffee a day and my hair was turning grey. I'm 27 for the record. Amazing that my girlfriend whom I met in May 2013 was willing to see me through my stress attacks and frustrations. I needed to seperate myself from both stressful environments. Both arrangements were slowly damaging my health and after I was removed from my position as department manager (allowed to stay on part time), my health continued to worsen. I used to weigh 190lbs in June.

By August I was down to 170 and still am there today. I couldn't afford the gym anymore and I was cutting back everywhere and sinking into debt. I tried security. Sure it paid well, but my stress remained as I was working yes, but utterly erratic hours with no sense of consistency or order with utterly horrible working conditions. That's when I knew I needed something badly that wouldn't damage my health or stress me out. I found work with another security firm. Low key work, but much more manageable. Probably pays less then my previous job and it's boring but I think I need boring. The work is important but I can relax and feel at ease. And not have to worry about trying to please anyone. I also got my own place with my girlfriend of now almost 19 months so I no longer have to worry about pleasing my parents. I'll be going back to the gym again soon too. I then saw that there will always be stresses in my life. But too much is well, too much. I also drink far less coffee too. 1-2 a day. And I notice I feel irritable if I drink 3 or more. But I feel like I'm on the road to getting my health back.

Okay, said my piece.
 
Hi everyone! Long time no talk.

JGTheGamer: that sounds like incredible pressure, sorry you had to deal with that. Financial, work, familial, health, and then probably worrying your gf would find it hard or demanding to support you, from the sounds of it? Self-care is really pivotal, though, so I'm glad you're making good life decisions that allow you to achieve that. It's easier said than done, of course, which just makes it the more impressive. :) Congratulations on moving in with your girlfriend as well and I hope you both continue to bring joy to each other's lives! It sounds a bit voodoo-ish but it's true: exercise and good physical self-maintenance (good food, drinking lots of water, keeping clean) both improve one's self-esteem and general mood—but when you have so many demands on you, it can be so hard to find the room for it. If you have the time and ability, I'd definitely recommend going on walks with your girlfriend regardless of whether you can get to the gym.

In my experience: I have (as most people here probably know by now ><) really terrible physical health, but I feel accomplished when I can manage a walk or swimming (which I lately took up again, I haven't swum due to social anxiety in about a decade or more), as well as at peace with my environments. The natural fatigue that comes from the regular physical exertion helps me sleep better as well, and keeping a more regular sleep pattern (which caffeine definitely doesn't help with, as I'm sure you know) allows a structure in my life to arise that I find calming and helps pass time that would usually be directed towards anxiety. It's no panacea for sure, especially when you have toxic circumstances in your life feeding your depression/anxiety and renewing it; it's just one of those many little things you can try to keep up to help take the edge off.

Update on my own situation: university ending for the year wasn't good for me. I had a lot of stress in my life at the time and the loss of something so constructive and structured in my life made way for the nervous exhaustion I kind of felt coming on. I ended up having a huge breakdown, which is why I've been gone for so long. At the time I was even considering terminating therapy. Since then I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder formally (I've used literature about it to help me mediate my extremely impulsive behaviour for a long time, but I have a lot of material and harmful thinking patterns to process that I can't do independently) and accepted I'll need regular and longterm therapy, which I'm fine about committing to; I'm just afraid I won't be able to keep it up due to expenses, moving, etc. My life is very volatile and I need constant support, I know this.

The reintroduction of university and moving out next year will definitely do me a lot of good, but since October I've struggled a lot with constant suicidal ideation and emotional dysregulation, such that I find it very hard to cope until then. I stayed briefly in a psych ward this week due to my inability to manage it.

I can't see my therapist until January, so I've been set up with semiregular calls from a community mental health worker to check on me while I work hard on keeping every day busy and occupied and grounded in working towards a future in which I'm committed to living. Shopping for Christmas, learning to wrap presents, visiting my schoolfriend, shopping for university, swimming in the local hydrotherapy pool, wisdom tooth surgery (lol), going again to visit my aunt (which was good for my mental health this November, scenery changes help me immensely), going out with my brother when he comes home from university, taking care of errands, groceries, spring cleaning... etc. Basically trying to reintroduce some structure into my life, and small positive activities that can be surprisingly therapeutic (like cleaning out my room and garage before I move, which makes me feel much less tense). I'm not entirely convinced of the worthwhileness or sustainability of living, but I'm basically at 50/50—I'm hedging my bets for now.

I'm not worried about any setbacks, because I've still learned an immense lot this year and made a lot of progress; sometimes we wax and wane. I guess I'm more prone to extremely good and extremely bad times due to the intensity of my feelings. For now I'm just trying to stay afloat.

Take care of yourselves, everyone <3
 

Soul Fly

IMMA TEACH YOU WHAT SPLASHIN' MEANS
is a Contributor Alumnus
It's always nice to hear someone grow jumpluff. Have a nice holidays, and I hope moving out is a great experience for you!
 

Exeggutor

twist
is a Smogon Discord Contributor Alumnus
I've been going through a couple of problems for a couple of years now. I've been having suicidal thoughts starting from about four years ago that only really started becoming frequent these past two years. I'd also started becoming extremely anxious and stressed due to the schoolwork that I couldn't keep up with. This all culminated in me breaking down in school and news of it ended up reaching my parents. My father seemed more preoccupied with the fact that people outside of our family would figure out that I wasn't "stable" rather than actually being concerned about, well, me.

I was told that I'd start talking to a therapist to try to start getting back on track but that didn't go anywhere. I've become a lot more private about it and venting to my friends (mostly ones online as the ones I have IRL would probably let such a thing get out and I'd be in trouble again) and my parents seem to be under the illusion that the aforementioned event never happened. I really don't want to put all of this on my parents again - the way they acted before deterred me from that completely and it made me loathe having to be at home. At the same time, I'm going to be graduating in less than two years and I really don't want this to hinder my performance in college, nor do I want to have to keep on taking breaks from anything social solely because I can't cope with my tendencies. My online friends have been really great support over the years and I don't think I'd be here without them, but I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to keep on relying on the comfort of people who won't even be there for me IRL just to function properly.

I've tried extremely hard to be more optimistic about things, but I've been hiding so much from my parents because I don't know how they'll react and I've been feeling so terrible lately I don't think any faux optimism can help me for much longer. Sorry to dump all of this on you all.
 

KM

slayification
is a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributor
I've been going through a couple of problems for a couple of years now. I've been having suicidal thoughts starting from about four years ago that only really started becoming frequent these past two years. I'd also started becoming extremely anxious and stressed due to the schoolwork that I couldn't keep up with. This all culminated in me breaking down in school and news of it ended up reaching my parents. My father seemed more preoccupied with the fact that people outside of our family would figure out that I wasn't "stable" rather than actually being concerned about, well, me.

I was told that I'd start talking to a therapist to try to start getting back on track but that didn't go anywhere. I've become a lot more private about it and venting to my friends (mostly ones online as the ones I have IRL would probably let such a thing get out and I'd be in trouble again) and my parents seem to be under the illusion that the aforementioned event never happened. I really don't want to put all of this on my parents again - the way they acted before deterred me from that completely and it made me loathe having to be at home. At the same time, I'm going to be graduating in less than two years and I really don't want this to hinder my performance in college, nor do I want to have to keep on taking breaks from anything social solely because I can't cope with my tendencies. My online friends have been really great support over the years and I don't think I'd be here without them, but I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to keep on relying on the comfort of people who won't even be there for me IRL just to function properly.

I've tried extremely hard to be more optimistic about things, but I've been hiding so much from my parents because I don't know how they'll react and I've been feeling so terrible lately I don't think any faux optimism can help me for much longer. Sorry to dump all of this on you all.
Talk to a therapist. If the first one doesn't click, try the next one.

I can't stress how important professional help is in situations like this. I know exactly what you're talking about with online friends - while the support can be great, you don't want that to be your only source of support. I'm sorry to hear about your family's attitude towards your feelings, but they are 100% wrong to act the way they are. If you feel like you need help, it is their obligation to give it to you. Their meaningless desires to have a "normal" child do not transcend your own health.

I know exactly what you mean about college, too. My anxiety/depression sparked up the hottest a couple of months ago in the summer before my senior year, and while I'm still working on it I'm glad I got a start now and didn't postpone it til later - hopefully, I can go off to college at or close to 100%.

You probably will have heard all of this, but I'll say it just in case. Suicidal thoughts are usually a side effect of depression, and they are very serious. If you feel like your own life is in danger, it is your obligation to demand treatment - your life is worth so much more than your parents' attempts at normalcy. Suicide is a permanent "solution" to what is a temporary problem - even though it may not feel like it. Your life will get better. If it's any comfort to you, look at the stats on depression/anxiety in teenage years rather than adult years - the difference is pretty staggering, and while it doesn't mean you can wait until you're an adult because you'll just get magically better then, it should given you some idea as to what is going on inside your brain.

Get in contact with a therapist. I can not stress this enough. Please.
 
So I think i'll post here. Seems like a good time because I might actually have something to talk about.

Anyway, I am a super fun individual who was diagnosed with both ADHD and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). Not going to go into much detail about the two things (if you're interested, you can search it up yourself), but I will post some "fun" things I have had to deal with as a result.

So basically, the main thing I suffer from is my impulses. I think that pretty much everyone knows that people with ADHD generally are viewed as people that are impulsive. Well, this impulsiveness applies to everything about me, mainly in my reaction to stimuli from social interactions. Now, I don't think that this would be that big of an issue if I only had ADHD, but the NVLD is what I think makes these impulses so much worse. With NVLD, The main issue is that there is a large discrepancy between my verbal skills and basically all other non-verbal skills. While the name may imply just problems with school and other such rot, it extends so much deeper then that. Deficits with non-verbal communication skills basically means that the vast majority of social cues and information transfer are much harder for me to interpret and understand. This is obviously a massive issue to deal with, and the fun thing is that it went undiagnosed for 13 years, as well as my ADHD.

Another super fun issue I have to deal with is my thinking. One of the key parts of NVLD is that there is extreme black-and-white thinking. Basically, I often think that something has to be either this or that with no wiggle room for variation in-between. This is particularly draining and stressful when it comes to my emotions. They impact me with an amazing amount of force, and due to my black-and-white thinking patterns, I think that this is what I truly feel like at that point in time. It can cause some absurd emotional shifts where I am happy one moment and the next I am panicking, thoughts racing in my head with no real rhyme or reason, or even thinking about ways to kill myself. Anger doesn't come that often. When it does, I become an absolutely vile thing to be around. If you were to try and talk to me in the middle of an angry mood, I will likely snap at you, even if I consider you a friend, and possibly cruelly insult you in an attempt to make you feel just as bad as I do. I think that the reason this is as bad as it is for me is due to a combination of the impulses from the ADHD and the black-and-white thinking and rather stunted ability to handle my emotions from the NVLD. These combine to basically form a self-feeding cycle where I can fall victim to one of my impulses, have an emotional spike, then said emotional spike loops back into causing more impulsive thoughts that create even more emotional spikes, and the cycle continues until I can break out of it. Oh, and the best part about it? Pretty much anything that seems mildly stressful can cause this cycle to happen. And when I am in one of these cycles, almost anything can trigger more impulsive thoughts.

Oh, but there's more. I am also a very anxious person, especially concerning people that I have a close emotional connection to. I am always worried that I am going to do something that will offend the other person and result in them breaking up the friendship and leaving me alone. I am also worry half the time that I have already done something that has caused this to happen and the other person just hasn't said anything yet. This really points to a long-standing fear of being abandoned. If I had no one to talk to, I would eventually just collapse emotionally and mentally and do something drastic and potentially lethal to myself because I wouldn't be able to live with the loneliness and the inner turmoil that would come with it. I need to be able to talk to other's in order help focus my thoughts and emotions and get them out of my head and into a more recognizable format.

Of courts, this need for close connections with other's to make sure that I will never be truly alone has lead to major issues in pretty much all the friendships I have had. The main things that happen is that I basically cling to the other person. I depend on them for basically all my emotional needs. I load them up with basically all my emotional burdens and expect them to be able to handle it and be able to comfort me whenever I need it. Essentially, I give up all attempts to actually practice or develop different techniques to help myself when I am alone and become a load. Something that they need to carry without any help from me. I hate this. I hate feeling like I am a at best a light weight for someone to handle and at worst and overbearing, crushing weight that causes the carrier to greats amount of stress and emotional issues themselves. At the same time, this also means that I become what is essentially a human doormat. I allow people (especially my friends) to walk over me without much protest because the alternative is potentially causing a conflict that could end in disaster. This means that I am actually a very easy person to manipulate if as I put so much at stake emotionally in relationships that emotional blackmail and threats are quite effective.

Now, all this emotional and mental stuff I have to deal with would certainly affect how I am physically, and man it does. The main thing I feel physically is just a general sense of tiredness and a lack of energy. When I come back down from an emotional spike, I feel even worse. At times, I feel my knees buckle and I fear suddenly falling onto the ground. I become much more less coordinated with my movements, making the bare minimum amount of effort required to do tasks rather than the little flares that I like to add. In general, I just become a much less energetic and unhappy person to be around when I am coming down from a particularly extreme mood spike.

Also, if it was not obvious from everything else I have posted up tot his point, my self-esteem is very low. I don't view myself as a good person or in a positive light most of the time. I notice all my flaws and often focus on them, drawing them to the surface and validating them even more while ignoring the positives that I have. I often think of myself as a failure really. I have it installed in my head that I have to be the best little girl for my parents to put up with all the money they have used on me and the huge amounts of stress I have caused them throughout my entire life. When I do end up failing, I chastise myself harshly, saying that I fucked up, that I should've known better, and that I am a useless (BAN ME PLEASE) piece of shit that should just die because she is waste of life on this planet. When the inevitable emotional spikes occur, I yell at myself even more. I yell to myself more about how useless I am, that I need to get these emotions under control right now, and that I am just an overreacting drama queen.

Now, what all this culminates into is a feeling that I cannot trust myself. When I posts something to someone about how I am doing, I can look back at it in a day or so, and I think that I am just lying about how I was feeling to get a desired reaction out of the person I was talking to. I obviously reject this, but the thought keeps popping up again and again, each time becoming stronger and stronger, until it gets through my barriers and I start to believe that I wasn't telling the truth. At this point, I start to bounce between believing that what I had posted at that time was genuine, and not believing that it was genuine and was simply a manipulation tactic. This was something that continued to pop up again and again until the last couple of months. The damage it caused was great. I feel like I cannot trust myself because it feels like my emotions are so transient that I cannot be sure that they weren't just a brief flash that doesn't reflect how I truly felt. At times, I feel like I should just withdraw from all emotional connections because I clearly am lying about most of them and I should punish myself for it. Other times, I just get sick and tired of my emotions and want them obliterated forever. There are other's that I am possibly missing, but I kinda want to wrap this up soon, so everything above will have to do.

However, there is some rays of hope here. For the past 5 days, I have felt more in control and confident in myself then I have in months. I feel as though I am able to emotionally open up to those close to me with much less risk of falling back into an unhealthy clinging obsession. I know what field of science I want to go into as my end goal of my education. I don't feel like I am stagnating in one place anymore; I am moving on and letting the past go and making myself a good future. But maybe the most important thing I am slowly obtaining is some self-love. It is what I lack the most out of anything really. I want to be able to like who I am as a person so that I am more capable of helping other's. Maybe that isn't true, but whatever. Also, I feel like I am finally mentally maturing so that I am actually transitioning from a apathetic, self-defeating girl to a motivated, happy women that is able to get up from whatever punches life throws at her much easier and quicker.

Oh, I should also probably post my coping strategies I have been using. Well, mostly they have just been not letting myself fall victim to my impulses. More specifically, I allow myself to feel the emotion and impulse that is in my mind, but I don't try and block it out out of panic. I make sure that I don't go through with it, but I don't try to completely deflect it and draw more attention to it then I need to. It feels empowering honestly. I know it is likely temporary, but fuck if I am going to let that get in the way of liking this feeling.

And, perhaps most importantly, I am seeing my psychologist who diagnosed me with ADHD and NVLD again. The next time I can meet him is in January, and I have only had 2 sessions with him so far, but I can already notice the difference, I plan to continue this to the point of therapy to learn and fine-tune techniques so that I can have the best possible life.

And there is my post. Hopefully it is readable. If I need to make it shorter, just tell me and I'll do some hide tag shenanigans. Oh, and I will try to explain anything that is unclear if you have questions.
 
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Hey, another NVLD guy over here (I don't know the term), I've experienced the emotional spike sort of thing coupled with the impulsiveness of ADHD (e.g. When playing in Certamen (Latin language quiz bowl), I'm always super on edge it's always the best time of my life, and I get a question wrong and life is the worst thing in the world, I can't stop thinking of the worst things in the world. Over thanksgiving break I sank the lowest I've ever been, thankfully I've (sort of) bounced back, mostly because I completely forgot everything that happened (my memory is incredibly shitty and I keep forgetting everything that always happens). I've never experienced the whole black-and-white thing to the extreme, but some things like that leave me incredibly frustrated and end up with me snapping and yelling/breaking/hitting something or at someone, which, as one might be able to tell, leaves friendships in less than desired positions (my friends have a tendency to be really scared whenever I go over the edge). My issue is that I don't really have any one good to talk to, my parents have told me to stop talking with the school social worker too much becuase I keep scaring her (one of the days I was feeling my worst I woke up iwth the image of a five year old boy with a gunshot wound through the middle of his head stuck in my head, and, consequently, I was 40 minutes late to school (I had to walk as I came downstairs too late and my parents were unwilliing to drive me as I missed the time when they normally drive me and a couple neighbors, nor were they willing to call me in late to school, so I was technically truant) due to walking over an hour to school. As a result, I forgot to eat breakfast or bring money or food for lunch, and coulnd't eat that which the school counselor thought was a little conspicuous, but it was just a 1 time thing). The social worker ended up recommending anti-anxiety meds (apparently they also help with adhd), seeing a therapist, or going to an outpatient thing at the local mental health facility (not sure of the proper term). However, my family, while not being incredibly poor, is currently struggling financially due to my parents moving to a 15-year mortgage instead of a 30-year (so that they can have the house paid off by the time that they're 65, instead of 77) and my mom recently lost her wallet containing over $200. I'm really not sure whatw to do, I'm guessing I'll just continue moving forward, forgetting almost everything, but I really don't know.


Wow this is making everything seem a lot darker than I actually feel, I don't know. I just keep forgetting almost everything.

Any recommendations?
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
Hey, another NVLD guy over here (I don't know the term), I've experienced the emotional spike sort of thing coupled with the impulsiveness of ADHD (e.g. When playing in Certamen (Latin language quiz bowl), I'm always super on edge it's always the best time of my life, and I get a question wrong and life is the worst thing in the world, I can't stop thinking of the worst things in the world. Over thanksgiving break I sank the lowest I've ever been, thankfully I've (sort of) bounced back, mostly because I completely forgot everything that happened (my memory is incredibly shitty and I keep forgetting everything that always happens). I've never experienced the whole black-and-white thing to the extreme, but some things like that leave me incredibly frustrated and end up with me snapping and yelling/breaking/hitting something or at someone, which, as one might be able to tell, leaves friendships in less than desired positions (my friends have a tendency to be really scared whenever I go over the edge). My issue is that I don't really have any one good to talk to, my parents have told me to stop talking with the school social worker too much becuase I keep scaring her (one of the days I was feeling my worst I woke up iwth the image of a five year old boy with a gunshot wound through the middle of his head stuck in my head, and, consequently, I was 40 minutes late to school (I had to walk as I came downstairs too late and my parents were unwilliing to drive me as I missed the time when they normally drive me and a couple neighbors, nor were they willing to call me in late to school, so I was technically truant) due to walking over an hour to school. As a result, I forgot to eat breakfast or bring money or food for lunch, and coulnd't eat that which the school counselor thought was a little conspicuous, but it was just a 1 time thing). The social worker ended up recommending anti-anxiety meds (apparently they also help with adhd), seeing a therapist, or going to an outpatient thing at the local mental health facility (not sure of the proper term). However, my family, while not being incredibly poor, is currently struggling financially due to my parents moving to a 15-year mortgage instead of a 30-year (so that they can have the house paid off by the time that they're 65, instead of 77) and my mom recently lost her wallet containing over $200. I'm really not sure whatw to do, I'm guessing I'll just continue moving forward, forgetting almost everything, but I really don't know.


Wow this is making everything seem a lot darker than I actually feel, I don't know. I just keep forgetting almost everything.

Any recommendations?
I think you can find a forum with friendly people (e.g. here) and just start talking.
No one knows who you are in real life anyway.

Sometimes even if they didn't actively help you, talking about the problem itself reliefs some negative emotions.
 

Empress

33% coffee / 33% alcohol / 34% estrogen
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
I think that Smogon is becoming hazardous to my health. I'm your prototypical Aspie (a term for a guy with Asperger's, for those who don't know), though I try not to let it affect me too much. Participating on Smogon, however, has taught me that I can't ignore it. As of late, I've been receiving a bunch of hate from Smogonites that I've never interacted with, several of which are influential on the site. I have no legitimate idea what I've done to deserve it, either. As such it's brought out a paranoid, confrontational side of me that I never knew I had. When I see a reply to something of my origin from someone I haven't spoken to here, the first thing that comes into my mind is "he's being an asshole", which is not a good way of thinking.

This is only compounded by my current situation of applying to college. Anyone who's been through the application process knows how stressful it is, even when everyone tells you not to stress. So not only am I anxious as fuck, but sometimes I (falsely) think that all of Smogon is out to get me. There seem to be some actual reliable users here who could help me out, so I would greatly appreciate some advice on this front. I can't keep thinking this way, as not only will the hate seem to never go away, but I won't make myself feel any better, either.

Still, despite Smogon being hazardous to my mental health, I never once thought of leaving it. I have made some friends, and it's the best place to indulge in competitive Pokémon. I just want to continue to become a better battler and contributor to Smogon, though it's not easy to do with a situation like mine. Are the haters making it harder? Or am I making it harder for myself? I really don't know.
 

KM

slayification
is a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributor
I think that Smogon is becoming hazardous to my health. I'm your prototypical Aspie (a term for a guy with Asperger's, for those who don't know), though I try not to let it affect me too much. Participating on Smogon, however, has taught me that I can't ignore it. As of late, I've been receiving a bunch of hate from Smogonites that I've never interacted with, several of which are influential on the site. I have no legitimate idea what I've done to deserve it, either. As such it's brought out a paranoid, confrontational side of me that I never knew I had. When I see a reply to something of my origin from someone I haven't spoken to here, the first thing that comes into my mind is "he's being an asshole", which is not a good way of thinking.

This is only compounded by my current situation of applying to college. Anyone who's been through the application process knows how stressful it is, even when everyone tells you not to stress. So not only am I anxious as fuck, but sometimes I (falsely) think that all of Smogon is out to get me. There seem to be some actual reliable users here who could help me out, so I would greatly appreciate some advice on this front. I can't keep thinking this way, as not only will the hate seem to never go away, but I won't make myself feel any better, either.

Still, despite Smogon being hazardous to my mental health, I never once thought of leaving it. I have made some friends, and it's the best place to indulge in competitive Pokémon. I just want to continue to become a better battler and contributor to Smogon, though it's not easy to do with a situation like mine. Are the haters making it harder? Or am I making it harder for myself? I really don't know.
Hey - I know I was a little bit more jocular on the college applications thread in response to your worries about college application, and I'm sorry if that offended you (I'm fairly certain that's not what you're referring to, but just in case!). It's not super relevant to this thread, but I'll try and give you some better advice here.

Yes, the application process is stressful as fuck. And yes, it's a lot easier to say "Can you do anything about it? If no, don't stress about it!" than to actually not stress about it. I know firsthand how stressful it is (e.g. I'm going through it right now), although for me it is certainly far less stressful than it is for most - every single school I applied to I will probably get into (they're great schools, but i'm either overqualified or highly qualified), and although I still have the occasional irrational fears of "What-if-I-don't-get-in-anywhere???" I know that those are relatively unfounded.

But still, there is stress - and the people who I'm friends with who are applying to and getting deferred / rejected from their top choice colleges already are experiencing immense amounts of stress too. Through them, I know how hard it can be, and I also have a couple of tips that seem to work for other people. I can't guarantee them, as I'm sort of in the middle of this all myself, but hey, worth a shot.

1. Lose the "what-if" attitude and evaluate your chances of getting in to each institution that you're applying to from a completely objective view. Look at the admissions calculator on the website if they have one, look at the average stats and ranges for people who got in, compare yourself to the graphs that some services offer to see who gets in and who doesn't. From this data, draw a reasonable claim about your chances of getting in (E.G. "I have a small chance of getting in here", "I have a decent chance of getting in here", "I will almost certainly get in here unless something incredibly strange happens"). Although admissions is somewhat of a crapshoot, it isn't completely random - if you aren't qualified, you're probably not getting in, and vice versa.

Once you've figured out what your approximate chances are of getting into each school, the next step is kinda hard. For those schools with low percentages, operate under the probability that you won't get in. Of course, I don't mean that you should slack off on the application itself (that's the only thing that can get you in), but rather that once you've sent in your application and are waiting to hear back, don't expect to get in. This turns down the scary-factor quite a bit - if you get the rejection, it's just what you expected, and if the stars line up and fall into place and you get in, that's a really freaking pleasant surprise. Conversely, be realistic about what schools you probably will get into no matter what. Don't allow fantastic notions of "what if I actually suck!" to constantly enter your head, just remind yourself that they are unfounded - people with your scores overwhelmingly tend to get in, or whatever.

For the schools where it's 50/50, all you can do is accept the uncertainty. Just tell yourself that it's not a guarantee either way, and that the best thing to do is just to let the admissions officers do their work and see where you end up.

2. Understand that there is far, far too much emphasis placed on which college you go to. If you are a good student, and apply to a good selection of schools that fit you, you will almost certainly end up in a place that is incredible for your needs. I've heard a lot of people who ended up "having" to go to colleges far "below" their expected level ending up to be extraordinarily happy with the outcome - because they were so much more high-achieving than the rest of their peers, their professors loved them and they received a disproportionate amount of time and attention that they wouldn't at a school where everyone was as smart or smarter than them.

There are thousands and thousands of great colleges out there, and not all of them are highly visible or well-known, but that doesn't mean they're worth any less. Although the recognition of having gotten into a big-name college is certainly exciting, it is not the end of the world in any way if you don't end up getting in. My math teacher last year told our class at the beginning of the year when everyone was freaking out about applications (the class was mostly seniors) that "After my first job, no one ever asked me what college I got into" - which, while possibly somewhat hyperbolic, is not without some truth. Ultimately, what college you go to matters very little compared to what you do while you're there - and even though you might be waylaid by stats that seem to suggest that you MUST go to this college or else you won't succeed, that is usually merely part and parcel with the hype that made those colleges desirable in the first place.

3. You can not just stop stressing about college. Accept the stress, but do not allow it to ruin your life. Channel the stress into other things if that works for you, or just simply take a sort of meta-cognitive approach and recognize that you have very little to be rationally stressed about, that the stress will be over soon, and that the stress is just you being worried about a threat that really isn't there.

I hope this helped somewhat, and you're always free to message me with more specific worries - I'm not super active these days due to senior year business but I'll get back to you when I can.

In terms of the whole Smogon thing, I haven't specifically seen what you're referring to, but I would imagine it's partly the stress making you more confrontational or touchy than normal (again, pure conjecture). There is probably validity to your claims of asshole-ness, but don't be put off by them. Smogon is full of awesome people, and if you want to leave you're always welcome to, but don't be put off by the actions of a select few.

Best of luck <3
 

Shaka Brah

Banned deucer.
I think that Smogon is becoming hazardous to my health. I'm your prototypical Aspie (a term for a guy with Asperger's, for those who don't know), though I try not to let it affect me too much. Participating on Smogon, however, has taught me that I can't ignore it. As of late, I've been receiving a bunch of hate from Smogonites that I've never interacted with, several of which are influential on the site. I have no legitimate idea what I've done to deserve it, either. As such it's brought out a paranoid, confrontational side of me that I never knew I had. When I see a reply to something of my origin from someone I haven't spoken to here, the first thing that comes into my mind is "he's being an asshole", which is not a good way of thinking.

This is only compounded by my current situation of applying to college. Anyone who's been through the application process knows how stressful it is, even when everyone tells you not to stress. So not only am I anxious as fuck, but sometimes I (falsely) think that all of Smogon is out to get me. There seem to be some actual reliable users here who could help me out, so I would greatly appreciate some advice on this front. I can't keep thinking this way, as not only will the hate seem to never go away, but I won't make myself feel any better, either.

Still, despite Smogon being hazardous to my mental health, I never once thought of leaving it. I have made some friends, and it's the best place to indulge in competitive Pokémon. I just want to continue to become a better battler and contributor to Smogon, though it's not easy to do with a situation like mine. Are the haters making it harder? Or am I making it harder for myself? I really don't know.
I think you should talk to a psychiatrist about the early signs of schizophrenia that you're showing instead of posting about it on the Smogon forum.
 

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