Serious Mons, Parents, and You

[Clone]

im making this thread because this has been something that has been on my mind a lot recently, and im sure that i cant be the only one who deals with this. by "this" i mean my parents knowing that i play pokemon, and giving me crap for it. lemme explain my situation a bit before i ask what i want to ask

im 18, im a senior in american high school, and i have already been accepted into my first choice of college (which is nationally ranked), and i will be attending it next year. ive never struggled academically but i would be lying if i said that i busted my ass in school. all ive ever had to do was cruise along and do my work, which leaves me with a lot of free time. the thing is, im not the most social person irl, so most of that time is spent at home doing whatever. i have friends, and i do stuff outside of school, but im not the kid that goes out every friday night to do stuff or whatever. anyways, like i said i have a lot of free time. most of that time is spent on here, whether it be smogon or ps (screw irc).

i picked up mons a little less than two years ago after a friend reintroduced it to me (i had played the games religiously as a kid), and ive been hooked ever since. i enjoy playing the game, and i enjoy spending time talking with people ive met here. the problem is, most of my free time is spent doing this, and my parents hate it. they think that im too old for this and should instead be focusing on going out with friends or school work, telling me that this isnt gonna get me anywhere in life and that i should be doing things that actually matter. ive tried to tell them that im not mr. social (which i have accepted since i was like in 6th grade, and i have also been spending most of my free time online since then as well), but they dont seem to really get it since they were the popular kids when they were in high school. its gotten to the point now where i will hole up in my room away from them because i dont want to have to deal with them harassing me about playing a childs game. ive already tried to tell them that i dont even play this 24/7, and that i dont even send 100% of my time on smogon (i idle on ps all the time but in between spurts of activity ill catch up on a show or play a game or something (not always mons btw)), but they dont seem to listen. i still do my homework and keep my grades up, so im not concerned about this affecting stuff like that, but it seems like every time i try to tell my parents that i do do my homework theyll bring up how i have ps open in another tab or something. its starting to get to the point where im really looking forward to leaving the house for college because ill be away from my parents and have the chance to stand on my own two feet for once w/o them breathing down my neck. at that time ill probably step away from smogon for a bit too since im planning on having the full college experience since im not a fan of hs and in general i see it as a waste of time (i literally do nothing in half my classes and the other half is just needless busywork that takes no brainpower to do). im really looking forward to college, but i still have 2 months of school + 2 months of summer left, the latter of which i will be working.

--

i dont want this to come across as me hating my parents and playing the victim, because that not really the point, and its not the truth either. i said what i said above to give some background so as to help explain my situation a bit. what i want to ask is if there are any other people here who are in similar situations, and if so, how do you handle it? do you try to explain your reasoning for being on here to your parents? or do you go about it differently? im open to anything, and i dont mind people who dont deal with this responding, but for the love of god, keep your fucking memes out of this thread. thanks.

 

[Relados]

true story: when i was 7, my parents actually told me that pokemon was satanic because it involves monsters using magical powers

this reasoning did not apply to my dad playing diablo though

 

[Goose05]

When I was 7-8 my mother told me I couldn't play Pokemon anymore because it involved evolution lol

 

[tehy]

first off i gotta ask you; do your parents really say 'children's game' and is that really a major root of their discontentment?

An analogy i've developed for use in situations like these (warning:i haven't been able to test it very often) is basically chess and checkers. So like you'd say to your parents

"Imagine that you'd never seen anyone play chess. So you walk into a library and see two adults moving pieces around on a checkers board and you think 'what are those two grown men doing playing checkers'?

When i say this, it seems dumb to you, because you can obviously tell the difference between chess and checkers pieces. But, anyone who knows games will be able to tell the difference between what i'm playing and what kids play on their gameboy, the same way as you can tell the difference between chess and checkers pieces. This isn't a kids game, it's just harder to tell."

You could also make the fair point of...what's the difference between staying in and talking to Smogon people, and going out and hanging out with irl people? in both cases, it's socialization for enjoyment, and a shared activity (usually a movie in real life, some matches of Showdown in this case). So, if they're fine with that, what's the problem with this? You might say that friends irl are more 'real' and will help you out if you need it, but look at, say, Hollywood's 5k for an example of how online people help each other out.

I don't know how well these work because they're about challenging deeply held norms that are based off of a society that largely doesn't exist / false assumptions about a 'kids game' but maybe?

Also you could point out that a lot of Pokemon tournaments now have cash prizes, so it's a hobby that might have a bit of a payout (emphasis on bit, but it's not like hanging out with friends is lucrative or w/e)

 

[Holiday]

My mom said I had to stop playing unless I could make it to a career. Got 2nd at a local tournament at the college near me and made 55 bucks a week later. She said if I don't fail and don't suck then go for it lmao

 

[Fling]

I'm in almost the exact same situation, I ll probably just tough it out tbh like I ll be in college in September and a few months isnt really that long and its not like theres another option bar quitting mons like trying to explain to most people from my parents generation that I like playing pokemon online and talking with people over the Internet that iv never met irl is gonna be v difficult and thats something they probably wouldn't understand just coz of how different times were when they grew up. Its not like they dont know what internet is but it probably seems p strange to them.

 

[aVocado]

My parents have no idea what I do on the internet or what video games I play, and it's always been like this for as long as I remember. Only my mum would casually walk into my room, see me playing literally any game, and say "oh hey, that looks like that Zelda game you always play!" or "is that mario?" "Oh, that guy's wearing Green... I remember his name, Link?!" and stuff like that. She barely remembers some characters like mario/sonic/zelda/link from games that I and my brothers always played as kids but now she doesn't really care anymore and doesn't memorize names beyond those, so yeah. When I used to live with them and played a game with tits or something that I don't want them to know I'm playing, I would usually lock the door or just play and hope there aren't tits when my parents casually walk into the room.

If they saw me playing a handheld with Pokemon in it they either wouldn't know or wouldn't care anyway. I'd say that they accepted the fact that I like to play video games a while ago and they never really minded me playing them except when I had finals or exams etc.

Looking back at it I had pretty cool parents tbh.

 

[Ununhexium]

Well my situation was pretty good because only my brother + like 3 god friends new but then my mom asked what I was doing ad my brother said something along the lines of "HES BLOGGING ABOUT POKEMON LOLOLOLOL" (didn't even use the term forum which offended me) so now my parents know and for some reason my mom thinks Smogon is some kind of hell raising site so she won't let me use it (thank god she doesn't know shit about computers) so everything I've been doing for the past few weeks has either been on a phone or behind her back.

Other than that life's pretty good.

EDIT: having a user named Hellraiser probably doesn't help my cause

 

[doublenikesocks]

When I was younger in high school (freshmen/sophomore year) my parents wanted me to get out and experience high school instead of playing video games, which don't have any of the drama or cliques that high school is full of. So I played my games (battlefield 3) when I could but I played sports and attempted to become a "normal" social high schooler. It turned out I don't like social situations very much and don't like drama either so they kinda just let me play my video games. FPS games weren't social enough for me, so I joined minecraft servers. Got bored of that so I'm back to fps games/pokemon.

As for actual advice, do what makes you happy. As long as your grades and health don't suffer, you should tell them that you're happy. You're 18 now, and in a few months, you won't have to be bossed around anymore. Just live out that time and do what you can.

 

[Relados]

You're 18 now, and in a few months, you won't have to be bossed around anymore.

as a 20 yo, i can confirm that you never stop getting bossed around

 

[tehy]

same

knew going to the army for a year and a half was a mistake

 

[Cresselia~~]

My mum still thinks that Pokemon is satanic, whilst my father said it was perfectly ok.
My dad knows that I still play Pokemon, and he's totally ok with it.
My mum also knows, but gave up persuading me.

But sometimes, some church people come to urge me to throw away my Pokemon stuff.
And those, are the most annoying people ever.

 

[SparksBlade]

Bit like Arikado's case, my parents don't know what i do on laptop the whole day either. I go to college Monday-Saturday, get home ~4.30pm, then hop onto the laptop and stay like that till like 11pm, when i have to take dinner(everyone's asleep by then). I stay up on it till about 1 and it's not an issue, and about the whole of Sunday is spent on here as well. My parents dont't actually understand much of what goes on on a laptop, so they just ask me what i'm doing and sometimes i would tell em im playing and sometimes i would say im studying(doesn't matter, they think i'm studying w/e i say). This is not to say i'm not social tho, i don't go out friday nights(any night for that matter, not big over here) but i still hang around a lot, so my parents aren't concerned with me being unsocial. My elder brother, who works in a different city, is the only one who bothers me, but he doesn't tell me to leave it altogether cos he understands. My only advice to you would've been to get a bit more social, but that can't be forced on everyone so idk but gl with whatever you do :]

 

[DarkNostalgia]

my parents LIKE me playing pokemon lol
i used to watch the anime as a kid, and my mom was like 'oh gosh this anime teaches you cooperation and friendship and to never stop believing and achieving your goal and whatever, and my parents TOLD me to keep liking pokemon tho

but they dont know i go on smogon lel so w/e, i still have irl friends, i still play sport (school team for 2 things), i still do homework, i still have good grades so im not rlly concerned about my time spent on smogon, its actually a fun space :]

 

[bb skarm]

-Clone-

I'm 15 almost 16, and I've played mons on about the same account of time as you have. I've gotten shit from people (not my parents because my mom loves me to death and my stepdad has played through RBY and GSC) around school and whatnot, I've got quite a bit of friends who don't care and my best friends already know I use Smogon but outside of that I've dealt with shit about playing Pokemon. I can't say I care a whole bunch, but it's still something I can relate.

My take on it is that playing Pokemon shouldn't be considered a 'kid's' thing. It's a game for all ages in my opinion. We've got the campaign for younger boys, the cutie Pokemon such as Jigglypuff for the younger girls, and we've got the extensive mechanics that form the metagame for younger adults/anyone who plays it competitively. I've done a bit of research on this subject to be honest, I've looked up the normal ages for those who play Pokemon. The first page of google actually claims most Pokemon players are actually in their late teens, given how large the metagame playerbase is (PS! has a shitton of players). To back this up, we have VGC/World's (which I may be attending this year in fact), and large events that usually feature people in their 20s who actually have stable lives. I don't think everyone on this website can be a loser because they play Pokemon right? We've got 200,000+ members on this forum. That's a shitton, that's more people than some cities in the USA.

As for me, I play Pokemon the most out of any other game I play, and I think I'm fine. I'm 15 getting accepted into the best high school in my state, I've got friends who I hang out with regularly, and I do Martial Arts competitively winning every tournament I compete in, and I've got a grasp on earth. Does me playing Pokemon change this? You're in your first year of college as you said and you're doing well as you've said, so why the FUCK do we need to dwell on playing a game you enjoy? What does that change? Your parents may not be accepting of it, but you're fucking 18. You can play whatever you want to play. Why does their opinion change it?

 

[aurora]

My parents have almost always been clueless about my use of Smogon. While one could my argue my use of it is at the expense of a real-world social life, I don't have much of a real-world social life to start with, so it doesn't bother me (or my parents), and I have quite a few good friends here anyway. Smogon has never brought down my grades or anything, either. As a matter of fact it's probably helped by alleviating depression, which is far more damaging

However, just after I was first drivered on PS!, my dad 'caught me' on IRC in a channel with CUSS WORDS (heaven forbid!) in it and decided to hold this full-blown family meeting about it where I had to 'explain everything'. Thankfully, I satisfied him with a summary of carefully handpicked aspects of my Internet activity and no one's ever picked up on or mentioned anything since.

If I actually had to explain in full my involvement in Smogon to my parents, I do not think that would go down well. Talking to and forming friendships with STRANGERS on the Internet is, after all, the best way to get yourself kidnapped or exploited in some way!

 

[Empress]

I know the struggle, man. My parents think doing anything related to Pokemon automatically makes you immature. A few years ago they sold my 3DS on me behind my back to ensure I wouldn't ever be able to play BW again. Luckily they have no idea that I'm here; if they did, they would disown me.

 

[Nix_Hex]

Try being 27, unemployed, and sluggishly finishing grad school while spending time on Smogon constantly. Luckily I finished grad school last year and became a professor in September. The fact that I play Pokemon is no secret to anyone who is associated me, including my parents, grandparents, fiancee's parents (with whom I live), all of my church friends. I made posts regarding Pokemon on Facebook ask the time until I finally deactivated it. Most of my friends know that I'm a moderator on a popular pocket monster site. They all support me and love me, but of course they will advise me to chill out if it is interfering with my work... it often does. During my unemployment, I basically had to mention it infrequently and hide PS, because I was afraid of being judged and told to get a job.

Also a note about parents. I lied to my mom for a long time saying that I was constantly on the job hunt, which I wasn't; I was contributing to Smogon instead. Strangely enough, they didn't give me crap when my gf and I flew half way across the US to 2012 nats, but instead encouraged me. My gf knew better, understanding my love for the game and deciphering between the videogame and the competitive scene, and loving me and supporting me. No judgment, but encouragement to balance out my life by doing other stuff alongside Smogon.

Finally regarding parents, as long as they love you, they will never stop giving you crap for stuff they don't approve of. Sure, going to Indiana was cute right after I lost my job, perhaps believing it was therapeutic our something. I still had money, too. Two years later, this post summer, my dad sent me a scathing text telling me to give up "f*cking church" because I played in vbs and was not afraid to share pictures of me rocking out on Facebook. I know he meant my Pokemon addiction too, hire could he not. Your parents will not stop judging you, ESPECIALLY if you are unemployed fit more than a month. It don't matter how far they live from you. Don't fall into the belief that they will stop, because you are deluding yourself.

Rant out lol

Edit: matthew I see you, leave now before you get addicted again

 

[Stathakis]

funny, my parents hated that i played when i was in 8th-9th grade and I had the time and could afford to play, since my activities didn't matter. they thought i would damage my future. now that i'm in college shaping my future and have something to lose, they don't mind at all that i play.


c'est la vie. we all could probably find better things to do with our time

 

[Hulavuta]

I don't live with my parents anymore and now they pretty much trust me to take care of school and all of my other responsibilities. But when I did live with them, it was never really a problem for me because my parents (mostly my mom) and I were always very open with each other and able to talk about pretty much anything and always come to an understanding. She absolutely knows I play Pokemon (I got her to buy me games back when I was in high school and broke) and knows that I am involved with certain forums. The main thing she was concerned about was internet predators but I was able to point out that predators are pretty easy to spot and the logic of "there is no way anyone is going to spend hours of their time to learn how to code (this was a game development forum) and contribute a bunch of stuff just to kidnap some kids" was solid enough for her.

Back in 2013 when I was in my first year of Smogon and was trying to get on the GP team, I told her and she wondered why I didn't just spend that time studying for the SAT if I was going to be doing grammar anyway. Looking back, I figure she was probably right about that. Although fortunately, everything worked out in the end.

Honestly, I think the key is just having that strong bond with your parents and having the lines of communication open, knowing that no matter what you want to talk about, you will be listened to and understood. Unfortunately, it's just something we've always had so I'm not entirely sure how to get it. Of course there will always be people who are stubborn and areas where no agreement can be reached, and not everyone (parent or child) is always so great at empathy. But I think it's something most people can get by just doing things with your parents often and talking often and generally just trying to be part of each other's lives and understanding the other (and sometimes a major attitude adjustment on either side).

Well my situation was pretty good because only my brother + like 3 god friends new but then my mom asked what I was doing ad my brother said something along the lines of "HES BLOGGING ABOUT POKEMON LOLOLOLOL" (didn't even use the term forum which offended me)

Funnily enough my mom always thought I was blogging too, even after I told her it was a community thing. Wonder if that's a trend...?

 

[OLD GREGG (im back baby)]

im making this thread because this has been something that has been on my mind a lot recently, and im sure that i cant be the only one who deals with this. by "this" i mean my parents knowing that i play pokemon, and giving me crap for it. lemme explain my situation a bit before i ask what i want to ask

im 18, im a senior in american high school, and i have already been accepted into my first choice of college (which is nationally ranked), and i will be attending it next year. ive never struggled academically but i would be lying if i said that i busted my ass in school. all ive ever had to do was cruise along and do my work, which leaves me with a lot of free time. the thing is, im not the most social person irl, so most of that time is spent at home doing whatever. i have friends, and i do stuff outside of school, but im not the kid that goes out every friday night to do stuff or whatever. anyways, like i said i have a lot of free time. most of that time is spent on here, whether it be smogon or ps (screw irc).

i picked up mons a little less than two years ago after a friend reintroduced it to me (i had played the games religiously as a kid), and ive been hooked ever since. i enjoy playing the game, and i enjoy spending time talking with people ive met here. the problem is, most of my free time is spent doing this, and my parents hate it. they think that im too old for this and should instead be focusing on going out with friends or school work, telling me that this isnt gonna get me anywhere in life and that i should be doing things that actually matter. ive tried to tell them that im not mr. social (which i have accepted since i was like in 6th grade, and i have also been spending most of my free time online since then as well), but they dont seem to really get it since they were the popular kids when they were in high school. its gotten to the point now where i will hole up in my room away from them because i dont want to have to deal with them harassing me about playing a childs game. ive already tried to tell them that i dont even play this 24/7, and that i dont even send 100% of my time on smogon (i idle on ps all the time but in between spurts of activity ill catch up on a show or play a game or something (not always mons btw)), but they dont seem to listen. i still do my homework and keep my grades up, so im not concerned about this affecting stuff like that, but it seems like every time i try to tell my parents that i do do my homework theyll bring up how i have ps open in another tab or something. its starting to get to the point where im really looking forward to leaving the house for college because ill be away from my parents and have the chance to stand on my own two feet for once w/o them breathing down my neck. at that time ill probably step away from smogon for a bit too since im planning on having the full college experience since im not a fan of hs and in general i see it as a waste of time (i literally do nothing in half my classes and the other half is just needless busywork that takes no brainpower to do). im really looking forward to college, but i still have 2 months of school + 2 months of summer left, the latter of which i will be working.

--

i dont want this to come across as me hating my parents and playing the victim, because that not really the point, and its not the truth either. i said what i said above to give some background so as to help explain my situation a bit. what i want to ask is if there are any other people here who are in similar situations, and if so, how do you handle it? do you try to explain your reasoning for being on here to your parents? or do you go about it differently? im open to anything, and i dont mind people who dont deal with this responding, but for the love of god, keep your fucking memes out of this thread. thanks.

Simple solution here. Steal mom's money from her purse, take dad's car, purchase some crack cocaine, come home, and smoke the crack cocaine in front of them. Since they already are convinced you are ruining your life, might as well.

 

[Stratos]

funny, my parents hated that i played when i was in 8th-9th grade and I had the time and could afford to play, since my activities didn't matter. they thought i would damage my future. now that i'm in college shaping my future and have something to lose, they don't mind at all that i play.


c'est la vie. we all could probably find better things to do with our time

yeh this is basically same story for me lol

also my mom is still convinced that smogoners are 'not real people' even tho i met up with a bunch of them at worlds, my dad has come around though

 

[Bad Ass]

from someone who has spend an embarrassing amount of his life on what amounts to a cockfighting roleplaying game, my view on this is something you probably don't wanna hear:

you should probably stop playing as much. my general philosophy is to do what you enjoy as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else, and grinding away at the 'mons certainly fulfills both of those criteria. however, what it generally doesn't is that you aren't actively bettering yourself. i do not mean that in a traditional sense. bettering yourself is not synonymous with poring over notes and textbooks for a quarter of your waking hours, is not synonymous with taking officer positions in school clubs, is not synonymous with joining a sports team or making yourself work out or any of the other thousand things you're told will make you more successful. what it IS synonymous is getting out there and experiencing some raw life.

count your favorite experiences on your hands; how many of them were brought on by an evening in level grinding in skyrim? how many were nights idling on IRC for endless hours? and how many were just doing some fun, stupid shit with your friends?

there is time for everything, my friends. i wouldn't trade the time #nowhere role-played WW2 generals for anything, nor the shitstorm of magcargo that we brought upon the UU subforum years ago, or geoff the hot dog, or relentlessly teasing eo about his love life. playing the game itself has given me more joy than a long, long list of things. MAKE time for all this stuff, because your enjoyment is important. but dammit, life's not all about staying inside and slinging monsters at each other. develop another cool hobby, find some period of literature/music/movies/poetry that gets your jimmies rustled and just dive in. you only get to experience this young confused whirlwind of new experience once (a cliché, but clichés are truisms and all truisms are true), so do it!!

tell ur parents to fuck off and that you're old enough to make your own decisions, but consider them more (for your own sake rather than anyone else's :])

 

[lost-link]

my parents aren't really pokemon fans since when i got into year 2 and became a huge fan. my parents where ok with the anime but the games where their major problem (when i was a kid i put over 100 hours on pearl) they seemed to like the card game, until i got into the competitive game (early 2013 (plasma sets) my step-dad would even tell me that he outright hates pokemon. the only thing he enjoys about it are the jumbo cards and when i am playing and trading with my brother. he wants us to be outside and tries to restrict my time on showdown. but in the end, the game is a passion for me and why i became who i am, without pokemon i wouldn't be watching anime

 

[Lord Ninjax]

Cool thread with very true content:

Where to begin? I'm 16 and going into my final IGCSE exams this year (they start 19 days from now), however I'm much less worried about them than one might expect: Mainly because I know I'm smart, I know the content, and I did seriously well in the mock exams (Still intending to improve on those scores). Even so, I've cut down a ton on my mons time (aside from midnight Tours and whatnot but even then I'll put some of the time before/between battles to flip though Biology/Spanish/Other stuff that I don't do as well at)(most of said mons time was just really pulling open a notepad, building a couple of teams, then doing a few testbattles on STours/PO), to spend more time studying and mentally prepping for what lies ahead.

My parents and mons: Hm, I guess I'll start this by saying that unlike what they think, I do have a life beyond Pokemon (and even video games in general: I used to kill days on Minecraft like you wouldn't believe). I get good grades, particularly in Math, Physics, Chemistry and History: in fact, since last year have developed a real fascination with 19th-20th century military history (Napoleon Wars/American Civil War/World War 2 in particular: I even write essays on non History curriculum topics for fun). Beyond that I play Basketball/Cricket with friends, can skateboard pretty decently, play piano at a very high level, play a decent game of chess, read lots of fantasy/sci-fi (and write my own stuff too! It's pretty bad though :( ), and make functioning circuits using components my aunt brings from the US (it's kinda cut off recently cause a month or so ago I blew out my soldering iron.....RIP).

Even seeing all of that (all of which is a lot more part - time than I put across barring school/sports/piano), my parents still think I am way too obsessed with this game. I see their point of view: that everything else fosters skills and practice while this is just games for the heck of it, but really, it is rough. It's actually gotten to the point where they lock the house computers to keep me and my brother from playing games non-stop (and the only reason I can play is cause I have more cunning then them). I still love them though and I still try to do what they want and make something of myself and my life. I agree with a lot of the stuff above as well: love this game but don't get obsessed by it, there's way more stuff in life than mons