THE BEST FUCKING UBER TEAM EVER Introduction Alright, you know me and I got a top class Uber's RMT for y'all. What? You don't know me? WELL YOU FUCKING DO NOW. That's goddamn right. We are skipping the bullshit. I'm here to show you how fucking MEN play Ubers. Don't listen to those scrubs telling you to use Ho-Oh or Chansey or Darkrai. If you want to play Ubers, you got to play HARD. You got to want to play DIRTY. You need to be packing the GODDAMN STRONGEST POKEMON YOU CAN FIND. If you think this is going to be some cute stall team then you better pack your bags and get out of my office. This is straight up, ass-kicking offense. So read on, young grasshopper, and let me show you the ways of the best goddamn tier in the game. THE FUCKING TEAM Kyogre @ Choice Specs Trait: Drizzle EVs: 4 HP / 252 SAtk / 252 Spd Modest Nature - Water Spout - Hydro Pump - Ice Beam - Thunder Choice Scarf Kyogre is for high school freshmen who walk in on 4/20 pretending to be high because they’re too pussy to actually smoke pot. And don’t even bother with Leftovers. If you want a MANLY POKEMON that is going to put fucking hair on your chest, then you need CHOICE SPECS MODEST KYOGRE. This mothafucka doesn’t give a single fuck about anything. He smacks bitches like Blissey, Chansey and Ferrothorn around like they were fucking their boyfriends for free. Nobody gets in on pimpdaddy Kyogre’s hoes for free. Kyogre is so loaded he is making it rain, which his homies like Forretress love. Kyogre doesn’t take shit slow, he does everything fast and hard. If you try to stall him out he’s gonna fucking bust a Create-A-Pokemon in your ass. Probably Colossoil, his whale homie and basketball teammate. Yeah, Kyogre smashes through just about every thing in Ubers. Except Grassceus. Grassceus sucks. Forretress @ Leftovers Trait: Sturdy EVs: 252 HP / 252 SDef Calm Nature - Stealth Rock - Spikes - Rapid Spin - Toxic Alright, Kyogre may be the best Arceus-damn thing since sliced bread, but he just doesn’t go walking around the streets alone. He has his posse following around everywhere, ready to beat the shit out of whatever thug tries to get in his way. Forretress sets up all of Kyogre’s deals and makes sure his bitches get out there safely. Ubers is a tough place to live, but Forretress has got everyone scoped out. Ho-Oh? Stealth Rock, ya fucking turkey. Zekrom? Spike your damn tires. Giratina-o? I got a Toxic for you. But as soon as the heat comes out, its time for Kyogre to step right back in and show them who is the boss. Kyurem-White @ Life Orb Trait: Turboblaze EVs: 6 HP / 252 SAtk / 252 Spd Timid Nature - Roost - Focus Blast - Draco Meteor - Ice Beam FREEZE FUCKING ALL. Kyurem-w doesn’t care if you’re Lugia, if you’re Groudon, or if you’re that punkass Grassceus, he’ll Ice Beam your ass back to the Ice Age. If that bitch Heatran or Steelceus tries to stop him, he has a Focus Blast ready to anally invade them with. But its dat Draco Meteor. DAT DRACO METEOR. Makes my dick hard just thinking about it. Let me put it this way: you come in on Draco Meteor, you’re done. And not only you. Your wife, your mother, your kids, your uncle who you never talk to: all done. And when Kyurem-w needs a pick-me-up, he just Roosts like that Life Orb recoil never happened. Kyogre may be the toughest bloke around, but Kyurem-w is right behind him. Arceus-Ghost @ Spooky Plate Trait: Multitype EVs: 4 HP / 252 SAtk / 252 Spd Timid Nature - Recover - Calm Mind - Focus Blast - Judgment Forretress may have to entire tier down, but one thing he can’t stand are those damn Rapid Spinners. But if they think they can step in on Kyogre’s crew, they better think again. Ghostceus comes right in like a motherfucking phantom and stops their ass COLD. And then he practices yoga or some other shit and gets his game on. Focus Blast and Judgment hit every punk for neutral damage. Recover makes sure Ghostceus feels Himself-damn fit as a fiddle. Except Toxic. He hates that shit. And Whirlwind. And Dragon Tail. And some other shit. But in the end, Ghostceus is like Furai’s cock: an absolute beast who will fuck you goddamn senseless if you get it going. Palkia @ Choice Scarf Trait: Pressure EVs: 4 HP / 252 SAtk / 252 Spd Timid Nature - Spacial Rend - Hydro Pump - Thunder - Fire Blast There are a lot of posers out there trying to play themselves off as the real deal, but those punkass Kyogre get sorted out by this big guy right here. He is the top tier Kyogre counter and revenge killer. He makes sure that bitch Mewtwo does come out and steamroll the entire damn team. Now this guy wasn’t raised on the coast, so he ain’t got any surfin’ skills. But he’s got a motherfucking Hydro Pump that can knock any fool off their feet. Fire Blast fries Groudon if he tries to step in on Kyogre’s turf. Lugia @ Leftovers Trait: Multiscale EVs: 4 Def / 252 SAtk / 252 Spd Modest Nature - Aeroblast - Earth Power - Roost - Calm Mind Like I wouldn’t use my favorite damn Pokemon. As I said, Kyogre ain’t about that stall bullshit. He wants shit done FAST. And fucking offensive Lugia does shit fast. Unlike his bro Ghostceus, Lugia can’t just come in and start hitting bitches. He needs some zen time, some time to get his shit straight. But once its all set up, he goes insane. You can’t even see this fucker move. He’ll come right up to your Rayquaza and Aeroblast his face in. And Dialga? Taste that delicious Earth Power. Roost makes sure that he can keep his sick threads in shape so he can take Ice Beams all damn day. He doesn’t like playing his hand early, though. When everyone else has had their share, Lugia comes in and CLEANS. THE. FUCK. UP. CONCLUSION I hoped you liked my team. And by hope I mean I know you did. Even if you fucking hated it you fucking love to hate. Rate, Copy, Enjoy. PEACE OUT.