General Dissatisfaction with my Current Life

[BenTheDemon]

Perhaps this doesn't merit its own thread, but I don't like writing TL;DR posts, so instead, I'll just post a song I wrote recently after a brief explanation.
I'm not sure what I feel. I work five days a week, and while working, my mind is usually too occupied to really focus on my life. I have recently given up on a girl whom I have feeling for after being hard rejected, and perhaps having no one to adore anymore left a void inside of me.
Also, since most of my friends also work and have their own lives, I really don't have anyone I can rely on at any given moment. I've never fit in too well with my biological family, and one of my adopted families is in a bit of turmoil (a close-knit Facebook group of guitar players).
I've called out for help on Facebook before, and I usually get quite a few comments, but no significant help, and at this point, I seem to just be living in cycles of being completely depressed, not giving a shit about anything, and repeat. Nothing just gives me that burst of euphoria I used to feel when I was young.
Perhaps it's my age. I'm 22 and have no more ages to look forward to. Just a straight shot to death from here.
Pardon me if I'm being incoherent, but I'm just typing as I think, which can come off as rambly. So I'll just post some lyrics I wrote that describe my current mood.


DEVOID

I cannot feel the sadness.
I can only feel the rage.
Into my life, I'll fill the void.
Insert the missing page.

I cannot feel the sadness.
I can only feel the fear.
I try to reason with these thoughts.
The answer's not so clear.

I cannot cry the te-ars.
I can only punch the wall.
If I can't release my blind rage,
Then will it be my fall?

Why can't I have it?
Why can't it be?
Is it even real, or is it just me?

-tempo change to 200 BPM-

Devoid of emotion!
Devoid of devotion!
Devoid of any feelings to destroy!

Devoid of attention!
Lacking comprehension!
Now you will know the pain I can deploy!

-tempo change to 100 BPM-

Why can't I have it?
Why can't it be?
Is it even real, or is it just me?

I cannot feel the sadness.
I can only feel the pain.
Here I stand, a broken man.
Yet it taunts me once again.

-tempo change to 200 BPM-

Devoid of emotion!
Devoid of devotion!
Devoid of any feelings to destroy!

Devoid of attention!
Lacking comprehension!
Now you will know the pain I can deploy!

So suck me, fuck me, use me, abuse me, take me, hate me, shape me, rape me, cut me, gut me!
You know I want it all!

-solo-

So suck me, fuck me, use me, abuse me, take me, hate me, shape me, rape me, cut me, gut me!
You know I want it all!

-tempo change to 100 BPM-

I cannot feel the sadness.
I can only feel the rage.
I hear you there, why won't you leave?
I want to turn the page.

Can you feel it?!

Why can't I have it ?
Why can't it be?
Is it even real, or is it just me?

Why can't I have it?
Why can't it be?
Is it even real, or is it just me?

-tempo change to 200 BPM-

Devoid of emotion!
Devoid of devotion!
Devoid of any feelings to destroy!

Devoid of attention!
Lacking comprehension!
Now you will know the pain I can deploy!
I can deploy!
I can deploy!

I am working on music for these lyrics, but so far, it's just one riff.

 

[Ash Borer]

You have no purpose Ben, and you're falling into the trap of nihilism. Life is not about about "bursts of euphoria", that is just not sustainable. There is no way to prove that one can create their own meaning or value in life, but it's also clear that there are people that have. You ask someone with true passion for life, someone who works or trains endless hours because they want to. The mountaineer, the surgeon, the writer, the scientist. You ask them why they do what they do, and they can only respond with reasons that are hard to grab on to. "I want to help people", "I climb it because its there", "It makes me feel alive", "It makes me so happy to see someone enjoy what I made." These are the kind of people that live the life you want, the people that work for those feelings of fulfillment, purpose, meaning, permanence. So find your own way to live like that.

 

[Myzozoa]

 

[tml]

Study the bible

 

[aki0s]

Take a break from the internet for awhile and get off social media. Go do some things in real life: go get a coffee at a cafe and just watch people walk by; or go watch the waves at the beach, etc.
You'll feel better, trust me.

I like your song, keep writing them.

 

[Stallion]

I know the feeling, not to anywhere near the extent of what you're going through (I give zero shits about getting turned down by girls for example, there's literally millions out there) but recently I've felt like I'm in a rut.

Friends of mine turn to alcohol, drugs and whatnot when feeling like that, but that's only a temporary high and you'll often be feeling much worse than before afterwards.

Read this article https://www.google.com.au/amp/www.guruhabits.com/natural-highs/amp/?client=ms-android-telstra-au I know it's a little general, but if you apply the ones that are relevant to your own life, it actually starts making a huge difference.

 

[ant]

Hey Ben! I know everyone says this, but one girl is not the end of the world and I'm pretty sure you'll find another girl sometime soon. Even if you don't find one after it's been a long time, don't be sad. there's one person you'll always have left to adore and that's yourself. as cheesy as it sounds, our main goal in life is not to find a significant other, but to succeed in life. and the way to succeed in life is doing what you love the most and to be happy. perhaps you're not happy with your current job? on the other hand, your friend and family will always be there if you need them, you just need to be sincere and be the one to reach out to them, sometimes people aren't aware of what's going on with their beloved ones, but not on purpose, life just gets us busy. you said you have no more years to look forward to, but that's not true. you have an entire life yet to live, something that lots of people have lost the privilege of, whether because they're getting old or an untreatable disease or whatever it is. so please, enjoy your life and make the best out of it. maybe consider therapy as well?