Serious I'm terrified of growing old

[aVocado]

This is probably a very similar thread to Theorymon's, but I still wanted to make it anyway.

I was on the bus today, going back from school, when I saw an old man in the street with what seems to be a slightly heavy-looking bag that the old man was a bit struggling to carry and walk with at the same time. And he was old, 70s-80s kind of old. In that same instance I also saw a middle-aged man that looked like a businessman trying to cross the street. I realized at that minute, I'm fucking terrified of growing old. I feel like I want to do so much with my life, from having great ambitions to going for as far as discovering a new cure to diseases or discover something big via research (i'll be explaining on these in a minute), to travelling the world on my own, with light luggage.

I just graduated high school 3 months ago, and I am now in Dublin doing a "foundation year" that all international students have to take in order to get into a university in Ireland. I'm originally from Kuwait which is in the middle east and as you probably know already, the middle east is a very close-minded environment with a very small minority that's open minded, and I consider myself part of the small minority, along with my two brothers who I have also discovered to be as open-minded as I am, going as far as to say that I'm suspecting one of them to actually be gay which, in traditional Islam laws (shariya), you would be killed/burned for.

I'm going to major in Genetics. Around a year or two ago, I started noticing that Biology is my favourite subject so I naturally wanted to major in something related to that, and I got the chance to study Genetics slightly in my last year of highschool and I really loved it so I'm majoring in it. Genetics is a fairly new field of science, only being about 20 years old. Genes have been touched on before of course (see: Mendelian Inheritance), but humans never actually got to understand them well (or discover new things about them) until recently. Naturally, majoring in something that's heavily linked to Biology would mean lots of research. As I previously stated, I am willing to do lots of research, and I plan on eventually getting a PhD, but I still don't know what I want to "specialize" in. I have no idea whether my research would lead me to new things however, although for now I consider it a dream of mine to actually do that, and I'll try my best to achieve it.

Of course, I got a lot of weird looks from both family members (including my parents) and my general classmates (even some of my best friends) when I actually told I'll be majoring in Genetics, while everyone else was either majoring in medicine or engineering seeing as how oil is a pretty fucking god business in Kuwait. My dad went as far as telling me that Genetics are bad and that I should do either business or engineering, seeing as my grades weren't high enough for me to get into Medicine. This is mostly because Kuwait's people are close-minded and they don't exactly know how good the Genetics major actually is, or the discoveries that they could lead to (me personally, I believe Genetics are literally the key to a better future, but that's a story for another time) which could immensely help the human race. The society is also close-minded in general thanks to multiple things such as religion, customs and traditions (which are basically limits set by the society, like no close contact between males and females etc), and limits set by the government itself. I, on the other hand, have abandoned my religion a while ago and don't consider myself part of it anymore, I consider myself an atheist, and I've since freed myself of these limits set by the society/government. However, I do think things are getting better, and I do believe that Kuwait will get a lot better as the generations go on, putting all of the political problems (which are fucking huge right now to the point where i'd consider it a "cold civil war" lol) aside.

What I fear is that I won't be present for these changes that I wish to occur. Despite me hating my country right now, I'm still loyal and I feel like I'm 'linked' to it, and naturally I'd want the best for it and I'm afraid that I won't be there when it changes for the better. I'm also afraid of growing old and dying before say, humans land on mars. This is probably a ridiculous thing to say but I want to live to see all scientific advances and breaking discoveries, and to see my society open up a little and accept that we shouldn't be living under the shade of a book that's literally ~1500 years old, and did nothing in the modern age except for starting wars and problems.

That isn't counting the things I personally want to achieve; as I said I want to be part of those breaking discoveries that I wish to not miss, I also want to travel the world, learn how to play a violin etc. Basically I want to make the most of my life before it's too late, and I feel like too late is going to happen too soon.

I don't think I'm afraid of death itself; I accept the fact that everyone has to die eventually, it's just the idea of growing old that's terrifying me.

I just needed a place to share this, thanks for reading.

 

[Gale Wing Srock]

The sad thing about life...

You need to give some to get some...
That is why we need as many good friends as we can have. Because as we grow old they would grow old too and we could still have fun together.

as for missing your regular schedule, when you start living alone in a new place with few friends you get that feeling... you will get over it... just find some babes to go out in the evenings with and you will be all set ;)

Cheers buddy! Life is small so live large!

 

[Cresselia~~]

I apparently would prefer to die early than to get to be 60 years old.
The idea of struggling to care for myself is very scary to me.

 

[WaterBomb]

I apparently would prefer to die early than to get to be 60 years old.
The idea of struggling to care for myself is very scary to me.

This is why keeping your family and friends close to you is so essential. If you love and care for those around you while you are young, the generation behind you will be more inclined to love and care for you when you need it. Sure it's a big hit to our pride when we can no longer fend for ourselves, but if we have lots of people around us that we care about it makes those years far easier and more enjoyable.

I'm personally not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to telling stories to my children and grandchildren and leaving a legacy behind me. When I'm old (and that is inevitable), I want people to look up to me and respect me and, above all, heed my lessons and advice. I want to leave an impact on the lives I touch, whether I am 30 or 90.

As for the OP, you still have plenty of time to follow your ambitions. I'm 30 now and just entering the prime of my life, and every day brings me great joy because I've built such a wonderful web of influence. Never make the mistake of spending all your time looking ahead, because you literally will miss what is in front of you.

 

[Bughouse]

Just gonna leave this here because it's relevant to the discussion and because I found the article interesting:
http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/09/why-i-hope-to-die-at-75/379329/

Before anyone attacks me for sharing it, I don't agree with a lot of what Emanuel has to say, and I mean that in a general sense. I've talked to him before and tbh he's kind of a dick.

 

[His Eminence Lord Poppington II]

i'm terrified of staying young

 

[blarajan]

i'm terrified of growing old alone or worse with someone my mom tries to arrange

 

[Lee]

Only addressing a tiny part of your concerns here (also aimed at jynx) but I think with the advancements in healthcare and our better understanding of human physiology, 'old age' isn't such a terrifying prospect provided you've took good care of yourself in the years leading up to it. There's a 91 year old who regularly turns up for sessions at my running club and I actually lost a race to a 60+ year old not too long ago. There's also a fella in these parts who celebrated his 70th birthday by running up 70 mountains in one day; he turns 80 next year and is planning a similar stunt. On the other side of the coin, I know 60 year olds who are practically confined to their arm-chairs.

My point is the decisions you make right now will directly influence your quality of life in later years so if you're worried about the physical side of old age, start being proactive now! Don't just sit around stressing over it. I find it not only disrespectful, but also incredibly unambitious, to just assume that life ends at 60.

 

[Cresselia~~]

This is why keeping your family and friends close to you is so essential. If you love and care for those around you while you are young, the generation behind you will be more inclined to love and care for you when you need it. Sure it's a big hit to our pride when we can no longer fend for ourselves, but if we have lots of people around us that we care about it makes those years far easier and more enjoyable.

I'm personally not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to telling stories to my children and grandchildren and leaving a legacy behind me. When I'm old (and that is inevitable), I want people to look up to me and respect me and, above all, heed my lessons and advice. I want to leave an impact on the lives I touch, whether I am 30 or 90.

As for the OP, you still have plenty of time to follow your ambitions. I'm 30 now and just entering the prime of my life, and every day brings me great joy because I've built such a wonderful web of influence. Never make the mistake of spending all your time looking ahead, because you literally will miss what is in front of you.

But what if you have abusive parents, as well as a long list of inherited diseases and disorders?
And that both you and your lover/ spouse are handicapped, that you probably don't have the ability to raise children?

I personally think it's cruel to give birth of a child under those conditions.
And I'm not the sort of person who would want to leave the abusive parent without any punishment.

Oh well, maybe all these are just too far away from you, that you haven't thought about it before.

 

[WaterBomb]

But what if you have abusive parents, as well as a long list of inherited diseases and disorders?
And that both you and your lover/ spouse are handicapped, that you probably don't have the ability to raise children?

I personally think it's cruel to give birth of a child under those conditions.
And I'm not the sort of person who would want to leave the abusive parent without any punishment.

Oh well, maybe all these are just too far away from you, that you haven't thought about it before.

I understand your point, but I'm a little irked by your implication in the final sentence. When I posted my feelings, I meant them to apply to most situations. Obviously there are always going to be exceptions, but I stand by my sentiment that, if at all possible, you should attempt to remain close with your family throughout your life. I don't think it's fair for you to take an extreme outlier like your example and use it to try to discredit my entire post.

 

[Cresselia~~]

I understand your point, but I'm a little irked by your implication in the final sentence. When I posted my feelings, I meant them to apply to most situations. Obviously there are always going to be exceptions, but I stand by my sentiment that, if at all possible, you should attempt to remain close with your family throughout your life. I don't think it's fair for you to take an extreme outlier like your example and use it to try to discredit my entire post.

I'm sorry that you thought I was discrediting your post.

In reality, I'm asking you what people with situations like me, should do.

 

[Shinryu]

I don't think I'm so much afraid of getting old as I am for what is beyond it (death). But life is what you make of it, people born in shitty circumstances can rise above it to be successful, and people born into wealth can just as easily lose it all.

 

[SlottedPig]

You can't control where you're born, nor can you control what family you're born to. Some parts of the world are pretty fucked up, but that's certainly not your fault and you shouldn't feel that issues of Kuwait (or the rest of the Middle East) are your responsibility. I'm a second-generation Asian American. My parents are both extremely proud of their home country (Vietnam) and its people, but they hate the Communist government. I honestly don't see why they're so proud, as it was and still is a veritable shit-hole and many people of their generation are extremely racist, backwards-thinking towards women, or both.

Unless mankind discovers the secret to immortality or a cryogenic freezer, you're not going to see all scientific progress from now until the end of time, but you can rest assured that the society you live in when you grow old will be better than the one we live in now. Society will change, even if it passes you by. That's always been the case, and societal progress becomes faster with each generation -- blacks were pretty much treated as garbaje in the U.S. as recently as 1964, which really wasn't that long ago. I know it's pretty heavy handed to say "stop feeling loyal to the country you spent most of your life in" no matter how terrible the country in question is, but society won't fix itself overnight.

There's nothing wrong with being ambitious. From the looks of it, your family and friends who look down on your decision to major in Genetics think that institutions of higher learning serve no purpose other than to spit out graduates who make more money than they would have without degrees. This isn't to say they're close-minded, but they don't understand the point of learning for the sake of learning -- not necessarily just to make money or land a job in a lucrative business, but to learn about something you're passionate about, something that you think will further society.

On the topic more broadly: I'm only 16 years old, but I personally feel that I've let too much of life pass me by. I was an "intellectually gifted" child and skipped a grade in elementary school, but turned down the opportunity to go to a prestigious middle school (and later a similarly prestigious high school) on a regrettable basis and took much less intellectually stimulating / GPA boosting / academically impressive courses than I definitely could have because I'd much rather play video games. I'm almost certainly not going to get into the college of my dreams next year, and I've probably squandered any potential I have.

Lastly, this clip focuses a bit more on death than old age, but the two go hand in hand. I think everyone could use a bit more Community in their lives.

 

[horyzhnz]

Pretty much in the same boat as SP, I definitely peaked around primary school, topping the grade consecutively in 5th and 6th, receiving principal's awards, various recommendations, etc. I feel like that was probably the most fulfilling part of my life so far, and I'd give anything to relive those years. Right now I've recently graduated from high school, and about to take my equivalent of university entrance exams, but when I look back, I see so many things I've wasted, all the tests I could've done better on and significantly improved my chances of getting to my desired college, all the squandered events and activities I could have taken part in, and so on, and the only really fulfilling year of high school I've had was probably my last one. But honestly, I don't really care right now; I'm just glad that I made an effort in the last year at least. In my opinion, worrying about something that might happen in the future and internalizing some complicated issue is just pointless; you're just going to make what time you have on this earth less enjoyable by spending time and losing sleep worrying about it. Like many people above me, I'd say just do you can do make old life easier for yourself. If the idea of being physically handicapped sounds terrible, start exercising, if the idea of dying alone sounds terrible, get out there and make some friends, etc. The only things I'd feel afraid of really, are the uncontrollable factors which determine ones life, the ones where the decision isn't in your hands. My family has a history of heart disease, and the thought of having my lifespan cut short abruptly frankly petrifies me, but until then, I'm probably just going to keep living as if I didn't have it. And about the issue of fearing that you won't be alive by the time something ground-breaking comes along: I'd imagine that falls under the category of an uncontrollable event, unless of course, you're willing to make that happen yourself. I understand my perspective on this may be somewhat carefree / optimistic, but I'd rather live life looking forward at what I can see rather than trying and possibly failing to see something far off in the horizon. just muh 2 cents

 

[Jaret]

I am not terrified of growing old, in fact i embrace oldness and the goods that, apparently, come with it (such as knowledge and wisdom, common traits we give an old man) and me being an introvert and generally trying to adopt a realistic and scientific understanding of the world, growing old comes as nothing special. In fact, I am just about 18 years old and already have a (kinda) full beard, just because I love how it looks on men and makes them appear older. Others criticize me for it, but whatever, it's all just looks anyways - we'll all become physically less pretty for the lack of a better but nicer word.
What I do fear though is the nature of us humans to change our viewpoint on the world, and all this embrace of oldness in my youth will lead to me regretting not spending my young days as a young lad should. Thinking about it now actually it is more terrifying than anything. I know how regret feels, and losing something as crucial as time might just be the ultimate loss one can feel. I always found elderly and childhood to be the two honest extremes - nothing is as striking to me as a child's (innocent) and elder's (wise) smile - everything in between truly is kind of shallow in comparison.
I never liked romanticism and sweet talk as i feel they're kinda redundant and, albeit very beautiful, very empty on the inside, so I turned towards purely scientific understandings of the world. I can already see how that's biting me in the ass even now, since I feel like romanticism and sweet talk is something we inherit as humans - we are not robots, but living and feeling organisms. Figures with such an attitude bonding with a special one comes as a hard task... Yes, i am still young but my approach towards love isn't something... ideal. Whatever.
Wow, this became depressing. All i wanted to say is this: You know the feeling of having an exam, be it written or spoken, coming up? The wait is worse than the exam. Even if you fail the exam or barely pass it, i feel like the suspense of not knowing what grade you'll get is worse than the grade itself. It truly is, for me at least.

 

[Lord Alphose]

I realize I'm necro-bumping this to some extent, but it's kind of the most incredible thing I've ever seen.

I think I understand what you mean, because it's that feeling that dictates my actions most of the time.

Recently, I was supposed to go and serve a mission for my church, something that would take me away from my friends, my family, my education, Smogon, and everything for two years. Before I left, I was constantly telling people that I would be dead for two years, as a humorous way to hide my deeper feelings, an outlet many constantly use. People kept telling me, "no, you're not dying. You're giving yourself for something greater, something better." But that didn't help at all. I worried and worried, worried to the point where I became sick. I was constantly distressed, throwing up, never slept, constantly fainting; I couldn't function in the slightest. Of those two years that I was supposed to be gone, I made it a month. When I came back, my friends immediately started telling me all the things I had missed. I was gone for a month and it was like the sky had fallen down. She did this, he did that, holy shit look at all that you missed. It was then that I realized really who and what I really am.

Originally, I thought I was afraid of growing old and dying, similar to what you're saying. But my perspective on it changed. I'm afraid of not seeing it. I'm afraid of missing life. I've spent my entire life sheltered by a religion that I don't believe in, following rules that are pointless, only to realize that it's been keeping me from living and experiencing life. I'm afraid that I'll continue like that, not feeling what I want to feel, seeing what I want to see, doing what I want to do.

Yet, I can't go back and change it and I know that I still have a limited amount of time in my life. When I say it is this feeling, this fear, "that dictates my actions most of the time," I truly mean it. You can tell, I want everything, I want to experience it all. I'm hungry to get more badges, to get authority, to become great. Since I returned, I dropped 20 seconds off of my already-fast mile time in an attempt to get onto a team at college, I practice piano three hours a day in preparation for competition, I'm going to college soon, I got a motorcycle license, I'm doing everything I can. I'm afraid that I'll miss something, so I must taste everything.

I came across the quote, "When you spend time doing anything but chasing your dreams, you are committing spiritual suicide."

I guess what I'm trying to say is, life is too short. And you're going to miss things. That is...it's something we can't avoid. But, there are things you will be able to see. Some things you will be able to do. Food to taste, sounds to hear, life to live. Find those things. Don't be so caught up in the things that you aren't able to experience that you miss out on the things you can. Chase the dreams that you can. Don't worry about the ones that you can't.

 

[Disaster Area]

I'm very comfortable with the thought of growing old.. and it'll be a hell of a journey getting there.
But I still feel that being young you should really make the most of it o_o

also my opinion about how important genetics is in terms of future discoveries.. I think with respect to human and animal biology, maybe, but if you're refering to genetically engineering food I'm pretty sure I could find web links to explain to you how fucked up the world is when it comes to that and how we have enough food to feed the planet and genetic engineering is doing more harm than good and such.. o_O

 

[aVocado]

Piexplode of course I don't mean genetically engineered food lol. I mean the medical side of human genetics and how (genetic) diseases could be cured etc.

 

[Disaster Area]

Thank goodness you mean that lol

and even then it's only stuff where it's like cystic fibrosis and that sorta thing where I think it's possible and nessecary. A lot of our genetic diseases to an extent are a result of what chemicals we put in our bodies o_o obviously that effect is one over a longer time period. No-one denies smoking affects you whilt pregnant, what about eating food with pesticides, neocotinoids, agent orange, friends, friends, and a mysterious group of friends o_O

Glad you have a good cause at heart and it's one where the approach you'd be trying to take is probably the best one (in today's society though I think we often forget prevention>cure.. and big pharma etc.'s bad science but that's another story I've probably already gone too far into o_o)

 

[Grizzly Adams]

I know this is an old thread but I was scrolling through and found this. Weirdly enough, lately I've been thinking about my life as I get older. I'm 19 currently and it's weird to think that I can possibly be married in the next 5-10 years along with possibly starting a family and having a job for the next 50 years or so. Just the whole concept of maturing and not being able to do the things I use to that just freaks me out. Also considering the fact that it will lead to my eventual death and "after life" that freaks me out too. I don't like the idea that I will be in one place for the rest of eternity.