S-PDRwiPJaSTtgtI of Vendeur Brand Purses: This Time, it's Purse-onal

The Wanderer · Apr 10, 2016

FMD:
OXOAOA

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Round 5: THEY COME NOT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE

*MEANWHILE, INSIDE THE GIANT FLYING HEAD...*

So I've been meaning to ask...how the hell did we get here in the first place? And why are we dropping salesmen? Isn't this kind of...illegal?

What, you think you're paid to ask questions?

*The scenery rattles as one of the salesmen, catapulted by the chief, slams into the windshield.*

Well think about it - these guys have been a pain in the ass every year for almost-

Just get back to piloting the head, head pilot!

Alright, alright...ya jackass...

Order: Haxorus, Gardevoir, Dragalge, Slowbro

Pre-round
Natsu was hurt by Stealth Rock! (-12 HP)
Lucy was hurt by Stealth Rock! (-12 HP)
Numbers:
-Haxorus: -12 HP
-Gardevoir: -12 HP

Action 1
Natsu used Endeavor! (Target: Dragalge)
-Damage: (100 - 33) / 2 = 33.5 Damage!!
-Energy cost: 6 + (33.5 / 1.5) = 28.33 EN
-Ability chance (Toxic <= 3000): 1870 = EEEEEEEEEEEYUP.
Natsu was badly poisoned!
Lucy used Psyshock! (Target: Dragalge)
-Crit chance: 4623 = NOPE.
-Damage: (8 + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 21 damage!
Dragalge used Sludge Bomb! (Target: Gardevoir)
-Crit chance: 6086 = NOPE.
-Damage: (9 + 3 + 2 + 7.5 - 6) * 1.5 = 23.25 damage!
-Effect chance (Toxic <= 3000): 4838 = NOPE.
Slowbro used Ice Beam! (Target: Haxorus)
-Crit chance: 8209 = NOEP.
-Damage: (9 + 9 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 20.25 damage!
-Effect chance (MAYBE freeze <= 1000): 9335 = NOPE.
Natsu was hurt by poison! (-1 HP)
Natsu was hurt by his life orb! (-2 HP)
Numbers:
-Dragalge: -54.5(Holy shit!) HP, -6 EN
-Slowbro: -7 EN
-Haxorus: -23.25(!) HP, -28.33 EN
-Gardevoir: -23.25(!) HP, -5 EN

Action 2
Natsu dug underground!
Lucy used Draining Kiss! (Target: Dragalge)
-Crit chance: 4631 = NOPE.
-Damage: 5 + 3 + 7.5 - 7.5 = 8 damage
-Absorption: 8 * .75 = 6 HP
-Ability chance (Toxic <= 3000): 6967 = NOPE.
Dragalge used Icy Wind!
Icy Wind, Hax-NO.
Icy Wind, Gardevoir:
-Hit chance (Hit <= 9500): 4164 = Hit
-Crit chance: 2203 = NOPE.
-Damage: (6 * .75) + 7.5 - 6 = 6 damage
Lucy's speed fell! (-1 Spe, 1r)
Slowbro used Ice B-NO.
Natsu used Dig! (Target: Dragalge)
-Crit chance: 9293 = NOPE.
-Damage: (8 + 9 + 3 - 4.5 - 2) * 1.5 = 20.25 damage!
Natsu was hurt by poison! (-1 HP)
Natsu was hurt by his life orb! (-2 HP)
Numbers:
-Dragalge: -26.25(!) HP, -5 EN
-Slowbro: -11 EN
-Haxorus: -3 HP, -12 EN
-Gardevoir: -6 EN

Action 3
Natsu used Dragon Claw! (Target: Dragalge)
-Crit chance: 7570 = NOPE.
-Damage: (8 + 3 + 3 + 9 - 4.5 - 2) * 1.5 = 24.75 damage!
Dragalge fainted!
Lucy used...uh...wait, am I reading that right? Use Torment only if Dragalge is still alive? Well, I guess she does a whole lot of nothing, then.
Slowbro used Ice Beam! (Target: Haxorus)
-Crit chance: 8512 = NOPE.
-Damage: (9 + 9 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 20.25 damage!
Natsu fainted!
Numbers:
-Dragalge: -19.25 HP
-Slowbro: -15 HP
-Haxorus: -6.75 HP, -5 EN
-Gardevoir: -5 EN

Final Numbers:
-Dragalge: -100 HP, -11 EN
-Slowbro: -33 EN
-Haxorus: -45 HP, -45 (45.33) EN
-Gardevoir: -35 (35.25) HP, -16 EN

FMD:
OXOXOA

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FMD:

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Gajeel will be sent out automatically. Zheng?

FMD · Apr 16, 2016

Apparently I'm the one that's supposed to send in right now? Sending in Necturna.

ZhengTann · Apr 17, 2016

"Hey, dude - I know a good place for curry and rice noodles! Best sizzling hot taste you'll ever get!"

<"Really?! Cool-">

"-But only if you promise not to go after Zheng. And that we'll spar once in a while."

Gajeel (Honchkrow w/ Scope Lens): Foul Play > Dark Pulse > Foul Play, all @ Witchhazel-Necturna
IF Gajeel-Honchkrow would be targeted with an Electric-type combo by Witchhazel-Necturna AND Gajeel-Honchkrow is slower, THEN replace that action with Fly @ Witchhazel-Necturna instead, pushing remaining queue back.
IF Gajeel-Honchkrow would be targeted with Pain Split by Witchhazel-Necturna, THEN replace that action with Protect (self) instead, pushing remaining queue back.
IF Witchhazel-Necturna is KO'ed, THEN replace that action with Dark Pulse @ Slowbro instead.

Lucy (Gardevoir w/ Mental Herb): Shadow Ball > Moonblast > Shadow Ball, all @ Witchhazel-Necturna
IF Witchhazel-Necturna would use Synthesis, THEN replace that action with Snatch @ Witchhazel-Necturna instead.
IF Witchhazel-Necturna would be the target of Heal Pulse by Slowbrow AND Slowbro is NOT under the effects of Taunt, THEN replace that action with Taunt @ Slowbro instead.
IF Witchhazel-Necturna is KO'ed, THEN replace that action with Thunderbolt @ Slowbro instead.

FMD · Apr 18, 2016

Necturna
Shadow Claw (Gardevoir) > Shadow Claw (Gardevoir) > Shadow Claw (Gardevoir)
If your HP is below 35 at the start of the round, use Shadow Sneak + Shadow Claw on Gardevoir.
If Gardevoir is fainted, use Thunder Fang (Honchrow).

Slowbro
Ice Beam (Honchkrow) > Ice Beam (Honchkrow) > Ice Beam (Honchkrow)
If Honchkrow is fainted, use Shadow Ball (Gardevoir).

"Well I guess he's not going t..."

"Did you know it's Valentine's Day tomorrow?"

"Better late than never."

The Wanderer · Apr 27, 2016

FMD:
OXAXOA

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Round 6: THEY...you know what? Fuck it.

What a mess...did I mention I hate Valentine's day?

It's a good thing they don't talk about anything except their wares to anyone...seriously, how did they even find this place?

Even if they did, we don't have to worry about that. This movie is so non-canon it hurts.

Except for the monk?

Except for the monk. Incidentally, has he been dealt with yet?

Unfortunately, the assassin we sent has yet to report. Should we check the tracker on his-

Speaking of which, we'll track your order so you'll know just how long it takes to reach you!

Hold that thought, Adonis. *BLAM*

Order: Necturna, Gardevoir, Honchkrow, Slowbro

Pre-round
Gajeel was hurt by Stealth Rock! (-15 HP)
Numbers:
-Honchkrow: -15 HP

Action 1
Witchhazel used Shadow Claw! (Target: Gardevoir)
-Crit chance (Crit <= 1250): 673 = EEEEEEEEEEEEYUP.
-Damage: (7 + 3 + 3 + 2 + 7.5 - 6) * 1.5 = 24.75 damage!
Lucy used Shadow Ball! (Target: Necturna)
-Crit chance: 2099 = NOPE.
-Damage: (8 + 7.5 - 6) * 1.5 = 14.25 damage
-Effect chance (-1 SpD <= 2000): 4923 = NOPE.
Gajeel used Foul Play! (Target: Necturna)
-Crit chance (Crit <= 5000): 3670 = EEEEEEEEYUP.
-Damage: (10 + 3 + 3 + 7.5 - 6) * 1.5 = 26.25 damage!
Slowbro used Ice Beam! (Target: Honchkrow)
-Crit chance: 2121 = NOPE.
-Damage: (9 + 9 - 3) * 1.5 = 22.5 damage!
-Effect chance (MAYBE freeze <= 1000): 8296 = NOPE.
Numbers:
-Necturna: -40.5(Holy shit!) HP, -4 EN
-Slowbro: -19 EN
-Gardevoir: -24.75(!) HP, -6 EN
-Honchkrow: -22.5(!) HP, -6 EN

Action 2
Witchhazel used Kamaitachi! (Target: Gardevoir)
-Crit chance (Crit <= 1250): 4681 = NOPE.
-Damage: (11 + 3 + 2 + 7.5 - 6) * 1.5 = 26.25 damage!
-Energy cost: ((9 + 4) * 1.5) - 1 = 18.5 EN
Lucy used Moonblast! (Target: Necturna)
-Crit chance: 2284 = NOPE.
-Damage: 10 + 3 + 7.5 - 6 = 14.5 damage
Witchhazel fainted!
Gajeel used Dark Pulse! (Target: Slowbro)
-Damage: (8 + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 21 damage!
-Effect chance (Flinch <= 2000): 4635 = NOPE.
Slowbro used Ice Beam! (Target: Honchkrow)
-Crit chance: 8117 = NOPE.
-Damage: (9 + 9 - 3) * 1.5 = 22.5 damage!
-Effect chance (MAYBE freeze <= 1000): 1036 = OHHHHHHHHHHH...
Numbers:
-Necturna: -11.5 HP, -18.5 EN
-Slowbro: -21(!) HP, -23 EN
-Gardevoir: -26.25(!) HP, -6 EN
-Honchkrow: -22.5(!) HP, -5 EN

Action 3
Lucy used Thunderbolt! (Target: Slowbro)
-Damage: (9 + 7.5 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 18 HP
Gajeel used Dark Pulse! (Target: Slowbro)
-Damage: (8 + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 21 damage!
-Effect chance (Flinch <= 2000): 6329 = NOPE.
Slowbro used Ice Beam! (Target: Honchkrow)
-Crit chance: 1188 = NOPE.
-Damage: (9 + 9 - 3) * 1.5 = 22.5 damage!
-Effect chance (MAYBE freeze <= 1000): 446 = Oh?
-Freeze chance (1 = NOPE; 2 = 1a; 3 = 2a): 3 = ...sorry, Zheng.
Gajeel was frozen! (2a)
Slowbro fainted from exhaustion!
Numbers:
-Slowbro: -39 HP, -25 EN
-Gardevoir: -7 EN
-Honchkrow: -22.5(!) HP, -9 EN

Final Numbers:
-Necturna: -52 HP, -23 (22.5) EN
-Slowbro: -60 HP, -67 EN
-Gardevoir: -51 HP, -19 EN
-Honchkrow: -83 (82.5) HP, -20 EN

FMD:
OXXXOX

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FMD:

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You're up, FMD. Orcina and Steelix will be sent out automatically, as they're your last mons.

FMD · Apr 28, 2016

Plasmanta
Parabolic Charge > Discharge > Parabolic Charge

Steelix
Rock Slide > Rock Slide > Rock Slide
If Endure, then Sandstorm.

ZhengTann · Apr 29, 2016

Okay I can rest in peace now.

"So how about it? You know you've got a goo!"

<"Deal.">

"Cool! Now let's go punt that big flying rock statue!"

<"Eeyup. I don't like it too.">

Gajeel (Honchkrow w/ Scope Lens): Heat Wave > Heat Wave > Heat Wave

Lucy (Gardevoir w/ Mental Herb): Endure > Psychic (Orcina-Plasmanta) > Psychic (Orcina-Plasmanta)

The Wanderer · May 5, 2016

FMD:
AXXXAX

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Round 7: THEY GO AT THE HANDS OF THE GREAT SAGE, EQUAL TO HEAVEN

*WHACK WHACK*

Uh, Foreman? I think we have a problem.

What? Another guy tossing salesmen at us?

No, a talking Infernape riding a cloud. With a stick, apparently.

***

I said stop dumping merchants, demon head! It's annoying!

*dumps more*

Not going to listen, eh? Maybe you'll change your tune when Old Monkey brains you!

***

Foreman, that stick's getting bigg-

*The scene immediately cuts to the big stone head getting pulverized by Wukong's staff, now fifty feet long and two feet in girth. Foreman and Noun-verber both scream as the big ugly head falls to the ground, crashing into a Crazy Lucy's Gay Porn Dungeon™.*

That'll learn ya. Now then, time to head back. Maybe the others found directions to the Western Heaven while I was away...

*And then Wukong flies off on his cloud, the narrator not having the heart to tell him that he and his fellow pilgrims missed India by so badly a margin that it would actually be faster to just keep going west at this point. Meanwhile, back on land...*

...so that's it? The day is saved by another ass pull?

Chief, the first time, they were defeated by J-pop. Of course it's gonna be another ass pull.

Yeah, but did we have to start ripping off of Dragonball?

I would ascertain you mean Journey to the West.

Never heard of it.

*facepalms*

Now that I think about it...where's Sabueso?

*Meanwhile, in the ruins of the giant stone head...*

Nnngh...El Sabueso...IS TOTALLY OKAY!

*The screen goes black, and ten minutes of credits roll. The credits proper are comprised of a dozen or so people that get listen within the first thirty seconds. The rest were Weena Mercator (as the hopping woman) and a long list of unrelated people ripped right out of the phonebook.*

Order: Plasmanta, Gardevoir, Honchkrow, Steelix

Action 1 (Priority: Gardevoir, Plasmanta, Honchkrow, Steelix)
Lucy used endure!
Lucy braced herself!
Orcina used Parabolic Charge!
Parabolic Charge, Honchkrow:
-Crit chance: 5062 = NOPE.
-Damage: ((5 * .75) + 3 + 1 + 9 - 3) * 1.5 = 20.63 damage!
-Absorption: 20.63 / 2 = 10.31 HP
Parabolic Charge, Gardevoir:
-Crit chance: 6732 = NOPE.
-Damage: (5 * .75) + 3 + 1 + 9 - 6 = 10.75 damage
-Absorption: 1 / 2 = 1 HP
Parabolic Charge, Stee-NO.
Huh. Apparently Heat Wave's not in the thawing list.
Steelix used Sandstorm!
A sandstorm brewed! (4r)
Orcina was buffeted by the sandstorm! (-2 HP)
Gajeel was buffeted by the sandstorm! (-2 HP)
Lucy was buffeted by the sandstorm! (-2 HP)
Lucy fainted!
Numbers:
-Plasmanta: +9.31 HP, -6 EN
-Steelix: -10 EN
-Gardevoir: -2 HP, -15 EN
-Honchkrow: -22.63(!) HP

Action 2
Orcina used Discharge!
Discharge, Honchkrow:
-Crit chance: 3287 = NOPE.
-Damage: ((8 * .75) + 3 + 1 + 9 - 3) * 1.5 = 24 damage!
♪GAME OVER, YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!♪ *pssssh!*
Numbers:
-Plasmanta: -2 HP -5 EN
-Steelix: No changes
-Honchkrow: -4.37 HP

Final Numbers:
-Plasmanta: +7 (7.31) HP, -11 EN
-Steelix: -10 EN
-Gardevoir: -2 HP, -15 EN
-Honchkrow: -27 HP

FMD:
AXXXAX

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Prizes:

FMD:
+4 CC
Plasmanta: +3 MC and 3 KOC
Togekiss: +3 MC
Necturna: +3 MC and 1 KOC
Dragalge: +4 MC
Steelix: +3 MC and 1 KOC
Slowbro: +3 MC and 1 KOC

ZhengTann:
+9 CC (4 + 5)
Haxorus: CC boost (+5; 4 + 1 KOC)
Lucario: +3 MC
Gardevoir: +3 MC and 1 KOC
Honchkrow: +3 MC and 1 KOC
Froslass: +3 MC and 1 KOC
Unown: Nothing :(

The Wanderer:
+28 UC

SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

ZhengTann · May 8, 2016

Just putting out that Unown does not give CC when maxxed. So I only get 4 from trainers' and 5 from Haxorus, including its KOC :(

S-PDRwiPJaSTtgtI of Vendeur Brand Purses: This Time, it's Purse-onal

The Wanderer

FMD

ZhengTann

Nargacuga

FMD

The Wanderer

FMD

ZhengTann

Nargacuga

The Wanderer

ZhengTann

Nargacuga