Meet the Cast!






The NUs and UUs have finally banded together to deal with the popular kids who insist on talking smack. Parafusion and dual screens let them stick around a lot longer than opponents would like, while Arcanine and Lanturn clear the way for Cacturne, who frequently takes out 4 or 5 Pokemon before falling himself.
Before the hecklers and originality haters show up, I will say now that I play games primarily for fun, and in this case that means finding ways to use my favorite Pokemon in a "difficult" environment instead of going with more standard choices.
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Caramel (Lopunny) @ Choice Specs
Ability: Klutz
Nature + EVs: Jolly; 252 Spe, 128 Atk, 128 HP
- Switcheroo
- Thunder Wave
- Return
- Fake Out
Soft, sweet, and brown, Caramel is a perfect example of how NU doesn't mean "so weak it's useless". Start with Fake Out, Switcheroo Choice Specs to lock opposing leads into Stealth Rock, then paralyze the switch-in, usually Gengar or Rotom. Faster leads like Azelf (who likes to lead with Trick or Stealth Rock) will be locked into one move no matter what choice he makes, and end up eating a Thunder Wave.
Regarding the EV spread, Lopunny's purpose is to outspeed as much as it can, hence the Jolly + 252 Speed. 128 Attack is to give Fake out and Return a bit more bite, and the HP lets it switch into Stealth Rocks a bit more to continually harass 'mons with Fake Out and paralysis.
The only common leads Caramel has an issue with are Aerodactyl, who may Taunt any attempts to Specslock him into Stealth Rock, and Ambipom, who has a faster Fake Out.

GG (Cacturne) @ Life Orb
Ability: Sand Veil
Nature + EVs: Adamant; 252 Spe, 252 Atk, 4 HP
- Substitute
- Focus Punch
- Sucker Punch
- Swords Dance
After a Swords Dance and Substitute, Cacturne is unstoppable. In general, his game is to switch into something that can't harm him directly, like a Choice Spec'd lead that didn't switch out, a spiker, a cleric, etc., set up a Substitute to avoid status or Explosion, then Swords Dance while the Sub breaks or the opponent switches. With the Parafusion being spread all over the place on this team, it's very likely he'll be able to get his Sub up in peace.
The EV spread is standard for a Cacturne- he hits 361 Attack, which means that even an unboosted Punch will ruin a lot of things. Between Speed and HP, I chose Speed so that I'd be guaranteed to Substitute first against a paralyzed speedster or slow Rapid Spinner/spiker.

Schneider (Arcanine) @ Expert Belt
Ability: Flash Fire
Nature + EVs: Rash; 252 Spe, 252 Sp.Atk, 4 Atk
- Fire Blast
- Hidden Power Grass/Ground
- Dragon Pulse
- Extremespeed
A general set that uses Arcanine's decent base Special Attack to give some Special coverage to a team that already has heavy physical attacks. Over the past two weeks I've gone back and forth between HP Grass for Ground coverage and HP Ground for any Fire attacks that Schneider would switch into. With Reflect and/or paralysis support, Arcanine slaughters Kingra, Flygon, and Flygon with Dragon Pulse. Mild was chosen over Modest as to not detract from Extremespeed.
I ran an alternate EV spread before this, with more HP at the cost of some Sp.Attack and Speed, but it didn't have enough power to OHKO a lot of things that it should have been able to.

Tesla (Lanturn) @ Leftovers
Ability: Volt Absorb
Nature + EVs: Bold; 252 Def, 128 HP, 128 Sp.Def
- Aqua Ring
- Confuse Ray
- Surf
- Thunderbolt/Discharge
Lanturn is a beast. He takes STAB or DD Earthquakes like a champ and retaliates with the appropriate STAB move. Starmie, Jolteon, and Rotom can't do anything to it, giving a free turn for Aqua Ring which, with Leftovers, provides a net 6% gain in Sandstorm or Hail, and negates Rotom's Will-O-Wisp. I originally carried Thunder Wave, but dropped it to deal with any water types I'd switch into. I'm still deciding between Discharge, which carries a greater paralysis rate if Lopunny goes down (no innuendo there), and Thunderbolt for for power.
EVs are primarily to guard against Earthquake while letting it stand up to the occasional Leaf Storm.

Chozo (Xatu) @ Light Clay
Ability: Synchronize
Nature + EVs: Timid; 252 Spe, 252 HP, 4 Def
- Night Shade
- Light Screen
- Reflect
- Confuse Ray
Xatu is my favorite Pokemon, and as such I've used him in an OU environment longer than anything else on the team. I'd originally used him to cripple teams with multiple statuses (Trick + Flame Orb, Thunder Wave, and Confuse Ray), but this team is already heavy on status so he now fills the role as a dual screener. Everyone loves halved damage, but I've found that Arcanine in particular appreciates them most.
I do want to put Wish on him, but Confuse Ray and Night Shade have both proven themselves to be extremely useful. EVs are to outspeed as much as possible, and HP helps survivability more than either defense; with max HP Xatu can stand up to both Ice Beam and Thunderbolt, then set up Light Screen to make the next Pokemon's job easier.

Panzer (Donphan) @ Choice Band
Adamant; 252 HP, 252 Atk, 4 Def
- Earthquake
- Ice Shard
- Stealth Rock
- Rapid Spin
Recommended by Mysterious Man, Donphan replaces Steelix as the Physical Wall / Hazard setup member of the team. I am very impressed by what the miniature elephant can do; while not having Steelix' resistances, Panzer gets the only Ice move on the team, and a priority one at that, which removes any Gliscor and Flygon issues.
I try to send him in after Lopunny has forced a lead to switch, so that he can clean up Aerodactyl's or Azelf's Rocks while setting his own. He also does a great job of baiting Starmie and Forretress out, both of which are good news for Cacturne.
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Primary Threats:

I hate this guy. Unless I can TrickSpecs him or get lucky with parafusion, it's extremely difficult to take him down. Cacturne used to carry Seed Bomb specifically to deal with it, but the loss of Focus Punch wasn't worth coverage for one Pokemon.

I hate this guy too. If Fire Blast misses or Cacturne doesn't have a Substitute, he's got STAB on 5/6 of my team and is immune to the para- half of parafusion.
Ice is effective against half of the team, but Lanturn resists it and anything else a Water or Ice type could possibly throw at it. Fighting is effective against one third of the team, but in the likely event that a Fighting type carries Ice Punch or Stone Edge, it can take out Xatu and Arcanine as well. Without Stun Spore or Glare, Ground types avoid the parafusion that this team runs on, so they're no fun either.