CAP 17 CAP 6 - Part 13 - Pokedex Submissions

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Quanyails said:
There are some things I found puzzling in multiple, but not most entries. Doesn't Cawmodore's name imply commodore, which is a naval rank above captains and commanders and below admirals? A commodore that's has a species name of another naval rank seems paradoxical. Additionally, like with name entries, Cawmodore is based off of a frigate bird, so names that involve other bird species isn't fully accurate, either.

Specific comments:
  • darkie: The flavor you incorporate into your entries interweaves stats and interesting details well. :) I like seeing those subtle references to stuff like Cawmodore's high physical defense and immunity to electricity. I had thought about Arghonaut when writing my entries, and I wondered if someone would put up a contrast between Cawmodore and Arghonaut. Good job with that on Black's entry. My favorite phrase admist your sentences is the one that refers to Cawmodore's navigational skills. It's quite natural for a seabird yet fitting! The only negative I have for your entries is that they're on the long side. What would you think about the last sentence of Black's entry?
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It would sound awfully silly if it was Cawmodore, the Commodore Pokemon!


Re: the length comments. The length of the first entry is still within the limit of 25 words (it's at 24), but I think I'll change up the ordering. I'll make Black and White the two shorter ones and BW2 the longer one. That gives some parallelism with the two opposing games and the two sequels get the Arghonaut mention! I am also stealing lifting the Frigate Bird pokemon species name. It seems so simple yet it is the most natural and descriptive.
 
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Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokemon

Black: Fearing no storm, they effortlessly traverse the harshest of Seas. They bravely accept a challenge by drumming heartily on their armored chests.

White: Sailors use them as guides if they are ever lost at Sea. They navigate across vast oceans using their internal electro-magnetic compass.

BW2: Revered by sailors, Cawmodore's sharp strategic mind and their iron-hard beak and wings make them talented fighters and brilliant commanders.

This is my second entry post, and first of all, I just want to say how amazing everyone's posts are. Even some that seem repeated have different tweaks and quirks to make them speacial and unique. That being said, I took Quanyalis' advice with this one. I tried to keep the flow of my entries similar to the previous ones' styles, but I had to change the flavor. I wanted to showcase Cawmodore's unique traits, which is hard since there are quite a few, in a way that still displayed him as a noble seafarer. I also went with "Frigate Bird," since it seemed the best fit/most poular option that I could think of. Would love feedback:)
 
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Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokemon

Black: It can navigate through even the fiercest storms with ease, sometimes flying for weeks without the need to land.

White: With its fighting prowess inherited from its hefty beak and fist-like wings, Cawmodore never backs down from a challenge.

BW2: Upon noticing a threat, it puffs up its chest and pounds it in an attempt to intimidate its foe. It performs the same ritual to attract a mate.

This is my second post here, and I would like to thank Quanyalis for his input. I tried to fix up the Black entry to make more sense rather than have it run on about an unexplained rejuvenation of energy drawn from the storm. The new entry still makes a reference to the lack of Roost on Cawmodore as well as the fact that the frigatebird is an aerial bird that can fly for over a week in real life, and subtly hints towards Volt Absorb without adding any unexplained phenomenon to the mix. It also mentions navigation, finally tying in to the naval theme that is prominent in Cawmodore.
I was considering dubbing him the Naval Pokemon, but I feel that would be better suited for someone who's Pokedex entries focus more on his naval rank. Mine focus more on it being a frigatebird, so I feel that this is probably the most fitting for my submissions. I know frigatebird is one word, but I wanted to at least make some connection between its Earthly species and naval theme, and since a frigate is a type of boat, it fits.
 
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Cawmodore, the Captain Pokémon.

Black: Cawmodore can fly for days without Roosting once. They do not land for adverse weather, fearlessly soaring through thunderstorms.

White: Sightings of Cawmodore swiftly riding the gale force winds of fierce thunderstorms have led to legends of it being related to Zapdos.

BW2: Cawmodore are natural leaders among bird pokémon, forming close-knit flocks. These flocks are known to viciously attack groups of Arghonaut.

I tend to lurk and not participate in CAP projects, but I decided I'd try my hand at a pokédex entry, seeing as I love to write.

In Black's entry, I wanted to reference Cawmodore's inability to learn Roost, and tie it into Volt Absorb at the same time, reasoning that maybe it simply flies through storms because it's too stubborn to land.

I reference Cawmodore's speed and again Volt Absorb in White's entry, and also people thinking it's connected to Zapdos because of it's affinity for thunderstorms. Not to mention that riding gale force winds is pretty badass and suits it perfectly.

In the BW2 entry, I wanted to make reference to my favorite interpretation of Cawmodore as a captain, leading flocks of other bird pokémon. I also liked the idea of it having a rivalry with Arghonaut, and reference a savagery Cawmodore does not usually exhibit but lets loose in it's hatred for it's rival.
 
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Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokemon

Black: Although Cawmodore is an intimidating Pokemon, it is also very noble. It is powerful, but it will never fight unfairly.

White: Cawmodore revels in travelling in dangerous and stormy weather. It will seek out thunderstorms when it's tired, for a jolt of electricity will rejuvenate it.

BW2: When it meets a rival, it will beat its chest vigorously to heighten its senses. This creates a unique sound that resonates for many miles.
 
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Feedback time! In hide tags because this post is obnoxiously long.
darkie: A couple of things in the BW2 entry are worded kind of awkwardly. "Serve useful" should probably be "are useful" or "prove useful," and "long-time archrival" seems kind of clunky to me. Might just be a subjective thing though, and it looks good otherwise

Blue Frog: The use of "it" in your Black entry is a little confusing. I assume it refers to the skill described in the first sentence, but it probably needs to be clearer. Maybe start with "this skill makes it" and leave the rest of the sentence intact.

Hollymon: I would add a comma to the Black entry between "sturdy" and "armour-like". Since the feathers are plural, you should also change "protects" to "protect". In the next sentence, "they" should be changed to "it" so it's clear that you're talking about Cawmodore itself instead of the feathers. I would also change "the harshest storms" to "harsh storms," since it seems like a stretch to say that "the harshest storms" are "often seen". In the other two entries, change "it's" to "its," since all instances of this are possessive. In the BW2 entry, "used on ships" is vague and the rest is unclear. I don't quite see how its "sense of danger" guides people safely. The potential for a good entry is certainly there, but you'll probably want to make it clearer.

LudicrousLugia: "It's" should be "its" when possessive. I don't think using the chest as a "voice box" is quite what it's doing. Maybe go with the obvious "drum" instead, or explicitly talk about it pounding the chest. Your call, of course. I'm not quite sure what you mean by "their caught food," but I don't think the work "caught" needs to be there. "In the modern day" is awkward, and can probably be removed. I assume that you mean it attacks fishing ships for "their catch," but you should make this explicit.

Scizivire: "It's" should be "its" when possessive. The Black entry has good ideas, but is worded awkwardly, and the ideas have no apparent connection to each other. Maybe try something more along the lines of "Cawmodore will nest in any environment..."? In the White entry, "intimidate and scare away" is more or less redundant, and "try and come close to" should be "try to approach". The BW2 entry is good. I guess the main piece of advice I would give to you is to take another look at your wording. A Pokedex entry isn't an academic essay or anything, but your language seems, I don't know, just a little too informal to me. Or something like that anyway.

Aidan LeSauvage: Nothing wrong with a creative species name, but this one might hurt your entry, since it's generally agreed that Cawmodore isn't a hawk. The Black entry is vague and pretty much a tautology, so it could use some more work. What does "force to be reckoned with" mean? What kind of "overwhelming power" are we talking about? A Pokedex entry should add some specific flavour to Cawmodore that sets it apart from other Pokemon. Language like "some say" is also best left out. In the White entry, "it's" should be "its," since it's possessive. This entry is odd since it seems to refer to a specific individual, when there are presumably many Cawmodore out there. Once again, you've also used vague language like "battle fleet" and "hone its skills". The BW2 entry is the best of the three, but "the fight" should probably be "a fight," since the Dex entry presumably isn't referring to a specific incident. I assume that "beats on itself" refers to Belly Drum, but this isn't clear from the plain language of the sentence, so there's probably better wording available. I hope I haven't discouraged you from submitting Dex entries; just develop your ideas a little further and your submission should be fine.

P2X7: The actual language in your Black entry is fine, but I would adjust the order a little. Specifically, I would put "and steal their food" ahead "before they can react" so that it's clear that Cawmodore is the one stealing the food. I have no idea how the physics of your BW2 entry would work, but perhaps it didn't happen, right? Very creative entry. Well done!

Psylink: Cawmodore is generally agreed to be a frigate bird, so calling it something else might cost you votes. The specific mention of Zekrom in the Black entry is weird and seemingly inaccurate, since Cawmodore isn't the only Flying-type with Volt Absorb. More to the point, I have no idea why Zekrom would be mentioned in the Dex entry of some random other Pokemon, especially since the entry is talking in very matter-of-fact terms about a legendary Pokemon that's often sealed away. The White entry is good, except that I'm not sure what you mean by "similar to a war plane". Also, "it's" should be "its" when possessive. The double mention of "currents" in the BW2 entry looks like a mistake, and the mention of Kyogre is just as weird as the earlier mention of Zekrom. I would suggest you leave the legendaries out completely.

The Steam Punk: These are solid, and I would only suggest one change. Stormy weather isn't really something one can settle "around," so I would change it to "in stormy areas" or something like that.

cosmicdonutsummer: In the White entry, I think you should change "the armor of the Pokemon" to "its armor" and remove the word "also". The BW2 entry seems to make an awkward transition between separate thoughts that's difficult to follow. It's also one word too long. I would probably remove the "escaping quickly" part and split the rest into too sentences: one describing the power boost and the other talking about it preying on larger Pokemon. "By many times" is awkward, and should be replaced with a different word. Maybe "exponentially"?

Kingler12345: Fix the spelling of "Cawmodore" in the Black entry. Change "intimidates" to "intimidate" since speed and agility together are plural. Maybe specify who "many" are. "Harassing and stealing food from" is kind of awkward. Maybe go with "harassing other birds and stealing their food"? In the White entry, "scare away foes" should be "scare foes away". Its name is misspelled again in the BW2 entry.

SquirtleSquad626: "Seas" isn't a proper noun, so it should start with a lower-case s. "A challenge" should probably be "challenges," since you aren't referring to a specific one. The BW2 entry uses a mix of singular and plural references. Plural probably works best here, which means you need nouns like "minds" and "beaks" instead of the singular forms.

Fuzzie: I'm not sure that "inherited" is the right word for what its own features give to it. Maybe "granted by"? Otherwise, these are good, except that your BW2 entry is too long.

Vansalon: I'm not sure "gale force" is really adding much to your White entry, but that might just be subjective. As with any Pokemon, the plural form of "Arghonaut" should just be "Arghonaut".

Epikhairz0603: "Seek for" should just be "seek". "When it's tired" should probably just be "when tired". The BW2 entry is too long, which you can fix by cutting "across the sea". Those words aren't really adding much anyway.
If I haven't mentioned you by name, I didn't think of any criticism. In general, the quality of the submissions here is quite high. Congrats to everyone that's contributed!
 
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Bull of Heaven said:
Vansalon: I'm not sure "gale force" is really adding much to your White entry, but that might just be subjective. As with any Pokemon, the plural form of "Arghonaut" should just be "Arghonaut".
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"Gale force" is there simply because I think it helps the fluidity, and also to emphasize Cawmodore's brave nature.
And fixed the pluralization mistake, thanks.
 
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Cawmodore, the Seafaring Pokemon

Black: It can cross the ocean in under an hour. This Pokemon rescues shipwrecked mariners, even in violent lightning storms.

White: Cawmodore can find its bearings anywhere in the world. No ship leaves the harbor without at least one Cawmodore on board.

BW2: This Pokemon builds its nests on islands scattered across the ocean. If threatened, Cawmodore will attack with lightning-fast punches.
 
This thread is now open for Final Submissions. It will remain open for at least 24 hours from the time of this post.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Commander Pokemon

Black: Cawmodore harasses smaller Pokemon in midair and steals their food. Its callous nature makes it a ruthless fighter.

White: This Pokemon can fly continuously for weeks, even in the harshest storms. It never backs down from a challenge.

BW2: Cawmodore beats its inflated chest with its wings to declare its dominance. Weaker foes flee from its hearty screech.

The theft of food from other birds is the frigatebird's most famous behavioral trait, so I figured I had to include that somewhere, and the bit about Cawmodore's brutality on the battlefield would make sense for a Pokemon who thought nothing of stealing others' hard-won food. The long flights are also a reference to frigatebird behavior - they seldom land, even sleeping on the wing, and can stay aloft for more than a week - and flying through storms references Volt Absorb and Cawmodore's strength and courage. Never backing down from a challenge is an allusion to its nature as a one-shot sweeper you don't want to switch out, as well as tying into the courage factor. Male frigatebirds inflate their gular sacs (those red pouches on their chests) as a display of power meant to attract mates, so I adapted that to Cawmodore by making it a general display of dominance and having the bird beat the gular sac (i.e. Belly Drum). The part about the screeching refers to Intimidate, and is also meant to evoke images of a tough old sea captain bellowing orders to the sailors working under him.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokemon.

Black: It beats its chest to frighten enemies and increase its own morale. The sound can be heard in regions across the sea.

White: It can Fly through any electrical storm. Its navigational ability is unmatched by even the most experienced sea captain.

BW2: Its large, sturdy wings and torso are useful when defending the nest against its archrival, Arghonaut. Nothing can penetrate its broad chest.

The first entry alludes to both Belly Drum and Intimidate. The second sentence serves to exaggerate the extent of Cawmodore's fearsomeness, as dex entries often do.

The second entry gives some back story behind Volt Absorb. This is important, flavorwise, because Volt Absorb may seem out of place to some on an Steel/Flying captain-looking pokemon. By showing that it uses Volt Absorb to fly through any storm, it brings some validity to having Volt Absorb as its second ability. Real Dex entries also capitalize moves used, as I did with Fly.

Finally, last dex entry alludes to Big Pecks and also brings some lore into the entry, as dex entries are prone to do. I envision Cawmodore and Arghonaut having a Zangoose/Seviper type relationship, except on the sea. For this reason, Cawmodore is the Captain pokemon to mirror Arghonaut's pirate design.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Naval Pokémon

Black: Cawmodore parry attacks using their protective armor and robust chest muscles. They then retaliate with strong punches.

White: After a shipwreck, Cawmodore bury fallen sailors at sea as a final sign of respect.

BW2: Since they are excellent navigators, Cawmodore make it easy for even the most inexperienced mariner to sail on through heavy storms.

The Black and White entries are allusions to two very famous commodores (Perry and Barry) with some clever homophones. Meanwhile, the BW2 references two classic Motown hits of The Commodores.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Man-of-War Pokémon

Black: Cawmodore's large, powerful chest muscles make it adept at both flying and swimming. It can travel the breadth of oceans without rest.

White: With hardened feathers on its wing-tips that feel like iron, Cawmodore can shatter boulders with impunity. It screeches to frighten would-be predators.

BW2: Cawmodore is regarded as a good luck charm for sailors around the world. It is often seen guiding wayward ships to shore.

(The finality of this entry is overwhelming bro)
Before writing some of these entries I decided to give some existing Pokédex entries a quick read. Main point I decided to note here was, well, it's a big strong admiral avian. So for the Black dex entry, I just made reference to the strength of the seafaring bird, because hey, it learns Surf too. So it's probably a good swimmer. (That and the whole, you know, being a seabird thing). I also gave a little reference to Big Pecks as the hidden ability, mentioning its large chest muscles. He don't even work out.

For the White entry, it's basic enough. Shattering boulders is a mark of strength in the Pokémon world, from most dex entries I've read. Also wanted to reference its Steel typing a bit. Didn't want to get too technical and mention keratin though. Not everyone is a biologist, heh. Also, I decided to give a quick nod towards Intimidate. Screeching seabirds is not a nice thing, and because it learns Screech it fits nicely.

For the BW2 entry, I decided to steer away from "hoo-agh look at this manly man Pokémon" and decided to give it a function of sorts in the world. Cawmodore strikes me as a honourable and righteous Pokémon, helping lost sailors and all that. Also, just like people do with animals in the real world, people could see it as a good luck charm when at sea.

Also, before even googling frigatebird I picked the name 'Man-Of-War' for the species name, but apparently frigate birds are also called man-of-war birds. Interesting.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Captain Pokémon

Black: Cawmodore fly for days without Roosting. They defend bird Pokémon that are being attacked by predators, bellowing a savage cry to scare the aggressor away.

White: Sightings of Cawmodore swiftly riding the gale force winds of fierce thunderstorms have led to legends of it's connection to Zapdos.

BW2: Cawmodore are natural leaders among bird Pokémon, forming close-knit flocks. These flocks are known to viciously attack groups of Arghonaut.

The first entry references Cawmodore's inability to learn Roost and Intimidate. I also wanted to put a twist on the typical view of Cawmodore as a pirate, instead giving it a noble personality.

White's entry reflects Volt Absorb and Cawmodore's speed and bravery. It seems like just the kind of pokémon to dive right into a thunderstorm and ride the wind.

BW2's entry reflects my favorite interpretation of Cawmodore, leading groups of other bird Pokémon, which it leads to attack it's rival Arghonaut, showing a savage side not normally seen.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokemon

Black: It can navigate through even the fiercest storms with ease, sometimes flying for weeks without the need to land.

White: With its fighting prowess granted by its hefty beak and fist-like wings, Cawmodore never backs down from a challenge.

BW2: When threatened, it puffs up its chest, pounding it vigorously to intimidate its foe. It performs the same ritual to attract a mate.

First off, I know frigatebird is one word. The specie is because I wanted to tie in the real bird to the Pokemon's naval theme. A frigate is a type of boat, so it seemed appropriate.

Short summaries of what each entry makes reference to:

Black: Naval theme (navigate), Volt Absorb (fiercest storms), frigatebirds being aerial birds and lack of Roost in movepool (flying for weeks without the need to land)

White: The move pool (Fist-like wings, referring to its appearance as well as its punching attacks; Bullet Punch and Drain Punch) and Big Pecks (hefty beak) sums this one up for the most part. The last part is about both, the brawny/cocky nature of sailors as well as how you will probably not want to switch out after setting up with Cawmodore.

BW2: This blends both what people think the gular sac is used for (Intimidation, tying it in with Intimidate.), and then adding what frigatebirds use it for in nature (finding a mate.). Either way, puffing up the gular sac also references Big Pecks.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Dauntless Pokemon

Black: Its sense of direction is unfailingly sharp. It can fly through dense fog and wind without diverging from its course.

White: It builds its nest using scrap metal from sunken ships. It settles in stormy areas so other bird Pokemon dare not come near.

BW2: It fearlessly faces foes many times its size. It is rumored to sometimes prey on Wailord, and go without food for days afterward.

Black's entry describes its navigational prowess, and alludes to its sea captain manner.

White's entry shows it being territorial, as many real-world birds are. It also shows how fearless it is to be building a home in stormy places.

BW2's entry focuses on its bravery, plus a little exaggeration, as any Pokemon would need to be very brave to take down a Wailord, the biggest Pokemon in the world.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokémon

Black: It protects its young by covering them with its wings. Its feathers are thick enough to deflect cannonballs.

White: The dense iron on its beak serves as diving ballast and provides torque to its pecking attacks.

BW2: These Pokémon stalwartly watch over shores and harbors from the sky, diving headfirst at any intruders.

Currently have a headache. If I return to this thread tomorrow and it's still open, I'll respond to posts since my first response. :)
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokemon

Black: Although Cawmodore is an intimidating Pokemon, it is also very noble. It is powerful, but it will never fight unfairly.

White: Cawmodore revels in travelling in dangerous and stormy weather. It will seek out thunderstorms when it's tired, for a jolt of electricity will rejuvenate it.

BW2: When it meets a rival, it will beat its chest vigorously to heighten its senses. This creates a unique sound that resonates for many miles.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Nautical Pokémon

Black: Cawmodore can navigate through any type of weather condition. This skill makes it a popular companion among seafarers.

White: It intimidates its foes by puffing out its chest and beating it like a drum. It can inflate its size by up to seven times.

BW2: In the past, flocks of Cawmodore helped guide explorers to new lands and regions.

I took into account both instances of feedback I got, thanks guys :)

I tried to perserve the same message in my BW2 entry, changing it slightly so it wasn't so specific to the Unova region and farfetched like Quanyails mentioned. I didn't want to change it completely because I couldn't think of anything else unique. Good luck to all the other submitters!
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Ironclad Pokémon

Black: When food is short, Cawmodore steals from other bird Pokémon. It strikes fear into its target with its sharp talons and impressive throat pouch.

White: Cawmodore can stay in the air for weeks at a time. It travels through even the fiercest storms without fear.

BW2: It is believed that Cawmodore travelled from a distant island to the Unova region. It flew for thousands of miles without stopping.
 
Feedback!

A note to everyone: If you want to be a little more accurate in giving the species of Cawmodore, use "Frigatebird Pokemon" instead of "Frigate Bird Pokemon".

This is feedback for page 1 submissions, so some of my comments may not apply anymore to your final submission.

darkie I like it! Your entries maintain a good sense of interesting, unique flavour and are all structured well. Your White entry in particular is inventive and implies Cawmodore's ability without forcing it down your throat. I feel that your Black entry is your weakest; it seems almost contrived in the way it is trying to get the message of Cawmodore Belly Drumming across, and the second sentence seems a little bland in comparison to the rest of your entries. I would also advise you to change "the nest" to "its nest", but that's just personal preference. Aside from my little nitpicks, you're on to a winner ;)

Quanyails Mm. You already know my main criticism: the wording is a little too extravagant for a game mainly directed at young children. "Torque" and "Stalwartly" can still be replaced while maintaining the entries' general message, decreasing the confusion of the reader. Also, the BW2 entry requires more explanation -- Intruders? What are they intruding on? Who are the intruders? The entry is a little lacking, but that may be due to the fact that it's contrasted by your Black and your White entry which both have fascinating ideas behind them and are written exceedingly well (And I would expect no less from you, Quanyails :P).

Oglemi Hmm. Your entries, in my opinion at least, are much less formal than one would expect out of a pokedex entry. Your Black entry is fine as is, although the "swashbuckling" adjective is a little cliched (But fitting!). The beginning of your White entry is awkwardly phrased -- I'd change it to "They were once a common sighting...", and change "used for" to "due to". Your BW2 entry is implicit (intentionally, I hope) of Cawmodore's accessibility to Fighting moves, which is a nice touch, although I can't help but feel that "thanks to" is replaceable by something a little more formal.

Nyktos The first thing that strikes me is your clever thinking with the word "Ironclad" used as Cawmodore's species name. It reminds me of "Mantle Pokemon" for Mollux in that it has two meanings, both which are relevant to the design. For that reason, I like it a lot. Your Black entry is a little on the long side, and can be shortened by the removal of some of the adjectives (is "sharp" really needed?). I would also change "when food is short" to "when food is sparce", but that's my bias seeping in to my opinions. However, I like how you relate Cawmodore to frigatebirds in the way it steals food from other birds. Your White entry is superb; don't change a thing. I feel that your BW2 entry is wayyy too similar to your White entry, and so I advise you to come up with a new idea for your third and final entry :)

Martingale Your Black entry is interesting. I feel that you could lose one of the adjectives describing Cawmodore's chest muscles, to shorten the entry. Other than that, you've done well with your Black entry. Again with your White entry, you could shorten the first part of your entry to "With feathers that feel like iron...". Your second sentence is a little random, and can be removed entirely without making the entry seem too short. Your BW2 entry WOULD be good if it hadn't been done before numerous amounts of times. How about elaborating in a different way on why Cawmodore is a good-luck charm for sailors?

srk1214 Your entries are great, but yes, I have criticisms. Your Black entry is uninventive and uninspiring -- I would've hoped for a more clever take on Cawmodore's actions. Your White entry is fantastic. Your Black entry is also superb, but beginning the sentence with "Excellent" is a little awkward, a la Necturna (or was it Necturine?). Yes, I know you want to fit in the "easy" reference, but it doesn't fit with the entry overall; your BW2 entry is informative and formal, while "easy" seems a little... dumbed down. Try and think of a more fitting word!

Fuzzie Ehhhhh. Your Black entry has been done many times beforehand in the thread, and despite the fact that you made your entries a while ago, it's moreso a "first come, first serve" in this thread. Even then, your Black entry is contrived in the way it forces Volt Absorb across: why does its energy replenish? For the sake of replenishing? Your White entry isn't bad as such, but just a little underwhelming when compared to the stunning entries dotted around the thread. Also, "it's" doesn't need an apostrophe. Your BW2 entry is certainly the strongest one, and the "attracting a mate" is a nice touch. So good job on that one! :)

Blue Frog I'm glad that you've used a unique species name for Cawmodore, among all the more generic (if slightly more fitting) choices. I cannot really fault any of your entries... with the exception of the White entry, which is a little forceful in the way it gets Cawmodore's Belly Drumming antics across (but not so forceful that it appears contrived!). Looks like a winner in my eyes ;)

Hollymon I can't really fault why, but "Commander Pokemon" doesn't really "work" for me. It just seems a little bland and less direct to what the design is. Your Black entry has a few problems; you could do with losing "sturdy" or "armor-like", and you need to change "protects" to "protect" as feathers are plural. I also dislike the way you've used "harsh" twice -- surely you have a more inventive mind than that! Your White entry also has a few problems' most noticeably is describing Cawmodore as having a "solid chest". I cringed. No no no, the gular sacs (or in this case, "chests") inflate and so aren't solid whatsoever. You also need to remove the apostrophe from "It's", as well as both instances in your BW2 entry.

Darth Missingno. Yup, there's "Commander" again. Ah well, take my view of it with a pinch of salt; many people seem to like the word as a species name. I can't fault your White entry or your BW2 entry. My only criticism would be that your Black entry seems a little boring and stale since the idea has circled the many entries submitted before your post already. Try to think out of the box! Aside from that, I love your entries :)

LudicrousLugia Pirate Pokemon? That contradicts Cawmodore's name and design entirely -- it is intended to hint at the idea of a naval commander. Your Black entry's first sentence is intriguing, but the second sentence is a little out of place. How about rephrasing the entry to "Drumming against its chest allows it to amplify any noise it makes to the point where it shatters diamond" Just a thought :3 Your White entry has a comma splice. Between "meal" and "it", there should be a full stop rather than a comma. Your BW2 entry would be excellent without the second sentence -- I advise you to lose it completely.

Epikhairz0603 Pokemon species names can only be under 10 characters -- yours is longer. Think of something a little more orthodox, even if it sacrifices originality. All of your entries are too long as well. Your Black entry combined two seperate ideas together; just focus on one. Your White entry is awkwardly phrased and I feel should focus more on the idea of Cawmodore seeking out storms and harsh weather. Your BW2 entry could be made shorter, but is fine otherwise.

SquirtleSquad626 Egad, critiquing becomes boring when all the entries are exceedingly similar. Your Black entry is worded well, but I feel is contrived in the way it portrays Volt Absorb. Sometimes being implicit is better than being explicit! Your White and BW2 entries are fine without really excelling.

P2X7 Your Black entry has a good idea behind it, but is misleading. At first, I thought that the "foes" were the ones stealing from Cawmodore -- your wording needs to be sorted out in that aspect. Also, I find "engage" as an odd word to use in that context, but perhaps that's just me :P Your White entry starts off unique but doesn't really take advantage of that; instead of mentioning the rather obvious fact that Cawmodore travels with its colony, how about elaborating on what life in the colony is like? Your BW2 entry, however... I have much love for it.

The Steam Punk There are only a few nitpicks here and there. Otherwise, I love it. Your White entry is poorly phrased in its second sentence, although I am unsure on how to overcome that problem. Meanwhile, you can lose the "sometimes" in your BW2 entry. Good job with your submission! <3
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Ironclad Pokémon


Black: Although others are intimidated by this Pokémon's brusque demeanor and rugged appearance, they nevertheless respect it for its noble heart and dauntless attitude in battle.

White: Sailors never fail to be amazed by the sight of this Pokémon fearlessly Flying through thunderstorms and absorbing lightning bolts as if they were nothing. Its feathers are made of the toughest steel.

B2W2: This gruff yet noble Pokémon's body is so tough that nothing can weaken its defenses. It beats on its sturdy chest to heighten its prowess in battle.


When trying to determine what Cawmodore's species name should be, I was mainly influenced by two factors: firstly, the fact that its feathers are made of steel; secondly, the fact that it's partially inspired by ironclad ships. I finally decided that the Ironclad Pokémon was a suitable title for it.

When I Googled the title "commodore", I was surprised to discover that it's actually one given to high ranking naval officers. In other words, Cawmodore is based off of an honorable seaman who fights for the sale of others - and not off of a swashbuckling, warmongering pirate. I decided that, for the sake of accuracy, I would keep this in mind as I developed Cawmodore's Pokédex entries.

I decided that the main theme of each of its Pokédex entries would involve one of its three Abilities. Its Black Pokédex entry obviously covered Intimidate, and I decided to base its personality upon the typical portrayal of a high-ranking seaman - gruff, but good-hearted and noble. Its White Pokédex entry brings Volt Absorb and the naval-based attributes of both of its real-life inspirations - the frigatebird and the ironclad ship - into focus. Its Black 2/White 2 Dex entry takes its third Ability, Big Pecks, and threw it in a blender with several of its others attributes.

Well, that's that. I hope that you like it. I honestly wish that Cawmodore was a real Pokémon. Its design is amazing and it seems that it can do quite a bit in battle with its interesting stat spread, useful Abilities, and custom-tailored moveset.
 
Final Submission

Cawmodore, the Admiral Pokémon

Black: It is among the fastest of all flying Pokémon. It uses this speed to engage foes and steal their food before they can react.

White: They form nests in colonies with other Cawmodore. Each colony has a group of senior members in charge of strategic planning.

BW2: It can produce an electromagnetic field that disrupts electrical currents. One supposedly became invisible using this field, but this is generally dismissed as a fable.

As you can see, I took some criticism into account, and I'd like to say thanks to the people who provided it. Anyway, the Black entry is taken directly from real frigate bird behavior/anatomy, as they are one of the fastest species of birds, and are renowned for stealing food from other seabirds. The White entry is also drawn from the actual animal, as frigate birds nest colonially, while also referencing the theory that birds nesting in colonies form a sort of "intelligence center" that helps out the entire colony, while also referencing naval bases. Finally, the BW2 entry is kind of an explanation as to how it would use Volt Absorb, in addition to being an easter egg that references the Philadelphia Experiment.
 
FINAL SUBMISSION

Cawmodore, the Frigate Bird Pokemon

B: Cawmodore feathers were used as knives in the past. It preys on smaller Flying types.

W: Cawmodore uses its Volt Absorb to prevent lightning from sinking ships. It's feathers are sharper than knives.

BW2: Cawmodore can fly through the fiercest storms without fear. It's beak can snap masts.
 
FINAL SUBMISSION

Cawmodore, the Frigatebird Pokemon

Black: It is often seen drumming its inflatable chest to increase its power. By doing so, it also intimidates other Pokemon.

White: It's armor can absorb electricity. It is able to withstand storms of any strength.

B2W2: Using its large, inflatable chest, Cawmodore raises its power exponentially. After doing that, it preys on Pokemon larger than itself.

For the Black description, I played on Belly Drum's effects and its ability, Intimidate. For its White, I played on Volt Absorb and being a commodore while for BW2, I played on its Big Pecks, Belly Drum and its speed and bravery.
 
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