How full is your glass?

[Martin]

Optimists: The glass is half full
Pessimists: The glass is half empty
Relativists: The glass is half full and half empty
Scientists: Half of the glass' internal volume contains liquid and the other half contains gas
Engineers: The glass is twice as large as it needs to be
Socialists: There isn't enough water to fill the glass
Realists: The glass contains water
Sceptics: The glass does not contain water
Psychics: You have 12 hours to live
Twitch chat: Stay hydrated!
Anime: *ice in water spontaneously clinks against the side of the glass*
Me: *drinks water*

 

[GatoDelFuego]

I sceptically foresee myself drinking half of a glass which may or may not contain liquid (it was over engineered for this task) sometime within the next 10-15 hours.

I'm optimistic about this happening.

 

[Martin]

 

[ThatOneSpork]

I myself have no clue as to how much water is in my glass, if it even is water. I left it at home so if you could tell me the details of what and how much of previously stated thing is in it, that'd be nice. Thanks!

 

[Bug Maniac Aydon]

remove gl from title

 

[Ironmage]

One of my glasses is filled with coffee, the other one is filled with paint sludge from what I've been working on.

I've forgotten which is which, please help.

 

[ThatOneSpork]

remove gl from title

How full is your... oh. I see. You have seen what others could not see. I'd like to say though that my ass is very full, as shown below.

 

[Albatross]

I piss in the glass. The glass is now full. You're welcome.

 

[Dorron]

The glass would be an hyperlink to a rickroll thread

 

[CaffeineBoost]

Hello and welcome to post review with me, Gustavo Magnustavo. Today we will be looking at a post titled "How full is your glass?" from performer Martin.

Optimists: The glass is half full
Pessimists: The glass is half empty
Relativists: The glass is half full and half empty
Scientists: Half of the glass' internal volume contains liquid and the other half contains gas

Our post starts by outlining its goal. It plans to list views from hypothetical walks of life, increasing humour as it reaches the end.

Engineers: The glass is twice as large as it needs to be

Ah, but the list sees a hitch. As any well rounded mathematician knows, engineers will see any number like 2 and immediately round it to π.

Socialists: There isn't enough water to fill the glass
Realists: The glass contains water
Sceptics: The glass does not contain water

The list continues along the absurd (but accurate) lines to jab various communities. Our critics saw this part of the piece and thought "wow. if i were a posting man, i would certainly want to post this. alas, i am but a critic. i do not post, for to post is to be judged on the very thing you're judging." any post that manifests these philosophical debates must be worth at least a 7 on our post rating scale. Well done.

Psychics: You have 12 hours to live
Twitch chat: Stay hydrated!

This part of the post was unfortunately harshly criticized. Our crack team of posting experts suggested the following changes:

Psychics: Oooh, I'm talking to your grandma whose name begins with a C or a K or a J or a ζ and they're saying that they're really happy and that they're having a lovely time in the spiritual world and they love you very much and that this glass of water is important yeah? Is there anyone in the audience that can relate to that? Anyone who thinks I'm talking about them? Oooh yeah, and they're telling me a phone number... yeah they're saying that... that the first digit of this number is a 0, is that right?

and

Twitch chat: The glass is full of cum.

We hope you take these harsh words not as an attack, but as help to improve your posting tenfold.

Anime: *ice in water spontaneously clinks against the side of the glass*
Me: *drinks water*

Now we reach the punchline of our post. After all these observations made by many hypothetical people about the glass of water, the poster drinks it. The skeptics will surely be concerned that you just drank a glass of what could very well be hydrofluoric acid, while the twitch chat is spamming KEKW and reporting you for violating the twitch terms of service.

 

[TailGlowVM]

Me: I want to know what happened to the glass before the water was put in it. If it was filled halfway then it is half full, if it was filled completely then someone removed some of the water it is half emptied. If it always has had half a glass of water in it then... I want to know how that is possible.

 

[az]

bruce lee: water becomes the glass

 

[phoopes]

One of my glasses is filled with coffee, the other one is filled with paint sludge from what I've been working on.

I've forgotten which is which, please help.

you should swallow the sludge, to transform yourself

 

[Ullar]

me: water you doing, glass?

glass:

me: are you halfing a good day?

glass:

me: time for me to drink in this philosophical quandary! haha

glass:

me: hmm. i suppose it doesn't matter if it's closer to full or empty - all i care about is if its closer to the end than i am! haha

glass:

me: i tell these jokes. these trite, unfunny jokes. i hope for laughter, praise, approval. and yet i get nothing. and why should i not? they warrant nothing. despite this repeated, identical failure, i continue down this same path over and over. it never ends. do i never want it to end? am i the architect of my own anguish?

glass:

me: i know that water gives life. so many of the organisms inhabiting this world require it to survive, to thrive. and yet, half full or half empty, this glass does not hold enough. it can never hold enough. it can never quench my thirst to be loved. could you, glass? could you, water? could you, empty space contained therein?

glass:

me: no, i suppose not. why would an object help me when i have the means to help myself, and refuse to do so? how could it, for that matter? it cannot spring to life, fully formed and anthropomorphic. life doesn't form that way. but...life can end that way. would i be missed if i was gone? no, how could i be? i do not merit discussion, save that of the most derisive tones. i do not contribute, i am not worthy. i cannot live in this world.

me: picks up glass, tremblingly perhaps i will fare better in the next. smashes glass into skull, causing unconsciousness. subsequent bleeding out results in death. none came to help.

my tombstone: "devoted father, empty glass of water. we wish you let us fill you."

 

[Myzozoa]

diogenes: *throws away glass and uses their cupped hands to drink* A child has bested me in plainness of living.

 

[CaffeineBoost]

diogenes: *throws away glass and uses their cupped hands to drink* A child has bested me in plainness of living.

Pythagoras: I know a way to completely ruin this glass.

 

[Fishy]

i'm bobby boucher for that H₂O

 

[Ur local kangaroo]

I guess I'm a full on pessimist, but that's only because there's no glass

 

[Martin]

Me: *drinks water*

Historians: There was water in the glass yesterday
Revisionists: There never was any water in the glass

 

[Gravity Monkey]

guess im a specialist

 

[Martin]

Scientists: Half of the glass' internal volume contains liquid and the other half contains gas

This statement is depreciated following recent breakthroughs in the study of the language of scientific pedantry.

Please use the following from now on:

 

[Candelia]

my glass is empty as shit tbh

 

[zf]

My glass is full of Pure 95.6% ethanol distilled using Tray tower still With 10 stages… until we Hit the pinch Point on the MccAbe-thiele diagram shortly before the Azeotrope crossover.

Of course this percentage of composition has Not been tested using analytical techniques such as IR spectroscopy, but rather estimated usibg the NRTL model for Water-ethanol binary mixture assuminga Pressure of 1 atm

 

[zf]

and before I hear it from any of you… FUCK UNIFAC and UNIQUAC… they are Inferior models for binary mixtures WITHOUT highly charged or Polar molecule…. In this household it’s NRTL or NOTHINF BABY!!!

they can suck my UNICOCK. But wheb we are talking multi-component equilibria… with the Dissolved salts… maybe Theb we Can talk UNIFUK

 

[Candelia]

i think zf just emptied my glass even more with that set of sentences.