Who else here is a parent? I have an absolutely wonderful 19 - month old girl. Parenting has certainly been difficult, but not the overwhelming challenge I thought it might be from what other people have described. Honestly the biggest difficulties have been created by the issues between me and my fiancée.
Since the day she was born, I have been our daughter's primary caretaker. I'd say I change her 80% of the time and make her food 100% of the time. I take her to all of her appointments, I set up her insurance, I soothe her when she cries at night (fiancee has never once helped) and so many other things. I can deal with that. But my fiancée threatened to take her with her if we break up (her family is from Utah and we live in California). This angers and worries me because I'm both frustrated that she would take her from me when I do so much for her, but I'm also genuinely worried my daughter will not be taken care of properly. Her family are insane alcoholics and drug addicts, and this worries me as well. Her family started giving my fiancée alcohol when she was 5, to give you an idea of what they're like. And my fiancée's mental issues worry me as well, she can act very erratic when she's manic or depressed.
What should I do? I'm certain we're breaking up eventually, and a custody battle terrifies me. Despite the fact that I'm the one who takes care of her, that my family is much more stable and she's in a much better environment here, I'm a man, and it worries me that they're not going to care about what's best for my daughter, and give over custody to her mom because she's a woman. I've even offered to have my daughter for part of the year, and sending her to Utah for part of the year, but my partner shot that down, because I felt like I should keep my daughter for a few months first, so my partner could get into a stable living situation, but that's me "taking her away" from my partner. She had a meltdown when talking about this, because I also pointed out that I am her primary caretaker, and she went on a whole rant about it and threatened to kill herself if I don't let her leave with my daughter.
I really don't know what to do
Since the day she was born, I have been our daughter's primary caretaker. I'd say I change her 80% of the time and make her food 100% of the time. I take her to all of her appointments, I set up her insurance, I soothe her when she cries at night (fiancee has never once helped) and so many other things. I can deal with that. But my fiancée threatened to take her with her if we break up (her family is from Utah and we live in California). This angers and worries me because I'm both frustrated that she would take her from me when I do so much for her, but I'm also genuinely worried my daughter will not be taken care of properly. Her family are insane alcoholics and drug addicts, and this worries me as well. Her family started giving my fiancée alcohol when she was 5, to give you an idea of what they're like. And my fiancée's mental issues worry me as well, she can act very erratic when she's manic or depressed.
What should I do? I'm certain we're breaking up eventually, and a custody battle terrifies me. Despite the fact that I'm the one who takes care of her, that my family is much more stable and she's in a much better environment here, I'm a man, and it worries me that they're not going to care about what's best for my daughter, and give over custody to her mom because she's a woman. I've even offered to have my daughter for part of the year, and sending her to Utah for part of the year, but my partner shot that down, because I felt like I should keep my daughter for a few months first, so my partner could get into a stable living situation, but that's me "taking her away" from my partner. She had a meltdown when talking about this, because I also pointed out that I am her primary caretaker, and she went on a whole rant about it and threatened to kill herself if I don't let her leave with my daughter.
I really don't know what to do