im still obnoxious and my mom still doesnt like me

lemme just put some copy-pasted stuff here since i'm a lazy fuck

8 Modern Day Omens

1. Drop your phone. If it lands face up, you will receive welcome news from a friend or relative. If it lands face down, it is broken.
2. When your entire face tingles you are about to be tagged in a photo.
3. Finding a spider in your bathtub means you must touch an old man’s leg before you buy your next lotto ticket.
4. Take a fun, fanciful word that describes you and then add the word “taco” after it. That is your online dating screen name.
5. A barista using whole milk instead of skim to make your coffee drink means your day is ruined.
6. If an expert on a daytime television show lists seven signs that your partner is cheating on you and all of them apply then that expert is a witch.
7. Passing by an accident on your way home from work is good luck.
8. If no hummingbirds visit your hummingbird feeder then your children will be autistic.

Final words from me:

Treat others as you want to treat them.