Errr...
Unfortunately, no. The biggest issue here is, of course, the fact that this only needs one more stamp to be done. I'd generally stay away from doing those in the future; there's a lot less you can pick out of an analysis to show you know all the errors when it's just an amcheck on a (GP 1/2) analysis, this means an official guy has gone through already and found most of them.
There's also the point where I've already checked this analysis, and I wouldn't want to have it go through by my hand only without one of the other GPers, that all have a pretty different style to me, check it.
You got some good changes in here, but the point is there's simply not enough for me to stamp and say "you got everything right, you're qualified to be on GP from an analysis like this". That's generally what the stamps are for, and there's just not enough material in this analysis to see that, especially when it's 1/2 already. Most of this comes from the author's writing and the fact that it's a short analysis.
However, you did change some "wrong" things in here. While it may sound a bit bad, the plural form of "close combat" is "close combats". If you wanted to change it to have no s on the end, you'd have needed to rework the sentence a bit, as the point of it was to say donphan can take multiples of these hits. Also, "base 120 Attack" is a bit better than "120 base attack". 120 Base power would be correct, and note that "base" is capitalized here, if we were talking about a move, say, Hydro Pump. Thanks for catching some "its" and "Will-O-Wisps", though, I can't believe I missed those >_<
I noticed you're using the diff app, and I'd like to take a moment to reccommend you don't use it. If you didn't see, when you try to add a comma to this, it just highlights the comma. Likewise, if you add or take away a letter at the end of a word, it only highlights that letter. The particular diff app is a bit restricting to showing some errors, I find. When you add commas, in particular, you may want to type (AC) or (comma) after you've done one, and (RC) for removing them. That's what I do when I edit my posts directly, which I prefer to do. I like to do checks on smogon directly because I've been able to speed up the process over the years and it lets me highlight anything I want to. As a way to speed up highlighting things, you can double click on a word and then immediately chose a color for it, it's helpful ^_^. Give direct editing a try, other GPers may reccommend the diff app and I'm a bit biased against it, but if you decide to stick with it, be a little more careful with the stuff it highlights and the stuff it doesn't.
Back to your check, it's really not bad in any way, it just doesn't particularly show me everything you know. Hopefully, doing an analysis with zero GP checks on it will help remedy this issue!
This wound up being a very long VM lol
If you don't mind me asking, what is your location and first language? I want to know if you're doing all this with a background in english or another language, which causes people different grammar problems based on their language, I've found.