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A "The One"

I don't believe in the idea of a "The One". I find that the idea mostly seems to spark when people either feel unwanted, or are suffering from unrequited love(whether they realize it or not)(this is merely my personal experience, so you may differ). It keeps people going, since they feel that there is someone out there who they're destined to be with, so they feel they have a purpose.

I don't believe it because the idea at its very basis is absurd - it means that human variables that are unpredictable do not factor into the equation, which is a very very big stretch. What will happen to you will happen on the basis of many many spur-of-the-moment decisions, so any idea of a fixed destiny is absurd(no pun intended here).
 
my ex-girlfriend was convinced that I am her "one", and she told me she felt that way about me after about 7 months together

that easily explains why she's having so many problems with me leaving her
 
If you're bisexual, do you have "The Two" because there's one of each gender?

I definitely don't believe that though, some people are destined to not find somebody perfect for them (using "perfect" quite loosely)

Also:
tumblr_lnovmveoG31qbxq6qo1_500.gif

YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE
 
Lee said:
so basically LN, you got drunk and watched a crappy chick flick. did you also eat ice cream and stress over how it was going to go straight to your hips? you're such a chick.

as for the question, no. naturally some people are more suited to others but the idea of there being this 'one' is nothing more than a romantic notion influenced by literature and Hollywood and then perpetuated by lonely singletons. when you consider how many billions of girls/guys there are in the world, it's kinda foolish to assume that you can only be truly happy with one of them because of some pre-destined indeterminable concept. it'll drive you insane and you'll end up being a pretentious overly picky jerk like that main bloke off How I Met your Mother.
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Spot on mate, agreed 100%. It always bothers me when people think there is some ethereal quantity that is a part of attraction. It's quite obvious that attraction to another person is entirely biological (brain impulses and whatnot). I'm not saying that attraction is entirely based on physical appearance, as many people have mental/emotional qualities that they look for in a partner as well. However, it seems pretty silly to me when people say that there is something "special" about someone (or that they are waiting for someone special).
 
People who are not married and/or are divorced are much more likely to disbelieve the "the one" idea.

Most of this site is not married and not religious, so the overwhelming disdain for this "the one" idea is understandable.

However, please do not make ignorant comments like "anyone who could possibly believe in the idea is crazy" because I believe it and I am certainly not crazy.

The reason I believe in The One, aside from my religious beliefs of course, is based on certain aspects of my relationship itself. I've had my fair share of relationshits, and I've gotten to experience all different fun kinds of emotion through them. However, ever since the first day I met my current wife, the relationship has felt inexplicably different than all my others. It wasn't a feeling I could put into words, I was just being led and drawn to her. I was filled with the overwhelming sensation that we simply just fit and were MEANT to be together, but not in any logical sort of way that can be explained.

The problem with the One theory, like religion, is that it is purely faith-based. There is no logical explanation for why it exists, those who believe it just believe it because of a feeling inside that they can't ignore.

All of that aside, this feeling I have greatly increases the satisfaction and happiness of my life, and I wish I could really share it with you. All I can say is stick to your beliefs, whether you agree with me or disagree. Good discussion so far!
 
saying that it's purely faith-based or that it's just a feeling does not make it immune to scrutiny.

<az> look
<az> there are more women
<az> than men
<az> thats all you need to know

also, there is no evidence that for each person there is one perfectly suited "one". even if there was, you're ignoring the fact that it takes more for a relationship to work than compatibility. it is perfectly possible to find your "one" (assuming it exists) and end up fucking up the relationship and then find someone else who isn't quite the "one" later on and achieve a long-lasting relationship.

the idea of the one comes from hollywood films and the way love/affection/infatuation for someone screws with your head so hard that you can't see shit straight, so you just give in and say that "she's the one"
 
cookie said:
it is perfectly possible to find your "one" (assuming it exists) and end up fucking up the relationship and then find someone else who isn't quite the "one" later on and achieve a long-lasting relationship.
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See, but that's the whole idea - that your person is "the one" and no matter what mistakes you make, the relationship still works out. The whole concept of "the one" is that you CAN'T fuck it up, because it's being controlled by a higher power and not you. Conversely, having a long lasting relationship is not a perfect indicator of success. You can be with the same person for years and years and have them not be the right one for you. Really, the idea ties in more closely with religion than anything else. The Hollywood aspect is just a more dramatized version. It also depends on what your individual definition of "happiness" is. Everyone has a different idea of what it means to achieve true happiness. It's too complex of a subject to break down, so I'm not even going to bother to try.

I also never said it was immune to scrutiny. Nothing is immune to scrutiny, so scrutinize away. I was just attempting to clarify what the belief entails, not tell other people they should believe it too. Everyone is going to have different experiences and believe different things.
 
the problem I have with this is that if the relationship with the person you think is the one fails then you can just say that she wasn't really the "one". conversely, you could say that the person you've been with for 50 years is your "one" because evidence up to then shows that your relationship is indestructible, even though that still might change. Ultimately, I don't see the point in believing in such a thing. There is no difference between a relationship with "the one" and one that you've maintained because you've made compromises and tried hard to make it work.

As for the idea that a higher power is in control, well that may well lead to laziness on your behalf because you can just keep justifying failed relationships by saying that s/he wasn't the one and doom yourself to foreveralone.jpg because you keep waiting for something that may not even exist and think you don't have to put effort into a relationship because one day you think you'll meet someone where it's not necessary.
 
You are correct, there is a great deal of interpretation to be made. Also, you being non-religious and me being religious kind of puts us at opposite ends and makes it difficult for us to understand where the other is coming from. You aren't religious, so as a result it's difficult for you to believe in "The One" because it requires you to relinquish control of your own destiny to something else (which you already believe does not exist).

Believing in "The One" means that, if your relationship fails, you believe they were not the right person. People who use this excuse to not work hard to maintain relationships are those that are not truly religious, simply using religion to suit their own ends. The concept is that, if you believe you have found "The One", you will naturally work hard for the relationship because you desire to. Good relationships are those that happen naturally without being forced. If you have to make yourself unhappy so that your partner can be happy, that is not a good relationship. Conversely, no relationship is perfect, so compromises WILL need to be made from time to time. However, people who are meant to be together will find themselves making far less compromises and sacrifices than two people who aren't. You might be hell-bent to make a particular relationship work, but there comes a threshold where the amount of work you're putting into it does not justify the reward you get out of it. The idea is that people who are meant for each other will not HAVE to put an inordinate amount of work into the relationship for it to be fruitful and satisfying.

Sorry if I'm not doing a terribly good job explaining, most of this just comes from emotions and feelings. I respect that you believe what you believe, but I don't think believing what I believe makes me lazy :D
 
It's not that I don't believe a higher power governing my destiny doesn't exist, but it's that believing in such is pointless: I am not going to rely on something that may or may not exist to control my life when I'm perfectly capable of doing so. What's more, believing that god or whatever ultimately controls what happens to you has the danger of preventing you from learning fully from your shortcomings and improving your life in the future.

From what you've said about what "The One" is, it sounds like a rationalisation to make yourself feel better about breaking up with someone. Fair enough, as long as it doesn't stop you from questioning your actions in such a way that may help you in the long run. For example, if you've been through four failed marriages and blame them all on having not found the one rather then looking at patterns or you taste in women or whatever, then you might just end up with five failed marriages rather than sorting your shit out and doing better next time.
 
cookie said:
From what you've said about what "The One" is, it sounds like a rationalisation to make yourself feel better about breaking up with someone. Fair enough, as long as it doesn't stop you from questioning your actions in such a way that may help you in the long run. For example, if you've been through four failed marriages and blame them all on having not found the one rather then looking at patterns or you taste in women or whatever, then you might just end up with five failed marriages rather than sorting your shit out and doing better next time.
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I have some disagreements with Cookie's standpoint on Religion (although that is his case entirely and I have yet to ever hear of someone changing their views on something as big as their belief system due to a conversation on the internet) but he does bring up a very good point. Ether you find love or you don't, its not fate, you make the choices in your life, or (this is for you Vader).

oracle.jpg

Oracle said:
"You have already made the choice, now you have to understand it."
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Destiny Warrior said:
I don't believe in the idea of a "The One". I find that the idea mostly seems to spark when people either feel unwanted, or are suffering from unrequited love(whether they realize it or not)(this is merely my personal experience, so you may differ). It keeps people going, since they feel that there is someone out there who they're destined to be with, so they feel they have a purpose.
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I agree 100% with this. I have never had the notion of there being only one person for me until after my ex broke up with me. Recently I found myself worried about being single, or if I will ever find another person that I care about as much as her. Really hoping something happens, because this feeling is very depressing.
 
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