Classic CopyPastas

I think Gourgeist is uncompetitive and it deserves to be banned.
What’s up gamers! So today I decided to hop on the [Gen 8] Balanced Hackmons ladder with an epic simple + no retreat spam team (fuck the smogon stall tryhards for banning shell smash) and I met this weird boomer avatar guy who was named rrrrgg or something and he had a stupid meta darm team lol, those tryhard fuckers are always fucking carried by darm and they cant bother to come up with an original team like me. Anyways I’m 3 mons down and I finally got a kill with zekrom and he sent out a Gourgeist with poison heal and I was like "ok noob lol, what are you gonna do?" I clicked bolt beak cuz its my strongest move but he only took like 60% and he stole all of my boosts with broken spectral thief!!! Well whatever, i just kept clicking bolt beak expecting to finish him off easily, but he kept spamming spiky shield like a braindead stall fucker. he court changed my precious sticky web I set up with my truant ninjask and set up his own rocks while easily stalling me out wtf??!!! How is this balanced?? Now I was kinda angry so I pulled out my original no retreat Orbeetle (I named him Big Chungus lol) expecting to stored power sweep his entire team, and as I set up, HE USED FUCKING SPECTRAL THIEF AGAIN AND STOLE ALL MY BOOSTS AND I COULDNT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT AND ARGHGUHG!!! I LOST TO THIS SAME FUCKING BRAINDEAD BOOMER 5 TIMES IN A ROW LIKE WTF I CANT DO ANYTHING AGAINST THAT GODDAMN PUMPKIN!!! I EVEN TRIED X-SCISSORING HIM TO DEATH BUT HE WOULD JUST KEEP CLICKING SPIKY SHIELD LIKE A WIMPY VIRGIN!!!1 I urge everyone on this forum to get Gourgeist out of the meta asap because it is uncompetitive and utterly broken.
Thanks for your time.
 
man & girl go out to drive under moonlight. they stop at on at a side of road. he turn to his girl and say: "baby, i love you very much"
"what is it honey?"
"our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken, ill walk and get some more fuel."
"ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of steres being stolen."
"good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"

so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby, he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and a voice say "LET ME IN"

the girl doesn't do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door.
 
Co takhle dát si Twister? Ledově svěží tornádo! Vtáhne tě do světa ovocných chutí kde je všechno jiné než by se ti mohlo zdát. S Twisterem je to zkrátka jízda! Nekonečným oceánem ananasů, ledovým údolím šťavnatých citrónů, a voňavým pralesem zralých jahod! Tak objev tajemství ovocné zmrzliny. Ovocnější, než kdykoli předtím! Roztoč to s Twisterem od Algidy!

i dont speak slovak its just a funny vinesauce reference
 
From Reddit:

Buy a burner smartphone and activate the service. Take it to a public park or shopping mall. Do your searches on the phone, but leave behind red herrings to throw off the authorities. Leave behind an empty briefcase or a small amount of fertilizer. Search the name Eduardo. Throw the phone in the trash and light it on fire. Go home and change into a disguise, return to the scene of the search and wait. Wait until a young hot shot FBI agent shows up and inform him that a strange man with a Spanish accent was asking about a man named Eduardo. Tell him there was a squirrel under the bench at midday and wink, then walk away. Go about your daily life and wait for the government to tail you. Begin funneling suspicious amounts of cash to a charity and several high ranking officials of your choosing. Wait for the cunning agent to show up at your home and spring a trap for him. An emotional trap, tell him you're his long lost sibling separated at birth and this is your plea for the attention you were denied as a child. Then point a gun at him and tell him the oxnards are in bloom. He'll be confused. Shoot him. Ditch the body at your neighbor Eduardo's house and laugh as he gets arrested. Serves him right to argue about what side of the property line your new fence is on. Wait for the sequel.
 

BIG ASHLEY

Formerly Total Clefairy
From Reddit:

Buy a burner smartphone and activate the service. Take it to a public park or shopping mall. Do your searches on the phone, but leave behind red herrings to throw off the authorities. Leave behind an empty briefcase or a small amount of fertilizer. Search the name Eduardo. Throw the phone in the trash and light it on fire. Go home and change into a disguise, return to the scene of the search and wait. Wait until a young hot shot FBI agent shows up and inform him that a strange man with a Spanish accent was asking about a man named Eduardo. Tell him there was a squirrel under the bench at midday and wink, then walk away. Go about your daily life and wait for the government to tail you. Begin funneling suspicious amounts of cash to a charity and several high ranking officials of your choosing. Wait for the cunning agent to show up at your home and spring a trap for him. An emotional trap, tell him you're his long lost sibling separated at birth and this is your plea for the attention you were denied as a child. Then point a gun at him and tell him the oxnards are in bloom. He'll be confused. Shoot him. Ditch the body at your neighbor Eduardo's house and laugh as he gets arrested. Serves him right to argue about what side of the property line your new fence is on. Wait for the sequel.
yo monkfish u still looking for neighbour revenge ideas?
 
You left the chat but are still in the chat but still left the chat but you do not know how that is possible but are still in the chat but somehow still are not in the chat but at the same time want to say that you left the chat but you are still in the chat but mysteriously are leaving the chat but aren't leaving the chat and are still in the chat but want to leave but cannto leave but still are in the chat and leaving the chat at the same time but still you are in the chat and totally left the chat but I will not say that you left the chat but still want to leave the chat but somehow can manage to stay in the chat and leave the chat at the same time but I am wondering if you are in the chat or not but still likes to count you as in between in and out of the chat and want to ask me if I am in the chat or not but wants to leave and stay in the chat and will ponder for hours about how you can stay in the chat and leave at the same time and want to ask Albert Einstein if it is part of the space-time continum and think you spelled it wrong so the correct spelling is so here is the correct one "continuum" and you wonder why there are two "u"s but still want to get back to the same point about how you can be in the chat and not in the chat all at the same time and the problem with asking Albus I mean Albert Einstein is that he was dead and like really dead like dead dead like not alive dead and no he did not commit not alive so you cant ask him and you notice that there wasn't an apostrophe in can't so you can still be in the chat and leaving the chat at the same time and no stop asking if I had a stroke I didnt
 
I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right. He took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG, and I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right, baby. Tall points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth. That's right, this is what you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss DROPLETS hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!
 
Ty user "Revenge of Depressed Gay" for this one

Ahem, I truly and utterly hate Drampa. I don't think it has anything good going for it. In terms of battle prowess it really would only shine in trick room, but even then physical attackers are more common in trick room ready to exploit its mediocre defenses not to mention the tr user is probably going to be immune to one of drampa's STABS. It's not really fair to compare Drampa to other dragon types because most of them are gods amongst pokemen, and with normal types it blends into the crowd by being another midling normal type. I know what you're going to say though, IT'S SPECIAL ATTACK IS THROUGH THE ROOF ON THIS BITCH! You're right it's tied with Porygon Z for having the highest special attack of all normal types. Shame it's slow as fuck. Even in Alola where the average speed stat is like 50, Drampa still manages to lag behind the competiton at base 36. Now this would be fine if Drampa wasn't a fucking eyesore. I don't see how anyone thinks this long necked piece of shit is remotely cute in any way shape or form. It looks like the end result of an old guy wishing to become a dragon, but the transformation was stuck in this awkward state where it was never fully complete. Also Drampa has some major fucking cataracts, like how the fuck does it even see. It shouldn't be able to hit anything with those useless eyes. I doubt it can smell or hear well either given that it's part old man. This isn't even mentioning how the eyebrows are just twinkies. Like someone glued some twinkies on Drampa's face and called it a day. Then the shiny form swaps out the twinkies for some Ho Hos. This isn't even getting into its weird chin droop thing that looks like a drop of cum is trying to fall off its cheek, or how its shiny form trades the nice seafoam green for a classic piss yellow. God the more I look at this thing the more I want to gouge my eyes out and heal the wounds with bleach. Drampa will always be my least favorite dragon type, and I hate everything about it. I'm done
 
This post is a cry for help. I can’t stand this anymore. Everywhere I go, this stupid orange shitstain somehow finds me and ruins my life. No matter how many defense mechanisms I have, it always come back.

Yesterday, I was working at my job when I heard it. That fateful sound of a stat drop. I quickly leaped out of my chair and turned around, but the fucker had already used intimidate on all of my coworkers. I ran towards the bastard to punch him, but he set up stealth rocks in my cubicle, preventing me from working again. I quickly bolted to the office fridge to grab some ice cubes, but by the time I screamed “KYUREM USE ICE BEAM” the fucker had already u-turned out the window. I couldn’t work anymore because of the stealth rocks, so I had to leave so I could get a defog tm from my car.

As I grabbed the defog tm from my car, the thing jumped me from behind and used knock off, smacking the tm into the middle of the road. Before I could go grab it, a car raced by and crushed the tm, making it worthless. As I was standing there, shocked by what happened, the orange demon used earthquake on my car, giving me 4 flat tires simultaneously. Filled with rage, I grabbed a keldeo plush from my car, shoved a pair of spectacles onto its face, and hurled it at the thing, while screaming “KELDEO USE HYDRO PUMP.” Just like always, however, my hydro pump missed, and the fucker u-turned away again.

After I took a bus home, I was exhausted. As I was lying in my bed, depressed, my 6-year old daughter came into the room. She started talking about her favorite TV show, when suddenly, her face began to change. No. NO. As she continued talking, her face continued to morph, until it was identical to Landorus-Therian. I was ready this time, though. I quickly kicked off my shoes, revealing that I had duct-taped ice cubes to my feet. I then proceeded to triple axel the ever loving shit out of that thing. I looked up and screamed with joy, thinking it was all over. However, as I came to my senses, I saw my daughter unconscious on the floor and realized what I had done. The orange bastard had tricked me. My wife stood in the doorway, shocked, before she pulled out her phone and dialed 911. I’m writing this in the woods right now, the police are probably going to find me soon.

Fuck Landorus-Therian.
 
Finally got to visit that harbor specializing in Gunkan Suships that I've been curious about for a while! The premium "Shari" here is limited to 2000 Suships a year, and uses specially developed smooth aged rice, giving it extra boldness not found anywhere else. The classy atmosphere made my heart sing, too. The Gunkan Suship served had a perfect balance of vinegar, nigiri, shine, and shape, demonstrating exquisite artisanship. The owner told me, "We are introducing rich yet mellow scented EDO-FRONT red vinegar in the near future," which I'm really looking forward to. However, I was disappointed the surrounding seas were a little noisy... so, giving it 4 stars with hope for improvements in the future.
 
Finally got to visit that harbor specializing in Gunkan Suships that I've been curious about for a while! The premium "Shari" here is limited to 2000 Suships a year, and uses specially developed smooth aged rice, giving it extra boldness not found anywhere else. The classy atmosphere made my heart sing, too. The Gunkan Suship served had a perfect balance of vinegar, nigiri, shine, and shape, demonstrating exquisite artisanship. The owner told me, "We are introducing rich yet mellow scented EDO-FRONT red vinegar in the near future," which I'm really looking forward to. However, I was disappointed the surrounding seas were a little noisy... so, giving it 4 stars with hope for improvements in the future.
"Check THIS out!"
 
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I’M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT’S FUCKING MEMES! I was in a server, right? And ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just among us stuff I-I showed my champion underwear to my girlfriend and t-the logo I flipped it and I said “hey babe, when the underwear is sus HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING” I f^^king looked at a trashcan and said “THAT’S A BIT SUSSY”I looked at my penis, I think of the astronauts helmet and I go “PENIS? MORE LIKE PENSUS” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
 
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest. He then puts on some axe for some Kanye zest and goes to the bar puffing out his Kanye chest. Gets drunk into a Kanye mess and goes home to the the Kanye West part of town. He realized his life was a wreck, and was feeling a little Kanye depressed. “My life sucks he Kanye digressed. He decided to get some Italian to he flew to Kanye Trieste. He got some pasta and started to Kanye digest. You should get some Kanye rest his wife Kanye pressed. Instead he went to a Kanye fest. He then realized he needed to go to Dallas for his competition, so he went to the airport and hopped on Kanye southwest, got some Kanye rest, and the next morning was feeling ready for his Kanye contest. Or at least he Kanye guessed. On the day of the competition he was feeling a little Kanye stressed. But in the end the judges were Kanye impressed. For his performance he was awarded with the Kanye chest, clearly identified with the Kanye crest. There ends the story of Kanye West. FIN here
 
Hear me out, this may sound like a joke, but it isn't. Adding the griddy as an emote to roblox would make roblox rich after all the robux spent on the emote. It would also unite all of the players as they griddy happily with each other. Now I bet your saying, oh random person on the forums, a lot of people won't be able to afford it! Well, I have a solution to that. I propose that we make them work for it through a series of difficult quests. Think of it like a non-limited-time event item. Now I know some of you are saying, well what's the point in buying it if you can get it for free! Well, buying it would just be easier for those who don't feel like trying to complete a series of difficult quests, or in other words, those who are lazy. Now, I know that going through a bunch of difficult quests may sound hard and unnecessary for just an emote, but, this emote is more special than meets the eye. Obtaining the griddy emote not only allows whoever has it to do the griddy, it also allows them to dunk on someone, and the only way for someone to do that is through winning an argument. The chat moderation thingy majigger would be able to detect any arguments between people, and will wait until someone has won. Once someone has won they may dunk on the person who they won the argument over, but… they are only allowed to do this IF they have the griddy emote in their inventory. The griddy emote does not have to be equipped to dunk on someone, but you still have to equip it like any other regular emote to actually do the griddy itself. So, this is my opinion of why the griddy emote should come to roblox and some other stuff I rambled on about. Also one more thing, anyone who has the Red Lip - Tate McRae, man, or chill face on will not be allowed to griddy or dunk on someone in fear that those people, those people being trollers, may use the griddy and the added bonus of being able to dunk on someone for bad purposes like bullying and much more.
 
It all started 53 years ago, back when I was a fully grown little boy...


One day, while I was jumping through the street, I happened upon a large vehicle, which clobbered me violently into a nearby window. After getting my bearings, I looked up to see a young boy with a Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition in his tiny little hands. I had always dreamed of owning a Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition, but my family could barely even afford Gold...


He looked up at me with those big, vibrating eyes. His two lower teeth quivered in confusion. "Muh, mahma," he said softly.


This was my chance! I ran at him screaming and stomping my feet, scrambling his brain in sheer confusion. I shoved him as hard as I could and grabbed his Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition, and I ran out the door. I leaped back down the street towards my home. I pulled open the door by its big, smelly handle and I let myself in quietly. I snuck past my many parents and shut myself into my room. I had made it. Finally, a Gameboy Advance SP to call my own. I will have to keep it hidden from my family. I shouldn't ever allow them to know...


I took the Gameboy SP in my small, beautiful hands, and proceeded to slide the switch to "ON" mode. I will never forget that wonderful sound it made the first time I turned it on. And that wonderful Nintendo logo splashed my screen in sheer delight. I blew out my candle, and I pulled my curtain shut tight. I wanted absolutely nothing to get in the way of my first Gameboy Advanced SP Blue Edition experience.


Suddenly, a small man appeared on-screen. Shortly after, the word "Mario" started flashing behind him. I assume this man is the man known as "Mario". I had seen adverts showing him on television. The title of the screen slowly lowered itself in from the top of the screen.


"Super Mario... and the legend of the Stolen Gameboy Advanced SP, Blue Edition"?!


My hart sank... as I noticed a dead pixel in the lower left region of the screen.


"Beggars can't be choosers," I thought to myself, however, and I pressed the start button with my Feenge.


A vast landscape with clouds, bushes, and bricks appeared before my very eye. And there he was. The familiar "Mario" man I had grown to enjoy.


I pushed left on the left button. Mario himself dashed to the left. Dust between his silly brown shoes filled the air. Amazed by his speed, I quickly pushed right to test his turning abilities. I was not disappointed, as Mario changed direction in a matter of seconds. I learned the other button functions as I played...


'B' allowed Mario to dash at high speeds, similar to my own. 'A' allowed him to leap so high in the sky that I screamed in fear that, perhaps, maybe he wouldn't come back down... Yet he always did, which engaged me in the game-world even further. I quickly grasped the concepts of jumping large gaps, avoiding enemies, and climbing a big, big flagpole at the end of each level.


I got to the fourth level without much problems. I looked into a nearby mirror and smiled at myself with one eyebrow raised and I said loudly, "Does this game think I am not good? I can handle anything it throws my way! Ahhh huhaaaaa! Auuhhh..."


Suddenly, the screen turned black... And I don't just mean black, I mean so black... The screen looked like a big, deep, deep hole.


I said out loud, "Is this a hole I see before me?" and it echoed, like a hole...


I wiped a large chunk of sweat from my flopping brow. "That was weird," I thought in a big bubble next to my head.


The level loaded, but this time it took a lot longer. Mario stood in place so I pushed right and he began running. I noticed the graphics were getting all jumbly. Also, the music was becoming less like the Mario theme, DA DA DAH DUH DA DAH DUH!, and more garbled, like BRRPP BRPP BRUPP BRR BRUM BRADDAH!!!


I was nearing the first gap of the stage to jump over. As I drew closer, I readied my sweating, pink thumb over the 'A' button. The gap was here! I pushed the button, but Mario didn't jump... He just screamed.


"HO!"


I pushed left as far as I could and he grounded to a halt, right at the edge of the gap. I pushed 'A' frantically and repeatedly to try and make him jump, but he just screamed and screamed.


"HA HO!"


The camera zoomed in on my face as I pummel that 'A' button, trying to make Mario fill that air above his body, but all that filled the air were my friend Mario's screams of fear.


I said, "No more!"


I pulled the cartridge from the Gameboy Advance SP and I threw it out my window. It landed in some mud outside and I laughed and I closed my window. I turned around... And I saw that the cartridge was back in my Gameboy... Mud oozed from it's cartridge slot.


I gasped and I said to myself, "Nooo... It can not be!"


The gameboy turned itself back on. Mario's face appeared with hyperrealistic skin pores and bloody chapped lips.


He spoke softly, "You stole me from my human... Now I, Mario of Nintendo of America Incorporated, curse you forever!"


I screamed aloud, louder than an eagle of the night, "There must be someway to undo this curse!"


I decided the only way to rid myself from this curse was to beat the game. I ran up to the first gap of the level. I pushed 'A' and Mario just screamed again.


"HO!"


I fell into the hole and Mario lost a life. This is when I noticed my skin began to rot and turn slightly green.


"What on Earth is happening, Mario?" I asked Mario.


""Every life you lose, I will make you rot! Haah haah huah!"


I asked, "How can I beat the game with only screams? I cannot jump gaps by screaming!"


"Fuck you..." Mario said quietly.


I screamed.


"H O A H !"


I decided NOT to beat the game in fear of me rotting! I decided that I was going to do the right thing. I ran out of my room pushing my feeble mother out of my way in the hallway. I ran down the street to the boy's house. Thunder bellowed and rain pitter-pattered on my crying face. Finally, I reached the house. I leaped up to the boy's window and let myself in. The room was dark.


"Boy?!" I cried out. "Boy, are you there?"


I turned on the light switch. As the room lit up, I saw many people dressed in black... They all cried softly.


"Who the flip are you people," I asked with tears running down my chinny-chin-chin.


"We are this boy's family," a woman replied, "I was his mother..."


She pointed into the center of the room where a small, white coffin was suspended over a hole. My heart sank.


"Is your boy inside that box?" I asked with an eyebrow raised and a finger on my chin.


"Yes, a crazed person broke into our home, ravaged our son and stole his childhood by killing him."


Everything went slow. I dropped to my knees. I held the gameboy tightly in my clenched fist. "Could this be MY fault?" I asked myself politely.


His mother walked over to me with a big, fat tear in her eye. She told me, "it really means a lot that a stranger would let himself into our home to pay respects to a boy he didn't know. I'm sure you two would've gotten along great." She then pointed to the priest and said, "Please lower our child into the Earth NOW."


The priest did just that. He pulled on a lever with a shiny red ball on it. The coffin started going down!


I shoved the mother from my and I sprinted toward the coffin. I jumped on that coffin and the ropes snapped. I began falling into the Earth with the child inside. I heard the screams from his family echoing above.


I pried open the coffin as we fell and I shoved the gameboy into his tiny, cold mouth. "Free me of this curse, child!" I screamed at the top of my... head.


I noticed that we weren't hitting the bottom, and that the darkness in this hole reminded me of the dark I saw in the Gameboy. Could this be what I saw before?


From the darkness, a floating, black and white head of Mario appeared. He said to me, "In this hole, you shall fall with the dead body of a child! Huaaah hah..." and then he Gaussian blurred away...


"This is what I get for stealing, I guess," I said as I shrugged.


Suddenly, Mario appeared again. He said, "Wow... It sounds like you learned your lesson. You n-now be free... Bye." He clicked his... mustache and I was back in my room!


I looked over on my bed and the Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition was gone!


My mother opened the door and she said, "My son! My beautiful son! I make you eggs on toast," and she threw it on my bed and left with a smile on her face.


I-I-r... I realized... maybe stealing not okay. I looked to the sky and I said, "Thank you, Mario inside Gameboy..."


Everything would be alright. And though the child remained permanently dead, his mother could always play his Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition to remember him by.


Thanks... to me.
 
It all started 53 years ago, back when I was a fully grown little boy...


One day, while I was jumping through the street, I happened upon a large vehicle, which clobbered me violently into a nearby window. After getting my bearings, I looked up to see a young boy with a Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition in his tiny little hands. I had always dreamed of owning a Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition, but my family could barely even afford Gold...


He looked up at me with those big, vibrating eyes. His two lower teeth quivered in confusion. "Muh, mahma," he said softly.


This was my chance! I ran at him screaming and stomping my feet, scrambling his brain in sheer confusion. I shoved him as hard as I could and grabbed his Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition, and I ran out the door. I leaped back down the street towards my home. I pulled open the door by its big, smelly handle and I let myself in quietly. I snuck past my many parents and shut myself into my room. I had made it. Finally, a Gameboy Advance SP to call my own. I will have to keep it hidden from my family. I shouldn't ever allow them to know...


I took the Gameboy SP in my small, beautiful hands, and proceeded to slide the switch to "ON" mode. I will never forget that wonderful sound it made the first time I turned it on. And that wonderful Nintendo logo splashed my screen in sheer delight. I blew out my candle, and I pulled my curtain shut tight. I wanted absolutely nothing to get in the way of my first Gameboy Advanced SP Blue Edition experience.


Suddenly, a small man appeared on-screen. Shortly after, the word "Mario" started flashing behind him. I assume this man is the man known as "Mario". I had seen adverts showing him on television. The title of the screen slowly lowered itself in from the top of the screen.


"Super Mario... and the legend of the Stolen Gameboy Advanced SP, Blue Edition"?!


My hart sank... as I noticed a dead pixel in the lower left region of the screen.


"Beggars can't be choosers," I thought to myself, however, and I pressed the start button with my Feenge.


A vast landscape with clouds, bushes, and bricks appeared before my very eye. And there he was. The familiar "Mario" man I had grown to enjoy.


I pushed left on the left button. Mario himself dashed to the left. Dust between his silly brown shoes filled the air. Amazed by his speed, I quickly pushed right to test his turning abilities. I was not disappointed, as Mario changed direction in a matter of seconds. I learned the other button functions as I played...


'B' allowed Mario to dash at high speeds, similar to my own. 'A' allowed him to leap so high in the sky that I screamed in fear that, perhaps, maybe he wouldn't come back down... Yet he always did, which engaged me in the game-world even further. I quickly grasped the concepts of jumping large gaps, avoiding enemies, and climbing a big, big flagpole at the end of each level.


I got to the fourth level without much problems. I looked into a nearby mirror and smiled at myself with one eyebrow raised and I said loudly, "Does this game think I am not good? I can handle anything it throws my way! Ahhh huhaaaaa! Auuhhh..."


Suddenly, the screen turned black... And I don't just mean black, I mean so black... The screen looked like a big, deep, deep hole.


I said out loud, "Is this a hole I see before me?" and it echoed, like a hole...


I wiped a large chunk of sweat from my flopping brow. "That was weird," I thought in a big bubble next to my head.


The level loaded, but this time it took a lot longer. Mario stood in place so I pushed right and he began running. I noticed the graphics were getting all jumbly. Also, the music was becoming less like the Mario theme, DA DA DAH DUH DA DAH DUH!, and more garbled, like BRRPP BRPP BRUPP BRR BRUM BRADDAH!!!


I was nearing the first gap of the stage to jump over. As I drew closer, I readied my sweating, pink thumb over the 'A' button. The gap was here! I pushed the button, but Mario didn't jump... He just screamed.


"HO!"


I pushed left as far as I could and he grounded to a halt, right at the edge of the gap. I pushed 'A' frantically and repeatedly to try and make him jump, but he just screamed and screamed.


"HA HO!"


The camera zoomed in on my face as I pummel that 'A' button, trying to make Mario fill that air above his body, but all that filled the air were my friend Mario's screams of fear.


I said, "No more!"


I pulled the cartridge from the Gameboy Advance SP and I threw it out my window. It landed in some mud outside and I laughed and I closed my window. I turned around... And I saw that the cartridge was back in my Gameboy... Mud oozed from it's cartridge slot.


I gasped and I said to myself, "Nooo... It can not be!"


The gameboy turned itself back on. Mario's face appeared with hyperrealistic skin pores and bloody chapped lips.


He spoke softly, "You stole me from my human... Now I, Mario of Nintendo of America Incorporated, curse you forever!"


I screamed aloud, louder than an eagle of the night, "There must be someway to undo this curse!"


I decided the only way to rid myself from this curse was to beat the game. I ran up to the first gap of the level. I pushed 'A' and Mario just screamed again.


"HO!"


I fell into the hole and Mario lost a life. This is when I noticed my skin began to rot and turn slightly green.


"What on Earth is happening, Mario?" I asked Mario.


""Every life you lose, I will make you rot! Haah haah huah!"


I asked, "How can I beat the game with only screams? I cannot jump gaps by screaming!"


"Fuck you..." Mario said quietly.


I screamed.


"H O A H !"


I decided NOT to beat the game in fear of me rotting! I decided that I was going to do the right thing. I ran out of my room pushing my feeble mother out of my way in the hallway. I ran down the street to the boy's house. Thunder bellowed and rain pitter-pattered on my crying face. Finally, I reached the house. I leaped up to the boy's window and let myself in. The room was dark.


"Boy?!" I cried out. "Boy, are you there?"


I turned on the light switch. As the room lit up, I saw many people dressed in black... They all cried softly.


"Who the flip are you people," I asked with tears running down my chinny-chin-chin.


"We are this boy's family," a woman replied, "I was his mother..."


She pointed into the center of the room where a small, white coffin was suspended over a hole. My heart sank.


"Is your boy inside that box?" I asked with an eyebrow raised and a finger on my chin.


"Yes, a crazed person broke into our home, ravaged our son and stole his childhood by killing him."


Everything went slow. I dropped to my knees. I held the gameboy tightly in my clenched fist. "Could this be MY fault?" I asked myself politely.


His mother walked over to me with a big, fat tear in her eye. She told me, "it really means a lot that a stranger would let himself into our home to pay respects to a boy he didn't know. I'm sure you two would've gotten along great." She then pointed to the priest and said, "Please lower our child into the Earth NOW."


The priest did just that. He pulled on a lever with a shiny red ball on it. The coffin started going down!


I shoved the mother from my and I sprinted toward the coffin. I jumped on that coffin and the ropes snapped. I began falling into the Earth with the child inside. I heard the screams from his family echoing above.


I pried open the coffin as we fell and I shoved the gameboy into his tiny, cold mouth. "Free me of this curse, child!" I screamed at the top of my... head.


I noticed that we weren't hitting the bottom, and that the darkness in this hole reminded me of the dark I saw in the Gameboy. Could this be what I saw before?


From the darkness, a floating, black and white head of Mario appeared. He said to me, "In this hole, you shall fall with the dead body of a child! Huaaah hah..." and then he Gaussian blurred away...


"This is what I get for stealing, I guess," I said as I shrugged.


Suddenly, Mario appeared again. He said, "Wow... It sounds like you learned your lesson. You n-now be free... Bye." He clicked his... mustache and I was back in my room!


I looked over on my bed and the Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition was gone!


My mother opened the door and she said, "My son! My beautiful son! I make you eggs on toast," and she threw it on my bed and left with a smile on her face.


I-I-r... I realized... maybe stealing not okay. I looked to the sky and I said, "Thank you, Mario inside Gameboy..."


Everything would be alright. And though the child remained permanently dead, his mother could always play his Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition to remember him by.


Thanks... to me.
What did I just read...
 
Found this somewhere from a mod application 3 years ago
Can I mod your discord? I graduated top of my class in the #IRC server mod, I’ve been involved in numerous defences against rule breakers that decide to spam chats and try to self promo with over 300 confirmed bans plus 500 confirmed kicks. I’m trained in spam, self promo warfare and I’m the top mod on Discord. I read the ToS of discord plus the Guidelines like the bible and also pay for discord nitro. Thanks for listening.
 
Hello opponent-kun. It seems your current Pokemon is weak to either of Ice, Fire, Electric, or even Steel or Grass. And it seems Download has given me a free boost to my already good special attack. You'd better switch out, or else I'll hit you for SE damage.

What's that? You switched to your counter for me? lol never mind, I used U-Turn instead allowing me to switch to a counter for your counter.
 
I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers! I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He - he covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer!? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you - you have to stop him!
 
Melone, I am on the FUCKING edge right now! You're trying to say "Well done" but the phrase "Di Molto" means "A lot of"! The correct Italian phrase you're looking for is "Molto Bene"! YOU SHOULD FUCKING KNOW THIS BECAUSE WE'RE ITALIAN! For the love of God, Melone, I AM BEGGING YOU SHOW SOME ITALIAN PRIDE AND GET IT RIGHT YOU (nope) PIECE OF SHIT!
 
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cityscapes

Take care of yourself.
is a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributor
idk i woke up and i made some mrs t's pierogies with onions and some powered bacon flavoring then i had a massive dump

idk what u are on about but i will tell u this

there is a nacho cheese machine where i work

u put these metallic bags of nacho cheese paste in and it warms them up so that people can make nachos or put it on their hot dogs or whatever

and to me fake cheese that comes in a metallic bag and is heated in a dispenser for 7 eleven nachos is all i have to know about this timeline

everything else is a detail or a further example of the same thing

u talk about alienation in all of its forms

i am alienated from that nacho cheese

i dont understand it

i dont understand ppl who understand it

but i do love a good slim jim

and this humbles me because despite seeing the matrix i know i am a part of it and i didnt even have to eat acid to know that

or read marx

i used my brothers copy of capital for target practice when i went to visit him in arizona i have a photo somewhere of capital shot to hell

and i posted it on facebook and everyone thought it was a political statement and i said well no we also shot the fuck out of huey lewis and the news's "sports" on vinyl

also genesis invisible touch



it was just shit we had laying around

i wonder what the proportion is of printings of capital sitting on shelves vs how many ppl have read it vs how many have shot at it to test bullet penetration

i will say this for capital because i paged through it a bit

the real horror is if that the only alternative the current system is as mind-numbly boring as marx we are truly fucked

i think we are truly fucked

but at least there are slim jims
 

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