dad logic

[v]

idk about you guys, but when I was a kid and didn't know how anything worked, my father used to fuck with me by lying. here are a few of my father's lies:

-black and white photos are actually in color, but color as we know it wasn't invented until the 70s

-if you kept water in a sealed bottle it would evaporte, then recondense into a cloud and make a little rainstorm, but only if you tried really hard

-if you jumped too high gravity could lose you and you would go careening across the stars

-if you jumped in an elevator on the way down in the right way you would be weightless forever

-wind was caused by the ocean releasing trapped air

-cars all had eject buttons for the passenger seat

-star wars was a true story and so was magic school bus

now share with me the shattered expectations of your youth (DONT say santa claus)

 

[darkie]

i didnt know your name was calvin

 

[Princess Bubblegum]

My father tried his best to tell me the truth, or what he thought was the truth (which actually led to him being a douche).

My grandfather would tell me bullshit like that frogs lived on Mars that I took as real knowledge for years.

 

[Pernicious]

this ones kind of a paradox. my dad told me i was his son

 

[v]

(Serious)

 

[Fishy]

my dad said i would be sucked into the escalator belt if i didn't step off correctly

also would tell me that i would grow up to be bald just like him, even though he shaved his head

 

[Steamroll]

my dad didn't tell me anything of note, but he left a circuit hot so I could experience what an electric shock felt like.

 

[Lavos]

the sun and moon are really as small as they look

if you are a bad kid the monster in the attic will get you

smoking is a crime (and then i saw him smoking a cigar in the backyard)

our dogs are playing piggyback

WHEN YOU'RE OLDER YOU WILL UNDERSTAND <--- lies

my dad is a clever guy

 

[Jorgen]

you will transform into a pumpkin if you stay up past 9pm

Really got 5-year-old me to start questioning the nature of my existence. And the feelings of the Jack-o-Lantern on our porch that Halloween.

 

[Yeti]

my dad told me aliens are the antichrist. not sure if was serious. think may have been.

 

[ryan]

told me my dog went to a farm where she could play with other dogs and get bones and treats all the time.

;_______________________________________;

 

[Stagnant]

this ones kind of a paradox. my dad told me i was his son

Im black. my parents are white.

Think about how that plays with your mind..

edit:
Oh, white younger brother and sister.

 

[DHR-107]

My dad once convinced a friend that if the smoke came out of the wires in anything electrical that was the electricity escaping and it was impossible to get it back.

The other one was if he left me and my brother alone to look after the house while they (my parents) went out, for some reason "Rule Number One Applies".... Which I had no idea what it meant. Later I learnt it meant "Don't crash the Aeroplane". Which I STILL have no idea what it means in conjunction to looking after a house :|

 

[Molk]

lets see here...

The sun and the moon are the same object, and day and night are caused by its rotation between the two halves.

If i drank enough soda the built up gas inside me would make me lighter than air and give me the ability to fly.

Pokemon are real but they only live on an uncharted island that only the government knows about (when i asked him how he knew about it he said he was part of a government agency, lmao).

If i ate too much chicken i'd become a werechicken (>.>).

If i didn't wake up on time my alarm clock would explode.


....and thats about it.

 

[LonelyNess]

I feel like I've somehow been jipped out of my childhood because my dad wasn't a jackass who lied to me about scientific things.

 

[HUARGH]

Said that the reason a pig's nose looked that way was because if it ate enough food you could plug in your laptop or computer or phone charger into its nose and it would generate electricity.

Never really thought about it anymore and always thought it was kind of cool, he explained it in-depth by stating that because pigs eat so much and everything it would generate electricity in their stomach etc., I think I was like 7 years then. Now fast forward about 13 years (I'm 23 years old now), 20 years and on a date. Somehow we start talking about pigs and in an attempt to be interesting I tell my date a little known fact. Halfway through telling it I realize what I have been believing for the past 13ish years.

 

[relaunched]

I feel like I've somehow been jipped out of my childhood because my dad wasn't a jackass who lied to me about scientific things.

 

[capefeather]

-if you jumped too high gravity could lose you and you would go careening across the stars

technically this is true

 

[Arch]

WHEN YOU'RE OLDER YOU WILL UNDERSTAND <--- lies

Generally that's true a lot of the time.

 

[Rowan]

My Dad told my Cousin (his neice) that a pig lived in our basement. The next time she was at the house he hid there and made snorting noises. I'm pretty sure she thought we had a pet pig that for quite a few years.

We always used to go on holiday to the West Coast of Cornwall to this place that had a really nice view of the sunset over the sea. Anyway, my Dad always told me and my sister to look out for the steam as the sun hit the water...

 

[HiipFire]

I feel like I've somehow been jipped out of my childhood because my dad wasn't a jackass who lied to me about scientific things.

 

[v]

huarg that's fucking amazing lol

 

[Eagle4]

my dad said i would be sucked into the escalator belt if i didn't step off correctly

Oh god, this.

 

[Focus]

I don't have any interesting anecdotes. I do however have this:
http://www.xkcd.com/826/

 

[v]

the star wars one hits close to home.........