Serious Depression

You shouldn’t try to improve yourself with a precise goal in mind (getting laid, having friends etc.) but improve because that should (ideally) be the best thing to do. Caring about your aesthetic, working out it’s good for you wether you score with girls or not.

I have honestly no idea how one does make friends, as you might have guessed I have kind of the same problem, but most people told me that establishing an objective makes it actually harder or close to impossible to reach it. It goes along the lines of “good things will come eventually” and you should still try to improve without having the objective of increasing your friends.
 

Mr.E

im the best
is a Pre-Contributoris a Past SPL Champion
Yeah but I don't give a shit if I have an extra 20 pounds around the midsection, I'd rather enjoy all the Dr. Pepper my heart desires if I know it's not going to make people actually see me in a better light. I mean, besides my aunt creepily cupping my face and asking me if I lost weight. I only care how I look to the point that it positively influences others to treat me better, it's not like I can see myself very well unless I look in a mirror. It's not like I was even at an unhealthy weight before. And if I stuck to the things I most enjoy doing on my own, I'd be back to never leaving the house.

You absolutely should have precise goals in mind anyway when you do anything, it helps you focus on actually doing what is needed to get results. It's just unfortunate that results are never guaranteed when it comes to social stuff. I don't think you can tell someone it's wrong to have different goals for doing a particular something, though. Working out for competitive reasons, for health reasons, to look better naked are all perfectly valid reasons to work out. People hang out and do shit with their friends all the time where they aren't necessarily invested in the specific activity because it's more about spending quality time with that person, perfect example.
 
There something called halo effect, looking better will unironically help you with every aspect of life even though it won’t be so evident.
I agree you should have some kind of plan in mind but creating social connections is not a rigid task, it’s much more (and less) than that.

They say that someone should “go with the flow”, idk what that means honestly, it should be along the lines of “think less act more” but I’ve always found it pretty stupid.
 
Pfft, it's been way longer since I've posted here. Let's check... Oh, nevermind, I can't even check it must've been an older thread even. Shit.

Things haven't gotten any better for me. TL;DR past me had some trouble in school, got undeservingly kicked out of my career-minded program, salavaged a still respectable STEM degree out of everything because that's how I roll. Unfortunately, said degree hasn't actually led to a meaningful career yet as I continually get passed over for no discernable reason by every would-be employer in existence.

Anyway, social life also doesn't exist. Lack of social life makes it hard to cope with lack of career advancement. Thanks to a certain member of the RODAN clique who shall remain nameless (not for their own protection but because I literally don't remember who it was), earlier this year I started making the effort to "put myself out there." I have no friends, I want to make friends. I've never been out on a date before, and mind that I'm well into my 30's at this point, I want to find intimacy with a woman. I did all my research, even bought a crappy point-and-shoot camera because I don't have a modern smartphone, took some non-shitty pictures to start online dating.

I started in July after I came back from Anime Expo, which I posted in the pictures thread since I don't actually have anyone IRL to share with (other than my mom big whoop). I've been online dating for the past four months, using the term "dating" loosely because I haven't actually gone on any dates. I get virtually zero interest despite what is otherwise an objectively pretty good profile? I use strictly positive wording, my pictures are accurate and display me in a variety of situations rather than a bunch of blurry identical selfies, etc. I'm short but you can't even tell that through pictures so my biggest physical flaw is concealed, it's not like I'm hideously ugly.

Met a woman at my uncle's fundraising event at the end of August. Basically gave her a drive-by compliment... and she took it very well, according to my mother because apparently she works with the chick's mother and moms are nosy. Embarrassing, but I'm low-key elated knowing I had such a positive impression on someone. My mother goaded me into finally signing up for Facebook after 15 years of resisting so I could message her, okay fine I'll fucking do it. Wasted effort, she turned me down three times before I finally gave up because she clearly wants nothing to do with me. I don't understand how you have such a positive first impression of someone and then won't even spend an hour getting to know them? Is she so full on friends that she can't even be bothered to see if she could make another? Does she thinks she's so much better than me that I'm not worth knowing as a human being?

Anyway, point is I'm fucking trying to go out and do stuff and meet people. Beginning with Anime Expo, I've been putting significantly more effort into trying to be social than I ever have. I just gave up the fitness classes through my employer because unfortunately the only people I've met there are half a dozen women my mother's age. Good people, but not people I can build a social life through. I'm not merely desperate for a romantic partner, I'm legitimately trying to make friends with people too.

Wednesday I went out to a FRIENDS Trivia Night in a nearby town. Ultimately, the only people who exchanged words with me were the host, the bartender, and the person grading my answer sheets. It was a total bust of an evening. Tonight, I'm posting because I just got back from a speed dating event in Columbus and it went about as poorly as could be. The problem is... it didn't happen. I spent three hours driving back and forth, I wasted my entire fucking Saturday night, for an event that didn't occur. I figured if my online profiles are on point and I'm still getting no interest, there's a very real possibility it's simply because nobody is seeing my profiles because I live in too rural an area. I was so excited for tonight to actually meet people and get a real chance to prove my worth. But I didn't actually get that opportunity and I'm utterly devastated right now.

I think I'm going to call off work Monday and try to find a therapist because I don't think I can continue dealing with this loneliness anymore. Is there something wrong with me? I seriously don't think there is. I'm kind and empathetic, I'm honest and hardworking. I'm not ugly, I'm not a jerk. Maybe I'm boring but I think everyone can be fun in the right company, you just have to find the right people who have fun in the same way you do. Yet there must be something horribly wrong with me because it's a rare breed of folk who have this much trouble establishing literally any social connections with people. I can't even find someone willing to get to know me long enough to affirmatively reject me. I'd love to even get that far with someone, anyone, but it's like I'm completely invisible and I just don't understand.

Why am I reduced to this? Why is it others are so unfair to me and yet I'm the one stuck picking up the pieces? How is it the vast majority of people fall ass backwards into friends and lovers without even trying but I try so hard to stick my neck out there and meet people and get nothing in return? It's not like I'm hideously ugly, people don't cringe when they walk past me and treat me like a fairly normal person in casual interactions. I work with people just fine, I interact normally enough with people in forced social situations. But nobody wants to actually be my friend. I don't get invited anywhere. Nobody asks to do stuff with me and nobody is willing to tag along if I reach out. No woman has ever shown the slightest hint of physical interest in me, I'm utterly touch-starved. I long for someone to desire me. I've carried these burdens with me for too long now and I'm starting to crack at this point.

I've been incredibly depressed for an incredibly long time. I don't like using the word, though. Is there something wrong with me? I think it's perfectly logical to be sad about bad things happening in your life, it's not like I have a gross chemical imbalance in my brain. (Maybe I do anyway but who knows.) Will the search for therapy even help me with what I consider a purely practical problem? If a single human being gave a remote flying fuck about me, I wouldn't be so unhappy. If my career was going the way it should be with the amount of effort I put into my education and skills, I wouldn't be so unhappy. Life just fucking sucks and it isn't getting better for me.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to make this post.

For one, I am thankful we met even though our interaction was relatively limited back at US Nationals, what, 3 years ago?

I'm really happy you're trying, hygiene, dressing nice, all of these things, even if you don't see the results, other people do.

I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist, but as far as meeting someone, I've never heard of it happening in a forced manner. It'll come to you, the more you try and force the harder it becomes and the more stressed out you'll be. If you want to do work out classes do things like boxing, yoga, or SPIN, find something you're passionate about. Let the passion drive you. For me, I love MMA. I'm spending a ton of money doing it, but I don't mind because I love it. You'll meet people doing things you like.

Online dating is really hard, you have to remember the pool of men is about 4x bigger than the pool of women, so the numbers aren't in your favor. Don't let it rub off on you poorly.

Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. Its the small incremental changes that add up over time. Keep your chin up and know that a lot of us are going through the same thing. I'll be rooting for you. Focus on yourself and on self improvement and everything else will come.
 
i cant sleep. lately i haven't been doing anything meaningful with myself and i feel like the days are just passing me by without participation. i dont even remember the last meal i ate. i know its not good for me but i have no motivation to change. i'm not hungry and i dont even feel sad anymore. i just feel drained and i don't care. all im doing is waiting for the next day. i wonder when this will end.
 

vivalospride

chris wanka is my pre workout
is an official Team Rateris a Forum Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributoris a Battle Simulator Driver
Moderator
i cant sleep. lately i haven't been doing anything meaningful with myself and i feel like the days are just passing me by without participation. i dont even remember the last meal i ate. i know its not good for me but i have no motivation to change. i'm not hungry and i dont even feel sad anymore. i just feel drained and i don't care. all im doing is waiting for the next day. i wonder when this will end.
I love you, keep goin Raymond. Life works itself out :toast:
 
Please, cheer up my friends. life is not so bad as you claim !
You are right but we all have moments when a certain event feels like it affects the entirety of yourself though it would not do anything to what comes next. We sometimes have to get things out of our minds once in a while, no matter how extreme the vent may end up.

Anyways I hope everyone had a restful moment during thanksgiving (for those not in US, a good weekend maybe) and keep moving on. Also Christmas is not far away :^)
 
hi im depresso. my whole typing style makes what im about to say look like a big shitpost but its actually serious ._.

background: dysphorias pretty bad sometimes, autismo means im ass at social situations and it fucks w/ me when i dont quite understand something right, and i have anxiety + depression + some other mental illness that gives me the big hallucination thats like.. somewhat ignorable? ish? i guess? but it messes me up sometimes. uncool. add that to the whole panic attacks, processing thing, dissociation etc and you get a BIG MESS. oh and i have like a shitload of unresolved emotional trauma from various incidents from childhood moving forward. also very very uncool

maybe like in middle school i was mega stressed mega depressed for.. various reasons and oops! fell head first into someone and they kinda helped me get out of that mess. and then they disappeared in like? the 9th grade? and i still have no idea what happened to them. it's been 2 years. and as the whole mental illness thing goes, i blamed myself for it after it really hit me that they werent coming back any time soon so that wasn't great.

but anyway i had a really bad breakdown in like, the 8th grade, and that started my downward descent into SHIT bc my mental health was on the slow decline from then on

im not gonna.. go fully into depth on what exactly went on between then and now but basically i started going to therapy and all but i still cant.. find myself feeling exactly right sometimes. like i cant enjoy some things as much as i used to and that sucks

but like, at least i can enjoy things sometimes. it aint the same but it's at least an improvement from everything from before.

idek why i felt the need to make this post but like i feel slightly better getting all this out, i guess
 
Damn, I was going back to smogon after a couple years off and I wasn't expecting to see that heavy of a thread here

I've never been diagnosed with depression because i've hardly ever seen a psychologist so I wouldn't throw that I had depression because I feel like that would be insulting to those that are actually clinically diagnosed or under medication, but i've felt times like I was costing more money to my parents than I was bringing them and that not living was more "worth it" to them than being alive, which is a horrendous thing to think about when you are so young and can do so much.

The best thing that I ever did to fix that was to get out of my comfort zone as much as possible , my main reasoning was that I hated my current life so I might as well try new things that didn't belong in that life and see if it would change something. Get a job regarding of my ego of being "too good" to be paid that little or do x and y, meet people I used to think were uncool, try new foods, explore new musical genres..

I've been hanging out on the hiphopheads reddit a lot and every sunday there's a discussion thread where everyone is free to talk about things that are not hip-hop related and it's crazy of many people take that opportunity to talk about how depressed or suicidal they are, really gives you another perspective on the people you see talk everyday/seem completely fine.

My best piece of advice to people that feel like life ain't worth it/suicidal is to open a note page or take a piece of paper and write down everything they could do if they kept on living, starting by the most feasible ones like going to a restaurant you always wanted to try, see a concert of a group you love, meet a friend that is out of town/from the internet and you never seen before, go on vacation etc.. To things that are feasable but will take a lot of work and dedication and would turn your life around, like open a souncloud account and drop a track every day until you make a name of yourself, study engineering on the internet by yourself and try to apply to a school / job no matter your age or situation, work out and enter a competition...all in all, goals that you can renew and that range from the most feasable to the least while still being realistic.

There's so much more in this life than what a depressed mind is showing you, trust me. I'm not gonna act like I don't have moments where I doubt myself because it's constant and they probably won't ever stop but I feel like I can't cut my life this short when I have so much to explore, my curiosity and a part of my ego won't let me do that, I wasted enough time already and i'm always trying to catch up as much as I possibly can. Most of the people around you that are "functional" usually have a goal or a in a positive loop of working/getting money/spending it on things that make them feel good, they don't have any more of a clue to how life works than you do and will probably be as depressed as you if they were to lose their job, drop out or lose a family member and get out of that "loop", keep that in mind.

Stay strong
 

Finchinator

IT'S FINK DUMBASS
is a Smogon Social Media Contributoris a Super Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributoris a Battle Simulator Moderatoris a Past WCoP Championis a former Tournament Circuit Champion
OU & NU Leader
For the longest time, I have lurked this thread. A number of people I am close to both on here and IRL struggle with mental health issues; I feel for each and every one of them and try to give my support whenever possible. Through all of that, I never believed I would be the one posting here. But here I am -- never assume you are "above" anything in life.

I tend to be pretty open about my life with people on here on the surface. A lot of people throughout the OU, NU, and tournament community have seen many pictures of me (even pictures turned into memes) or my obnoxiously unhealthy food over the years. On top of that, I have discussed pretty basic aspects of my life with plenty of friends over the years, but I always kept a certain level of personal distance in order to let this still function as a hobby and an online friend group as opposed to something overly personal. This post will probably be a bit of a departure from that previously established norm due to the subject matter being highly personal. Please do not use this as a call for help or a reason to treat me any differently though. I am still me and I love my experience on Smogon for how it is.

To start, I do not have clinically diagnosed depression and honestly there is a chance I do not have that, but I am beginning therapy in early January and I am suffering from numerous symptoms of an individual suffering from some sort of mental health problem -- I am not huge on labels and pin-pointing right now, in part because a lot of this is fairly new to me. I guess I should get into what "this" entails for me personally, so here goes.

Ever since earlier in November, I have been suffering from stress-induced insomnia. Normally I only require 5-6 hours of sleep to function during the week, especially if I am able to get closer to 8 during the weekend, but most nights I found myself unable to fall asleep for 3-4 hours after going to bed, if I even fell asleep at all. While it did not cause much of an issue during the first week due to sleep being cumulative, it added up and eventually proved to be a major problem. I was regularly spending 3-4 hours a night struggling with thoughts that went through my mind instead of sleeping during the middle of the night, when I should have been sleeping. This led to my overall functionality being compromised overall and just generally uneven throughout a lot of individual days.

For those of you that do not know, I am a senior in college currently studying Finance. As I write this, I am between semesters, but this was during crunch-time of the semester that just ended. Historically, I am an above average student, but I was struggling heavily in a Finance class and as my sleep routine turned into a struggle to get any sleep, my performance declined even more. I did poorly on a major assignment and between this issue and some others that I will touch on later, I lacked the motivation and energy to successfully study for the final, which is ultimately going to lead to me failing the class when I get my grade back tomorrow. I have never failed a class before and I know that it is not the end of the world so long as I pass it again next semester, but it feels pretty awful in all honesty.

While I was struggling in this major class and failing to sleep, I was also trying to maintain aspects of my social, romantic, and prospective professional life that made the first couple of months of the semester the best of my life. Going into November, I was very happy with my life. I had a girlfriend (since mid-April) who I was very happy with, I had a group of friends I had grown quite close with, I had a seemingly happy and healthy family, I had a very promising job prospect, and I had a lot of other small things that I periodically involved myself with that I enjoyed (couple community service things through a class, I am on the Executive Board of the Pokemon Fan Club at my school, and I play Club Softball at my school). Historically, my sentiments towards life as a whole toggled between slight happiness and neutrality, but ever since earlier this year I had been experiencing more positivity and happiness than ever.

And then, much like my ability to sleep, it all fell apart and I felt ridiculously helpless throughout it all. On November 22nd, I had a final round job interview in the city for a Financial Advisory position; it went as well as it possibly could have and I got the job offer. At that moment, I was still very happy despite being close to perpetually exhausted. My relationships (romantically and socially) were in tact, my future was promising, and there were no imminent problems on the horizon. The day prior my Grandpa back home, who I am very close with, fainted out of the blue and it was very worrisome, but he recovered pretty quickly and was even brought back home that night, when I was able to see him before I went back home to finalize my interview preparations. I was very worried about him initially, but seeing him that night brought me a lot of hope and happiness.

It all started to go downhill a couple hours after my interview concluded, unfortunately. And I feel like it has just been an uncontrollable free-fall ever since then. It was like 2pm that day, November 22nd, when I was waiting for my bus at Port Authority to go back to school when it pretty much began, I suppose. For some context, my then-girlfriend was already having a very stressful semester and personal matters (ranging from what she had to deal with responsibility wise to what her family situation was to avoid too many specifics) kind of limited our relationship throughout that month, but she had made it very clear that it was not me or our relationship so much as it was her own situation and that we would be fine. I think she was kind of telling herself that for a while and then eventually realized otherwise, but did not want to derail my thorough preparations for my interview that week. Sure enough, she texted me that afternoon saying that she was not entirely confident in how she was feeling about being in a relationship anymore. Of course, I told her that she had to prioritize herself and her well-being because it was already very clear to me that she was struggling and had enough on her own plate to begin with, but that was essentially the start-of-the-end. After a Thanksgiving break that felt like forever, she broke up with me the night we returned, essentially saying that while she still felt strongly about me, she could not be in a relationship with anyone and that she had to deal with a lot of her own personal matters before moving forward.

We agreed to remain friends as we both cared deeply about each other, the door was not closed on the future, and our friend group was shared, but they were her friends first and she has needed a fair amount of time and space, which pretty much ruined my social life over the past 3 weeks -- I do not know if it will return to "normal" next semester either, which is honestly kind of a scary thought. It also pains me a lot to not be as close with her. Simply put, we spoke about dozens of different topics, ranging from very personal matters to fun things like music and sports. Not having that same presence there anymore has been a struggle and ultimately hurt my level of happiness. She already was not herself during the last weeks of the relationship and knowing that there is a possibility that we will never be on that same level again pains me. Those were the happiest months of my life to-date and I cannot go a waking hour without remembering some happy memory that is now just a sad reminder of my current reality. I probably am taking this a lot harder than I should or than a rationally minded person should at least, but we had a pretty serious, committed relationship and this was my first true break-up, so it is hard, especially considering that I am very in-touch with my feelings. Truth be told, I put too many of my eggs in one basket because for the first six months of our relationship, things were all good and there was no sign of that changing, but circumstances beyond my control impacted matters and obviously that is part of life. I cared about her more than anyone, even myself a lot of the time. I went well out of my way to bring a smile to her face on countless occasions and honestly I derived so much of my own happiness and value in life off of that, which probably was an unhealthy dynamic of my experience in that relationship looking back at it. While we were great together, I should have made sure to carve out more space for myself as an individual and priority in my own life than I did during the relationship. Now that the relationship is over, I no longer know how to prioritize myself and I feel so lost in so many different aspects of life as a byproduct of that. With her not currently being in the picture moving forward, I have found myself struggling to motivate myself to position myself better in other aspects of life. With her not currently being in the picture moving forward, I have lost my compass on rational decision making and I am afraid that I will dig myself a deeper hole in life. With her not currently being in the picture moving forward, I am just really sad a lot of the time because I do not know what to make of my future in general. Life, at times, feels like a constant reminder of how unhappy I am right now, especially relative to how happy I was during the vast majority of our relationship.

Speaking of the future, this is not only me being sad over a break-up that was ultimately out of my control. Yea, that has been really hard for me on a personal level and I still struggle with it each day, but there is a lot more going on here that has factored into me being in a negative, defeated head-space. Over the aforementioned Thanksgiving break that felt like it took forever, I also reviewed the job offer I got from my interview and it honestly was pretty awful. After discussing with my family, we all agreed that the pay and reliability of it simply did not meet our standards, which was a really deflating feeling considering I had worked so hard to get to that point and I had done well over the years academically. Searching for internships and jobs has always been a struggle for me as I fear rejection, I am worried I will not be happy with whatever my job may be, and I just never felt 100% confident about careers in finance in general. I have improved over the years in terms of handling rejection and confidence in a happy future -- although some of it is just blind faith that I have adopted through hearing countless professors and family members telling me that it will all work out without actually being in my shoes, but finally getting accepted to a job and having it not amount to anything hurt me a lot -- I felt like I had taken a step back instead of a major step forward. I find myself helplessly contemplating the what-ifs and even wishing I had settled for a job that is honestly a bit beneath me, which is a horrible thing to wish upon yourself at the start of a promising (!?) career. I am currently unmotivated to even apply to more jobs, which I absolutely have to do to get a satisfactory one to start my career. I am hoping that this passes over time, but I am worried that it will not. At some point, I am going to force myself to and that could be a healthy way to start myself going down the right path, but it also could just lead to me being even more unhappy and uncertain, which I am very scared of as my future is pretty much all I have right now seeing as the present is not a particularly good time for me.

Beyond this, my family/living situation has slowly been deteriorating in front of my own eyes. While my Grandpa has physically recovered, it feels like he has lost a step on the interpersonal side ever since then and that is really unfortunate as we talk frequently. My grandma on the other side is also afraid she will not be able to travel to see us for the holidays due to her being physically limited, which she has done each year for as long as I can remember, so my mother is now very worried about her. My parents, being worried about these things and my own state of well-being, are under a lot of stress and have consequently not been happy in general, making my household a pretty negative place. Honestly, it feels like my life is just full of negativity and that makes proceeding in a normal, optimistic fashion such a challenge. Each and every day, I try to set goals for myself or do things that will make me happy, but I ultimately find myself struggling to get out of bed or to gain the motivation to accomplish whatever it may be. I decided that I needed therapy because of this and my inability to be happy without my ex-girlfriend being in the picture, which will be starting during the first week of January, but in the meantime I am miserable during portions of most days. I still am not sleeping well and feel perpetually fatigue and exhausted, to the point where I am physically sick more often than not, which is completely new to me and requires a lot of adjustments unfortunately. With this said, I have been getting at least a few hours of sleep every night and through research, I have strong reason to believe that between adjusting some habits, giving myself time, and going to therapy, my sleep habits will return to normal over the next month or two.

Regardless of that, I find myself waking up content some days, but then some event or some sweeping sentiment makes the rest of my day full of sadness and desire to just not be around anyone. On other days, I wake up feeling miserable and it takes something good happening to break me out of that little funk. Today was my first day where I was not miserable throughout the entire day since late November, which I am honestly proud of. A win is a win -- this was a win for me and honestly this win has given me the motivation to even post this to begin with. It feels good to share this and it feels good to talk to people. Perhaps that is something I should have been doing more often over the last couple of weeks as I have only talked to select individuals/one group chat in particular, but it is never too late to start making good habits for yourself. I am still not my full, normal self though and I do not know if I will be next week, next month, etc. This worries me as I was so optimistic about my future as recently as last month and now I am just left to pick up the pieces that I do not even feel I broke apart myself. I feel so helpless about my own fate and feelings. I just want to get back in control and be my normal self. I have been and still am happy with the individual I have grown to be. I am a good person and everyone around me knows me. Lots of people love me for who I am and I value that so much, but yet I cannot use that as positive fuel whatsoever in my current position and I just feel stuck and out-of-control.

Obviously, there are a lot of problematic things / red flags I brought up within the last few paragraphs, so I am hoping that between having time and going into therapy, I can get myself back on the right track. In the meantime, I have been spending a lot of my time on here because I actually feel like I can make a difference within the confines of this community and to the friends I have made throughout it. It has been really cool doing tiering stuff and helping out in the OU subforum because it has given me a bit of a purpose throughout this hard time, but I am fully aware that I am going to need to extend this attitude out to real life once I get back on my feet and I am just hoping that will be fully possible for me soon enough. Thanks to anyone who read through this and I hope everyone (myself included) has either a happy/happier holiday season!
 
Your story, how your life suddenly went downhill after your relationship's break, kind of reminded me of the story of one of my university professors. He basically had it all, a beautiful girlfriend, a promised good job, he was publishing a book, ended with the best grades his last year of university, but then while he was gazing outside from his balcony he thought to himself "is this it?" and basically fell into a depressive state of both mind and body. He didn't even need a negative episode to make it all start, it just happened because he who thought he had it all, in the end wasn't happy or leading a happy life.
This implies quite a few philosophical questions that I'm going to skip, but I just wanted to point out the similarity of these situations.

I am just a stranger on an internet forum so take what I'm going to say with a serious grain of salt.
I am no expert in depression (and albeit I have never been clinically diagnosed with it, I guess I struggled with very negative thoughts for a lot of time, even today to a certain extend).
It looks to me like social life is a key factor in your condition, being deprived of social relationships with your friends can be really devastating, and men are social animals as the old philosophical adage goes. Having a girlfriend means having a rock you can climb to through adversities in life, from what I can read you did that and it worked out, but now you must restart from scratch, not being necessarily alone, but being more alone than before. Not having that intimate (girl)friend with whom you can talk freely without inhibition is pretty hard when you had 6 months of that beautiful basking feeling. I hope you are not going to meet her when you get out with friends, since I fear to see her and not being able to get closer is pretty taxing on one's mental state, especially when it's a weak one because of a plethora of negative factors.

Perhaps you are just being kinda unlucky, a lot of stuff happened in a relatively short timeframe, your job offer wasn't as good as you expected, your grandparent's health, your girlfriend breaking up with you, insomnia (more like a cause IMO) and so on an so forth. It looks a lot to tackle but if I learned something from my experience is that you cannot deal with everything in a vacuum. Don't shoot for the stars but try to shoot nevertheless. When it's pretty hard to even get out of the bed in the morning, you should slowly try to make increasingly little progress and try to unravel all the knots of the bundle in order to tackle them accordingly. My advice is perhaps a bit too aseptic and rational, but it's a practical one and it worked on me. Starting therapy was definitely a good idea and I hope it'll be good for you.
 
Last edited:
So I'm not going to go over the details of my life but I want to rant and ask for help or maybe validation?

So I'm diagnosed with autism, anxiety and depression. And also I'm broke and my father is a drug abuser and dealer and makes me uncomfortable. So yeah not a good childhood. Oh yeah and im diabetic as well.

My depression manifests mostly in bouts of doing nothing for days on end and self loathing, the latter of which resulted in me not treating my illness properly. I spent much of my teens in very bad health. Which in turn resulted in me fucking up my exams and getting bad grades and not getting into a good college.

I wasted 2 years in college failing courses. I only just about finished my last course so at least I have that.

I haven't done much about my problem. I haven't gone to any doctors or anything because of my anxiety. I am scared of opening up and of taking medication.

My anxiety prevents me from doing any sort of creative hobby. Or much in general. Every option I take is the bad option. This results in me kind of just shutting in and doing nothing and staying in my comfort zone.

Anxiety and depression have ruined my life almost entirely up to this point. Life sucks I guess. It's been getting better and I'm forcing myself to try and get medication in the new year. Better than being inert and never achieving anything I guess
 
So I'm not going to go over the details of my life but I want to rant and ask for help or maybe validation?

So I'm diagnosed with autism, anxiety and depression. And also I'm broke and my father is a drug abuser and dealer and makes me uncomfortable. So yeah not a good childhood. Oh yeah and im diabetic as well.

My depression manifests mostly in bouts of doing nothing for days on end and self loathing, the latter of which resulted in me not treating my illness properly. I spent much of my teens in very bad health. Which in turn resulted in me fucking up my exams and getting bad grades and not getting into a good college.

I wasted 2 years in college failing courses. I only just about finished my last course so at least I have that.

I haven't done much about my problem. I haven't gone to any doctors or anything because of my anxiety. I am scared of opening up and of taking medication.

My anxiety prevents me from doing any sort of creative hobby. Or much in general. Every option I take is the bad option. This results in me kind of just shutting in and doing nothing and staying in my comfort zone.

Anxiety and depression have ruined my life almost entirely up to this point. Life sucks I guess. It's been getting better and I'm forcing myself to try and get medication in the new year. Better than being inert and never achieving anything I guess
Damn that sucks. But it sounds to me that you know what you have to do. Medication is important, but talking to a counsellor/psychologist is also a really important piece of the puzzle. I understand that's not easy with anxiety so I just want to throw a few points out there, maybe they help, maybe not, idk.
  • Pyschologists are there to hear your story and help you resolve things, without judging. If you've ever imagined broaching these things with a friend or family member and thought to yourself "they probably wouldn't want to know" or something, that's absolutely not the case with a psychologist.
  • What you discuss in a psychologist session stays in those sessions. Literally no-one else has to know what you discuss, and assuming you don't have any prior relationship with the psychologist, you'll never have anything to do with them outside those sessions, so no-one's going to find out and judge you for it
  • Depression and anxiety are not uncommon issues for psychologists to discuss. It may feel like a big deal for you, but to them it's probably something they're already comfortable discussing, so it's not an issue for them
  • You just made this post that was opening up. Would it be that much more of a leap to speak about these things face to face to someone who you only knew in the context of working through these problems?
Also you said you finished your last course, so does that mean you're graduating? That's awesome and a huge fucking deal. I never made it through uni fwiw, despite several attempts. Congratulations!

What hobbies would you be interested in were it not for depression/anxiety?
 
  • Like
Reactions: zf
Damn that sucks. But it sounds to me that you know what you have to do. Medication is important, but talking to a counsellor/psychologist is also a really important piece of the puzzle. I understand that's not easy with anxiety so I just want to throw a few points out there, maybe they help, maybe not, idk.
  • Pyschologists are there to hear your story and help you resolve things, without judging. If you've ever imagined broaching these things with a friend or family member and thought to yourself "they probably wouldn't want to know" or something, that's absolutely not the case with a psychologist.
  • What you discuss in a psychologist session stays in those sessions. Literally no-one else has to know what you discuss, and assuming you don't have any prior relationship with the psychologist, you'll never have anything to do with them outside those sessions, so no-one's going to find out and judge you for it
  • Depression and anxiety are not uncommon issues for psychologists to discuss. It may feel like a big deal for you, but to them it's probably something they're already comfortable discussing, so it's not an issue for them
  • You just made this post that was opening up. Would it be that much more of a leap to speak about these things face to face to someone who you only knew in the context of working through these problems?
Also you said you finished your last course, so does that mean you're graduating? That's awesome and a huge fucking deal. I never made it through uni fwiw, despite several attempts. Congratulations!

What hobbies would you be interested in were it not for depression/anxiety?
Thanks for the advice. The few therapists I've talked to in the past have been mostly dismissive and unhelpful, but I'm going to really push how much mental illnesses as affected me until they get the idea this time.

Not uni, sorry, I'm in the UK, college and uni are different things. But nonetheless I graduated earlier this year and it's one of the few things I'm actually proud of.

I'm a naturally gifted writer and storyteller, and also gifted at music production. But not being able or motivated or practice ends up in me not really pursuing or becoming actually good at either
 
Thanks for the advice. The few therapists I've talked to in the past have been mostly dismissive and unhelpful, but I'm going to really push how much mental illnesses as affected me until they get the idea this time.

Not uni, sorry, I'm in the UK, college and uni are different things. But nonetheless I graduated earlier this year and it's one of the few things I'm actually proud of.

I'm a naturally gifted writer and storyteller, and also gifted at music production. But not being able or motivated or practice ends up in me not really pursuing or becoming actually good at either
Hmmm yeah I haven't got any good ideas for finding a therapist that works well with you, I guess I've been lucky that the one I've been seeing for the past year or so is really good- I got referred to them by a psychiatrist that I was seeing previously. I guess there's no way around it but trial and error. The biggest thing for me hasn't been their direct advice on specific issues, but learning general skills that can be applied in many situations. Knowing how to actually get myself to do positive things, as well as how to recognise and deal with negative thought patterns is good.

Hmm regarding hobbies, you could maybe try setting up rewards for yourself for actually working on them, like idk, grabbing something nice to eat. That's something that works for me, but there's probably heaps of other methods of getting yourself to do things. Also if anxiety is an issue you can always post stuff online under a fake name, and then if your stuff is received poorly who cares, just create a new account and move on.

Idk if I'm helping, it's just I've found that with these kinds of things, practical solutions are really important, since talking about stuff helps, but you generally also need to be doing positive stuff to really work through it
 
How do you guys deal? Besides pokemon I hate all of my shitty hobbies, which I only do so I don't look like a total deadbeat/loser. I've tried so many things and everything is pretty much just waiting until its over. I'm almost 20 years old and I literally haven't hugged a girl since high school (not that I deserve it lol). I hate uni, and miserable career path I have, but its the only thing that proves to myself I'm not a total oxygen thief and waste of space. There's no point dropping out because I'm on a scholarship so its at least a free room and free food and makes my relatives think I'm not entirely a useless sack of shit. I've tried changing things up but everything I try I hate as well. Now obviously this sounds like an attitude problem, but I genuinely try to keep an open mind. I'm capable of maybe being motivated for a few weeks but I inevitably get lazy/unmotivated and fizzle out and start hating my life again.

I'm in no danger of kms because I'm banking on the off chance something magical comes along and fixes my life but at this point I've pretty much given up all hope and agency to work towards a better future. I can't even imagine a better future. I'm tired of failing even though every time I fail it's always entirely my fault. If someone just gunned me down tomorrow I wouldn't care. I have tried doing my best to take small steps and set small goals but living day by day just wears me down so much over time. The looming dread and hatred just slowly boils up and up until it consumes everything.

Sorry if it sounds like an attention whore post, I just have a lot of venting because it's a new year and nothing has really gotten better despite the fact that I definitely have the power to change my life, at least in theory.

Thanks for reading and I hope everyone else is doing well, or at least is on the road to some form of improvement.

Edit: my family makes me see a psychiatrist, but its a waste of time and doesn't help at all. Not because she's not doing her job but because I'm not, and she really cant stop me from being a useless sack of shit
 
How do you guys deal? Besides pokemon I hate all of my shitty hobbies, which I only do so I don't look like a total deadbeat/loser. I've tried so many things and everything is pretty much just waiting until its over. I'm almost 20 years old and I literally haven't hugged a girl since high school (not that I deserve it lol). I hate uni, and miserable career path I have, but its the only thing that proves to myself I'm not a total oxygen thief and waste of space. There's no point dropping out because I'm on a scholarship so its at least a free room and free food and makes my relatives think I'm not entirely a useless sack of shit. I've tried changing things up but everything I try I hate as well. Now obviously this sounds like an attitude problem, but I genuinely try to keep an open mind. I'm capable of maybe being motivated for a few weeks but I inevitably get lazy/unmotivated and fizzle out and start hating my life again.

I'm in no danger of kms because I'm banking on the off chance something magical comes along and fixes my life but at this point I've pretty much given up all hope and agency to work towards a better future. I can't even imagine a better future. I'm tired of failing even though every time I fail it's always entirely my fault. If someone just gunned me down tomorrow I wouldn't care. I have tried doing my best to take small steps and set small goals but living day by day just wears me down so much over time. The looming dread and hatred just slowly boils up and up until it consumes everything.

Sorry if it sounds like an attention whore post, I just have a lot of venting because it's a new year and nothing has really gotten better despite the fact that I definitely have the power to change my life, at least in theory.

Thanks for reading and I hope everyone else is doing well, or at least is on the road to some form of improvement.

Edit: my family makes me see a psychiatrist, but its a waste of time and doesn't help at all. Not because she's not doing her job but because I'm not, and she really cant stop me from being a useless sack of shit
Maybe you should consider what made you choose the major in the first place. No career is dead end with enough time, networking and experience.

You're 19. You shouldnt be worrying about girls, you should be focus on developing an individual identity.
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
How do you guys deal? Besides pokemon I hate all of my shitty hobbies, which I only do so I don't look like a total deadbeat/loser. I've tried so many things and everything is pretty much just waiting until its over. I'm almost 20 years old and I literally haven't hugged a girl since high school (not that I deserve it lol). I hate uni, and miserable career path I have, but its the only thing that proves to myself I'm not a total oxygen thief and waste of space. There's no point dropping out because I'm on a scholarship so its at least a free room and free food and makes my relatives think I'm not entirely a useless sack of shit. I've tried changing things up but everything I try I hate as well. Now obviously this sounds like an attitude problem, but I genuinely try to keep an open mind. I'm capable of maybe being motivated for a few weeks but I inevitably get lazy/unmotivated and fizzle out and start hating my life again.

I'm in no danger of kms because I'm banking on the off chance something magical comes along and fixes my life but at this point I've pretty much given up all hope and agency to work towards a better future. I can't even imagine a better future. I'm tired of failing even though every time I fail it's always entirely my fault. If someone just gunned me down tomorrow I wouldn't care. I have tried doing my best to take small steps and set small goals but living day by day just wears me down so much over time. The looming dread and hatred just slowly boils up and up until it consumes everything.

Sorry if it sounds like an attention whore post, I just have a lot of venting because it's a new year and nothing has really gotten better despite the fact that I definitely have the power to change my life, at least in theory.

Thanks for reading and I hope everyone else is doing well, or at least is on the road to some form of improvement.

Edit: my family makes me see a psychiatrist, but its a waste of time and doesn't help at all. Not because she's not doing her job but because I'm not, and she really cant stop me from being a useless sack of shit
Just saying. You are amazing for being on scholarship on a subject that you don't actually like.

You don't have to study a subject you like.
Many people who chose a subject they "liked" end up realizing that the course is very different from what they imagined anyway.

(For example, many people choose biology because they like animals, but end up spending huge amount of time on... algae and fungi. Or even worse, splicing proteins with enzymes. That was so boring. )
 

zf

he who chose
is a Tiering Contributoris a Past WCoP Champion
I'm not really sure how to start this post. I'm generally a pretty reserved guy about my personal life - I'm not sure anyone on the forums, even my friends, know that much about me irl. Like Finchinator, I've lurked here for a while and I've thought about posting before, but never got around to it. Recently, I guess I've just had a couple of rough weeks and need some catharsis, so here's my story.

I've been struggling with depression for about 7 years now, which coincides with my forum join date. I'm currently 22 years old, but back then, I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. That year was when my body started failing me and it has progressively gotten worse since then.

To preface, I grew up playing sports and spent a great deal of my youth outside biking, hiking, sailing, climbing trees, etc; almost all my hobbies involved physical activity of some sort. The only video game consoles I ever owned were a Gameboy Advance SP and DS Lite and the only games I really ever played were in the Pokémon franchise. When I reached high school, among other pursuits, I played soccer, both for my school and as part of travel and indoor teams. During pre-season training in August of my sophomore year, I badly tore my meniscus (the cartilage in your knee joint) in my right leg, which resulted in what's known as a bucket-handle tear. I was young enough that they could repair my meniscus, but the damage was worse than the doctors had originally thought, and the arthroscopic surgery they had prepared to perform had to be changed last-minute in the operating room; I woke up with a 6-inch gash in my leg, in addition to holes from their original arthroscopic attempt. I spent the next 6 months of my life on crutches, and the 3 after that attending physical therapy thrice weekly. It was at this point that I began playing competitive pokemon; I needed a hobby I could enjoy while sedentary. It was also during this stint when I experienced my first depressive symptoms. Life on crutches took a toll on my psyche, especially since I lost my ability to be active, as I had been for the entirety of my life until this point. Luckily, I made a full recovery, and after a year or so, I was back to my regular self; I had curbed my brief depressive state.

Fast forward to my senior year of high school. I was back to playing soccer competitively. Unfortunately for me, about 3 weeks into the high school season, I suffered a much worse leg injury than the one in my sophomore year. While landing from a header, my right knee hyper-extended about 45 degrees. This event was the most painful experience I've ever had in my life. It's almost impossible for me to describe to this day; I have almost no memory of getting injured despite remaining conscious the entire time. Of the brief flashes I can still recall, I remember that I screamed the entire time I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and that I had uncontrollable leg spasms for 48 hours after that. Those spasms would be the last time any part of my right leg below my knee ever moved again. Upon arriving at the hospital, I was told I tore my ACL, PCL, MCL, LCL, and meniscus (again); basically my entire knee was shot. At my follow-up appointment 2 days later, I still couldn't move my foot at all, and after some testing, I was told I tore my peroneal and tibial nerves as well.

This injury was the beginning of the end for me. I spent the following 9-12 months on and off of crutches; I attended my high school graduation and senior prom on crutches while wearing two braces, one that ran the length of my leg (hip to ankle) and another exclusively for my foot/ankle. I had 6 separate surgeries during this time, the first two to reconstruct the physical components of my knee (ligament replacement and cartilage removal) and the last 4 to attempt to fix my nerves (nerve decompression and nerve graft). I spent most of the year in and out of the hospital, whether for surgeries, follow-up appointments, or physical therapy. It was during this time in which I truly became depressed - I didn't feel any emotions barring sadness, and completely lost my motivation to do anything. I struggled to get up in mornings and cried myself to sleep most nights. I genuinely considered committing suicide. Being that it was my senior year, I was also applying to colleges while this fiasco was occurring, which brings me to one of my biggest regrets - my failure to write essays for top schools. I had the SAT/AP scores (2230 with writing; 1540 without/mostly 5s), the GPA (3.87), and extracurricular activities (captain on varsity baseball/soccer and quiz bowl, sound technician for plays/concerts, president of the engineering club) to attend an Ivy League-level school, but I just didn't apply because I couldn't be motivated to write a damn essay. Of course, there's no guarantee I would've gotten in, but I still find myself fixated on my actions years later.

After a year of catatonic behavior and increasing social withdrawal, I left for college, moving from my native New Jersey to Ohio to attend Case Western Reserve University on a good scholarship. I was left paralyzed in my right leg (below the knee) from my injury, and forced to wear a brace in order to walk. During my first week of classes, I broke my brace and my right foot. I was allotted a single brace through my insurance and it took almost 4 weeks for my new one to arrive; additionally, I didn't seek medical attention for my broken foot because I was out of network for my insurance coverage. I would go on to break my foot 2 more times that year, and only learned about the first break when I was being examined in NJ for the second. I never told my professors about my injuries, and didn't inquire about accommodations, and as a result skipped all my classes that semester. I still passed them all and was able to keep my scholarship, but my GPA was less than stellar. This behavior continued until the end of sophomore year, at which point I was completely withdrawn from society; I just didn't care anymore. During the summer between my sophomore and junior years, I told myself to either fix my life or actually end it.

I spent all summer working, getting back in shape, and smoking pot. This marked the beginning of my drug phase, which I do credit with turning my life around. The first time I got high, I felt happy for the first time in years - I smiled and even laughed. But it soon turned into an addiction for me - I spent every moment of my days high. I went to class high, I worked out high, I went to my job high, I even took exams high. In context of this website, I played SPL and WCoP matches high. I awoke and I smoked; that was my routine. I was masking my depression with marijuana. At the beginning of my senior year, I began experimenting with psychedelics and slowly kicked my smoking habit. Soon after, I sought professional help and was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder and major depression. I was prescribed buproprion and aripiprazole, and I still take them daily. I even went out and joined a few intramural sports teams for basketball, soccer, and softball. Sadly, in my first soccer game since my injury, I made a diving save as goalie and dislocated my left shoulder and tore my rotator cuff; I guess it just isn't my sport anymore. I graduated in May 2019, after 4 years at Case, which brings us to now.

After graduation, I moved back to NJ and am currently living in my parent's house. It can be hard sometimes; I still have habits I need to work on (staying up late writing this post lmao). I especially feel isolated here; all my friends from high school have moved away and there isn't much to drag me out of the house while I search for a job. These last couple of weeks have been hard, being confined in a space 24/7 with a family that isn't particularly understanding of my situation. But things are looking up for me, and I can genuinely say this is the best I've felt since September 2014.

For me, a big part of helping my depression was letting go - I can't affect what happened to me in the past but that doesn't mean I have to let it define my future.

It feels good to just get my story off my chest.

2020 is a year of small steps; I want to work towards being a better version of myself.

Thanks for reading :)
 
Last edited:
I have to say this thread is really interesting. I also get mildly depressed from time to time-- small things thankfully, nowhere nearly as bad as some of you guys have it-- but when I do it always feels like my condition is a complete anomaly. I never see other people depressed, it's kind of like murder to me: something you maybe read about in books or newspapers, but don't have any cold, hard evidence that it really exists because you've never witnessed it firsthand. So when I see other people smiling/having fun with their friends/etc, I always assume they're happy and leading much more fulfilling lives than me. Reading this thread helps to remind me that other people are human too.
 
context: im 17 and a senior in high school and also its late at night

i was super lucky on the genetic lottery. my parents are both well off, i live in a great part of the world, and im a straight white dude. I have parents and siblings that love and care for me.
all this makes it hard for me to talk about my problems without me thinking that i sound like an entitled prick complaining about nothing. but here i go anyway because ive lived with this shit for too long
i hate myself. i have for as long as i can remember. i hate how i look, i hate my personality, i hate everything. people tell me im smart or compliment me in general but i cant believe them. i always think they are lying to just make me feel better no matter what. games are the only thing that makes my life worth living to me.
i think the story that defines my life p much is this. i had been friends (my only friend) with this girl for like 3 years now, and i like her so i asked her out, which was really really hard to do. she said yes! i was ridiculously happy and for the first time in a long time i was actually happy and excited for something. we were both busy for like 2 weeks so i asked at the start of winter break like 4 weeks ago when she was free during the break. she said that she didnt actually want to go out anymore. my reaction was not anything you would expect, i was just like "yeah, that makes sense. thats like the objectively correct decision, who tf would want to go out with me"
idk what tf the point of this is im going to bed
 
context: im 17 and a senior in high school and also its late at night

i was super lucky on the genetic lottery. my parents are both well off, i live in a great part of the world, and im a straight white dude. I have parents and siblings that love and care for me.
all this makes it hard for me to talk about my problems without me thinking that i sound like an entitled prick complaining about nothing. but here i go anyway because ive lived with this shit for too long
i hate myself. i have for as long as i can remember. i hate how i look, i hate my personality, i hate everything. people tell me im smart or compliment me in general but i cant believe them. i always think they are lying to just make me feel better no matter what. games are the only thing that makes my life worth living to me.
i think the story that defines my life p much is this. i had been friends (my only friend) with this girl for like 3 years now, and i like her so i asked her out, which was really really hard to do. she said yes! i was ridiculously happy and for the first time in a long time i was actually happy and excited for something. we were both busy for like 2 weeks so i asked at the start of winter break like 4 weeks ago when she was free during the break. she said that she didnt actually want to go out anymore. my reaction was not anything you would expect, i was just like "yeah, that makes sense. thats like the objectively correct decision, who tf would want to go out with me"
idk what tf the point of this is im going to bed
Don't try to discredit your own struggles by comparing them to others. Suffering is not a competition; and if you treat it as such, you'll quickly realize it's a competition absolutely no one wins. It's wholly unproductive and anyone who legitimately tries to "help" you by pointing out that others have it worse are giving you abysmal advice. I know you didn't allude to anyone else saying such things to you, but it is your own best interest to acknowledge that talking yourself down like that is only going to exacerbate the degradation of your mental state, not help it. I hope this doesn't come off as aggressive, but I think the phrasing I employed is the most clear way of conveying the key point.

The "other people have it worse" angle goes on indefinitely. You're a privileged white kid? At least you're not a marginalized minority in the same country. Oh, you're a marginalized minority? At least you don't live in a turbulent or violent part of the world. Oh, you live in a region of the world experiencing constant unrest and instability? At least you don't have a debilitating medical condition. Oh, you have a debilitating medical condition? At least you still have family left. And so on.

It can go on forever. And no one wins from this exercise. Depression or depressive spells cannot be rationalized away; trust me, I've been trying for like five years at least, lol.

I'd suggest taking the first step of accepting that it is ok to feel like this---you should not feel guilty. Given that your parents are well off, I'm sure finding counseling services would be feasible (hopefully you did not grow up in a household that stigmatizes mental illness). Your country might have universal healthcare so maybe financial standing is irrelevant, idk.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that making a habit of assuming people think the worst of you as a result of certain outward behaviors is a really easy trap to fall into but an important pitfall to be cognizant of. Your friend may have reevaluated their footing in life and concluded that dating isn't for them at the moment---something entirely independent of you and your qualities.

Depression (from my limited technical knowledge of it) comes about as a result of negative feedback loops. Something bad may happen that begins a spiral of self-destructive behavior that continues on and on. A partner might break-up with you, so you feel sad and lose interest in leaving the house anymore than you need to. Your isolation begins to cause you to develop a fear of socializing. Your fear of socializing compounds into a crippling anxiety. Eventually, you become so worried about more minor blows to your mood being the straw that breaks the camel's back that you never want to risk such situations and isolate yourself to a really extensive degree. If you can try to actively identify things that drive the spiral further down, you can take action to avoid them.
 
Last edited:
context: im 17 and a senior in high school and also its late at night

i was super lucky on the genetic lottery. my parents are both well off, i live in a great part of the world, and im a straight white dude. I have parents and siblings that love and care for me.
all this makes it hard for me to talk about my problems without me thinking that i sound like an entitled prick complaining about nothing. but here i go anyway because ive lived with this shit for too long
i hate myself. i have for as long as i can remember. i hate how i look, i hate my personality, i hate everything. people tell me im smart or compliment me in general but i cant believe them. i always think they are lying to just make me feel better no matter what. games are the only thing that makes my life worth living to me.
i think the story that defines my life p much is this. i had been friends (my only friend) with this girl for like 3 years now, and i like her so i asked her out, which was really really hard to do. she said yes! i was ridiculously happy and for the first time in a long time i was actually happy and excited for something. we were both busy for like 2 weeks so i asked at the start of winter break like 4 weeks ago when she was free during the break. she said that she didnt actually want to go out anymore. my reaction was not anything you would expect, i was just like "yeah, that makes sense. thats like the objectively correct decision, who tf would want to go out with me"
idk what tf the point of this is im going to bed
Lots of boys around your age go through something similar, getting rejected and feeling that way is a normal thing. You’re not alone. Girls grow up quicker than boys, and they want to be dating a man, not a kid. Which means it is time to grow up and become a man. Don’t fret it, each person needs to find their own way and go at their own pace.

But I’ve noticed some things in your post in which you could use some direction.

1) You say she’s your only friend. Time to change that, you’re in high school and there’s lots of places where you can find new friends (if you try). Everyone needs friends and you’ll come to regret it in the future if you don’t start now.

You might be thinking “sure, you say that as if it were that easy”. It is if you try. And how?: Start with your classmates (yes, I know you might think they don’t like you or that it is too late, stop thinking like that), just try to join them when they’re playing soccer, basketball or whatever during recess. Pay attention to what they say and the things they like (are they watching some TV show? Watch it when you get home so you can join that conversation the next day!)

And if that doesn’t work? Join a club. Music lessons, a sport team, language classes (this one works well in my experience), dance classes, hiking, etc. It doesn’t matter, choose the one you like the most and try to make friends there. Having hobbies is also very important in general, so stop wasting all day in front of your computer and have a more balanced lifestyle.

2) You say you don’t like the way you look. Again, this happens to most people and it is perfectly normal.

“Mens sana in corpore sano”

Start hitting the gym, get fit, get new clothes (copy someone who has a good style, there also professionals that can help you with this). It will take some months and willpower but you’ll eventually look better and more confident. Start ASAP.

So this is mostly it. You’re about to finish high school and decide what you’ll do with your life, so it’s a time for you to explore options and make mistakes, over and over, until you get it right. Life is about iteration. I think this is enough for now but feel free to DM me if you need more help, there’s a few reads that helped me through those times.

Good luck!
 
Last edited:

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 1, Guests: 0)

Top