Emergency Situations

[theangryscientist]

dynamite

the dynamite caused the building to collapse with you still in it, and the wreckage around the door is impossible to get through

 

[SMZ]

Go to your secret volcano lair.

The volcano has erupted, and you have a raging boner.

 

[Zebstrika]

Hide in your refrigerator.

You have cheese in that refrigerator and it's 10 months old.

 

[teddyman13]

take your chances with the volcano

your parents are out for the weekend and you were having a party, and they just called u telling u theyre gonna b home in five minutes. the house is trashed and there are 78 people still in your house partying.
What do u do?

 

[Chrishiro]

It got rid of your boner problem.

Unfortunately, the fridge is now stuck and there are ravenous doctors outside.

 

[teddyman13]

i posted first!
btw,

Kill the bear and eat its liver.

bear livers can kill u

 

[Iggdrasil]

^lolwut?

Throw the cheese at the doctors and quickly close the door. Lava + People = Dead People.

Huzzah.

Bear Grilles barges into your house and starts to shove bear liver down your throut.

 

[auramaster]

Duct tape my mouth shut.

It's -5 degrees Celcius and you're outside in a forest wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

 

[SMZ]

Find nearest chick, get naked and get into a sleeping bag to share body heat, while it have sex.

You are trying to have sex with a stranger who thought she was simply helping you warm up.

 

[Chrishiro]

It's friggin' cold. Deal with it.

Turns out she's not a woman.

 

[SMZ]

You stay.

The man gives in and agrees he wants to have sex.

 

[a fairy]

Do it.

The man's wife comes and sees you. She's holding a loaded machine gun.

 

[SMZ]

Fuck her too.

You're having a raging threesome when your girlfriend catches you doing so.

 

[Aku]

close the thread

 

[Alchemator]

This thread is, to your surprise, still here after almost a month. It is fueled only by SMZ, and is not at all funny. It wasn't even that good to start with.

I have provided the emergency situation for Aku's solution.