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Emergency Situations

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Say you get loopy when pleasured.

You have been jumped by an angry white man holding a spatula who is demanding your money.
 
Eat the hamburger on it.

You find yourself at McDonalds in front of 50 people all demanding you resign from presidency, when you aren't even president.
 
Say "I'm not the president and who writes these stupid situations anyway?"

An angry turtle-monkey-alligator hybrid is asking you, "Who writes this crap, anyway?" What is your response?
 
My response is "how is that an emergency situation?"

After a fun night at the bar, your girlfriend and you go back to your place. Things heat up and you take it to the bed. Unfortunately you both lack a condom. Go for it or not?
Yes that's an emergency >_<
 
Alternative methods.
Hey look, post 1000 part deux
You're stuck in an elevator with a vegan zombie. What do you do?
 
I fail to see how that is a problem. If it is, though, just point out that you are meat.

You are in a glass room surrounded on all sides, top, and bottom by lava. In about 15 seconds, you will get a heat stroke.
 
Get a huge erection, smash the glass and die a quicker death by lava.

You've woken up in a strange bed with an old man.
 
Do it, because otherwise you'd have to poop just plain in the public.

You want to convince TIK to change his avatar to another funky number or letter.
 
Call him a (BAN ME PLEASE). He will develop a subconscious need to please you. Then tell him to change the number and he will do it within the next 10 days.

You are approached by a frenzied vault scientist, who yells, "I'm going to put my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber!"
 
Proclaim thankfulness, my resonation chamber is in desperation without an advanced quantum harmonizer.

A strange person with a Revolver broke into your Dining Room and is trying to kill you.
 
You wake up, realizing it was all a dream.

You fail at life. Anything you try to do to stop failing at life results in a horrible, painful, long death. You will also lose all access to porn during this long, painful death.
 
You realize this is bullshit, you can succeed and not die a horrible long death without porn.

You wake up to an extremely long dick attempting to rape your wife. It's Mr. Fantastic's dick.
 
The white man besting me once again, I attempt to steal back my woman but I fail as I am clearly not white. Embarrassing, since non whites are so good at theft.

You realize your only prospect for love (ever) is a high school dropout whose only prospects include child support from 4 different babydaddies, selling drugs to her babydaddies and other treats, Employment Insurance/welfare and other stipends and handouts for the destitute.
 
Either take the cliche path and love them anyway or take the realistic path and drop them, then get the rest of your money through prostitution.

I'm not a girl, but I imagine this would suck. While your tampon is in, the string breaks, then you have your period a minute later.
 
If this cousin is hot, do it; if not (or wrong gender) offer to anal them. If they agree to THAT, put a boot up their ass.

You're caught masturbating by your über-strict parents.
 
Knock them over and jizz on their faces while shouting HAIL SATAN HAIL SATAN HAIL SATAN

Your twin robs a bank and you get blamed.
 
If people are obviously so stupid they couldn't tell us apart, pretend to be my twin. Then my twin who is being blamed for being me for doing what they did will get in trouble >:D

Your parents replace your masturbating lotion with suntan lotion (now your palms and penis are orange) and your girlfriend is coming over D:
 
-Charmander- said:
If people are obviously so stupid they couldn't tell us apart, pretend to be my twin. Then my twin who is being blamed for being me for doing what they did will get in trouble >:D

Your parents replace your masturbating lotion with suntan lotion (now your palms and penis are orange) and your girlfriend is coming over D:
Click to expand...
Explain, "It must be a problem in my liver."

You're on American Idol and you puke while singing.
 
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