Changing for the worst
although i enjoyed reading posts in this thread, i somehow managed to avoid posting in here myself mainly because after reading some of the stories in the thread, well lets just say nothing like reading about someone else's problems to make you see how good you have it.
so why post now? well last weekend at nationals, i drank, became drunk for the first time.....o what am i saying, i was fucking wasted. I could not believe it the next morning, how is this significant? lets start a few years back
back then
you see growing up, my mom always took me to Sunday school[no choice, but i liked it], hardcore christian parents. My mom absolutely hated cursing and drugs, she was fine with alcohol but still did not offer it to me. as a teen you can say my parents had the perfect son, i had grown to despise cursing, i even looked down on kids my age who cursed. i absolutely hated drugs and how set was i in my religious ways? well as sad as it is, lets just say in my early high school years i turned down sex[although now that i look back on that, i'm glad i did not have sex until i was a bit older in high school] yeap, i would not even dream of having sex before marriage, i wonder if any christian i know has succeeded in doing that actually.
in all this, the main thing for me was alcohol. i hated drugs more because my parents really had no problem with alcohol but i personally [back then] was sure getting drunk would be the one wall that would never crumble. i avoided getting drunk at parties, throughout high school i somehow managed to never get drunk. even college could not get me to drink, i retained this image of a nice, innocent, o so clean boy
Today
now i am sitting here wondering where i lost all my iron clad moral principles. somewhere along the line i began cursing, i got drunk at nationals and the worst part about all of this is my plans for the future. i know i'm going to give drugs a chance in the near future, in fact my plans after i'm 21 would shock many people who know me. when i first put up the weight loss thread, i said i had major motivators for finally losing the weight, well here is one. i am not building a body to die for just to feel better about myself, but i wont get into that because its NSFW. i have also noticed i dont consider the feelings of others as much anymore, for example: there's this cute girl who likes me, i would not mind giving her a chance but the problem is that i have a crush on another girl. now the old me would wait to get over the girl i actually have a crush on before going out with the other girl who likes me, or i would atleast let her know i'm not interested at the moment......but nope, i am going to now use this girl who likes me as a distraction, i have no interest in her but i need something to make me forget about MY crush. i will most likely end it after i feel better[or maybe i'll fall for this girl in the process, who knows]. I have not asked her out yet so i might not even do this, but the point is that in the past i would not even consider using her like this.
it scares me sometimes to think about what i would write in this thread a year from now. i only hope that i'll always remain a nice and somewhat humble person, after all those are the only qualities i seem to have kept throughout the years.
although i enjoyed reading posts in this thread, i somehow managed to avoid posting in here myself mainly because after reading some of the stories in the thread, well lets just say nothing like reading about someone else's problems to make you see how good you have it.
so why post now? well last weekend at nationals, i drank, became drunk for the first time.....o what am i saying, i was fucking wasted. I could not believe it the next morning, how is this significant? lets start a few years back
back then
you see growing up, my mom always took me to Sunday school[no choice, but i liked it], hardcore christian parents. My mom absolutely hated cursing and drugs, she was fine with alcohol but still did not offer it to me. as a teen you can say my parents had the perfect son, i had grown to despise cursing, i even looked down on kids my age who cursed. i absolutely hated drugs and how set was i in my religious ways? well as sad as it is, lets just say in my early high school years i turned down sex[although now that i look back on that, i'm glad i did not have sex until i was a bit older in high school] yeap, i would not even dream of having sex before marriage, i wonder if any christian i know has succeeded in doing that actually.
in all this, the main thing for me was alcohol. i hated drugs more because my parents really had no problem with alcohol but i personally [back then] was sure getting drunk would be the one wall that would never crumble. i avoided getting drunk at parties, throughout high school i somehow managed to never get drunk. even college could not get me to drink, i retained this image of a nice, innocent, o so clean boy
Today
now i am sitting here wondering where i lost all my iron clad moral principles. somewhere along the line i began cursing, i got drunk at nationals and the worst part about all of this is my plans for the future. i know i'm going to give drugs a chance in the near future, in fact my plans after i'm 21 would shock many people who know me. when i first put up the weight loss thread, i said i had major motivators for finally losing the weight, well here is one. i am not building a body to die for just to feel better about myself, but i wont get into that because its NSFW. i have also noticed i dont consider the feelings of others as much anymore, for example: there's this cute girl who likes me, i would not mind giving her a chance but the problem is that i have a crush on another girl. now the old me would wait to get over the girl i actually have a crush on before going out with the other girl who likes me, or i would atleast let her know i'm not interested at the moment......but nope, i am going to now use this girl who likes me as a distraction, i have no interest in her but i need something to make me forget about MY crush. i will most likely end it after i feel better[or maybe i'll fall for this girl in the process, who knows]. I have not asked her out yet so i might not even do this, but the point is that in the past i would not even consider using her like this.
it scares me sometimes to think about what i would write in this thread a year from now. i only hope that i'll always remain a nice and somewhat humble person, after all those are the only qualities i seem to have kept throughout the years.
