Internet Relationships

Altmer

Altmer

rid this world of human waste
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They generally don't work, but here's the thing; currently I'm in a situation where I have found someone I'm pretty sure I can love. The issue is we met through a forum and she lives 500 km away, in Germany.

I'm just gonna c/p what I posted on another forum about this, but I'd like some advice from people who have experience with this stuff. Note: I have phone number/address already, I am that good. :)

I've met this great girl online, we'll call her A for a sec (let's keep it nice and anonymous.) Now, A is amazing. I've fallen in love with her and I'm pretty, pretty sure this feeling is mutual. But the issue is, my dear friend lives over the border in Germany, over 300 miles away from where I live (Netherlands.) Now here's the thing; we've arranged that in due course, we will meet up, both in Germany and in the Netherlands (the last has a confirmed date, but it's still far away...), but I want to go to Germany in the meanwhile as well.

I'm pretty sure I can manage a timeslot in the coming four weeks or so, and I'm pretty sure we can find a date and time that suits us both in the end. But here's the issue, even though I'm 18, I live with my parents still and I don't know how the hell they are going to react to this one. I'm pretty sure they won't be supportive in the beginning at least, and I'm also concerned about travelling to a foreign country alone; I've done internet meets before, but they were all relatively close to home; one person lived in my own town, one lived in my university town and one flew over himself to stay with his sister, who studies here in the Netherlands. Point is, it's all within an hour's travelling distance. This is going to be nigh-on five hours, meaning I have to spend at least the night in Germany or I have only one hour or so with her, which I doubt is a satisfactory timespan.

How do I convince my parents to pull this one off without upsetting them? I know someone who just left without informing his parents; I'm not like that, I want to be honest and neat about this and I really want this relationship to develop and work. I love A that much that I'm prepared to just throw all the distance issues and shit aside to meet her irl; I just want to know how to OK this with my parents without too much hassle and whining and breaking things.
 
If you are ok with lying, it might be the best route to take at first. Just make up some excuse for being away for random periods of time. Then after a while, if the relationship continues to last, you can tell them the truth. That is probably the easiest thing to do...if you feel comfortable lying that is.
 
I am a horrible liar. A horrible, horrible, liar. They'd see through it in minutes and besides it feels like a travesty having to lie about something that makes you feel good.
 
Hmm. sounds unpleasant - on the one you want to see her without lying, on the other being sent off with a flea in your ear (if allowed to go at all) is not the most pleasant or auspicious start to a relationship.. come clean about it to your parents, but make it absolutely clear that not going isn't an option - let them speak to her if you want, reassure them on how you'll contact them and the like, it should be ok.
 
Wow how weird. I've never really fell in love with someone over the internet. I have had crushes with people I traded myspaces with though, so I guess that's kind of like your situation but they were more like temporary infatuations...

Do you know what she looks like and stuff? Maybe you could get a webcam and talk to her and then she'll like you more!?
 
I've spoken to her using webcam several times already... in fact she insists I use it more because she happens to love seeing my face. Did I mention that the romance is mutual? I'm pretty sure she'd want nothing less than me coming over...she tells me this every day as she's waiting to come here in October...

I have pictures, I have address, phone number, I fucking pulled off sending her a birthday card...
 
hmm, i dont have any actual experience with long distance relationships, but one of my friends recently moved to new york (from california) to live with his girlfriend that he met online (WoW to be precise).
anyways, the way he got his parents to let him move was when he went to meet her for the first time, he let his parents come with him and meet her as well. this way, they were able to make sure that they were fine with my friend moving in with her in new york.
it all went well with him, and hes attending community college in new york, living with his girlfriend.
meh, thats my advice.
 
Altmer, I'm with akuchi on this one. I've been meeting people from the internet for 5 years, and I never once lied about it to my parents. My dad really never gave much of a shit about it, but my mom was apprehensive about it, ESPECIALLY JAA down in NYC. "You're flying down there for 5 days with people you've never even met???"

Once I explained to her fully how much the community meant to me and how much I viewed those guys as some of my best friends ever, she began to see it from my point of view. These days, when I tell her I'm taking a trip, she'll actually ask me if it's "with those internet guys." Come clean from the start, explain to them why it means so much to you.
 
I don't plan on lying. I can't lie, as I stated... it's pure mental betrayal. I will not under any circumstance lie to be with her. I just can't do that. I want being with her to feel good, and not be riddled with guilt because I spun a web of lies to get there.

I guess my only option is to swallow my pride and bite the bullet, then?

I'll still await kholdstaire's post...
 
Altmer said:
I've spoken to her using webcam several times already... in fact she insists I use it more because she happens to love seeing my face. Did I mention that the romance is mutual? I'm pretty sure she'd want nothing less than me coming over...she tells me this every day as she's waiting to come here in October...

I have pictures, I have address, phone number, I fucking pulled off sending her a birthday card...
Click to expand...

Well then you two must be really in love and you shouldn't let anyone get in the way of that. You should convince your parents or something I'm sure they know what love feels like since they are probably in love and they would want the best for their son!
 
Kristy Haruka said:
Well then you two must be really in love and you shouldn't let anyone get in the way of that. You should convince your parents or something I'm sure they know what love feels like since they are probably in love and they would want the best for their son!
Click to expand...

Crazy, but she's right. Explain to your parents why it means so much to you to do this; parents only want the best for their children, and for them to be happy, so you just have to convince them of both.
 
just tell your parents, if they have any problems with it tell them to talk with her. I dunno your situation too well but I suggest taking that route.
 
Would you have to lie to them? I mean, couldnt you just say, hey I want to go see a friend of mine in germany, and then see what transpires?

I mean obviously you'll have to tell them at some point, but does it have to be before you have met her? Your parents might find it easier to take that way..

Have a nice day.
 
To be fair if you are too unwilling to state that your wanting to go see something that you believe you love just go with Hip's idea.

Your not actually lying about it because you are friends, or at least it has to have some basis for you to be in love with someone.
 
I've been here before, aswell. However, about 3 weeks into the relationship over the net, I experienced a massive issue with my phone and computer. I was unable to use either for 2 Months. :( I had no way of contacting her and now her phone and interent service won't allow me to do anything with her computer for some reason and she doesn't even know it since I can't respond since I got it all back. It's really confusing but I had to face the facts that I couldn't do anything at all. It was all for nothing. 6 Months later...here I am.

Anyways, maybe using the webcam with your parents the next time you talk to her might be a good idea. Everything else that has been said will work, too, probably.
 
I met Lexite online, found out she lived close enough to where I'd be going to college, lied to my parents ("summer road trip with some friends") and went down to visit her for a week during the summer before college started, now they just think I met her in college and I don't plan on telling them anything to change that idea.
 
Yeah, we lived 400 miles apart, he was in Sacramento and I was in LA. It all worked out. Now we live in Tustin with him going to college and I working. When you have the ability to, internet relationships can definately work. I had to get my parents to let some guy I had not met in person yet into the house for a week. I told my mom where I met him and she trusted my judgment, she knew i had been talking to him for a long time and saw it on the phone bill (thank you free nights and weekends). But I did not tell my dad exactly where i met him (was advised from my mom as a matter of fact). All went well. He was there for the week and went home. A month later i had him meet my family and i at the camp ground we were spending the week at. Another month later I was in college and he was in his college 40 miles away and came to see my atleast once a week. At the end of the first semester I couldnt take the college anymore and I moved into a room in Long beach, 35 miles from his college. 6 months later we both moved into a place in Irvine, we would still be there but we had to move thanks to our roommates's ex. So now we are here in Tustin, with luck we will be staying here for his last 2 years of college and then will have our wedding and move back to my home town to be close to our friends and family.
 
internet relationships have always intrigued me

the idea that something as abstract as love is held as taboo over the internet has always struck me as odd
 
Thanks for the advice guys. I don't feel brave right now but even if it takes me a week to pluck up the courage I feel strong enough that eventually I will own up and explain how stuck I feel. I just for once feel like I've got something that can work and that I've got someone who shares my ideals and who is going to stand by me. That's all I've ever wanted so I really hope I can manage it and cheers for the positive replies.
 
Words of advice, then I'll bow out gracefully:

Just be careful. You probably saw my myspace angels post in firebot...well that still counts here. Also, on the net you tend to take comments how you want and project things upon people. You almost impose a personality before you meet them, before you know how they react, before you see their body language and before you see their true nature. It could go bad.

Still, I met a girl once in a hot tub and got her email. Long story, she lived far away but we kept in touch via the internet. I went to visit her, twice. Not only do I love her family, I think her fiancee is rad. Essentially, other than the initial awkward and crazy meeting, we were an online relationship. So, It could go good.

It's tough to go in like this, since I know you already care about her: Just try to be without expectations.
 
I know that. I know it could be different. I'm prepared to take that.

Edit: I owned up. I don't think they are completely in love with this idea but they support me and told me they want nothing more than to finally see me in her arms so I guess I was scared for nothing.
 
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