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- Thread starter dhelmise
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interesting, thanks. would you say that part of being a particular gender is having an innate conceptualization of what that term means?
It'd be my base expectation for most people, but I don't see why one couldn't build such a conceptualization. I don't specifically know how they would do it, but it feels plenty possible.
i like to call myself a judith butler fan though i've not read as much as i'd like to of their stuff. i think gender performativity is really interesting, though i'd try to caution people against understanding it as like an ameliorative analysis - i'm not convinced it's sufficiently inclusive but it's also trying to define gender as people use the term rather than as people ought use the term
the definition of gender is a topic i'm generally interested in, i'm inclined to say right now that there's no understanding of gender possible that is sufficiently inclusive to be an acceptable definition
sorta off-topic but i'm a fan of haraway's cyborg as well
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I thought I was trans for a long time but I realized I’m nb and I just was thinking I wanted to be trans bc of outside forces (don’t wanna elaborate now)
nonbinary is a part of the trans umbrella though? I get what you mean btw I just wanted to point this out
hi it’s my birthday and i’m a gay woman woo
I am a straight cis male but I do have advice if you’re having a hard time trying to come out
Obviously the scariest part about coming out is getting rejected by your family and friends but from what I’ve seen, your real ones are the ones who will accept you for who are you even if you come out, and that’s who you should stay close to forever. As a saying I’ve once heard “Just because you’re not a boy anymore doesn’t mean you’re not apart of the boys” or something like that (same saying can be said if you transition from a female to a male, you just need the correct pronouns obviously.)
The hard part is dealing with the actual rejection, especially from family. Like I said before, I’m not the most qualified person for this but if you ever wanted my thoughts, just cut them off asap if they don’t accept you for who you are. I know it can be jarring to cut off family but it’s your life and you shouldn’t dictate your life on what others think about you, and that goes for anything tbh.
If you do get rejected, just know that they’re always spaces like this one where you can find people who are in the situation you’re in, and can probably give you better advice then I ever could :P
But yea, stay safe, everyone!
Obviously the scariest part about coming out is getting rejected by your family and friends but from what I’ve seen, your real ones are the ones who will accept you for who are you even if you come out, and that’s who you should stay close to forever. As a saying I’ve once heard “Just because you’re not a boy anymore doesn’t mean you’re not apart of the boys” or something like that (same saying can be said if you transition from a female to a male, you just need the correct pronouns obviously.)
The hard part is dealing with the actual rejection, especially from family. Like I said before, I’m not the most qualified person for this but if you ever wanted my thoughts, just cut them off asap if they don’t accept you for who you are. I know it can be jarring to cut off family but it’s your life and you shouldn’t dictate your life on what others think about you, and that goes for anything tbh.
If you do get rejected, just know that they’re always spaces like this one where you can find people who are in the situation you’re in, and can probably give you better advice then I ever could :P
But yea, stay safe, everyone!
Yep, you hit the nail on the head. I'm not out myself to my family because I'm well aware of what they would think of me. Instead of bothering with them, I just hang around spaces like this where I know people will understand and accept others for who they are. Though, I couldn't imagine how difficult it is for someone who is transgender, as that is something that is much harder to hide than just one's sexuality. However, people shouldn't have to hide themselves. Those who love them should love them unconditionally, no matter what their sexuality or gender may be. It still disgusts me to this day that parents and other family will abandon their loved one just because they want to be themselves. I fully agree on the cutting them off part, if possible. They aren't worth anybody's time if their love is that fragile. I think the advice you've given is great, and I think the community is always very happy to have allies like you, even if you may not be able to relate directly.
I was laid off today because of the economic crash and I highly suspect I was cut so quickly because I was out at work.
I was just about to sign a lease on an apartment and get back on my feet after the pandemic. I am completely and utterly destroyed, I don’t know if I have anything left to keep going.
I was just about to sign a lease on an apartment and get back on my feet after the pandemic. I am completely and utterly destroyed, I don’t know if I have anything left to keep going.
I know this is a lot easier to say when one isn't in the same position or knows exactly how bad the situation is, so I do want preface this with saying that I don't mean to come off as if I know what I'm talking about in any way, and if I do I apologize sincerely. I don't have experience with such a severe situation myself. When I've been in similar situations though, I've always told myself that I won't give them the satisfaction of giving up. Those in power would love nothing more than for many of us who aren't apart of their rich butt-buddy club to give up, and it's why they care little about who these economic cuts hurt. That spark of defiance has kept me going more times than I can count, however. It may seem impossible now, but I have to believe that there's always a way out of things. I truly hope you're able to recover, even if that may not seem viable at this point in time.
Gyarikkuho just sent me this thread so I might aswell share something about myself. I started realising that I was trans about 3 years ago, but it definitely took me some time to figure out where I wanted to go with it. I undersand gender as a social construct with no absolutes. Male and female are terms that people made up to categorize eachother. I decided that it shouldn't be my gender as assigned by others that determines how I should live. Instead it should be me and my way of life that determines my gender.
Even tho transition means changing yourself, I believe that the goal should not be an arbitrary gender role, but instead how you actually want to live. If that's all too complicated for you and you'd rather live in the comfort of your assigned gender with clearly defined norms and ideals, I respect that decision.
For me, I'd say I'm in the process of transitioning mtf. However, I don't say: "I'm a woman and therefore I want to be this way." I say: "I want to be this way, therefore I am a woman."
You're free to disagree. There are people with opinions very different than my own and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Edit: minor spelling and grammatical errors. I normally don't do this but this shit was embarrassing
Even tho transition means changing yourself, I believe that the goal should not be an arbitrary gender role, but instead how you actually want to live. If that's all too complicated for you and you'd rather live in the comfort of your assigned gender with clearly defined norms and ideals, I respect that decision.
For me, I'd say I'm in the process of transitioning mtf. However, I don't say: "I'm a woman and therefore I want to be this way." I say: "I want to be this way, therefore I am a woman."
You're free to disagree. There are people with opinions very different than my own and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Edit: minor spelling and grammatical errors. I normally don't do this but this shit was embarrassing
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Well what does this say about people who don’t go either way. I think I might agree with you but the way u wrote it confused me.
Me personally, I agree that gender is a social construct, but I don’t get why that puts people in categories that have nothing to do with anything. Labeling ur gender on the way u wannna act really seems confusing based on what u said earlier. Anyways if this was how it worked id be trans but I’m nb.
Still, nice to hear your opinion and take on the matter, sorry that I came off as angry
You can view gender as it's own thing and completely seperate from everything else about you, but then your gender says nothing about you. (which is fine, I'm not critizising your point of view)
The way I see it gender represents certain social classes in most societies. Your gender influences how you are expected to look, act dress, etc. With this interpretation of gender being nb means that you don't entirely belong to the male or female social class. Gender is a spectrum and the male/female social classes aren't very well defined in most western societies. Some societies have more than 2 genders while others have a very strict binary system where one is expected to adhere to the norm.
Gender isn't something you can touch. As our societies evolve, gender evolves with them.
I say I'm a woman because I think that I roughly fit into my understanding of that social class. I don't need a gender for myself. It's there to communnicate information about myself to others.
In my opinion, arguing over someone's gender or asking "how many genders are there?" yields no right or wrong answer because by definition there can't be.
As always, you're free to disagree. What gender means to you could and will probably be different from my view
I think gender in general is a concept that will mean different things to different people. In my opinion, that's one of the most important things that many people fail to realize when complaining about how others may not identify as the gender they were born as. It's a social construct that is completely fluid, so it's form can change between cultures, times, and even individual people. Some people may not want to be gendered at all, others may want a specific label, some may feel as if different labels apply to them at different times. These are all valid interpretations, and this fluidity is what makes gender such a fascinating topic. Overall, I think it is important to respect each Indvidual's own idea of what gender means to them. I think everyone deserves to be able to feel comfortable in the way they're labeled, or if they're labeled at all. That's how I see it, anyway, and I'm sure others will see it in a completely different way which is completely valid as well.
Hobe
Honestly, I feel like what i say my gender is, is based on what i want my friends to see. Like they judge me by my gender. I feel like they would like me more if I was a girl.
That's understandable, it's hard not to sort of meet people's expectations. However, if it's possible, I think you should ask yourself about who you want to be as a person, even if it's different from what others would judge or see you as. If they're good friends, they should like you as you, whether you're gendered or not. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but it's a very personal thing that only you can decide for yourself. It's also valid if you sometimes feel like one gender, no gender, or any other combination. You shouldn't feel forced in any way to be anything. I hope you're able to feel comfortable in whatever way you choose to be.
https://secured.heritage.org/the-heritage-doge-survey/
the heritage foundation is doing a survey about DOGE without email verification, it would be a real shame if someone were to do a little trolling.
(you can do it multiple times and use any email)
the heritage foundation is doing a survey about DOGE without email verification, it would be a real shame if someone were to do a little trolling.
(you can do it multiple times and use any email)
tl:dr Sarah McBride is a c**t.
So, for those who haven’t heard, Sarah McBride and a bunch of other high rank dems had a conversation about reshuffling their approach on trans people, and that entails allowing democrats who have drasticly different opinions on trans people (I.e. transphobic ones) to not feel alienated by the party.
I’m so sick of this moderate appealing bullshit that they always try to do which never fucking works. It’s why they have the lowest approval rating that they’ve had in YEARS. And of course, it’s at our expense, the group that represents 0.1% of the population.
I had a terrible feeling that Sarah McBride was going to pull this card the moment she didn’t say anything about the fact that she can’t use the fucking bathroom she wants to use. Stop acting like a fucking punching bag and have a backbone.
So, for those who haven’t heard, Sarah McBride and a bunch of other high rank dems had a conversation about reshuffling their approach on trans people, and that entails allowing democrats who have drasticly different opinions on trans people (I.e. transphobic ones) to not feel alienated by the party.
I’m so sick of this moderate appealing bullshit that they always try to do which never fucking works. It’s why they have the lowest approval rating that they’ve had in YEARS. And of course, it’s at our expense, the group that represents 0.1% of the population.
I had a terrible feeling that Sarah McBride was going to pull this card the moment she didn’t say anything about the fact that she can’t use the fucking bathroom she wants to use. Stop acting like a fucking punching bag and have a backbone.
Giving ground to transphobes show how the dems are once again a defanged right wing party who's more interested in remaining at donors favors than actually having a strong political stance. Meek little "well the republicans don't like trans people, nothing we can do about it" approach is pathetic.
Optics do not fucking matter in the face of a fascist government that in 2 months has already started disappearing people to Guantanamo Bay and CECOT in El Salvador. There is no ally worth having if all it takes is saying "transphobia is bad" for them to go "wow you guys are all so hateful, I'm going to go join the side of the people who want to genocide you." Never compromise with these people, fight them, make their lives miserable, and do not comply in advance. It is genuinely baffling that people are still tone policing and talking about voting in the face of an administration ran exclusively by neo-nazis and christian nationalists. This is not a democracy and you will not simply vote the republicans out in 2026 or 2028, if you still believe this you are deluded.
I will say it, if you still support republicans at this point you are a fascist, period, they have been extremely clear about their platform and goals and ignorance is not an excuse
“Historians have a word for Germans who joined the Nazi party, not because they hated Jews, but out of a hope for restored patriotism, or a sense of economic anxiety, or a hope to preserve their religious values, or dislike of their opponents, or raw political opportunism, or convenience, or ignorance, or greed. That word is "Nazi." Nobody cares about their motives anymore. They joined what they joined. They lent their support and their moral approval. And, in so doing, they bound themselves to everything that came after. Who cares any more what particular knot they used in the binding?”
― A.R. Moxon
“Historians have a word for Germans who joined the Nazi party, not because they hated Jews, but out of a hope for restored patriotism, or a sense of economic anxiety, or a hope to preserve their religious values, or dislike of their opponents, or raw political opportunism, or convenience, or ignorance, or greed. That word is "Nazi." Nobody cares about their motives anymore. They joined what they joined. They lent their support and their moral approval. And, in so doing, they bound themselves to everything that came after. Who cares any more what particular knot they used in the binding?”
― A.R. Moxon
whenever looking about the current state of American politics there is essentially 0 purpose in doing outreach to Republican voters. Harris-Walz tried this, and it only served to alienate their progressive base and prospective "undecided" voters. Winning over those "undecided" voters is the key to winning elections and by extension real political power in America. appealing to the Republicans and backing down on our principles serves no one other than the people who would have us all put into concentration camps.
i am not the biggest fan of the current media environment and how we constantly police each other's actions and morality, but transphobic views should not be tolerated at any level. it's directly socially and politically harmful to not only trans people but also GNC and cis people whose presentation does not always align with their actual gender. it helps no one and hurts so so so many. in the wake of so much anti-trans backlash we need to firmly hold to our values and not capitulate for a hypothetical median voter.
i am not the biggest fan of the current media environment and how we constantly police each other's actions and morality, but transphobic views should not be tolerated at any level. it's directly socially and politically harmful to not only trans people but also GNC and cis people whose presentation does not always align with their actual gender. it helps no one and hurts so so so many. in the wake of so much anti-trans backlash we need to firmly hold to our values and not capitulate for a hypothetical median voter.