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- Thread starter dhelmise
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If it's any consolation I've been taunting one of the worst former military guys that were trying to stalk me about his divorce. I also have no doubt it must be endlessly amusing that TU's annoying 13 year old is now some hardened militant Nazi hunter for the past 9 years lol
i'm also transgender
anyway in spite of the jokes being transgender is a very weird thing, it's something i often want to hide from, especially with internet anonymity i think it is very easy to just present as female and leave everyone else to figure it out, and that's entirely valid
but
i think those of us in the community that wear their identity like a badge of honour are seriously commendable, it's something i wish i had the courage to do. i have a lot of weird thoughts regarding being transgender that i often grapple with, even in spite of having known who i am for more than half of my life, in spite of having been publically transitioning for the better part of 2 years now, in spite of honestly not having it as difficult as other transgender people that i know, it's still something i find immensely difficult to admit openly. i like to just view myself as a woman, and not a transgender woman
but i am a transgender woman, and i'm proud of it. and im proud to share this community with so many other wonderful transgender women too.
but
i think those of us in the community that wear their identity like a badge of honour are seriously commendable, it's something i wish i had the courage to do. i have a lot of weird thoughts regarding being transgender that i often grapple with, even in spite of having known who i am for more than half of my life, in spite of having been publically transitioning for the better part of 2 years now, in spite of honestly not having it as difficult as other transgender people that i know, it's still something i find immensely difficult to admit openly. i like to just view myself as a woman, and not a transgender woman
but i am a transgender woman, and i'm proud of it. and im proud to share this community with so many other wonderful transgender women too.
I am agender, aromantic, and have autism and adhd, but I've never felt a need to be proud of any of it. its not that I'm ashamed, its just that I've never understood being proud of something you have no control over. but I keep seeing so many people be proud of things like that, and it makes me feel like I'm vastly different. is this not normal? I don't know if there are others like me, or if I'm just weird(er). and the hardest part of it is that when someone is saying things like the above statement, I don't have any clue as to what to say, because the concept of being proud of being anything you are born as is so alien to me. ive always felt like a bit of an outsider because of this, like I don't truly belong here. Its hard to relate to so many posts here, and it makes me feel like I'm just kind of along for the ride, and only here because of a technicality. can anyone relate to this, because it makes me feel so useless when I am unable to say the right things when so many other people have no issue with it?
I personally believe that there is pride to be gained from going through the struggle that comes from being different absolutely. Yes it's something we have no control over but that does not make our lives any easier for it. I don't think there's anything wrong with not feeling pride about something you have no control over but as someone who has lived through difficult times, difficult periods agonising over who I am I would say I personally am proud of the fact that I'm still here now and I'm still fighting for the life I want to live.
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I do have adhd (and although I haven't been tested, I highly suspect I have autism) but even for these things alongside me being pansexual, I don't really feel proud of these things, so I can understand that part. It sorta feels like "I am who I am and that just feels normal". Like, most of the time people aren't proud of doing something they automatically do like eating breakfast (Of course, for some people who struggle with these sort of tasks, its perfectably reasonable to be happy and I commend them for that). For others, they may feel like that by speaking out about who they are, they gain some sort of fulfillment by doing that since they either have overcome struggles they have had to face or are opening themselves up making themselves feel more free. It's alright to feel either way, you do what feels right for you. The worst thing is acting a certain way that you don't feel comfortable with, so you don't have to act proud if you don't want to.
i have all of the aformentioned As (as well as asexual) as well. and i do feel proud in a sense, not the same way you'd feel proud of an accomplishment, but just proud to know this is my nature and there isn't anything wrong with me! for so long i felt like i was a failed straight, a failed neurotypical person, etc. now knowing that's not the case makes me happy, and proud to educate other people about these things so they also don't go at other people like me for being, in their eyes, "failed straights" or "failed neurotypicals". if that makes sense. you don't have to be proud, at all, i'm just sharing how i feel about it to hopefully give some perspective ^^
ultimately, being neutral about our sexuality, gender, or wether you're neurotypical or neurodivergent, this is completely fine!! i think in an ideal world where all of that is normalized there wouldn't be the need to be proud of it, just like no one that's not a bigot is proud to be straight or proud to be cis, i think. at least that's how i view it when people say they're proud of being trans, pan, non-binary, etc. i've always interpreted it as this kind of feeling, and if that doesn't spark in you, then that's perfectly normal too, you're still just as much part of the community, if you'd like to be
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Pride walk today in Nantes/France. Great moment, had a lot of fun with great people, be proud of who you are, love ya all !
Just wanted to put it out there that I'm a lesbian (apparently it's obvious), and I love trans women! Thank you for making my community brighter <3
I just recently came out to my family (they were great about it :D), but I wanted to get more practice being out to people. I’m aroace and agender. Have a good day/night!
Pride is taking your place in this world when so many people don't want you to. it's the opposite of shame. don't let yourself be conned into thinking that pride in this context is self-aggrandisement. you don't have to have a high opinion of yourself or your own queerness/etc to believe in what Pride represents.
(Liberties were taken in regards to Sanji and Chopper)
Well Pride Month is ending soon, so I just made this to show that no matter how far we may be from each other, we will always be there for one another !
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We joke, but this will be claims made by conservatives at some point.
hey smogon gays
im currently in the process of finishing up my legal name & gender change - by end of day tomorrow, i should have my new drivers license and birth certificate - and altho im not really a relevant presence on this site anymore and haven't been for a very long time, i wanted to post to commemorate and celebrate that.
ive been around on ps and smogon for about 8 years now, in some form or another, starting when i was 13. ive never not been a queer kid, whether that was gay or trans. especially for those teen years i spent here. i came out as trans at 16, when i was a member of global staff, and faced a level of bullying and harassment that was absolutely horrific for someone that age to have been put through. this community has changed a lot since then, all for the better.
but i also know that things only change so much. and as wonderful as it is to see that this community still provides a safe and welcoming space for younger queers in difficult positions trying to figure out what life will hold, like i was, i also know that sometimes the internet is a terrible place to be. and still other times, it feels like the only place you'll ever get to Really Be. being queer, especially trans, and on the internet at 15, 16, 14, 17... is confusing, difficult, scary, dangerous... it's hard
so this is what im here to say:
Hi, my name is, now even legally, Robyn Vivian [last name], I'm a 21 year old transsexual woman, in every aspect of my life. I was a Smogon kid, a PS administrator at 17. Smogon was the first place I ever got to be myself, and for a time I thought it might be the only place I would ever. It wasn't, I made it out the other end, and so can You. Things may be hard for a time, they may get harder, but keep those eyes on that light on the horizon and keep on walkin' towards it, one step at a time. And if you're trans like me then get on HRT as soon as you get the chance, and make that young adult life whatever you want it to be - when you get there, you'll know. trust the process and hack your biochemistry .
im currently in the process of finishing up my legal name & gender change - by end of day tomorrow, i should have my new drivers license and birth certificate - and altho im not really a relevant presence on this site anymore and haven't been for a very long time, i wanted to post to commemorate and celebrate that.
ive been around on ps and smogon for about 8 years now, in some form or another, starting when i was 13. ive never not been a queer kid, whether that was gay or trans. especially for those teen years i spent here. i came out as trans at 16, when i was a member of global staff, and faced a level of bullying and harassment that was absolutely horrific for someone that age to have been put through. this community has changed a lot since then, all for the better.
but i also know that things only change so much. and as wonderful as it is to see that this community still provides a safe and welcoming space for younger queers in difficult positions trying to figure out what life will hold, like i was, i also know that sometimes the internet is a terrible place to be. and still other times, it feels like the only place you'll ever get to Really Be. being queer, especially trans, and on the internet at 15, 16, 14, 17... is confusing, difficult, scary, dangerous... it's hard
so this is what im here to say:
Hi, my name is, now even legally, Robyn Vivian [last name], I'm a 21 year old transsexual woman, in every aspect of my life. I was a Smogon kid, a PS administrator at 17. Smogon was the first place I ever got to be myself, and for a time I thought it might be the only place I would ever. It wasn't, I made it out the other end, and so can You. Things may be hard for a time, they may get harder, but keep those eyes on that light on the horizon and keep on walkin' towards it, one step at a time. And if you're trans like me then get on HRT as soon as you get the chance, and make that young adult life whatever you want it to be - when you get there, you'll know. trust the process and hack your biochemistry .
I feel kinda weird posting here bc I never really had a "coming out" moment. I just slowly incurred the woke mind virus like that "beware the pipeline" meme. Being trans is really hard in Florida, especially when I can't find a job because of it to finance my transiton. I've been on and off HRT for months now, never able to get a steady supply of it whether it's because my funds run too low or the DIY site I'm forced to turn to is out of stock, it's always something. I haven't really been "hate-crimed" because I'm lucky enough to pass (I think) but finding a job is still nearly impossible without applying under my deadname which I think would be worse for my mental health than just being homeless. Despite all this, I'm happier than I've ever been. I love being Ashley, I love being a girl, and I love my body. I fear for the direction this country is headed in and have no real plans for the future but I love you all and wish nothing but the best for all you [BAN ME PLEASE]'s.
hell yea
This is less of a talking about something positive that happened to me and more so a vent on my end so be aware of that before reading on. I'm probably in the middle of a panic attack while writing this, so decided to vent about all my feelings on myself and my life to help cope and calm myself with that a bit. potential TW, Idk for what though, I'm writing this before I have all of my thoughts in mind.
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I'm not going to lie; it's really fucking hard being transgender. For those who don't know me well, let me introduce myself and a bit about my life; My name is Bella, although some of my closer friends call me Leah too, and i don't really mind when people call me both, Leah is my middle name after all. I'm a 16 year old mixed race (I'm half Mexican from my dad and half Filipino from my mom) transfem girl living in Colorado, which I'm really happy for as its such a safe state for me and other queer folk to live in and i really like it here. Unfortunately, God gave me a middle finger with having a pastor for a dad and a religiously insane mom, which is another thing people know about me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel like a lot of times for me, its hard to feel like a girl and even try to imagine myself as one. I wake up in the morning and I don't see a girl in the mirror. I see a guy lying to himself and all of my imperfections and... that hurts. It makes me cry and continue to hurt myself inside and outside, physically and mentally. Even in times i can express my femineity, i still don't really feel like a girl at all. I just see myself in the mirror or in the camera on my phone, and even though there is someone who looks like a girl looking back at me..... I don't think it is me. It can't be me. The world tells me I will never and can never be a girl, and that fact just stays in the back of my mind despite what I do to not have thoughts like that and that puts me in such a strange form of a mix of dysphoria and a panic attack at the same time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In another life, maybe I would get support from my family and get some real help with all this dysphoria that I constantly feel in varying stages. Unfortunately, the world does not give me that hope. My Dad is a pastor and works at a particular very anti LGBTQ Christian organization that actively tries to limit the rights of people like me and calls us a "particularly evil lie of Satan" (for obvious reasons, I will not say the name of the org, but if you know a bit about where i live, you can infer what Christian Organization i am talking about.) Even though he does not and will never not know about my queerness, it feels like a betrayal to have my dad, a person I thought people were supposed to trust, just.... not be able to help and understand my feelings about myself without threatening to kick me out. My mom is the same, but worse. She's one of those ultra MAGA trump people, and one of those "the gays are grooming our children people!!!" too. It's really awkward when she tries to talk about how trans women are pedophiles or something like that to me, especially because I am that. She is calling her child a groomer, sexual pest, etc. Just... I don't know how to feel about them. I thought parents were supposed to love, and yet, despite that, my parents just don't seem to do that to me. They don't care about my wellbeing and just tell me to pray it off when something goes bad and pick up all the shit my sisters do. I just wish I could get out of my situation, although I know that reality is for me is that I'll have to watch over my parents forever. It sucks, especially when I see so many other of my minor trans friends have parents who support them and guide them. That probably comes from jealously, since I don't have experiences like that with my parents, or really any experience with them really...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It does not help that being a queer kid in a relatively conservative city and school make's it really hard to make friends. I feel awkward trying to make friends who are girls, because I don't look like a girl, nor do i dress like one or even act like one much either. I want to make friends who are girls and supportive since I feel like that could help validate my gender identity, but people just see me as some perverted guy, which I'm not and that does not help my mental state and the constant feeling that I'm lying to myself. Talking and trying to make friends who are guys does not help either at all. I don't want to lie to people about who I am to make friends. I want to make friends and be myself with them and around them at the same time. If I can't do that, what's the point. I've accepted at this point that until I can present myself as a girl both socially and physically, there is no point in trying to start meaningful relationships with anyone in real life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In spite of everything, I still want to be Bella and still be a girl. I may not like anything about myself atm, nor am I happy, but at the end of the day, it's the hope that one day I can be myself and be the girl I want to be that keeps me going. Plus, if it was not for all the friends and connections I've made from this website, I don't think I would even be alive today. The constant hope that there will be a day that a stranger will she me in public or the hope that a kid will come up today and say "miss, I think you are very pretty" or something like that is the drive to keep on pushing and keep on being... well, me.
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I'm sorry if this writing is a bit all over the fucking place. I was writing this from the heart, and I was just rambling. If anyone wants to give me some advice on what to do in my situation, that would probably be nice. Don't feel pressed to though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not going to lie; it's really fucking hard being transgender. For those who don't know me well, let me introduce myself and a bit about my life; My name is Bella, although some of my closer friends call me Leah too, and i don't really mind when people call me both, Leah is my middle name after all. I'm a 16 year old mixed race (I'm half Mexican from my dad and half Filipino from my mom) transfem girl living in Colorado, which I'm really happy for as its such a safe state for me and other queer folk to live in and i really like it here. Unfortunately, God gave me a middle finger with having a pastor for a dad and a religiously insane mom, which is another thing people know about me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel like a lot of times for me, its hard to feel like a girl and even try to imagine myself as one. I wake up in the morning and I don't see a girl in the mirror. I see a guy lying to himself and all of my imperfections and... that hurts. It makes me cry and continue to hurt myself inside and outside, physically and mentally. Even in times i can express my femineity, i still don't really feel like a girl at all. I just see myself in the mirror or in the camera on my phone, and even though there is someone who looks like a girl looking back at me..... I don't think it is me. It can't be me. The world tells me I will never and can never be a girl, and that fact just stays in the back of my mind despite what I do to not have thoughts like that and that puts me in such a strange form of a mix of dysphoria and a panic attack at the same time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In another life, maybe I would get support from my family and get some real help with all this dysphoria that I constantly feel in varying stages. Unfortunately, the world does not give me that hope. My Dad is a pastor and works at a particular very anti LGBTQ Christian organization that actively tries to limit the rights of people like me and calls us a "particularly evil lie of Satan" (for obvious reasons, I will not say the name of the org, but if you know a bit about where i live, you can infer what Christian Organization i am talking about.) Even though he does not and will never not know about my queerness, it feels like a betrayal to have my dad, a person I thought people were supposed to trust, just.... not be able to help and understand my feelings about myself without threatening to kick me out. My mom is the same, but worse. She's one of those ultra MAGA trump people, and one of those "the gays are grooming our children people!!!" too. It's really awkward when she tries to talk about how trans women are pedophiles or something like that to me, especially because I am that. She is calling her child a groomer, sexual pest, etc. Just... I don't know how to feel about them. I thought parents were supposed to love, and yet, despite that, my parents just don't seem to do that to me. They don't care about my wellbeing and just tell me to pray it off when something goes bad and pick up all the shit my sisters do. I just wish I could get out of my situation, although I know that reality is for me is that I'll have to watch over my parents forever. It sucks, especially when I see so many other of my minor trans friends have parents who support them and guide them. That probably comes from jealously, since I don't have experiences like that with my parents, or really any experience with them really...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It does not help that being a queer kid in a relatively conservative city and school make's it really hard to make friends. I feel awkward trying to make friends who are girls, because I don't look like a girl, nor do i dress like one or even act like one much either. I want to make friends who are girls and supportive since I feel like that could help validate my gender identity, but people just see me as some perverted guy, which I'm not and that does not help my mental state and the constant feeling that I'm lying to myself. Talking and trying to make friends who are guys does not help either at all. I don't want to lie to people about who I am to make friends. I want to make friends and be myself with them and around them at the same time. If I can't do that, what's the point. I've accepted at this point that until I can present myself as a girl both socially and physically, there is no point in trying to start meaningful relationships with anyone in real life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In spite of everything, I still want to be Bella and still be a girl. I may not like anything about myself atm, nor am I happy, but at the end of the day, it's the hope that one day I can be myself and be the girl I want to be that keeps me going. Plus, if it was not for all the friends and connections I've made from this website, I don't think I would even be alive today. The constant hope that there will be a day that a stranger will she me in public or the hope that a kid will come up today and say "miss, I think you are very pretty" or something like that is the drive to keep on pushing and keep on being... well, me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sorry if this writing is a bit all over the fucking place. I was writing this from the heart, and I was just rambling. If anyone wants to give me some advice on what to do in my situation, that would probably be nice. Don't feel pressed to though.
Realistically, it’s going to be hard until you’re 18, and have some form of bodily autonomy. My biggest suggestion would be saving up some money so that you can afford moving out, and start looking for jobs in places that are accessible for transgender healthcare. If you’re planning on going to college, then you might have to wait until you’re 21, unless you’re in a position where you can pay for school yourself. Not going to lie, it’s going to be really fucking hard for you, and you might lose some people in your life, but you can’t choose your birth family. You can however choose the people around you that support you and love you for who you are.
I will say, I had people that I thought were going to be vehemently against me for being myself, and when I came out, they’ve been nothing but supportive. Sometimes, the boogeyman is there because they don’t actually know anyone who is trans or is like that, and things change once that someone enters their life. If you need someone to ask about hormones or anything, please feel free to reach out.
hi, she/her still.hi, she/her now
wahee!Been a few months since I realized I was a girl. Since then I've taken 186 estrogen pills, decided on a name I love, shared who I was with those closest to me, and have been the happiest I've ever been. I can't overstate how much medically transitioning has helped me mentally, this shit has literally done more for me in 2 months than 2 years of antidepressants. It's such a scary hurdle to overcome, deciding to start hrt, since literally everyone around you will discourage you from it. They'll tell you things are irreversible, that you'll regret it, that there are side effects, etc. All bullshit coming from people who don't want to see you change, and may not even want to see you be happy. Grey-market estrogen is so absurdly easy to access that if you're seriously wanting it and you have the means to, there is literally no reason for you not to start hrt right now. Literally every day has been a marvel and a rollercoaster since I started E. Waking up to take my pills in the morning and reminding my partner to take hers. Noticing the changes in my mind and body week-by-week. Crying in the bathroom mirror, not from dysphoria, but from the slow burn of finally loving myself. Trying new clothes, hearing my name be used, everything about it is a more meaningful satisfaction than anything I've ever felt, and is deeply cathartic after years of repressing it all. Above all else, I'm blessed to share my transition with Stories, who's been such an amazing presence in my life that it's hard to put into words. Every night I fall asleep with her, writing love-letter emails to each other, voice training with her, every laugh and every cry and everything we do together layers purpose on my life that I never knew I needed. Everything in my life feels so secure and fulfilling and perfect that it wraps back around to being overwhelming, and I love it. I love myself, I love my girlfriend, and I love being May.
awawawawa
from uppa
Similar situation here - when I originally realized that I was queer, I wasn't sure how to tell my family. It took me years to watch them carefully and determine how they'd react - the nail in the coffin was when my dad broke a plate over a lesbian family friend getting married to another woman (like, how did he think that'd go? Dumbass). That's when I realized I couldn't tell them at the time - and the funny part is I was completely fine with that. I made the decision that if I was gonna tell them, I was gonna wait until I was financially independent and moved away so that if their reaction was poor, I would be physically and financially safe.
The thing is, I don't plan on telling them right now. I'm actually making the choice to go no contact soon. Reason why is if I know they're gonna have difficulty accepting me and cause me grief over something I can't control, it isn't worth it. Blood's not the end all be all of everything, and I have people in my life that I know will support me regardless of who I marry (one of my best friends gets the most unhinged messages about how much I want the dude I currently like, honestly feel bad for them). I didn't make that decision lightly, though. It took me YEARS to have the balls to make that decision, but not everybody has the privilege of being born with the family they're gonna walk through life with.
I'm not saying that your situation will be identical to mine - but whatever decision you do make, I heavily advise being tactical about it. Once you come out to someone, you can't reverse that, so it's a good idea to make sure that any potential adverse consequences are minimized.
I'm sorry if this wasn't the response you were looking for, by the way. I'd love to tell you that it'll be okay for sure, but I know nothing about your parents, you, or your relationship with them and it isn't really my place to pry either.