Serious Life (just need somewhere to vent right now)

[tape]

jesus christ what book is that???

also i finally found something to post with (since you seem[ed] concerned about getting a partner)

do what you love, basically. i like swimming, cycling, wanna get into skateboarding, i love games and videogames (i think they're such a great way to get to know people!) im teaching myself japanese, i very often ponder stuff about linguistics (im p sure ill end up being a polyglot before im 30), im enrolled in a (free) welding course, i like traveling (although its kinda hard when you're still 20 with no job and studying but you get the idea), among other things like being a gay activist in a 3rd world country.

really life is what you make of it.

edit: can i just say again how great that quote you put here is? its gorgeous.

 

[junior]

it's from john green's looking for alaska. john green is a fabulous author and if you're looking for a good read definitely get looking for alaska! it's a very intimite book and i've read it three times over and cried eveyr time haha.
it's very similar to stephen chbosky's the perks of being a wallflower.

haha yep i know @ the quote you posted. i'm not really concerned with being in a relationship at the moment to be honest. plenty of my friends are trying to hook me up with 21348921983 guys but i'm just like no.

life is beautiful for sure, and i definitely appreciate everything i have. I'm one of those "some people feel the rain, others just get wet" kinda person.

3-5 years ago, i would LOVE to have the life i'm having now but i guess it's human to always seek more. perhaps my life progressed so rapidly from 2010-2012 that now that it's slowed down to almost a complete halt that i feel really shitty.

go you for representing the gay community btw! stay safe though :)

 

[Unitas]

I'm a freshman in high school so some of this stuff coming from me might seems like teenage angst or something similar but please bare with me.

I feel like life jus goes too slow. I see my older sister having fun at college Doug what ever she wants, going to concerts, going on vacation over spring break and I'm stuck in my stupid high school doing homework. My escape is music. I'm in a band and playing live music is the thing that keeps me going. I practice 2-3 times a week with my band and that is the only thing that keeps me going in life. The rush I get from playing music, listening to music, anything to do with music is what motivates me to live.

My dream in life is to be signed to a record label with my band. I know it will be a hard, long journey but without this goal I would be going nowhere with my life and probably resort to drugs, I might resort to drugs even know, because hey they're fun. Try listening to Young Pilgrims by the Shins. It's a really inspirational song about trying to keep a positive attitude and what can happen if you don't. A great line from that song, "Fate isn't what we are up against, there is no design, no flaws to find" Life isn't perfect and I just hope that through hard work and passion we can all achieve our goals whatever they may be.

 

[junior]

I'm a freshman in high school so some of this stuff coming from me might seems like teenage angst or something similar but please bare with me.

I feel like life jus goes too slow. I see my older sister having fun at college Doug what ever she wants, going to concerts, going on vacation over spring break and I'm stuck in my stupid high school doing homework. My escape is music. I'm in a band and playing live music is the thing that keeps me going. I practice 2-3 times a week with my band and that is the only thing that keeps me going in life. The rush I get from playing music, listening to music, anything to do with music is what motivates me to live.

My dream in life is to be signed to a record label with my band. I know it will be a hard, long journey but without this goal I would be going nowhere with my life and probably resort to drugs, I might resort to drugs even know, because hey they're fun. Try listening to Young Pilgrims by the Shins. It's a really inspirational song about trying to keep a positive attitude and what can happen if you don't. A great line from that song, "Fate isn't what we are up against, there is no design, no flaws to find" Life isn't perfect and I just hope that through hard work and passion we can all achieve our goals whatever they may be.

I guess it might be hypocritical to be giving you advice or words of wisdom or whatever you want to call it, considering what a hot mess I am in this thread but hey nobody knows how to take their own advice right?

I definitely know what you mean, and you'll get there eventually for sure. How old are you?

If it makes you feel any better, I spent high school pretty much alone. I literally did nothing over the holidays. I didn't even have friends. But things do get better. I have a bigger social circle than most people now and things are completely different to high school. I'm basically doing everything I wish I could've done in my high school years. So take it from first hand experience, it does get better. Such a cliche statement but it really does.

At this point, all I do in my life is basically go out with mates and now all I want is just more sleep and more alone time to work on myself haha. We'll always want what we don't have.

In the meantime, just make the most of what you have! You don't need to be on vacation to have fun! You'll have your turn eventually. Meanwhile, make your own little vacation I reckon. Surely there's heaps to do! Hit the beach more often, go for a swim, take some time out and stargaze, dance to feel good music in the solitary of your own room.

Enjoy your time in high school tbh it's one of those things where you'll look back on it one day and be all like, why did I waste my youth!

Im not gonna tell you not to take drugs btw, but do definitely promise to do as much research as possible before consuming them. Be aware of side effects, contraindications, and all that jazz

lord, I really should take my own bloody advice haha

 

[junior]

You're Not Making The Most Out Of Your 20s

“It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.”
- Ryan O'Connell (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/youre-not-making-the-most-out-of-your-20s/)

 

[Nix_Hex]

I'm a freshman in high school ... I feel like life jus goes too slow.

Treasure this. You are young. Move faster than life. You're not bogged down by college life or stuck in a miserable day job (at least I'm assuming that). Play as many gigs with your band as possible. Be the best musician you can be. Take lessons or watch youtube videos, see as many bands as you can, whether they be famous signed bands or local BS.

One of my best friends from high school was an aspiring guitarist that listened to Metallica and Dream Theater every day. I eventually joined his band and his singing and guitar playing improved so much from when they first started. He started to broaden his musical interests, went to a local private college with a decent music program, picked up piano and violin, became a composer both of classical music and started doing videogame soundtracks. We wrote a 20 minute epic over the course of about four years, and he produced it himself in his own studio, in which he made money by recording other local bands. He eventually joined another local band we used to play shows with who needed a guitarist and a month later they were signed. He is now their lead guitarist, back-up vocalist, and plays synth too.

It sounds like you are dedicated to your music. Keep that up. It's tough work and you might need some luck, but by playing tons of shows, getting better, and with good promotion, you never know... it could happen!

lord, I really should take my own bloody advice haha

hah I know exactly what you mean!

 

[capefeather]

I don't know how old junior is. 'e mentions high school bullies, but then mentions post-high school life. In any case, I am not exactly in high school and I feel pretty much the same way, which I guess is why I'm posting when I normally probably wouldn't. It's not a matter of age or "maturity", whatever that means. The only thing is I don't really care about being single or not single. Given my experiences with the closest women in my life, I'm just not convinced that any perceived pros outweigh the potential cons. Maybe that's why I mentioned gay marriage in the Policy Review thread about pixel/%. Maybe it was an issue that I knew people cared about a lot, but I honestly cared nothing about (though I care that people care), and that was exactly how I saw the pixel/% issue.

The thing for me is that I cannot conceive of a worthwhile goal that I personally can achieve realistically. There are goals that the average joe could reasonably achieve (like passing a course in a subject you're trying to major in), but my life is just so controlled, to the point that even those "easy" goals are unattainable. So it irks me when people tell me to break down a goal into doable micro-goals. What I've been trying to study is all about doing that. There simply is no solution for me. If only those big problems went away, I'd be set... or at least I could feel like I could take responsibility for my own life.

So protip to people trying to give advice: That's great and all, but you don't know enough about anybody here to give good advice. Full stop. When you start from the position, "I'm probably wrong," you'll be much more receptive to the other person's problems, consequently making your comments more likely to be actually helpful. By telling people to get a hobby or having some kind of abstract positive outlook, you're implicitly assuming that they haven't already tried that, or that they have some kind of reason to have a positive outlook, or that they put some kind of abstract value in their lives. There are lots of people in the world who aren't suicidal, but wouldn't really mind if they randomly died.

Also fuck all the people itt trying to inject their politics into this. Disgusting.

 

[Deck Knight]

So protip to people trying to give advice: That's great and all, but you don't know enough about anybody here to give good advice. Full stop. When you start from the position, "I'm probably wrong," you'll be much more receptive to the other person's problems, consequently making your comments more likely to be actually helpful. By telling people to get a hobby or having some kind of abstract positive outlook, you're implicitly assuming that they haven't already tried that, or that they have some kind of reason to have a positive outlook, or that they put some kind of abstract value in their lives. There are lots of people in the world who aren't suicidal, but wouldn't really mind if they randomly died.

This is such sophistry. None of us have claimed we know the intimate details of junior's life as a basis for our advice. He knows them better than any of us - and yet he's asking us, essentially complete strangers with at least one or less things in common with him for advice.

He's looking on from the inside, and he's seeking advice from people looking in from the outside. We are hardly obligated to self-deprecate the value of our advice, so long as it's constructive and not a soapbox for something unrelated (While The Trilateral Commission may indeed be oppressing junior, neither he nor we can do anything about it so it's irrelevant). It's incredibly silly to plead nihilism in an advice thread. He wouldn't be asking for the perspectives of other people if he did not think there was something amiss with his present situation. By posting the thread at all he basically demolishes your premise. This isn't a discussion topic to which the concepts of "I'm right" and "I'm wrong" apply.

 

[PttP]

Just saying in general, but this is probably the worst advice to give anyone. It may sound nice in theory and all, I mean who wouldn't want someone else putting all the effort into the relationship, but it's a strategy that would work horribly in real life. Relationships aren't a one-way street, both people have to do some searching to find the magic person. Sitting at home hoping that that person will knock on your door just isn't going to happen.

Besides, if you take that logic and apply it to everyone, no one would ever find love. If everyone followed what it said to do, no one would search because "chances are they won't be the right one." That quote is wacky and I feel sad for whoever has followed it.

The focusing on your own happiness is obviously good advice, but the entirety of the quote is wrong.

 

[tape]

Just saying in general, but this is probably the worst advice to give anyone. It may sound nice in theory and all, I mean who wouldn't want someone else putting all the effort into the relationship, but it's a strategy that would work horribly in real life. Relationships aren't a one-way street, both people have to do some searching to find the magic person. Sitting at home hoping that that person will knock on your door just isn't going to happen.

Besides, if you take that logic and apply it to everyone, no one would ever find love. If everyone followed what it said to do, no one would search because "chances are they won't be the right one." That quote is wacky and I feel sad for whoever has followed it.

The focusing on your own happiness is obviously good advice, but the entirety of the quote is wrong.

somepeople:rollseyes:

This isn't a discussion topic to which the concepts of "I'm right" and "I'm wrong" apply.

apparently the only thread where i'd agree with DK

 

[Chou Toshio]

Just saying in general, but this is probably the worst advice to give anyone. It may sound nice in theory and all, I mean who wouldn't want someone else putting all the effort into the relationship, but it's a strategy that would work horribly in real life. Relationships aren't a one-way street, both people have to do some searching to find the magic person. Sitting at home hoping that that person will knock on your door just isn't going to happen.

Besides, if you take that logic and apply it to everyone, no one would ever find love. If everyone followed what it said to do, no one would search because "chances are they won't be the right one." That quote is wacky and I feel sad for whoever has followed it.

The focusing on your own happiness is obviously good advice, but the entirety of the quote is wrong.

I don't think the quote is saying you don't have to put effort into your relationships-- of course you do.

I'm pretty sure the quote is just saying that trying too hard to "find someone" may not let you meet a person who's on the same page, who is willing to commit to you.

I'm not saying pro-activity isn't important in all facets of life but-- well what happened in the quote exactly happened to me, so I guess I'm having a hard time criticizing it. Like-- to-the-word that quote happened to me.

The important thing is that the other person is on the same page as you with what you want and how much dedication you want to put in the relationship. It's all about timing.

Mmm... it's a little easier for a hetero-sexual guy who wants to find a dedicated partner (and this concept of "timing" makes more sense), because most women still want to have kids, and the biological clock is ticking-- so almost any guy can find a willing, devoted woman, if he's just willing to wait until people his age get desperate enough. lol So if you're a heterosexual male serious about a relationship/family, I'd say this:

is absolutely applicable-- as long as you just build yourself, eventually you'll meet someone who really wants to commit to you.

If you're not a heterosexual male looking for a serious relationship... I'd say this advice is much less applicable...


That said, we have this thing now called internet dating, that used to be seen as kind of creepy-- but is now losing any such stigma at a rapid rate. Why? Because people are actually achieving successful relationships through e-harmony and other such similar services. With matchmaking services, finding someone who's on the same page is ridiculously simple. It's pretty much leveled the playing field you could say.

So my conclusion ends up being the same regardless or gender, orientation, or commitment desire: really, being able to meet or not meet someone to share your life with really shouldn't be too much of a worry. Even if the right person doesn't "come around" like the quote says, you can just shop for him/her online.

In a generation or two, I bet adult couples formed through the internet will be as common or more common than those made through normal connections.

 

[PttP]

somepeople:rollseyes:

So cutting out the portion of the quote I was talking about validates your statement? I said that the portion saying do what makes you happy is 100% correct, the "hoping someone falls into your lap" portion is what I disagreed with. Even for things like Internet dating, you still have to put in the effort to make a profile and whatnot, you're not just sitting back and praying for a beacon of life to suddenly become interested in your inactive soul.

Look I can use fake emotes to be cool too :smh:

 

[MrIndigo]

it sounds as though you've gotten yourself stuck in a rut and the best way to solve that is to do something spontaneous. even if it's just booking a holiday it'll give you something concrete to look foreward to and that can make all the difference in terms of mood.

A holiday is a good idea.

A friend of mine living in Newcastle went through something similar. He was studying IT and didn't enjoy it, his elder brother was getting in trouble with the police etc.

He took a couple of Japanese classes for fun, which led to an exchange trip to Japan for a few weeks. Immediately after getting back, he planned a trip. Stayed there by himself for 3 years. Came back completely changed, the funk was gone.

 

[Joim]

This is a very interesting article on traveling while you are young, and I feel it's adequate for some of the people who posted here: http://goinswriter.com/travel-young/

 

[junior]

since we're on the subject of relationships, i'm getting pretty fucking sick of my mates trying to hook me up with people. They've been doing this for over a week now and it's pissing me off! It's not just one group of friend either, it's literally like three different groups of people and I just want them to leave me alone and let me do it when I'm ready for one.

i just want to bump into someone, find a connection and slowly fall in love, is that so hard to ask?

I don't know how old junior is. 'e mentions high school bullies, but then mentions post-high school life. In any case, I am not exactly in high school and I feel pretty much the same way, which I guess is why I'm posting when I normally probably wouldn't. It's not a matter of age or "maturity", whatever that means. The only thing is I don't really care about being single or not single. Given my experiences with the closest women in my life, I'm just not convinced that any perceived pros outweigh the potential cons. Maybe that's why I mentioned gay marriage in the Policy Review thread about pixel/%. Maybe it was an issue that I knew people cared about a lot, but I honestly cared nothing about (though I care that people care), and that was exactly how I saw the pixel/% issue.

The thing for me is that I cannot conceive of a worthwhile goal that I personally can achieve realistically. There are goals that the average joe could reasonably achieve (like passing a course in a subject you're trying to major in), but my life is just so controlled, to the point that even those "easy" goals are unattainable. So it irks me when people tell me to break down a goal into doable micro-goals. What I've been trying to study is all about doing that. There simply is no solution for me. If only those big problems went away, I'd be set... or at least I could feel like I could take responsibility for my own life.

So protip to people trying to give advice: That's great and all, but you don't know enough about anybody here to give good advice. Full stop. When you start from the position, "I'm probably wrong," you'll be much more receptive to the other person's problems, consequently making your comments more likely to be actually helpful. By telling people to get a hobby or having some kind of abstract positive outlook, you're implicitly assuming that they haven't already tried that, or that they have some kind of reason to have a positive outlook, or that they put some kind of abstract value in their lives. There are lots of people in the world who aren't suicidal, but wouldn't really mind if they randomly died.

Also fuck all the people itt trying to inject their politics into this. Disgusting.

Yeah I realise that evne thogh I've been on smogon for a while now, pretty much minimal people know what actually goes on in my life or even just about me.

I recently turned 20 and I've been in uni for 3 years now and it sucks haha, I'm just so exhausted all the time I dunno.

I do appreciate any input people might have though, and even if it's not helpful it still gives me a chance to at least express myself instead of bottling everything up. :)

I don't really have deep talks with any of my friends so this is a pretty nice outlet. I totes understand your sentiment though!

This is such sophistry. None of us have claimed we know the intimate details of junior's life as a basis for our advice. He knows them better than any of us - and yet he's asking us, essentially complete strangers with at least one or less things in common with him for advice.

He's looking on from the inside, and he's seeking advice from people looking in from the outside. We are hardly obligated to self-deprecate the value of our advice, so long as it's constructive and not a soapbox for something unrelated (While The Trilateral Commission may indeed be oppressing junior, neither he nor we can do anything about it so it's irrelevant). It's incredibly silly to plead nihilism in an advice thread. He wouldn't be asking for the perspectives of other people if he did not think there was something amiss with his present situation. By posting the thread at all he basically demolishes your premise. This isn't a discussion topic to which the concepts of "I'm right" and "I'm wrong" apply.

yep outside perspective is always great. Sometimes you just need a third party to point you in the right direction because there's less chance for bias.

Just saying in general, but this is probably the worst advice to give anyone. It may sound nice in theory and all, I mean who wouldn't want someone else putting all the effort into the relationship, but it's a strategy that would work horribly in real life. Relationships aren't a one-way street, both people have to do some searching to find the magic person. Sitting at home hoping that that person will knock on your door just isn't going to happen.

Besides, if you take that logic and apply it to everyone, no one would ever find love. If everyone followed what it said to do, no one would search because "chances are they won't be the right one." That quote is wacky and I feel sad for whoever has followed it.

The focusing on your own happiness is obviously good advice, but the entirety of the quote is wrong.

I think when it comes to getting into a relationship with at least some degree of substance, you just need to do what you love and the right people will pop up in your life. By extension, that's focusing on your own happiness by doing what you enjoy. People with similar interests or views on certain aspects of life will find you, and you find them.

I feel like most people settle too easily in relationships just because it's convenient without even really giving it enough time to get to know each other on a psychological and emotional level.

Honestly, I won't be happy in a relationship unless I really knew the person. I don't understand those who jump from people to people, relationships to relationships.

I don't think the quote is saying you don't have to put effort into your relationships-- of course you do.

I'm pretty sure the quote is just saying that trying too hard to "find someone" may not let you meet a person who's on the same page, who is willing to commit to you.

I'm not saying pro-activity isn't important in all facets of life but-- well what happened in the quote exactly happened to me, so I guess I'm having a hard time criticizing it. Like-- to-the-word that quote happened to me.

The important thing is that the other person is on the same page as you with what you want and how much dedication you want to put in the relationship. It's all about timing.

Mmm... it's a little easier for a hetero-sexual guy who wants to find a dedicated partner (and this concept of "timing" makes more sense), because most women still want to have kids, and the biological clock is ticking-- so almost any guy can find a willing, devoted woman, if he's just willing to wait until people his age get desperate enough. lol So if you're a heterosexual male serious about a relationship/family, I'd say this:

is absolutely applicable-- as long as you just build yourself, eventually you'll meet someone who really wants to commit to you.

If you're not a heterosexual male looking for a serious relationship... I'd say this advice is much less applicable...


That said, we have this thing now called internet dating, that used to be seen as kind of creepy-- but is now losing any such stigma at a rapid rate. Why? Because people are actually achieving successful relationships through e-harmony and other such similar services. With matchmaking services, finding someone who's on the same page is ridiculously simple. It's pretty much leveled the playing field you could say.

So my conclusion ends up being the same regardless or gender, orientation, or commitment desire: really, being able to meet or not meet someone to share your life with really shouldn't be too much of a worry. Even if the right person doesn't "come around" like the quote says, you can just shop for him/her online.

In a generation or two, I bet adult couples formed through the internet will be as common or more common than those made through normal connections.

to the bolded part: YES! Exactly what I was typing above haha. What ever happened to finding love like that? why can't the rest of our society see it that way these days? It's so rare to find genuine people who get into relationships because they fall in love these days, it makes me a little sad.

I really hate how accessible the internet is sometimes. There's too many downsides to it. finding people on the internet might be a good thing because you have a common ground but it's just so forced in a way. Going into it literally for a relationship idk

I was born into the wrong era haha. (i should reiterate that I'm glad of the rights we have now though)

This is a very interesting article on traveling while you are young, and I feel it's adequate for some of the people who posted here: http://goinswriter.com/travel-young/

reading it now :)

 

[elcheeso]

I recently turned 20 and I've been in uni for 3 years now and it sucks haha, I'm just so exhausted all the time I dunno.

IDK if I'm reading this wrong at all, but if you're not happy or aren't really feeling any direction with whatever you're doing at uni at the moment, there's always the option of changing degrees! My cousin did that after 3 years doing the same degree without really ever feeling any sort of satisfaction out of it, after changing it was like she was a completely different person. She was motivated and really felt like she was going somewhere, you know? Hell, she only finished her degree recently (she's around 25ish?), but she says it was the best decision she ever made. I realise it's not exactly a cheap option (though HECS/HELP helps, of course), and obviously it could be a more general problem with uni, but yeah... it's worth looking into if I'm reading this right.

 

[Chou Toshio]

I actually prefer a society where people can be more honest with themselves and their desires. I also prefer one where love and romance are not overly glorified.

The best couples have relationships built on mutual understanding of dedication to a greater goal; the family (and children) are more important than simple romance.

Afterall, love is not burning immortal-- the relationships that last are between people who appreciate "cool" love, matured love; not passion, but satisfaction at having accomplished something together.


Without those values, you get the society of today--
-a divorce rate of 50%,
-the idea of "marriage" becoming a hollow shell of its former self, with no real meaning or sanctity
-where marriage exists only to promote the selfish desires of individuals
-and has nothing to do with protecting families or children, nor anything to do with becoming a respectable adult connected to society

All these things are truly unfortunate in my mind; and mean disorder and a path down a darker road. All of this is connected to our obsession with love (and other non-related cultural/societal problems to be fair).



To be honest, societies are better where young people are not "out to fall in love for love's sake", but instead are pragmatic and honest about their needs. So, I applaud more traditional cultures where young people are not repulsed by the idea of arranged marriage.

I think the internet is definitely a step in the right direction for dating in the western world. I hope it will dull the ridiculous over glamorization of romance by making things much more accessible; removing the desperation of romance. Remove love's rarity in order to remove people's idolization of it.

I hope it will help people become more candid and pragmatic in their relationships.



edit: I'm taking the above discussion to the sex/relationship thread so it doesn't clog up junior's

 

[Mizuhime]

I think the internet is definitely a step in the right direction for dating in the western world. I hope it will dull the ridiculous over glamorization of romance by making things much more accessible; removing the desperation of romance. Remove love's rarity in order to remove people's idolization of it.

I hope it will help people become more candid and pragmatic in their relationships.

I feel like, in the age we live in, the age of ever changing technology, internet dating is going to become more prominent because that's all people know, social skills are becoming obsolete within a lot of people, The whole face to face interaction seems to be rare now. I met my current boyfriend in class, and he introduced himself to me, we became close friends very quickly and after a short while we starting dating, it's been 6 months already, though my relationship isn't the topic here. I actually don't like how people rely on internet dating sites such as E-Harmony to find someone, I prefer the old fashioned way of actually getting to know someone and having to actually work at a lasting relationship



- as regards to the op

Live life the way you want, Don't get caught up in the hussle and bussle of life, and don't feel obligated to. If you don't like how your life is at the moment, change it, as hard as it is to sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, someone a couple posts above me suggested that maybe a change in degrees, spice it up a bit. I'd also love to talk more with you, if you want to pm go ahead i'll always answer

 

[capefeather]

This is such sophistry. None of us have claimed we know the intimate details of junior's life as a basis for our advice. He knows them better than any of us - and yet he's asking us, essentially complete strangers with at least one or less things in common with him for advice.

He's looking on from the inside, and he's seeking advice from people looking in from the outside. We are hardly obligated to self-deprecate the value of our advice, so long as it's constructive and not a soapbox for something unrelated (While The Trilateral Commission may indeed be oppressing junior, neither he nor we can do anything about it so it's irrelevant). It's incredibly silly to plead nihilism in an advice thread. He wouldn't be asking for the perspectives of other people if he did not think there was something amiss with his present situation. By posting the thread at all he basically demolishes your premise. This isn't a discussion topic to which the concepts of "I'm right" and "I'm wrong" apply.

That's great except... there isn't a single place where the OP actually asked for advice. Maybe junior did want advice... actually junior probably did. Still, it's quite presumptuous to assume that advice is necessarily the best way to address this thread. And it borders on arrogance to assume that the advice will necessarily help, and not just make things worse. There's nothing wrong with wanting to give advice, but with some of the posts it seems like, oh, if only he/she was reminded of THIS, then everything will be better for him/her and I will feel warm and fuzzy inside for making it happen! I'll admit, I went rather overboard on my previous post; it's quite understandable to assume that a given individual hasn't tried such-and-such. I just think that people need to accept that their "advice" may very well not help at all, and that that won't be the OP's fault. Sometimes people just need to know that they're not alone in their struggles.

And yes, right and wrong definitely apply here. If somebody itt is helped, that is right. If somebody itt is hurt, that is wrong. That is not up to opinion.

EDIT: I took a gander at the relationship thread because I found the wording of chou's post... odd... I kind of get now what he meant by "arranged marriage" (though I don't think anybody is offended by the idea of merely being introduced to someone by parents...). But anyway, Eo Ut Mortus words what I've been trying to say in this post pretty well:

I've encountered many people who hold views in opposition to mine, and they are well-meaning, but seem to think (or at least imply) that there is only a single way to achieve certain forms of happiness--either based on their perception of the norm or their own experiences. Sure, it works for them; sure, it works for many people. It just doesn't work for everyone.

 

[Chou Toshio]

I don't think anyone is predicating that they know any ultimate truths--

the idea is that some of our ideas may be of use to junior. Whether they are or not, that's entirely up to his discretion; and junior knows well that it's up to him to decide what's useful and what's not. I don't think any of the posters believed themselves superior to junior.

This kind of goes unsaid though, no? Does this basic idea need to be established? .__.

 

[Trax]

i just want to bump into someone, find a connection and slowly fall in love, is that so hard to ask?

Put bluntly, if you mean by some kind of happy accident, yes. The odds of pretty much anyone bumping into someone that fits what they're looking for (and they what the other party is looking for) are pretty slim, even for fairly vanilla people.

I feel like most people settle too easily in relationships just because it's convenient without even really giving it enough time to get to know each other on a psychological and emotional level.

You could spend a whole lifetime with someone and you still wouldn't necessarily know them all that well, depending how open they are. The only way to get to know people is through doing things with them, and the only way to know someone from the perspective of an intimate partner is to be in an intimate relationship with them.

Realistically people are different toward different people, certain relationships bring out different components of personalities.

 

[junior]

I should clear this up but I didn't really mean to make this thread solely about me haha. Just wondered if anyone else is struggling or feeling like life is just a c-u-next-Tuesday right now.

I'm interested in other peoples story too!!

I'm so unhappy that I decided to skip a quiz today (too late to drop out without fee penalty) that I'm just train hopping. Heading 4 hours north because fuck everything else and this makes me happy. I should do this more often, and totally would if my parents didn't worry so much.

IDK if I'm reading this wrong at all, but if you're not happy or aren't really feeling any direction with whatever you're doing at uni at the moment, there's always the option of changing degrees! My cousin did that after 3 years doing the same degree without really ever feeling any sort of satisfaction out of it, after changing it was like she was a completely different person. She was motivated and really felt like she was going somewhere, you know? Hell, she only finished her degree recently (she's around 25ish?), but she says it was the best decision she ever made. I realise it's not exactly a cheap option (though HECS/HELP helps, of course), and obviously it could be a more general problem with uni, but yeah... it's worth looking into if I'm reading this right.

I'm happy with what I'm doing right now, the issue is just I have no motivation and j don't know how to regain that drive to succeed in studies. Why can't I live a simple life!

We are only truly at peace in death, and that really saddens me. I can't believe I'm fucking crying in public omfg kill me (typing from my phone)

Somehow I know when I look back on his in a few years I'll be laughing at what a hot mess I was in my teens/early 20s hahaha omg actually laughing at what a train wreck my life is. It must be so interesting to see the wreckage happening in slow motion from outside perspective

Hilarious

I actually prefer a society where people can be more honest with themselves and their desires. *I also prefer one where love and romance are not overly glorified.

The best couples have relationships built on mutual understanding of dedication to a greater goal; the family (and children) are more important than simple romance. *

Afterall, love is not burning immortal-- the relationships that last are between people who appreciate "cool" love, matured love; not passion, but satisfaction at having accomplished something together.

Without those values, you get the society of today--*
-a divorce rate of 50%,*
-the idea of "marriage" becoming a hollow shell of its former self, with no real meaning or sanctity
-where marriage exists only to promote the selfish desires of individuals
-and has nothing to do with protecting families or children, nor anything to do with becoming a respectable adult connected to society

All these things are truly unfortunate in my mind; and mean disorder and a path down a darker road. *All of this is connected to our obsession with love (and other non-related cultural/societal problems to be fair).

To be honest, societies are better where young people are not "out to fall in love for love's sake", but instead are pragmatic and honest about their needs. *So, I applaud more traditional cultures where young people are not repulsed by the idea of arranged marriage. *

I think the internet is definitely a step in the right direction for dating in the western world. *I hope it will dull the ridiculous over glamorization of romance by making things much more accessible; removing the desperation of romance. *Remove love's rarity in order to remove people's idolization of it.

I hope it will help people become more candid and pragmatic in their relationships.

Love is a beautiful thing and that's not the issue when it comes to marriages or relationships that fall apart. There is nothing negative about love, it's the other emotions that causes a shitstorm.

And I definitely agree with you btw.

When I said I want a mental and emotional connection, it doesn't just mean the good sides to it. I mean I want someone who deals with issues the same way I do for example.

I feel like when two people deal with issues differently is when problems start to arise. It's as simple as communication and compromise. That's all you really need to make a relationship work.

Divorce happens because they can't reach that compromise. Because they just want to be right in arguments rather than going out there to solve the issue.

Id elaborate with a billion examples but I don't even know where to begin and that itself is a whole different topic as well

I feel like, in the age we live in, the age of ever changing technology, internet dating is going to become more prominent because that's all people know, social skills are becoming obsolete within a lot of people, The whole face to face interaction seems to be rare now. I met my current boyfriend in class, and he introduced himself to me, we became close friends very quickly and after a short while we starting dating, it's been 6 months already, though my relationship isn't the topic here. I actually don't like how people rely on internet dating sites such as E-Harmony to find someone, I prefer the old fashioned way of actually getting to know someone and having to actually work at a lasting relationship

- as regards to the op

Live life the way you want, Don't get caught up in the hussle and bussle of life, and don't feel obligated to. If you don't like how your life is at the moment, change it, as hard as it is to sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, *someone a couple posts above me suggested that maybe a change in degrees, spice it up a bit. I'd also love to talk more with you, if you want to pm go ahead i'll always answer

Agree 100% with what you're saying. Tbh it sounds kinda shit if someone asks how you meet and it's like OH FUNNY STORY WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER ON E HARMONY. Ew. (no offense to people who find love using the Internet, I don't look down on it it's just not for me)

That's great except... there isn't a single *place where the OP actually asked for advice. Maybe junior did want *advice... actually junior probably did. Still, it's quite presumptuous *to assume that advice is necessarily the best way to address this *thread. And it borders on arrogance to assume that the advice will *necessarily help, and not just make things worse. There's nothing wrong *with wanting to give advice, but with some of the posts it seems like, oh, if only he/she was reminded of THIS, then everything will be better for him/her and I will feel warm and fuzzy inside for making it happen! I'll admit, I went rather overboard on my previous post; it's quite understandable to assume that a given individual hasn't tried such-and-such. I just think that people need to accept that their "advice" may very well not help at all, and that that won't be the OP's fault. Sometimes people just need to know that they're not alone in their struggles.

And yes, right and wrong definitely apply here. If somebody itt is helped, that is right. If somebody itt is hurt, that is wrong. That is not up to opinion.

I think even if the advice isn't helpful, it's always good to know that people are interested in what you have to say. I think that's why I turned to the Internet, in particular a forum instead of venting on my tumblr or twitter or something bc I just wanted people to talk to about this and forums is only the really way

I appreciate any response I get :) real talk is nice

Put bluntly, if you mean by some kind of happy accident, yes. *The odds of pretty much anyone bumping into someone that fits what they're looking for (and they what the other party is looking for) are pretty slim, even for fairly vanilla people.

You could spend a whole lifetime with someone and you still wouldn't necessarily know them all that well, depending how open they are. *The only way to get to know people is through doing things with them, and the only way to know someone from the perspective of an intimate partner is to be in an intimate relationship with them.

Realistically people are different toward different people, certain relationships bring out different components of personalities.

Yep for sure. I just think the best relationships stem from friendships cos it's such a solid ground to build a relationship on.

I think that leads to more devastating heartbreaks but it's a risk most people should be willing to take.

Why go into something expecting a relationship out of it ala eharmony/grindr(if ur gay)? Just fall in love with the right people!!

 

[Aldaron]

i'm in love with you junior =)

 

[Layell]

Life at a standstill yeah I can share as well. I've just recently finished up my third year of uni and am looking for some work. I've been desperate to find something related to my interests and it just hasn't turned out. I live in the ass suburbs and if any good summer arts jobs were available they'd be downtown and transport is feasible but with the condition of my parents right now moving out is essentially a non-option. I've suggested it before with fierce resistance and with recent health developments in my family now there is essentially zero chance I would get away with it while I am a student.

Any work at my uni is based on financial need from last year's taxes so I can't exactly get any help there. The option of going back to my former summer job is a possibility but that would just be a repeat of last year where I swallowed my pride after finding nothing else. I'm not sure if anyone can claim a summer job took years off their life but mine did, and I cannot stand the blatant wage theft they pulled on me. Honestly I've saved enough money when it wasn't being stolen from me to not even need to work this summer and pay for the entire last school year. I'm very lucky about how debt free I am as a student and I know how incredibly lucky I am for it. I'd personally like to spend the summer expanding my artistic horizons but my parents just see work work work, make me feel useless, ask me four times a day if I got any interviews or calls back, suggest I apply to some big chain store and that maybe I could get a job there (when I applied there already at the start of the month).

All I really want is to go right into my fourth year and start working on my final show, submit it to the Fringe Festival, get some grants and start working artistically. That's all I want to be doing in a year but right now that seems so far away it is truly aggravating.

 

[junior]

i'm in love with you junior =)

Does this look like e harmony 2 u u uneducated swine

Jk ily too xx

Life at a standstill yeah I can share as well. I've just recently finished up my third year of uni and am looking for some work. I've been desperate to find something related to my interests and it just hasn't turned out. I live in the ass suburbs and if any good summer arts jobs were available they'd be downtown and transport is feasible but with the condition of my parents right now moving out is essentially a non-option. I've suggested it before with fierce resistance and with recent health developments in my family now there is essentially zero chance I would get away with it while I am a student.

Any work at my uni is based on financial need from last year's taxes so I can't exactly get any help there. The option of going back to my former summer job is a possibility but that would just be a repeat of last year where I swallowed my pride after finding nothing else. I'm not sure if anyone can claim a summer job took years off their life but mine did, and I cannot stand the blatant wage theft they pulled on me. Honestly I've saved enough money when it wasn't being stolen from me to not even need to work this summer and pay for the entire last school year. I'm very lucky about how debt free I am as a student and I know how incredibly lucky I am for it. I'd personally like to spend the summer expanding my artistic horizons but my parents just see work work work, make me feel useless, ask me four times a day if I got any interviews or calls back, suggest I apply to some big chain store and that maybe I could get a job there (when I applied there already at the start of the month).*

All I really want is to go right into my fourth year and start working on my final show, submit it to the Fringe Festival, get some grants and start working artistically. That's all I want to be doing in a year but right now that seems so far away it is truly aggravating.

All I can tell you is please don't make your job a life dream. All jobs, at the end of the day are gonna suck because doing the same thing day in day out, week in week out, year in year out is never gonna be fun and it'll always be a drag.

Your job, IMO, should be a stepping stone towards your life goals. Whether that be travel, finding places to settle, living life on the road, doing extreme activities, exploring nature etc etc

If your life dream and goals is your jobs, what are you going to look forward to once the work day is over? What are you going to look forward to on the weekends, after retirement?

I feel like too many people get stumped in their life because work seems to consume their lives.

Don't make work your life! It's a trap we all fall into