(Little) Things that annoy you in Pokémon

[KalosianPorygon]

What pollution exactly? Outside of Galar no region has ever had anything resembling industrial damage. And Galar has special Weezings that evolved specifically to counteract that.

Kanto? Celadon is stated to have become highly polluted since nothing but Grimer can be found in the city's pond (admittedly, this doesn't affect the city's appearance at all). The Power Plant and the Cinnabar Mansion, are abandoned in RGBYFRLG while in GSCHGSS the former is being repurposed. Kanto, of course, has vastly more Poison-types than any other region.

In general, the pollution aspect is played up a lot more in the anime and manga - in the former, many cities, particularly in Kanto, are shown to be grimy and polluted, and in the latter Lance is shown to have met his Dratini when he rescued it from a poisoned body of water; ecological damage by humans is the primary motivation of the Kanto Elite Four, who are trying to wipe out humanity. The games tend to focus on pollution by emphasising that it's being avoided - characters will talk about the efforts they're taking to keep their cities clean or the work they do to stop ecological damage from occurring.

Where is Shaymin where you need it the most?

"It can dissolve toxins in the air to instantly transform ruined land into a lush field of flowers."

Besides, as the Sword and Shield plot proved us, it's easy to solve the environmental problems caused by humanity, just wipe everyone out by unleashing a primordial doom on them

Eternamax Eternatus: *snaps fingers*
Humanity: *404'd*

This all effectively confirms that all Regis are linked to Nuclear disaster

Regirock represents the rock that fissile material is extracted from, Registeel represents the steel comprising the reactor chamber or whatever, Regice represents the cooling systems, Regieleki represents the electricity generated, and Regidraco represents what happens when it all goes wrong or gets weaponized.

So... Regigigas created two WMDs (Regieleki and Regidrago) that are so powerful individually, let alone together, they have to be sealed in the same cave by a puzzle that can only unlock either.
That actually makes a lot of sense!

 

[Esserise]

I would find it hard to believe that there isn't some inspiration there, at the very least in a subconscious cultural context.

Well, I don’t want to say I’m ruling that out, and I certainly can’t speak to whatever may be echoing in the subconscious recesses of the minds of Game Freak’s story team. It’s undeniable that the destructive potential of nuclear power and the tragedies of WWII left an indelible imprint on Japanese history and culture — it’s what inspired the world-famous Godzilla, after all — all I’m saying is that I haven’t quite been convinced that the Rose part of Sword & Shield’s storyline is trying to say anything in particular about nuclear power, except for maybe “Hey, exercise caution, okay?”

Getting into the details, Leon actually does agree to hear Rose out, he just doesn’t see why the issue is so pressing that they have to interrupt tomorrow’s Championship match to deal with it when it would only be a difference of 24 hours at most. It’s far from the most elegant writing of course, but I think it’s at least clear that the game wants to frame Rose’s impulsiveness as the fatal factor in the situation, rather than the actual source of power that he’s dealing with. (Especially considering that the power in question is Dynamax energy, which fuels the game’s centralizing battle mechanic and forms an iconic centrepiece of the region’s biggest spectator sport. If that’s an analogy for nuclear power, then it strikes me as a relatively favorable one! There is, at least, another layer of critique of Dynamax in the form of Spikemuth, Team Yell and all that, but like, no one in the story is arguing for the dismantlement of this established infrastructure or anything; Spikemuth’s people just want to resuscitate their town’s image.)

Anyway, considering how Leon also lodges all the same logical counterarguments at Rose that the fans themselves always point out, I don’t feel like the writers didn’t realize the dissonance between Rose’s actions and his supposed “concerns.” I think people just make a mistake by assuming Rose to be a noble-but-misguided character in the vein of Archie, Maxie, or N, when he’s actually supposed to be kind of a tunnel-visioned nutjob, and the game has Leon spell out exactly why Rose’s plan is crazy and reckless.

 

[Sonikku A]

I mean, I'll take that over the other theories floating around the Regis. Regirock represents the rock that fissile material is extracted from, Registeel represents the steel comprising the reactor chamber or whatever, Regice represents the cooling systems, Regieleki represents the electricity generated, and Regidraco represents what happens when it all goes wrong or gets weaponized.

100% horoscopic confirmation bias bullshit, but it's literally just as strong as the "regis represent ages of human development" theory lmao.

I mean more the original Regis being found in bombing sites if you compare Hoenn to Kyushu, the message of hiding in bunkers in the Japanese version of the games, the dots on their faces spelling "HTO", a compound for Atomic bombs, Wailord and Relicanth being required a ref to Fat Man and Little Boy respectively for hanger and bomb, and 2000 in Gen 3 dev having that incident of a nuclear project approved in Japan that caused heavy uneasiness to the public. Then Gen 4 Regigigas is found at the nuclear bombing memorial

Gen 8 dev occured during when Scottland supported Japan's Anti Nuke stance, so this theory along with its story is still plausible

Pretty grim honestly, but that theory is funnily convenient too!

 

[pika pal]

I think people just make a mistake by assuming Rose to be a noble-but-misguided character in the vein of Archie, Maxie, or N, when he’s actually supposed to be kind of a tunnel-visioned nutjob, and the game has Leon spell out exactly why Rose’s plan is crazy and reckless.

I guess my only question would be how/if this interpretation can be reconciled with the mention that Rose turns himself in after the Darkest Day Incident, forfeiting his position as head of Macro Cosmos without any particular scuffle in light of his wrong doings (as compared to other, more overtly misguided takes on the character making an effort to escape after the matter).

The interpretation you shared before of Rose being fixated on his own fame and legacy I do find reasonable in the context of the anime, where he becomes incensed to the point of violence by Leon's refusal to tame Eternatus (as opposed to seal it once captured) and his earlier insistence on sponsoring Ash in the World Coronation Series (a prestigious Global scale event vs even the game's Galar League), but I think some of these factors being absent or downplayed in the game makes it harder to read that iteration as narcissistic or self-serving. Tunnel-visioned and obsessive nutjob sure, but the motive and mindset feels a bit a harder sell in that version.

 

[Worldie]

I guess my only question would be how/if this interpretation can be reconciled with the mention that Rose turns himself in after the Darkest Day Incident, forfeiting his position as head of Macro Cosmos without any particular scuffle in light of his wrong doings (as compared to other, more overtly misguided takes on the character making an effort to escape after the matter).

It still does in a way.

Once you realized you fucked up big, you would probably prefer amending for your problems and pass to history as "someone who tried too hard and fucked up but amended for his shit", than "someone who almost destroyed the planet and was proud of it".

Ultimately he's not "evil" in either depictions: whenever he's a misguided fool or just a very self-centered person who uses the good of the planet as his excuse to be famous, he still never meant to actually harm anyone.

 

[Arkm]

If I had to guess why, it's cause they feel giving the already tanky Pokemon a 50% max recovery move would move it a bit into OP territory. Lore-wise, Snorlax nor Munchlax "slack off". When Snorlax rests, it goes into a deep sleep, it doesn't do "naps". Munchlax meanwhile is awake for a lot of the time as it's constantly eating, if I had to guess it only goes to sleep when it needs to, but otherwise its instinct is to stay awake. Hence, neither get into the right mindset that is needed to "Slack Off".

Maybe in gen 2 but these days i don't Snorlax would be OP given it's currently in NU.

 

[Esserise]

I guess my only question would be how/if this interpretation can be reconciled with the mention that Rose turns himself in after the Darkest Day Incident, forfeiting his position as head of Macro Cosmos without any particular scuffle in light of his wrong doings (as compared to other, more overtly misguided takes on the character making an effort to escape after the matter).

The interpretation you shared before of Rose being fixated on his own fame and legacy I do find reasonable in the context of the anime, where he becomes incensed to the point of violence by Leon's refusal to tame Eternatus (as opposed to seal it once captured) and his earlier insistence on sponsoring Ash in the World Coronation Series (a prestigious Global scale event vs even the game's Galar League), but I think some of these factors being absent or downplayed in the game makes it harder to read that iteration as narcissistic or self-serving. Tunnel-visioned and obsessive nutjob sure, but the motive and mindset feels a bit a harder sell in that version.

Partly I would echo what Worldie said, in that Rose wasn’t like, a complete monster like Ghetsis or a broken misanthrope like Cyrus or Lysandre — in most instances, he’s pretty cordial and personable, in a way that I wouldn’t say feels like he’s just putting on an act. He has fun signing autographs for people who recognize him on the street, and even though he doesn’t really have anything to gain by letting Sonia research the artifacts in the Hammerlocke vault, he still gets permission for her to do so simply because he appreciates what Prof. Magnolia did for him by discovering Dynamax.

Also, unlike so many real-world billionaires, Rose actually did come from humble beginnings, and after you defeat him, he comments that he’d forgotten how fun Pokémon battles could be (we know that he once competed in the Galar League himself). I think it would be possible for someone like him to realize that he’d lost his way and gone too far, although that brings me to the larger part of my response, which is that:

Pokémon is extremely idealistic. With only a few exceptions, the series wants to believe that nobody is completely remorseless or unsalvageable. Colress helped bomb a city, but he sees the error of his ways and gets to walk away uncontested. Xerosic abetted an attempted genocide, but gets a heartwarming send-off from his newfound surrogate daughter after agreeing to turn himself in. Heck, back in Gen 1, this is how Giovanni’s story ended as well — battling Red reminded him that he used to care about Pokémon, prompting him to dissolve Team Rocket and commit his efforts toward legitimate training. Rose is just another in the mold of Pokémon antagonists who reach their critical role in the climax and then receive a hasty wrap-up in which they don’t put up much of a fight against the consequences (if any even happen to manifest).

 

[ZettaiRyouiki]

In the Spanish translations, for some unholy reason the word "seed" for attacks is banned. (Items and other things are fine for some bizarre reason). That means some attacks get really dumb names, with the worst being Seed Bomb, which becomes Germ Bomb and makes me think it's a Poison move all the time.


Then again Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games in Spain are called Mysterious World and the dungeons are called Territories. Maybe Pokémon Spain is run by Ned Flanders.

 

[Nitro Indigo]

Doesn't "germ" come from the Latin root for seed?

 

[Volt-Ikazuchi]

Doesn't "germ" come from the Latin root for seed?

Probably. The first thing that came to mind in context was "to germinate".

Still a crazy translation/localization tho.

 

[KalosianPorygon]

Doesn't "germ" come from the Latin root for seed?

Wait, I thought "seed" relates to "smen"?
(See also: the German word "Samen", which means either seed or smen.)

 

[cityscapes]

i wanna talk about this guy



i'm not putting this in "worst pokemon ever", because there actually is a lot to love about bastiodon. great design, great name, great shiny, a little menacing but also a little cute, sick movepool (fire blast/ice beam/blizzard? hell yeah), but lately thinking about this pokemon has just made me sad.

dpp is known for being the third region to feature a rock gym as the first one, but deviates from its predecessors in that rather than give the leader a solid but vulnerable wall, they give roark CRANIDOS. this pokemon is no joke, it's quicker than it looks and headbutt will pose problems for even your water and grass types. even though rampardos is, yknow, not very good, i at least respect it for what it's trying to do. the mon is given a design principle (head smash off 170 attack) and executes it well.

then, five gyms later, we face the other fossil, which mysteriously looks a lot closer to that onix and nosepass of previous gens. the problem with bastiodon's design stems from a flawed way of thinking about passivity. the entire idea of bastiodon is "if you leave me alone, i'll leave you alone" (see: metal burst); its attacking stats are pitifully low but its defenses are remarkably good on both sides.

being passive is fine! other mons have made it work; look at skarmory and cradily, look at blissey. reliable recovery isn't even necessary, the regis from last gen were designed perfectly well.

the problem with bastiodon is there was just no reason to give it so many debilitating weaknesses. 4x ground and fighting, and 2x water, with metal burst as your only response, is just so terrible. if you LOOK at this pokemon, you can tell that it's supposed to be the cornerstone of a team and hang around for a long time, not die in 2 or 3 hits to unstabbed focus blast or any water type.

with passive pokemon, them being passive is in itself the weakness that you're meant to exploit. just like you should allocate your resources to getting even one hit off on a glass cannon mon for massive damage, you should look for longer-term plans that leverage the fact that your pokemon aren't gonna die so easily. setup, chip damage, even just outlasting it--all of these are strong ideas.

it reminds me of those poor game design puzzles where there's an intended way to solve them, but you can also just brute force them with your current setup without really going out of your way. yeah, you could chip down bastiodon with leech seed or try to get some swords dances in with a sweeper. or you could just two shot it with any earthquake or close combat.

slow rocks on the first gym are stale. on the sixth gym they're downright inexcusable. the only thing bastiodon realistically has to offer over them is maybe one shotting your fully evolved starter with metal burst, assuming it even lives a hit.

in later generations, we got mega aggron and celesteela, mons that much better fit the role of the colossal steel that lives forever, even with neither having reliable recovery. i just wish everyones old pal bastiodon was able to get in on the action, you know?

 

[Arkm]

GF spoiling that fire lizard and electric mouse with new gimmicks and signature moves but constantly ignoring my umbreon.

Seriously atleast give it poison heal as ability and parting shot and topsy turvy as new moves.

 

[Volt-Ikazuchi]

i wanna talk about this guy



i'm not putting this in "worst pokemon ever", because there actually is a lot to love about bastiodon. great design, great name, great shiny, a little menacing but also a little cute, sick movepool (fire blast/ice beam/blizzard? hell yeah), but lately thinking about this pokemon has just made me sad.

dpp is known for being the third region to feature a rock gym as the first one, but deviates from its predecessors in that rather than give the leader a solid but vulnerable wall, they give roark CRANIDOS. this pokemon is no joke, it's quicker than it looks and headbutt will pose problems for even your water and grass types. even though rampardos is, yknow, not very good, i at least respect it for what it's trying to do. the mon is given a design principle (head smash off 170 attack) and executes it well.

then, five gyms later, we face the other fossil, which mysteriously looks a lot closer to that onix and nosepass of previous gens. the problem with bastiodon's design stems from a flawed way of thinking about passivity. the entire idea of bastiodon is "if you leave me alone, i'll leave you alone" (see: metal burst); its attacking stats are pitifully low but its defenses are remarkably good on both sides.

being passive is fine! other mons have made it work; look at skarmory and cradily, look at blissey. reliable recovery isn't even necessary, the regis from last gen were designed perfectly well.

the problem with bastiodon is there was just no reason to give it so many debilitating weaknesses. 4x ground and fighting, and 2x water, with metal burst as your only response, is just so terrible. if you LOOK at this pokemon, you can tell that it's supposed to be the cornerstone of a team and hang around for a long time, not die in 2 or 3 hits to unstabbed focus blast or any water type.

with passive pokemon, them being passive is in itself the weakness that you're meant to exploit. just like you should allocate your resources to getting even one hit off on a glass cannon mon for massive damage, you should look for longer-term plans that leverage the fact that your pokemon aren't gonna die so easily. setup, chip damage, even just outlasting it--all of these are strong ideas.

it reminds me of those poor game design puzzles where there's an intended way to solve them, but you can also just brute force them with your current setup without really going out of your way. yeah, you could chip down bastiodon with leech seed or try to get some swords dances in with a sweeper. or you could just two shot it with any earthquake or close combat.

slow rocks on the first gym are stale. on the sixth gym they're downright inexcusable. the only thing bastiodon realistically has to offer over them is maybe one shotting your fully evolved starter with metal burst, assuming it even lives a hit.

in later generations, we got mega aggron and celesteela, mons that much better fit the role of the colossal steel that lives forever, even with neither having reliable recovery. i just wish everyones old pal bastiodon was able to get in on the action, you know?

If Sturdy worked in Gen 4 like it does in later gens, maybe it'd have worked.

The main problem with Bastiodon is that apparently, fossils must be part-Rock. I'm pretty sure the only reason the Galar ones aren't is because they were restored wrong.

Bastiodon with a pure Steel-Type wouldn't be amazing because Byron sucks, but at least it'd have less weaknesses to deal with. Kind of a shame tbh.

 

[Nitro Indigo]

Someone just added this prediction for SV on TV Tropes and gaaah:

When certain Pokemon have Tera types that correspond to a type it should have had before, this will be commented on in-game
For example, a Charizard is Terastalized to become a Dragon type, the trainer using it says "Behold, my Charizard is now Dragon type! The type it should have always been!" Other Pokemon that this would also apply to, along with their corresponding Tera type:

• Flygon: Bug
• Clobberpus and Grappoloct: Water
• Dhelmise: Steel
• Mismagius: Fairy
• Psyduck and Golduck: Psychic
• Electivire: Fighting
• Luxray: Dark
• Sunflora: Fire
• Empoleon: Ice

First of all, what counts as a type a Pokémon "should" have is wholly subjective, and Game Freak might not agree with the fandom. They designed those Pokémon and gave them the types they have for a reason. Secondly, this is literally the first time I've seen someone say Mismagius should be a Fairy-type, and the only person I know who thought Empoleon should be an Ice-type was me when I was seven. Third of all, a drinking game for how often people say things to this effect would be illegal.

(Feel free to move this to the Scarlet and Violet thread if you think it fits better there, mods.)

 

[Eeveeto]

GF spoiling that fire lizard and electric mouse with with new gimmicks and signature moves but constantly ignoring my umbreon.

Seriously atleast give it poison heal as ability and parting shot and topsy turvy as new moves.

I actually agree with this. Eeveelutions used to be good, but as Gens passed, and more Mons appeared, they slowly became totally outclassed, since GF almost fully refused to give them new moves.

Typing, Stats, Abilities and Movepool. This are the 4 factors that decide whether a Mon is good or not. How to improve the Eevees with these 4 factors in mind?

Typing: No. This one is impossible to do, since one of the defining characteristics of Eeveelutions is being pure type.

Stats: Again, pretty unlike to change. There is a small chance though, that one of the 65 Stats (each Eevee has 2 of them) could be increased. Still, said increase would be 20 points at most, so the viability doesn't change much.

Abilities: Now, this is where the fun begins. What ability could each Eevee have that at the same time would make sense?
Vaporeon: Poison Heal fits here, Vaporeon learns Acid Armor and some poisons are liquid. Regenerator would also work, Vaporeon already heals with water or rain. The ability to replace would be Hydration.
Jolteon: Quick Feet for this one never made sense and never helped. Rough Skin doesn't help too much on offensive Mon either, but it's still better than Quick Feet. Drizzle is too much of a stretch,but would help to abuse Weather Ball. Another idea, given the pathetic offensive Movepool of Jolteon, would be making a new ability just for him that allowed hitting Ground types with electric moves. Jolteon is not strong enough to break the game with that, but would jump up many Tiers.
Flareon: This one is hard. It's slow and frail at the same time, so something truly broken is needed. Contrary is an ability that has a very random distribution, so Flareon could use it well with Superpower + Overheat (or even some new move).
Espeon: This one is good enough in this aspect, nothing needs to be changed.
Umbreon: Shadow Tag fits, but it would be broken, just like Gothi. Poison Heal fits too, since Umbreon was originally designed as a Poison type. However, the best option for me is Magic Bounce: Umbreon already shares one ability with Espeon, why not make them 2? I really wish some non-psychic Magic Bounce user to exist now that Mega Diancie, Sableye and Absol don't exist anymore.
Leafeon: Natural Cure fits here. Another option is making Leaf Guard an Hydration clone. Neither of these options improve Leafeon much. The best solution for me would be making an ability similar to Cherrim's one, that increased Attack and Speed 50% when in Sun.
Glaceon: His strange eyes could make a case for Tinted Lens. Those Steels and Fires don't wall that 130 Special Attacks anymore.
Sylveon: Like Espeon, nothing to change here.

Movepool: This is what has most options, but also the hardest one to decide.
Vaporeon: Some offensive poison moves would make Poison Heal fit more, though in practice they don't help Vaporeon too much. Well, if Vaporeon has Poison Heal, it doesn't need much more, that ability is really good.
Jolteon: Spikes are obvious, even without new ability. After that, it gets trickier. I guess Calm Mind could work, doesn't it get that in PLA?
Flareon: Sacred Fire (after all, a Flareon died and was transformed in Entei by Ho-oh, both of those know the move) could be a move to have. Slack Off is there too for a slow and lazy Mon. V Create is of course very crazy, but it sounds similarly to eeVee Create, so for me that's enough of an excuse and it helps to the Contrary cause.
Espeon: Why does Sylveon get Mystical Fire, but not Espeon? After that I really don't know what to do, besides crazy exclusive shit like Psystrike or Photon Geyser. Maybe Parting Shot?
Umbreon: Now, this one fits for Parting Shot. Also for Roar, many Eeveelutions get Roar, but not the one that would take the most advantage of it. Knock Off never hurts to have, though thats a move I would like to have a smaller distribution, and Umbreon doesn't really fit.
Leafeon: Close Combat fits here. Leafeon attacks with her ears, but uses them well.
Glaceon: It evolves by being close to an Icy ROCK: good excuse for Ancient Power and Power Gem. It learns Mud Slap, so Earth Power time!
Sylveon: It attacks with sound move Hyper Voice most of the time. Upgrading that to Boomburst isn't hard. Oh, and Earth Power would also help, though doesn't really fit.

Most of these will never come true, but hopefully actual Eeveelutions improvements come in Gen 9.

 

[Divine Retribution]

Literally just switch Glaceon's Defense and Speed and give it Earth Power and you have a pretty scary Pokemon, but nah, Ice types need to be slow and bulky because... just because.

 

[Nitro Indigo]

Inb4 someone suggests Nature Swap + Sketchmons on the OM Mashups thread.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Someone just added this prediction for SV on TV Tropes and gaaah:

First of all, what counts as a type a Pokémon "should" have is wholly subjective, and Game Freak might not agree with the fandom. They designed those Pokémon and gave them the types they have for a reason. Secondly, this is literally the first time I've seen someone say Mismagius should be a Fairy-type, and the only person I know who thought Empoleon should be an Ice-type was me when I was seven. Third of all, a drinking game for how often people say things to this effect would be illegal.

(Feel free to move this to the Scarlet and Violet thread if you think it fits better there, mods.)

Yeah no, this is... really dumb.

Still it's far less dumb than most of the stuff on that site so, y'know.

 

[DrPumpkinz]

I mean, the Grass gym guy already says something to that effect when he Teras his Sudowoodo. I doubt anyone in the game is gonna say anything as fan-dumb as "this is what type it should have been" but if there's for some reason a Charizard trainer again (Leon cameo?) I would expect them to say "prepare to face the full fury of Charizard's inner Dragon" or something cheesy like that and Tera it into a Dragon.

 

[Nokocchi]

-People referring to Pokespecial/Pokemon Adventures as "the manga". It is neither the first nor the longest-running manga adaption in the franchise. That goes to "Pocket Monsters", the manga starring that weird clefairy that has a lot of Japanese wordplay and crude humor, and also is the only manga adaption to have been acknowledged in other Pokemon media directly(Red, Pikachu, and Clefairy briefly appeared in in a Gen III anime episode as a show-within-a-show type of deal)

 

[Hugin]

I actually agree with this. Eeveelutions used to be good, but as Gens passed, and more Mons appeared, they slowly became totally outclassed, since GF almost fully refused to give them new moves.

The problem is, most mons get an expanded movepool via breeding. They don't want to do that with the Eevees, because if you let Umbreon breed for Parting Shot, Espeon gets it too. What they should do is compensate by being extra-generous with TM and tutor moves. But their TM movepool is weak(I assume the idea in Gen 1 was that if you want coverage on Jolteon, you should have evolved it into something else), and tutors aren't much better.

Even then, I'm not sure how helpful you can be. Espeon has 130 SA, 110 Speed, Magic Bounce, and as much coverage as most Psychics bother to run. And it languishes in the depths of NU. Aura Sphere or Focus Miss would let it handle Steels, sure, but would that boost it more than a tier? Same with Jolteon, yes it wants more coverage, but will that really help? The next tier up has Heliolisk, which has better typing, better coverage, and useful abilities. How much will we have to give Jolteon to compete? And that's trying to get Jolteon into NU. Power creep is real, and it doesn't stop.

 

[Arkm]

I actually agree with this. Eeveelutions used to be good, but as Gens passed, and more Mons appeared, they slowly became totally outclassed, since GF almost fully refused to give them new moves.

Typing, Stats, Abilities and Movepool. This are the 4 factors that decide whether a Mon is good or not. How to improve the Eevees with these 4 factors in mind?

Typing: No. This one is impossible to do, since one of the defining characteristics of Eeveelutions is being pure type.

Stats: Again, pretty unlike to change. There is a small chance though, that one of the 65 Stats (each Eevee has 2 of them) could be increased. Still, said increase would be 20 points at most, so the viability doesn't change much.

They could min max the stats. Instead of the regular 130/110/95/65/65/60. They should follow 130/110/110/65/60/50. Having 3 useful stats over 100 means it would always be powerful. Plus they should do the stats distribution on their types. For example - Glaceon has stats of a tank while it type is of a glass canon.

But that's not gonna happen at all.

I actually agree with this. Eeveelutions used to be good, but as Gens passed, and more Mons appeared, they slowly became totally outclassed, since GF almost fully refused to give them new moves.

Typing, Stats, Abilities and Movepool. This are the 4 factors that decide whether a Mon is good or not. How to improve the Eevees with these 4 factors in mind?

Typing: No. This one is impossible to do, since one of the defining characteristics of Eeveelutions is being pure type.

Stats: Again, pretty unlike to change. There is a small chance though, that one of the 65 Stats (each Eevee has 2 of them) could be increased. Still, said increase would be 20 points at most, so the viability doesn't change much.

Abilities: Now, this is where the fun begins. What ability could each Eevee have that at the same time would make sense?
Vaporeon: Poison Heal fits here, Vaporeon learns Acid Armor and some poisons are liquid. Regenerator would also work, Vaporeon already heals with water or rain. The ability to replace would be Hydration.
Jolteon: Quick Feet for this one never made sense and never helped. Rough Skin doesn't help too much on offensive Mon either, but it's still better than Quick Feet. Drizzle is too much of a stretch,but would help to abuse Weather Ball. Another idea, given the pathetic offensive Movepool of Jolteon, would be making a new ability just for him that allowed hitting Ground types with electric moves. Jolteon is not strong enough to break the game with that, but would jump up many Tiers.
Flareon: This one is hard. It's slow and frail at the same time, so something truly broken is needed. Contrary is an ability that has a very random distribution, so Flareon could use it well with Superpower + Overheat (or even some new move).
Espeon: This one is good enough in this aspect, nothing needs to be changed.
Umbreon: Shadow Tag fits, but it would be broken, just like Gothi. Poison Heal fits too, since Umbreon was originally designed as a Poison type. However, the best option for me is Magic Bounce: Umbreon already shares one ability with Espeon, why not make them 2? I really wish some non-psychic Magic Bounce user to exist now that Mega Diancie, Sableye and Absol don't exist anymore.
Leafeon: Natural Cure fits here. Another option is making Leaf Guard an Hydration clone. Neither of these options improve Leafeon much. The best solution for me would be making an ability similar to Cherrim's one, that increased Attack and Speed 50% when in Sun.
Glaceon: His strange eyes could make a case for Tinted Lens. Those Steels and Fires don't wall that 130 Special Attacks anymore.
Sylveon: Like Espeon, nothing to change here.

Movepool: This is what has most options, but also the hardest one to decide.
Vaporeon: Some offensive poison moves would make Poison Heal fit more, though in practice they don't help Vaporeon too much. Well, if Vaporeon has Poison Heal, it doesn't need much more, that ability is really good.
Jolteon: Spikes are obvious, even without new ability. After that, it gets trickier. I guess Calm Mind could work, doesn't it get that in PLA?
Flareon: Sacred Fire (after all, a Flareon died and was transformed in Entei by Ho-oh, both of those know the move) could be a move to have. Slack Off is there too for a slow and lazy Mon. V Create is of course very crazy, but it sounds similarly to eeVee Create, so for me that's enough of an excuse and it helps to the Contrary cause.
Espeon: Why does Sylveon get Mystical Fire, but not Espeon? After that I really don't know what to do, besides crazy exclusive shit like Psystrike or Photon Geyser. Maybe Parting Shot?
Umbreon: Now, this one fits for Parting Shot. Also for Roar, many Eeveelutions get Roar, but not the one that would take the most advantage of it. Knock Off never hurts to have, though thats a move I would like to have a smaller distribution, and Umbreon doesn't really fit.
Leafeon: Close Combat fits here. Leafeon attacks with her ears, but uses them well.
Glaceon: It evolves by being close to an Icy ROCK: good excuse for Ancient Power and Power Gem. It learns Mud Slap, so Earth Power time!
Sylveon: It attacks with sound move Hyper Voice most of the time. Upgrading that to Boomburst isn't hard. Oh, and Earth Power would also help, though doesn't really fit.

Most of these will never come true, but hopefully actual Eeveelutions improvements come in Gen 9.

I never really cared much for other eeveelutions part from umbreon.

Imo Umbreon should have poison heal(it fits the lore) plus it should gets moves like toxic spikes, knock off, topsy-turvy, parting shot, switcheroo, clear smog, cosmic power, purify, trick room and light screen.

Vaporeon should have regenerator
Jolteon needs nasty plot and ice beam plus electric surge
Flareon needs it's sp Defense and speed swapped
Glaceon needs it's defense and speed swapped. plus earth power and ppower gem.
Sylveon just needs boomburst and earth power
Espeon needs nasty plot and focus blast.
Lefeon needs it's speed and sp defense swapped. Plus harvest or effect spore as it's ability. Plus power whip and u turn and jungle healing

Literally just switch Glaceon's Defense and Speed and give it Earth Power and you have a pretty scary Pokemon, but nah, Ice types need to be slow and bulky because... just because.

then his stats would be similar to espeon and GF wants to give each eeveelutions unique stats.

 

[A_Wild_Noob_Appeared!]

The problem is, most mons get an expanded movepool via breeding. They don't want to do that with the Eevees, because if you let Umbreon breed for Parting Shot, Espeon gets it too. What they should do is compensate by being extra-generous with TM and tutor moves. But their TM movepool is weak(I assume the idea in Gen 1 was that if you want coverage on Jolteon, you should have evolved it into something else), and tutors aren't much better.

Even then, I'm not sure how helpful you can be. Espeon has 130 SA, 110 Speed, Magic Bounce, and as much coverage as most Psychics bother to run. And it languishes in the depths of NU. Aura Sphere or Focus Miss would let it handle Steels, sure, but would that boost it more than a tier? Same with Jolteon, yes it wants more coverage, but will that really help? The next tier up has Heliolisk, which has better typing, better coverage, and useful abilities. How much will we have to give Jolteon to compete? And that's trying to get Jolteon into NU. Power creep is real, and it doesn't stop.

I mean, it's impossible to avoid noticing that the Eeveelutions that are currently considered better are the defensively oriented ones: Vaporeon, Umbreon, and Sylveon. I don't even think those should be considered "bad"; NU is average for a fully evolved Pokemon.

Offensive single-types will almost always be worse off than offensive dual-types because they only have one STAB. As you mentioned, the means for Eeveelutions to get moves is more limited than usual. Furthermore, they usually don't have much theming (both because they are all single-typed and because they're basically just "cute mammal with <x> element" without further mythological or ecological inspiration), so a lot of movepool additions are hard to justify.

I also think that the "give Pokemon all the coverage moves they could want" approach is unfair to defensive Pokemon. Sure, Psychic or Fairy Pokemon that don't have a move that's SE against Steel will be outclassed by those that do, but a good defensive profile starts to mean less when everything has the right move to hit you supereffectively.

And at the end of the day, there will always be Pokemon that are better than others. Giving one Pokemon a buff will cause it to power creep others. There are plenty of other Pokemon that also need help, and many of them will have a more interesting background to build something off of.

Like with the following example:

Literally just switch Glaceon's Defense and Speed and give it Earth Power and you have a pretty scary Pokemon, but nah, Ice types need to be slow and bulky because... just because.

Sure, it'd work, but Earth Power is generally restricted to Rock or Ground Pokemon (and Legendaries for some reason). Aurorus already has Earth Power (with a good thematic backing), so all it needs is the improved stat spread. Couldn't you say that Aurorus deserves this kind of buff just as much, if not even more?

 

[Divine Retribution]

Sure, it'd work, but Earth Power is generally restricted to Rock or Ground Pokemon (and Legendaries for some reason). Aurorus already has Earth Power (with a good thematic backing), so all it needs is the improved stat spread. Couldn't you say that Aurorus deserves this kind of buff just as much, if not even more?

A) We were talking about improving Glaceon specifically, and coverage to hit Steel-types is a huge component of that, and B), again, we were talking about Glaceon. Saying that Glaceon deserves a buff doesn't mean that Aurorus doesn't deserve a buff.

I don't even think those should be considered "bad"; NU is average for a fully evolved Pokemon.

NU is still a lower tier. If the pool of trashmons has increased in size enough for NU to be statistically average (I'm too lazy to check and see if that's actually the case; it doesn't sound right to me but I'll accept it at face value for now), that doesn't change the fact that these Pokemon are still considered bad both colloquially and by the standards of inclusive formats.

Offensive single-types will almost always be worse off than offensive dual-types because they only have one STAB.

'Almost' is doing a lot of legwork in this statement. The fact that there are exceptions prove that it's possible for single-typed Pokemon to be viable, and frankly there are some type combinations that don't offer much over simply being single-typed, or have compounding weaknesses that outweigh their benefits. Aurorus is arguably an example of this; Ice/Rock is just as bad as pure Ice in most respects, and worse in some.

I also think that the "give Pokemon all the coverage moves they could want" approach is unfair to defensive Pokemon. Sure, Psychic or Fairy Pokemon that don't have a move that's SE against Steel will be outclassed by those that do, but a good defensive profile starts to mean less when everything has the right move to hit you supereffectively anyways.

There are already Pokemon who have sufficient coverage, so the cat is completely out of the bag there. You seem to be suggesting that increasing the amount of Pokemon with good coverage will hurt defensive Pokemon as they're more likely to run into something with super-effective coverage against them, but in reality the newly buffed Pokemon would be taking team slots that would usually go towards other offensive Pokemon that generally have good coverage. The total likelihood of encountering a threatening offensive Pokemon with good coverage wouldn't much change.

Also fuck stall.

And at the end of the day, there will always be Pokemon that are better than others. Giving one Pokemon a buff will cause it to power creep others. There are plenty of other Pokemon that also need help, and many of them will have a more interesting background to build something off of.

This just boils down to 'status quo good', and what exactly constitutes an interesting background is completely subjective and honestly kind of meaningless.