I thought I'd elaborate on my placements because they're unusual, and because it's a fun intellectual exercise.
I definitely have different ranking criteria than most people, and I don't expect that to change, but I like seeing thoughtful rationales when they're different from mine.
I'll talk generally, and then about specific Megas. I'll focus on one Mega from each tier I feel strongly about, then briefly comment on the others.
EDIT: This ended up being a lot. We'll call this Part 1, and maybe I'll get down to the lower tiers later.
Let's finally wrap up the basement, the better part of a month later.
We're transitioning to Megas that are not just weak and derivative in context, but find new and interesting ways to suffer even worse under context.
Terrible Tier
:Dragonite-Mega:
Context: Dragonite has occupied some very
specific contexts in its history. First, it was the first true Dragon, the 134 Attack, 600 BST, rare, special, prestigious, quasi-legendary terror. We use the word pseudo-legendary very casually now, but when there were 5 total legendary Pokemon, Dragonite knocking on their door – and tying for 2nd highest stat total among them – was a fearsome deal. The reputation of Dragonite and its type were so strong to secure the most elite possible "themed team" spots in the first two Generations: the last Elite 4 in Kanto, and then Lance's return as Champion.
Even just talking about Generation 1, though, this is a huge oversimplification for Dragonite. I'm not the first one to say it – he doesn't look like the terror he is! He's very big and cuddly, almost like an old cartoon dragon, and flavor often has it help people, rather than harm. He also conflicts with his own evolutionary line, drastically changing their sleek, blue, serpentine appearances, and adding a newfound physical strength. These sorts of complexities and wrinkles dot Dragonite's flavorful and mechanical appearance, such that I can't exhaustively cover it here. Here are some scattered greatest hits of that history.
Dragon was a special type prior to Generation 4, making it awkward for this superstar Dragon to leverage its beefy power and its rare, special type at the same time. This was especially true in Generation 1, which lacked moves at all for Dragon besides the weak, set damage Dragon Rage. Dragonite has widely varying moves and niches across time, ranging from offensive setup, to bulky setup, to Choice Band wallbreaker, to defense, to mixed, featuring moves like Hyper Beam, Dragon Dance, Outrage, Extreme Speed, Earthquake, Fire Punch, Blizzard, Thunderbolt, Heal Bell, Thunder Wave, Roost, and plenty more, alongside the versatile Multiscale ability. Dragonite and its relatives often repeat themselves multiple times on the teams of Dragon trainers, given the smaller pools to draw from in earlier generations. Its appearances in media range from kind and helpful to savage and uncontrollable.
You want a Pokemon with
context? Lots of it, in lots of directions? Dragonite is your
friend.
Development: Okay. We need to clear some things out. When people rank Mega Dragonite low, like I do, they often use less contextual reasons than I do. I have
no problem with any of these traits of the Mega,
in isolation.
- Cute
- Silly / Dorky
- Kindhearted
- More Special Attacking
- Incorporates parts of Dragonair
These ideas can each work in some way. They're all relevant to Dragonite's context. It's also just fine that they didn't pay off every part of Dragonite's context. There's just impossibly much to work with for one design, and not every complex Pokemon needs multiple formes to flesh out every aspect. Sometimes it is fine to just pick a direction or interpretation you find most interesting. The problem is how specifically Mega Dragonite chooses to incorporate these ideas.
The problem felt more complex in my head, but it simplified once I explicitly laid out these traits of the Mega. It's that Dragonair isn't cute, silly, dorky, or kindhearted. The contextual tie in place here is that, base Dragonite changes
from Dragonair by embracing this toony side. We're moving
away from Dragonair's focused, mysterious seriousness in energy and vibes, yet we're simultaneously moving
towards it in physical design components. This is not coherent. Why do it? It strikes me as an insincere incorporation of Dragonair – hamfistedly shoving in its physical design elements without understanding or caring why these elements work
for Dragonair, without caring for Dragonair enough to understand what makes it special. Even at the physical trait level, before we get to personality and energy and contextual specialness, the incorporation of Dragonair's traits is skin-deep only. The long tail and pearl are there, but they're not sleek and refined like it is for Dragonair. The head wings are in the Mega, but blindingly cartoony (and a bit tropely so), versus tasteful, implicative, mysterious accents for Dragonair.
Maybe there's a way to make this combination work, but it would involve paying more attention to Dragonair and caring about it, and its context with Dragonite, more.
:Charizard-Mega-Y: I need to pull out the magnifying glass and both pictures to understand how this differs from Charizard. Failure. Drought is interesting mechanically on it and really leans into the Fire side of Charizard's identity, a good contrast with the Dragon side of its identity. But, among Kanto starter Megas with painfully derivative visual appearances, Mega Venusaur's mechanical situation is more creative and clever mechanically. To make Drought sing as a flavor choice, I would have liked design updates that make Charizard less draconic and more fiery – maybe some more lizard or salamander traits or behaviors?
:Raichu-Mega-Y: Repulsively cloying in isolation and through its Pikachu tie-in, which is more blatant here than for X with the awkward color scheme. What are we doing with those antennae, even in isolation.
:Aerodactyl-Mega: They stuck spikes on it. Because, according to flavor, Mega Aerodactyl... always used to look this way in prehistoric times? What? Way to dump on the context of Gen. 1 fossils being fairly grounded and realistic to prehistoric creatures, by asserting this cartoony eyebrow beard Mega was the original specimen. Get outta here. Mechanically, though, it has a fun trade-off feature of like, traits that are good but maybe hard to justify your Mega slot for, like high Speed + Stealth Rock or Tough Claws + mid-power coverage moves like Ice Fang.
:Tyranitar-Mega: Feels like they backed themselves into a corner by making Tyranitar a very finished guy and struggling to iterate on it here. Phoned in Mega to service a Pokemon people like. Has some design and mechanical nuances but I don't find them proportional to the sins here.
:Sceptile-Mega: A disaster. Throws on Dragon-type on a "If you squint I guess" basis versus anything emphatic, and that flacidity extends to the mechanical side. Immunizing a 4x resist is not super fun! The tree missile, leaning even harder into the agile Sceptile's already awkward and clumsy trait, is a disaster. There are fun mechanical trade-offs, but are they just because they decided to make this guy weak for the sake of it, versus trying to build in fun dynamics?
:Staraptor-Mega: Just too derivative. The blazing mohawk and greying coat makes it look like midlife crisis Staraptor.
:Garchomp-Mega: Some potential with the blood red scythes and power over speed approach, but just too underbaked and uncommittal in design and mechanics, such that even people who like most Megas often dislike it. Another big sufferer of Megas not holding items, and it's not even optimized for in-game, where Sand Force is not fun!
:Abomasnow-Mega: The X Pokemon in Pokemon X, and too derivative and underbaked beside that. Raw power quadruped Abomasnow has potential but, again, this just isn't strong enough to make raw power feel earned. It long had a reputation for being underpowered, which is not the right sign!
:Gallade-Mega: Super derivative and, not just a boring ability (with apologies to those of us who play Doubles versus in-game or Singles, perhaps), but a smack in the face. Hey kids, didn't you
love Steadfast Gallade? Now here's
another, different ability that
also requires being flinched to exist? (At time of release – I know they buffed it later.) For further contextual salt, Mega Medicham mogged this forever with more power, better priority, and the same typing, and Mega Gallade having poor advantages to justify itself in competitive.
:Golurk-Mega: A lot of Golurk's appeal was mystery and potential, especially with that X sealing back its power. So now... the X seal... glows yellow! Giving Golurk the same forme 100 other guys got! Get out of here.
:Hawlucha-Mega: The most skin / costume Mega of them all.
:Crabominable-Mega: What on earth is the point of this creation? It's also super odd to be "oh he can walk on all fours with the new pincers," when the base already walked on four legs, the base pincers have
feet symbols on them, and the Mega pincers are sharp jagged icicles instead! What?
:Baxcalibur-Mega: A Bad but Ironically Good candidate that didn't make the cut. A bit too self-serious.
Dear God Tier
Like Bad before, I don't think an in-depth is necessary. These are the same types of problems as the tier above, just worse.
:Chimecho-Mega: Imagine if someone threw a party in your honor, gave you the seat of honor at the table, and plastered a PNG photo of your infant son behind the chair. .....whaaaaaaat???
:Latios-Mega: :Latias-Mega: "Both purple" is easy to say but like. With the proper storytelling foundation established with the twins and Soul Dew, this choice could feel earned and meaningful. We just didn't get that foundation, so they fail. At least they're neat mechanically.
:Excadrill-Mega: Mega Feraligatr but too self-serious. Those appendages look so weakly attached, I could snap them off like Lego connectors.
:Scrafty-Mega: I always found Scrafty to have uncomfortable racial stereotypical associations. Giving it a pointy white hood and cloak on top is a disqualification.
I'm not super interested about arguing over Scrafty. If you disagree with that point of view, you disagree with it. But to explain my own thoughts and placement, here is why I feel uncomfortable racial associations with it:
Primary Factors:
- Scrafty is called the Hoodlum Pokemon, which is a dogwhistle phrase.
- Pokedex entries paint Scrafty as a gang member. They occupy a "turf" with a group, they're aggressive, and they beat up intruding outsiders, and they never leave that territory their whole lives.
- A big design trait for Scrafty and Scraggy is their baggy shorts, with the saggiest shorts earning the most respect among Scraggy.
- Scrafty is characterized as arrogant and taunting, spitting and behaving rudely.
Secondary Notes:
- Scrafty has the Dark type, painting it in a negative and evil light. (It's not an exception case like Absol, either.)
- Scrafty is relatively humanlike, with hair, clothes and a bipedal form.
- Mega Scrafty's white coloration has no particular in-universe explanation, let alone a compelling one to recontextualize this choice. It just turns white because.
- Scrafty was introduced in the America region, the first one with a sizable population of black people, and (for Mega Scrafty's hood and cloak) the country hosting the Ku Klux Klan.
- This region also introduced Lenora, who drew fire and censorship for her resemblance to negative mammy stereotypes.
- This is not about whether Game Freak intentionally and purposefully
chose to be racist, or even whether these traits are justified in the Pokemon universe context. But rather whether Game Freak carelessly and lazily drew from their source material, which included negative stereotypes, to create a depiction resembling and evoking these stereotypes. I expect Game Freak's intent was to depict "an American urban delinquent" lizard, especially given Scrafty's less-racial punk mohawk. But I view Game Freak as overly oblivious how that (inherently political) framing of "American urban delinquent" negatively intersects with stereotypes and negativity about blackness.
:Eelektross-Mega: The weakest and most poorly-founded incorporation of pre-evolutions in Megas, which is saying a lot given the competition. Extremely forced inclusion.
:Pyroar-Mega: Lacks the aura of male Pyroar or the lithe threat of female Pyroar. The kanji explanation is the type of neat trivia reference seasoning to go on top of a cooked meal. The meal is raw.
:Floette-Mega: The Mega most obliterated by unambiguous context. Eternal Floette's
raison d'etre was to
stop fighting, to find a narrative conclusion of peace and fellowship after war, trauma, and grief. It was horrified that so much death was the outcome of its return.
But people whined that the unreleased toy was out of reach to play and fidget and
possess, so now here's this. It returned again
again! It's story isn't over haha! It's
back in the fight, everyone! It's even
stronger and
cooler now! It's black now! It's really good at killing enemies and itself with its signature move, Ruin Everything! Isn't that so FUN! I LOVE hitting buttons and watching numbers change!
Not everything has gotta be narrative, especially in Pokemon, and toys have their place. But Eternal Floette was one time they stopped the show to honest to god
try, to say things, to have themes, to have earned pathos. Couldn't they respect the narrative conclusion one time instead of digging up this self-repudiating reheated tripe for a cheap buck? It's embarrassing. My most hated Mega.
:Zygarde-Mega: More narrative embarrassment, but more in the industry plant sense. Any artistic value to cheapen has long died. At least Mega Floette made me feel something?
:Magearna-Mega: Magearna and its Mega have really uncomfortable themes of control and femininity spinning around them. Magearna is a clearly sapient, clearly feminine creature that is created to be property, as a gift, and given to you the player as property and a reward. It was created with a mechanism to remove its emotions, which is horrible, and that's part of the process of Mega Evolving it! Yay! If that wasn't enough power over this poor woman creature, one can use its soul as a battery, leaving it paralyzed but conscious! What the fuck?
Ultra Moon: It synchronizes its consciousness with others to understand their feelings. This faculty makes it useful for taking care of people.
I'm sure glad Magearna's feminine empathy makes it
useful to people in its
capacity as a servant and maid! A great match for its maid headdress gear. Too bad you lose this
useful function when you make Magearna your
combat puppet human girl creature!
Its bunny, maid, slave (because that's what sentient creatures traded as property are), and robot themes are already paraphilia, and its canonically emotionless puppet Mega ratchets up the humanization and "sex appeal"
, with the young lady creature's literally rod-thin torso and a fucking thigh gap in the dress? So help me.
The resulting combination of everything makes me queasy. I want nothing to do with it.
Well that's a sour note to end on. I just ordered Pokemon by Pokedex number, but maybe I should have ended on a sillier evaluation if I had thought to. Oh well! Nice to wrap this up.
