lmao this is why i dont interact with people on this site
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Social Neurodiversity
- Thread starter p0ip0le
- Start date
So I think I’ve started to realize something about why in recent months, I really haven’t wanted to have fun or do much of anything lately. A lot of this might come down to me being a bored, young adult, sure, but let’s consider something I wasn’t going to post about yet until I had more information. I’ve actually been in the process of getting ADHD screening done, something I’ve had recommended to me in conversations about my autism and to a lesser extent my OCD, and the more I think about my daily life following this screening… is anything actually fun to begin with? Do fun and hobbies even exist? Because as far as I can tell, what I’m currently interested in can change so fast and randomly that anything I thought I was ever interested in just feels like they were hyperfixations in retrospect. I specifically remember reading last night about autism, having a lot of fun with it and saying I’d love to start reading more, and then not even three full seconds later I’m instantly back to hyperfixating on yesterday’s sports games again because I like numbers and statistics. That’s just one minor example- this kind of pattern happens all the time throughout the day, pretty much every day. These brief yet strong hyperfixations are only getting more common, and I think that might explain why I’d rather spend my time either doing nothing or doing something that’s boring but at least somewhat structured. Which is a problem when I only get literally eight hours of work a week, but that’s neither here or there. At least at work I have specific tasks to focus on.
(Apologies if the main topic of this ventssay has been covered in this thread already; I only found it recently and haven't found the time to go through the post history.)
A year or two ago, I was "peer diagnosed" (lol) by some friends as autistic, especially one who was an older sister figure for me. This summer, I finally talked to my counselor about it, and while I still haven't been given the official official diagnosis, I passed the screening tests with flying colors to the point where we are comfortable saying I am autistic. It's been very helpful for me to figure some stuff out, and I've even helped some friends along the same path. I've known for a few years now I have ADHD, which is what I was originally seeing my counselor for, but frankly the autism stuff has been the main benefit I've taken away.
Despite this, there's a part of me that just feels hollow and bitter over the full experience. When I was talking to my parents about it, informing them I was going to take the screening tests (I'm a college-aged adult who still lives with them part-time and is still mostly financially dependent on them), and my mom had the gall to put on me (paraphrased) "oh yeah we kinda figured you were autistic since you were little!" Great! That's awesome. I was able to mask my way out of the worst of my symptoms through high school and was able to avoid a lot of the social problems it causes; but the effort I was expending to do so, plus school work, plus activities, left me so horribly depressed, but goddamn did I hide it well! Are you telling me that if I knew, if I had the support, it could have gone differently? I could've been happy and not constantly masking being the wholesome but funny friend who cried herself to sleep at night because I couldn't figure out what the hell I was doing wrong?
Things have been better since coming to college in that regard (my ADHD symptoms have been, like, 10x worse though whoops!) but now I'm struggling to "take off the mask", as you will. I think I've established who I am... okay, at least, in online spaces; but it's like the moment I go out in public, I feel like a different person, and I hate it. I relate heavily to the meme of "using the wrong personality with the wrong friend group". And things like this fucking suck to talk about because it's like admitting you've been lying to someone your whole friendship. It's really not, but it feels like it, y'know? I know "real friends" will understand and emphasize, but it's still awful to talk about. That's why I'm shouting to the void in this thread. The worst part too is I have no idea if my feelings on this are actually real--I could be totally consistent and have no idea because my self-image is shattered (I blame the undiagnosed autism + being trainsgendur in a not the best situation for that, but there's almost certainly more stuff going on in my head noodle too). I'm not totally consistent, I have a couple distinct moments where I knew I was acting differently than the "me" someone reading this would know me as would; but the occassional instance can be chalked up to a bad day, right? It could just be that. I have no clue.
I don't even know if the allegedly de-masked "me" I am online or in private is really me, either--what if it's just another facade? What am I really like? Is there really a "real" me? Is it masks all the way down?
It's been a long week (it's only Wednesday haha shoot me) and I needed a break from things so I spent some time to write this. I've been feeling a lot of this for a while but it's nice to get it on paper (or screen, rather). Can anyone relate to any of this? Any advice for sorting this all out? Hell, even just some good vibes would be nice. Cheers, and thanks for reading this.
A year or two ago, I was "peer diagnosed" (lol) by some friends as autistic, especially one who was an older sister figure for me. This summer, I finally talked to my counselor about it, and while I still haven't been given the official official diagnosis, I passed the screening tests with flying colors to the point where we are comfortable saying I am autistic. It's been very helpful for me to figure some stuff out, and I've even helped some friends along the same path. I've known for a few years now I have ADHD, which is what I was originally seeing my counselor for, but frankly the autism stuff has been the main benefit I've taken away.
Despite this, there's a part of me that just feels hollow and bitter over the full experience. When I was talking to my parents about it, informing them I was going to take the screening tests (I'm a college-aged adult who still lives with them part-time and is still mostly financially dependent on them), and my mom had the gall to put on me (paraphrased) "oh yeah we kinda figured you were autistic since you were little!" Great! That's awesome. I was able to mask my way out of the worst of my symptoms through high school and was able to avoid a lot of the social problems it causes; but the effort I was expending to do so, plus school work, plus activities, left me so horribly depressed, but goddamn did I hide it well! Are you telling me that if I knew, if I had the support, it could have gone differently? I could've been happy and not constantly masking being the wholesome but funny friend who cried herself to sleep at night because I couldn't figure out what the hell I was doing wrong?
Things have been better since coming to college in that regard (my ADHD symptoms have been, like, 10x worse though whoops!) but now I'm struggling to "take off the mask", as you will. I think I've established who I am... okay, at least, in online spaces; but it's like the moment I go out in public, I feel like a different person, and I hate it. I relate heavily to the meme of "using the wrong personality with the wrong friend group". And things like this fucking suck to talk about because it's like admitting you've been lying to someone your whole friendship. It's really not, but it feels like it, y'know? I know "real friends" will understand and emphasize, but it's still awful to talk about. That's why I'm shouting to the void in this thread. The worst part too is I have no idea if my feelings on this are actually real--I could be totally consistent and have no idea because my self-image is shattered (I blame the undiagnosed autism + being trainsgendur in a not the best situation for that, but there's almost certainly more stuff going on in my head noodle too). I'm not totally consistent, I have a couple distinct moments where I knew I was acting differently than the "me" someone reading this would know me as would; but the occassional instance can be chalked up to a bad day, right? It could just be that. I have no clue.
I don't even know if the allegedly de-masked "me" I am online or in private is really me, either--what if it's just another facade? What am I really like? Is there really a "real" me? Is it masks all the way down?
It's been a long week (it's only Wednesday haha shoot me) and I needed a break from things so I spent some time to write this. I've been feeling a lot of this for a while but it's nice to get it on paper (or screen, rather). Can anyone relate to any of this? Any advice for sorting this all out? Hell, even just some good vibes would be nice. Cheers, and thanks for reading this.
Believe me it's not a much better feeling if your parents didn't have a clue. In either case we struggled needlessly for a good ~20 years - I still don't have a very easy time forgiving my parents but that's the only way forward really, and at least we're on the other side of it now.(Apologies if the main topic of this ventssay has been covered in this thread already; I only found it recently and haven't found the time to go through the post history.)
A year or two ago, I was "peer diagnosed" (lol) by some friends as autistic, especially one who was an older sister figure for me. This summer, I finally talked to my counselor about it, and while I still haven't been given the official official diagnosis, I passed the screening tests with flying colors to the point where we are comfortable saying I am autistic. It's been very helpful for me to figure some stuff out, and I've even helped some friends along the same path. I've known for a few years now I have ADHD, which is what I was originally seeing my counselor for, but frankly the autism stuff has been the main benefit I've taken away.
Despite this, there's a part of me that just feels hollow and bitter over the full experience. When I was talking to my parents about it, informing them I was going to take the screening tests (I'm a college-aged adult who still lives with them part-time and is still mostly financially dependent on them), and my mom had the gall to put on me (paraphrased) "oh yeah we kinda figured you were autistic since you were little!" Great! That's awesome. I was able to mask my way out of the worst of my symptoms through high school and was able to avoid a lot of the social problems it causes; but the effort I was expending to do so, plus school work, plus activities, left me so horribly depressed, but goddamn did I hide it well! Are you telling me that if I knew, if I had the support, it could have gone differently? I could've been happy and not constantly masking being the wholesome but funny friend who cried herself to sleep at night because I couldn't figure out what the hell I was doing wrong?
Things have been better since coming to college in that regard (my ADHD symptoms have been, like, 10x worse though whoops!) but now I'm struggling to "take off the mask", as you will. I think I've established who I am... okay, at least, in online spaces; but it's like the moment I go out in public, I feel like a different person, and I hate it. I relate heavily to the meme of "using the wrong personality with the wrong friend group". And things like this fucking suck to talk about because it's like admitting you've been lying to someone your whole friendship. It's really not, but it feels like it, y'know? I know "real friends" will understand and emphasize, but it's still awful to talk about. That's why I'm shouting to the void in this thread. The worst part too is I have no idea if my feelings on this are actually real--I could be totally consistent and have no idea because my self-image is shattered (I blame the undiagnosed autism + being trainsgendur in a not the best situation for that, but there's almost certainly more stuff going on in my head noodle too). I'm not totally consistent, I have a couple distinct moments where I knew I was acting differently than the "me" someone reading this would know me as would; but the occassional instance can be chalked up to a bad day, right? It could just be that. I have no clue.
I don't even know if the allegedly de-masked "me" I am online or in private is really me, either--what if it's just another facade? What am I really like? Is there really a "real" me? Is it masks all the way down?
It's been a long week (it's only Wednesday haha shoot me) and I needed a break from things so I spent some time to write this. I've been feeling a lot of this for a while but it's nice to get it on paper (or screen, rather). Can anyone relate to any of this? Any advice for sorting this all out? Hell, even just some good vibes would be nice. Cheers, and thanks for reading this.
As for the masking and the self-image troubles, the best thing I can say is that you don't need to have it all figured out right now. I went through a time where I needed many hours a day sitting inside my head and observing trying to figure it out, meditation was a good help for a little bit, but whatever works for you really. Just don't let it stop you from living life - you don't need to figure out all that much, you can just kind of act without overthinking and that will be the 'real you'. Do what feels right, you'll come out okay. You now know you're on the spectrum, you have a counselor, you sound like you're on the right path - figuring yourself out just takes a good while
Damn, this thread is now dead again....
lemme bump it rq.
I am diagnosed to be autistic, and also extremely likely to have ADHD, which is kind of backed up by the fact that I am writing stuff on this website instead of doing what would probably be better, like HW.
I believe we have more representation on websites and communities like this one compared to other places, and what I mean by that is that we are seen more often here, at least from my experience.
the reason for this I believe is that people on the spectrum like me generally have hyperfixations, and people with shared passions generally try to find others with the same interests, after all, who doesnt wanna be around others who love the same things?
this hypothesis (or fact maybe idk) came from somebody else, a certain guy in the OU forums who happens to be on the spectrum like me, though idk if he wants me to mention him here lol.
I might be spewing nonsense idk... and thank god I fixate on something people know more about... something all of you here probably enjoy as well.
and I love minisprites don't mind me.
EDIT: filled in the missing slot in case anybody has ocd or sth idk
lemme bump it rq.
I am diagnosed to be autistic, and also extremely likely to have ADHD, which is kind of backed up by the fact that I am writing stuff on this website instead of doing what would probably be better, like HW.
I believe we have more representation on websites and communities like this one compared to other places, and what I mean by that is that we are seen more often here, at least from my experience.
the reason for this I believe is that people on the spectrum like me generally have hyperfixations, and people with shared passions generally try to find others with the same interests, after all, who doesnt wanna be around others who love the same things?
this hypothesis (or fact maybe idk) came from somebody else, a certain guy in the OU forums who happens to be on the spectrum like me, though idk if he wants me to mention him here lol.
I might be spewing nonsense idk... and thank god I fixate on something people know more about... something all of you here probably enjoy as well.
and I love minisprites don't mind me.
EDIT: filled in the missing slot in case anybody has ocd or sth idk
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can relate, I cant force myself into doing what I am supposed to do either, otherwise I would be doing sth else instead of writing on a forum about my biggest hyperfixation, rip.
I have definitely made this same theory before both about Smogon and other online communities I've been apart of. There is level of passion and interest needed to even come across this site, let alone interact regularly, make content for it, etc. It seems natural that a group of superfans (I don't even like the Pokemon games anymore, but spending several hours a week on this site qualifies lol) would have a higher percentage of people who are neurologically wired to care about their interests more passionately.
Not to say neurotypical people can't be here--there definitely are a lot NTs who feel passionately about their interests! But I feel like people on the spectrum are going to be more likely than the population to be invested to the point of being a regular on Smogon.
boosted shiny odds
anyways, about adhd..... I probably have it, like 99 percent sure with all the symptoms lining up, its a huge pain in my life and the fact that I am here instead of doing something else already shows how stupid it is. ofc, there is no cure just yet, so I'll wait for an official diagnosis and maybe some meds idk. being on the spectrum does not help in the slightest.
and no, even though sometimes these conditions give some people a buff in some skill that does not mean it isn't a huge pain 4 me.
and no, even though sometimes these conditions give some people a buff in some skill that does not mean it isn't a huge pain 4 me.
Learning more abt my ADHD made me realize the thing mentioned earlier about "wow im a lazy sack of shit" not (entirely) being true
the way I would describe my symptoms as far as that goes is that the "No" signals in my brain are very powerful and nearly impossible for me to push over, and arbitrarily are placed towards things I often absolutely need to complete. So I can't. At the same time, I'm fully conscious of the fact i [NEED] to be doing it (ty anxiety), so I also feel paralyzed and am thus forbidden from the bare minimum of at least enjoying my time without accomplishing the thing.
basically, ADHD functionally leaves me as a deer in headlights in every day situations, if that deer was there for anywhere from 2 hours to literal weeks and months. i don't even have a particularly strong case of it and it's still debilitating. bothers me a lot when people who don't have it (usually older generations) complain about it as if its just Quirky Loud Kid syndrome
the way I would describe my symptoms as far as that goes is that the "No" signals in my brain are very powerful and nearly impossible for me to push over, and arbitrarily are placed towards things I often absolutely need to complete. So I can't. At the same time, I'm fully conscious of the fact i [NEED] to be doing it (ty anxiety), so I also feel paralyzed and am thus forbidden from the bare minimum of at least enjoying my time without accomplishing the thing.
basically, ADHD functionally leaves me as a deer in headlights in every day situations, if that deer was there for anywhere from 2 hours to literal weeks and months. i don't even have a particularly strong case of it and it's still debilitating. bothers me a lot when people who don't have it (usually older generations) complain about it as if its just Quirky Loud Kid syndrome
hello there, I have something to confess... yes I'm Autistic, and also suspect that I have ADHD as well (though the latter isn't confirmed)
throughout my life, even with the knowledge of me being Autistic, sometimes I... don't feel that way, to me, I interact just like anyone else would, so when people act like I missed something apparently obvious, feels like the people around me make a bigger deal out of it than I do, it's not like I had control over that anyways
I've been bouncing from interests to interests, and it feels weird to be highly intrigued by something a few months ago, but now I'm just not that interested, I thought that this was the year that I'd finally stop being interested in Pokemon... cut to December of this year, where I'm constantly grinding out battles in Pokemon GO just to power up my Kyogre, yeah this isn't gonna be irrelevant anytime soon
also, I kinda completely tunnel visioned on Plants vs Zombies Speedrunning, something about constantly lowering my time in Any% was just... amazing, helps that I could feel the skills build up over time, and eventually, I snagged a sub 330 on Any%, I was so damn hyped
and then there's Anime, I absolutely love it, something about it just... intrigues me, not to mention some of them are just... PEAK, One Piece, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Death Note, Tokyo Ghoul, and more not mentioned here
anyways, about me, I think I have ADHD, though I'm not too sure if my distractibility, is from that, or if it's just from my own Autism, half the time, I don't think I have ADHD, the other half of the time, I Suspect that I have it, might get that checked out, though not too sure about that...
throughout my life, even with the knowledge of me being Autistic, sometimes I... don't feel that way, to me, I interact just like anyone else would, so when people act like I missed something apparently obvious, feels like the people around me make a bigger deal out of it than I do, it's not like I had control over that anyways
I've been bouncing from interests to interests, and it feels weird to be highly intrigued by something a few months ago, but now I'm just not that interested, I thought that this was the year that I'd finally stop being interested in Pokemon... cut to December of this year, where I'm constantly grinding out battles in Pokemon GO just to power up my Kyogre, yeah this isn't gonna be irrelevant anytime soon
also, I kinda completely tunnel visioned on Plants vs Zombies Speedrunning, something about constantly lowering my time in Any% was just... amazing, helps that I could feel the skills build up over time, and eventually, I snagged a sub 330 on Any%, I was so damn hyped
and then there's Anime, I absolutely love it, something about it just... intrigues me, not to mention some of them are just... PEAK, One Piece, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Death Note, Tokyo Ghoul, and more not mentioned here
anyways, about me, I think I have ADHD, though I'm not too sure if my distractibility, is from that, or if it's just from my own Autism, half the time, I don't think I have ADHD, the other half of the time, I Suspect that I have it, might get that checked out, though not too sure about that...
There's an aspect about masking and job interviews that I can't stop thinking about.
It's pretty obvious that, for all that the people in positions of power talk about the application process encouraging genuine behaviour, a high-stakes situation where neurotypicals are judging your behaviour patterns is inherently mask-on. It's a situation where I genuinely have to wonder if GPT could make a better cover letter than I can.
What's been bothering me is that it feels that my current mask doesn't have the qualities to succeed in job applications either. Applications seem like they require a significant amount of stated passion towards whatever the job is (much higher than I think is realistic for the actual chance of succcess at any given application, but if it's inherently going to be fake anyway...). And I don't really feel like my masked behaviours include enthusiasm. At some level, it goes against why the mask was originally put up (to hide autistic levels of passion about highly specific things).
So just learn to act, right? This is complicated further by a general dislike of fake enthusiasm. It feels uncomfortably close to helping enable a bad system. And given how ingrained masked behvaiours can get, I end up feeling that the direct path to getting a job involves becoming a worse person.
Thoughts on this?
It's pretty obvious that, for all that the people in positions of power talk about the application process encouraging genuine behaviour, a high-stakes situation where neurotypicals are judging your behaviour patterns is inherently mask-on. It's a situation where I genuinely have to wonder if GPT could make a better cover letter than I can.
What's been bothering me is that it feels that my current mask doesn't have the qualities to succeed in job applications either. Applications seem like they require a significant amount of stated passion towards whatever the job is (much higher than I think is realistic for the actual chance of succcess at any given application, but if it's inherently going to be fake anyway...). And I don't really feel like my masked behaviours include enthusiasm. At some level, it goes against why the mask was originally put up (to hide autistic levels of passion about highly specific things).
So just learn to act, right? This is complicated further by a general dislike of fake enthusiasm. It feels uncomfortably close to helping enable a bad system. And given how ingrained masked behvaiours can get, I end up feeling that the direct path to getting a job involves becoming a worse person.
Thoughts on this?
As somebody with the tism who is pretty successful in the professional world so far, to maximize, I think you gotta figure out a way to lower the mask. However, luckily, lowering the mask isn't a binary on/off. (It isn't for NTs either, I will note, and they partial-mask quite often.) Approach the (letter, interview, etc.) not as a choice to mask on or mask off, but as something you have the chance to make your own. I don't want to write the full-mask job app, and the no-mask job app is a bad idea, so what do I do? I insert a dimension of unique Me Power in the situation that also helps my goal of getting hired. I "mask" by focusing on a specific amenable angle of me, not just doing whatever it is I please entirely, but once I find that angle, I "unmask" by just letting it rip in that new context. As much of a win win as I can manage. A dimension of Me Power is building finely-tuned arguments, I just like that. So I meticulously catalogue every advantage and evidence point in my favor. I naturally like to be helpful and sweet, and I'm naturally flexible, so I lean into that in interviews, (truthfully) presenting myself as eager to help and eager to learn What Y'Alls Deal is.
My recommendation is you start finding Ironmage angles that both represent your true self (as narrowly or broadly, as specifically or vaguely, as you like) and help your goal of being hired. Instead of presenting fake enthusiasm for the entire process, as outsiders frame that process to you, present real enthusiasm for something within the process. Everyone knows even good jobs are a mix of "things you genuinely enjoy" and "things you muscle through and bear". They're not expecting you to love and excel at every single part – if they are reasonable, anyway. They want to know you'll be okay i guess, adequate, not a huge liability at your weak points, but above the pack in some specific strengths that you have. Telling them and demonstrating those strengths helps.
My recommendation is you start finding Ironmage angles that both represent your true self (as narrowly or broadly, as specifically or vaguely, as you like) and help your goal of being hired. Instead of presenting fake enthusiasm for the entire process, as outsiders frame that process to you, present real enthusiasm for something within the process. Everyone knows even good jobs are a mix of "things you genuinely enjoy" and "things you muscle through and bear". They're not expecting you to love and excel at every single part – if they are reasonable, anyway. They want to know you'll be okay i guess, adequate, not a huge liability at your weak points, but above the pack in some specific strengths that you have. Telling them and demonstrating those strengths helps.
At the end of the day, my true self wants to walk away from every standard hiring process because I don't condone its use. Every aspect feels biased towards the company, an arbitrary construct, rather than helping people. The system deserves to be filled with the generic slop AI produces because that is what it attempts to reduce people to. That is what my talent for picking through the details, the reason I hold a Masters degree in physics, tells me. And so I don't think I can leverage that talent within a hiring context because the first thing it wants to do is enumerate the faults in the context itself. From the perspective of not wanting to enable systems that I think are immoral, this is at some level suggesting making my true self a worse person to avoid making my masked self a worse person.
If that trait is not helpful for this goal of getting a job through the standard process, try picking another one.
If you're weighing whether to participate in the system at all, your moral perception feels incompletely thought through. I don't want to turn this thread into the politics thread, so I'll keep my comments brief and directed at certain areas.
- I don't understand your framing of "enabling the system", since the system will go on regardless of your involvement. I doubt your involvement or lack thereof would cause any meaningful change. If your action does not have consequences, does it make you a better or worse person?
- Even if you somehow cause harm by participating in the system you don't control, how big is this harm? Is it larger than the moral benefit of you participating in the system – a person (you) getting resources they can use to help others and themselves? (If we're comparing this to some hiring process that is not "standard," what would its negative tradeoffs be, and would they be worth it?)
Finally, now I can talk about something I'm actually passionate about. (For context, I'm writing this immediately after I just got finished writing a very long message for a certain other thread.) I didn't want to announce this until I felt the time was right, that and I didn't want to interrupt any ongoing discussions in this thread, but I can pretty confidently say that I'm also ADHD alongside my autism and my OCD. Does this information surprise me? Absolutely not. I've suspected I had multiple common ADHD symptoms for about a year now, but I officially received the diagnosis... I can't remember exactly when, but it was within the past two or three months if I recall. The screening process took noticeably longer than I would have liked, primarily because the people that worked on my diagnosis had two different location branches that were having some communication issues between each other at the time. Thing is, even though my ADHD seems more severe than my "high-functioning autism" at this point (still on the fence about how I feel about those labels), actually having this diagnosis recognized and recorded hasn't really changed much in my daily life since receiving it. For the most part, being what some in this community call "AuDHD" has really just helped explain certain aspects of my personality and behaviors more than it's physically changed me. I'm still the same me I was before the diagnosis, and I still want to help other neurodiverse people in any ways that I am capable of doing.
Since I don't feel like double posting, I also wanted to ask you all another question while I have your attention. I'd like to think of myself as quite the talented writer, and while that may or may not be true depending on who you ask, post-ADHD diagnosis my desire to start writing for a neurodiverse target audience has only grown over time. I'm still in the midst of figuring out what the first real steps in my career are going to look like going into 2025, since I did only just graduate from college this Spring, but I'm really interested in getting to know what kinds of opportunities may be at my disposal. Writing in and of itself could be considered a special interest of mine, and I would really hate to not make the most of my writing talents that people in my personal life have constantly insisted I have. (Of course, me being as hard on myself as I am, it's hard for me to believe people when they give me compliments.) I don't know, I guess I just wanted to share this with you guys and see what happens. Writing about autism and, in more recent memory, other diagnoses too, is super enjoyable for me, as is reading other people's writing and stories about this community and this world we live in.
Since I don't feel like double posting, I also wanted to ask you all another question while I have your attention. I'd like to think of myself as quite the talented writer, and while that may or may not be true depending on who you ask, post-ADHD diagnosis my desire to start writing for a neurodiverse target audience has only grown over time. I'm still in the midst of figuring out what the first real steps in my career are going to look like going into 2025, since I did only just graduate from college this Spring, but I'm really interested in getting to know what kinds of opportunities may be at my disposal. Writing in and of itself could be considered a special interest of mine, and I would really hate to not make the most of my writing talents that people in my personal life have constantly insisted I have. (Of course, me being as hard on myself as I am, it's hard for me to believe people when they give me compliments.) I don't know, I guess I just wanted to share this with you guys and see what happens. Writing about autism and, in more recent memory, other diagnoses too, is super enjoyable for me, as is reading other people's writing and stories about this community and this world we live in.
new pfp dropped!
I’m on the spectrum and also have severe anxiety, depression and adhd. It really makes doing stuff difficult sometimes. You can pretty much count on me having a mental break at least once a year and cutting off contact with everything for like a day or 2 and then I have to come back and sheepishly ask for my roles and stuff to be reinstated and it’s really embarrassing. I’ve tried pretty much every method under the sun of trying to reign in my symptoms because medication alone just doesn’t cut it but so far nothing has worked. Anxiety in particular is a big issue since it infects everything I try to do, sometimes I wonder where I’d be if I wasn’t so bogged down by these kinds of things
Anyways, the number of neurotypical people on this whole website is absolutely uhh... What word shall I use? Ah yes, oh wait no... The number could be counted with a single hand probably! Anyways, if even the OU forum leader ausma herself is on the spectrum with the same ass disorder as me, I wouldn't be surprised if finch, chaos, and all the responsible individuals of this website are ND as well... Feels unbelievable, but what other kinda people would invest so much of their life into a community that is a small fraction of another?
Anyways, back onto personal life, good news! I looked forward to school! And the bad?
Yeah, the bad news is that the good news is because that my family relationships had been crap to say the least, my oarents might be going insane (serious, possibly) wondering why my siblings wouldn't change no matter how much they punish them, while many of that frustration gets dumped on me whenever I do even the smallest things wrong, or just talk shit about me whenever I am around, or nothing is done goddamn these arseholes...
I still hold respect for them, considering life and all that, the harasser is mainly my father, but I pray to the big man upstairs to keep him and me sane through this...
Anyways, back onto personal life, good news! I looked forward to school! And the bad?
Yeah, the bad news is that the good news is because that my family relationships had been crap to say the least, my oarents might be going insane (serious, possibly) wondering why my siblings wouldn't change no matter how much they punish them, while many of that frustration gets dumped on me whenever I do even the smallest things wrong, or just talk shit about me whenever I am around, or nothing is done goddamn these arseholes...
I still hold respect for them, considering life and all that, the harasser is mainly my father, but I pray to the big man upstairs to keep him and me sane through this...
Good evening, everyone. Or good morning, depending on who is currently reading this.
Speaking from personal experience, it sounds like you need some sort of reassurance you are not getting from your peers or you aren’t getting some sort of attention from your peers that you want.
If it’s the former, make yourself more comfortable being alone with yourself, so you are less scared of abandonment. If it’s the latter, spend some time honing your social skills and making yourself some new friends.
I don't have any friends I've been able to tell this, but I'm finally getting diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. I've always felt out of place with others and had unexplained sensory issues but didn't really question if I was Autistic because a therapist told me I had social anxiety when I was younger and I thought that was true. I suspected I had ADHD when I was younger but because I was still getting acceptable grades (B average) and because my ADHD brother had poor reactions to stimulants (made him go from hyperactive to zombie), I didn't bother getting assessed.
Anyways, after a 2 year long burnout and a supportive therapist helping me find out why I'm so me, I decided to get professionally assessed instead of just being peer-reviewed. Thanks for reading!
Anyways, after a 2 year long burnout and a supportive therapist helping me find out why I'm so me, I decided to get professionally assessed instead of just being peer-reviewed. Thanks for reading!
I forget my meds one day and i fricking mess up my life
I have Bs and As and adhd and possibly autism so…
Haiiii
I have a new pfp everyone! :3
I have a new pfp everyone! :3