Rate My Check (RMC)

fleurdyleurse

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
#1
Approved by GatoDelFuego, P Squared, and The Dutch Plumberjack; original thread approved by Jellicent
Art by Bummer
Original thread here


Hi! Welcome to Rate My Check. Here, AM checkers can post their AM checks to be rated. Just like the Grammar Prose Workshop, this thread aims to help AM checkers improve themselves and also serves as a resource for reference.

The criteria

Readability:
How readable is your check? Is it difficult sometimes to spot changes because of how you check or the colors you use?

Prose: Are you able to properly reword a meandering sentence, remove fluff, and recognize where more clarity is needed for our readers?

Grammar: Do you properly understand punctuation, Smogon-specific terms, and other facets of English grammar?

Voice and Subjectivity: Are you prone to going too far in the above areas, changing the author's voice?

These are all rated on a scale of Poor (not good at all) --> Good (average to quite good) --> Excellent (very good, almost without mistakes). Then, the GPer rating your check will give you a general overview.

Useful Resources
Happy checking!

1. Defoggers such as Skarmory and Zapdos is able to remove entry hazards like Spikes.
2. Ferrothorn should never stay in on Fire types as they can easily kill it.
3. A Naïve Nature allows Mienshao to utilize a Mixed set effectively.
4. Steel-types, such as Skarmory, Steelix & Scizor resists Outrage so they can easily check Dragonite.
5. V-Create allows Victini to hit even Fire resists such as Ho-oh hard.
6. Ground-types such as Excadrill, Landorus, and Garchomp enjoy being paired with Zapdos, as it has no trouble dealing large damage to Water-types with its STAB-boosted Thunderbolt. In return, they can handle the Rock-types that pose a problem for Zapdos with their Ground-type STABs.
7. Rotom-Heat can easily defeat Shaymin in its base form.
8. Assault Vest's Special Defense is really good, but Hitmonchan doesn't appreciate the lack of power. Close Combat is cool, but the recovery of Drain Punch is more useful.
9. Set-up sweepers, such as Darkrai and Mega Salamence, are difficult for a set-up Kangaskhan to deal with.
10. Forretress provides support as a Rapid Spinner.
11. Sturdy allows Carracosta to survive a OHKO.
12. Leftovers provide greater longevity for Celebi, however it can use Life Orb instead if a greater damage is required.
13. Dark Pulse hits Psychic-types like Mew super-effectively.
14. The Choice scarf allows Lucario to easily revenge-kill set up sweepers.
15. Golem's Ground/Rock-typing is poor defensively giving it many weaks to Fighting, Water and Ice.
16. Ground-types that resist Thunderbolt are a problem for this set.
17. Water-types like Blastoise and Kingdra are difficult to deal with.
18. Fire Blast allows Ponyta to dispose with Grass-types.
19. HJK is the STAB move of choice, allowing Mienshao to hit Steel-types hard.
20. Spikers make good partners.
21. Having a set-up Volcarona and entry hazards on the field is a wincon. Latios is a win condition, especially after it has setup.
22. Pikachu prefers Light Ball than Life Orb.
23. Due to its low speed, Braviary requires some speed control.
24. Pikachu cannot effectively use a defensively-oriented set, so it should not use Lefties.
25. Kingdra and Ludicolo are example of Swift Swimmers.
26. Thanks to Skarmory's high 140 defence; it can easily live most Physical Attacks.
27. 240 SAtk EVs are used to make sure that Celebi can OHKO Swampert.
28. Latios's high 130 base Special attack lets it kill other Pokemon easily.
29. A Timid Nature allows Mienfoo to out-Speed base 100s like Manaphy.
30. Ices like Cloyster check Dragonite.
31. Mesprit's Explosion KOs most Pokemon.
32. Darkrai can sleep threatening Pokemon via Dark Void.
33. It can create mindgames with Sleep Powder.
34. Mienshao can flinch Jirachi with Fake Out.
35. A Timid Nature prevents Manaphy from Speed-Tying Mew.
36. Quagsire is very common on stall, but it can also be used on balance teams.
37. A Choice Specsed Latios hits very hard, OHKOing most opponents with Draco Meteor.
38. Lati@s are good Defoggers.
39. Latios has a high Special Attack while Latias has a high Special Defence.
40. You should switch out while it sets up.
41. Dual type Pokemon usually have more weaknesses.
42. One Toxic Spikes can be useful, though Two Toxic Spikes should be aimed for.
43. Politoed can easily Perish-Trap it's opponents.
44. It's best to either bring it in freely after a teammate is KOed, or to Volt Switch or U-turn into it.
45. Gengar has a high Speed stat; as such, it can outspeed many Pokemon.
46. Pokemon which Defense stat are low are easily KO'd by Swampert.
47. Pokemon who have a poor match up against Sawk should not switch into it.
48. Ferrothorn should use 0 Speed IVs to outslow its enemies and for Gyro Ball to have Maximum base power.
49. Sceptile's mega-evolution is much faster.
50. Psyschock deals more damage to Chansey, as it hits on the other side of the spectrum, but is unfortunately resisted by Megagross that is very common.
51. A Pokemon that can switch into Ground-type for Heatran, such as Flygon and Landorus-I, is a good teammate.
52. Volcarona dislikes having to deal with Kingdra, Swampert, Politoed, and it is troubled by Stealth Rocks.



also raters refer to ender's checks for a model rate
 
Last edited:

Berks

has a Calm Mind
is a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
#2
Since I'm looking to get more fully involved in TFP, I guess I'll open this up with an article amcheck from a bit ago!

TFP articles are a little bit more lenient grammar-wise, but my issue has always been prose, so I'd love some more input on this amcheck!
 

fleurdyleurse

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
#3
Berks

Readability

I found the readability good, but not excellent because I found the colours you chose a bit odd; however, I liked that you included things like (AC) and (RC).

Prose

Fletchling doesn't get Brave Bird as an Egg Move, and so it is forced to run an itemless Acrobatics set to maximize its damage, (RC) and abuse Gale Wings.
"abuse" is not an accepted term, so you should watch out for that; try "utilize" or "take advantage of (which is what TDP used).

has pretty good stats for Little Cup, and it has a huge coverage movepool
i would strongly recommend just removing the comma before the "and" there instead of adding an "it" after the "and", which is slightly harder to read in terms of flow.

With a Sticky Web coming from Joltik, Webs teams
I'd say that "Webs teams" is slightly questionable here.

However, you do make some good changes overall, such as
Phanpy could force switches, giving it free opportunities to spin and set hazards.spins and opportunities to set hazards.
This is a good change, so good job. Again, I'd say that your prose changes are just good, but you fall short of being excellent due to you missing and adding a few odd errors.

Grammar

You have a tendency to miss incorrect uses of ", and". These should mostly be used for independent clauses. Also, note that it is "STAB move", not just "STAB", as well as "Flying-type", not "Flying type". Other than that, however, you are able to spot most comma errors, so I'd put you in between good and excellent.

Voice & Subjectivity

Though you had a good reason to do it, do make sure to watch out for overly subjective changes (like the one about the webs that had a colon). Also, there was a change that wasn't very good
Joltik boasts higher stats than Surskit, the Sticky Web setter of choice in Little Cup, in every category, as well as category; it also has(or even sports) a deep move pool
. There were also a few more less significant voice changes (read up on Ender's thread on subjectivity). I'll give you a good for it.

Overall

Overall, this was a nice job done, though you missed a few things. I'm sure you'll get better as you keep checking!

good
 
Last edited:

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#4
Rufflet is male only, so, (AC) not only does it not inherit Brave Bird, it has an exceptionally shallow movepool which that forces it to run Aerial Ace as its Flying-type STAB.
I guess this goes under grammar

not only X but also Y (punctuation ignored rn)

A rule somewhere says "not only" should be paired with "but / but also". I'd say this is because a reader expects something to contrast (? can't really find the right word right now) the fact that the writer is talking about "not only X". I guess like a "But wait! There's more" idea. (For more creative writing you might remove "but" for style reasons but that isn't really relevant here).

With this construction X and Y should also be parallel you can ask P Squared about that cuz that would make her happy. Parallelism is also applicable to a lot more structures. Hopefully you didn't know that so I didn't splain something you already knew to you. :)

Unlike its evolution, (AC) Galvantula, Joltik cannot learn the move Sticky Web. Were it to get Sticky Web, the viability of Sticky Web teams in Little Cup would change completely.
prose probably

I don't like too much repetition unless it is necessary (eg clarity) or artistic (poetry is the first thing that comes to mind). I find it makes the section clunky. The smoothest change here I'd say is

"Were it to get Sticky Web, the viability of such teams in LC..."

This is more or less read as

"Were it to get Sticky Web, the viability of [these kinds of] teams in LC..."

so imo it is very clear the writer is referring to Sticky Web teams (if you want to get really detailed, consider the audience of this piece. People completely new to Pokemon probably wouldn't be reading this, so it is clear that Sticky Web teams are a thing).

The first two instances of "Sticky Web" could be tossed under clarity, not a huge issue.

Were Phanpy to gain access to Rapid Spin, it would be able to abuse it readily, (RC) thanks to its access to Knock Off, (AC) which hits to hit spin blockers hard.
grammar

"it"
In this instance, what the "it"s refer to is arguably clear (and there's a respectively deal going on), but I don't like situation where you try to refer to different things with "it". Consider

If Phanpy were to face Drilbur, it would have a hard time beating it.

Yes, exaggerated made up example. But here it is definitely not clear who would have a hard time beating who. Something like "Were Phanpy to gain access to Rapid Spin, it would be able to successfully spin readily..."
 

fleurdyleurse

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
#7
Readability

I would give you an excellent, but your formatting had a few weird things like
Togetic also easily
which is quite confusing, so I'll give you a good. Try to make it less ambiguous/confusing. oh and also this:
Fire Blast variantsvariants
which is just confusing given you removed and added the same thing ?_?

Prose/Grammar (condensing this)

Fighting-types like Hitmonlee and Medicham, Dark-types like Scrafty, SpiritombSpiritomb, [AC] and MalamarMalamar, [AC] and Dragon-types like Flygon.
you should be using "such as" here, because it means most/all of those types

Its access to Eviolite enhances its Defense and Special Defense
is very odd wording -- don't all pokemon get access to eviolite? something like "Eviolite boosts its Defense and Special Defense" is better and less inaccurate.

Dazzling Gleam acts as Togetic's STAB move and hits Dark-types and Fighting-types
"acts as Togetic's STAB move" is fluff here because it doesn't add anything of significance

Fire Blast can be used alternatively to hit Steel-types like Magneton
another instance of you missing an incorrect like. watch out for those! i know you know how to use them, but applying your knowledge is more important.

against base 40s like Spiritomb
also be careful for things like these.

appreciate a Special Attack boost such as Delphox, Meloetta and Accelgor can be great
can be should just be "are" here.

Togetic to spam its STAB moves more freely
i don't get why you removed to here because that's an unnecessary change + spam is incorrect.

in general, you seem to know your stuff but you don't apply what you know and you're often quite careless when doing this, so good but not excellent.

Subjectivity & Voice

it sometimes seems that you are trying to reword the author's words not optimally, but in the style that you'd like it to be in (and that is not good). i noticed that you changed "upon entry" to "upon switching in" a lot of times -- you should aim to keep the voice of the author even though that's less important in analyses. also don't be repetitive when rewording or reword when it's not needed (the "examples include" thing stands out) so you're just good here.

Overall

overall, it wasn't a bad check -- you just tended to miss quite a few things. so it's a good check, but you just have a few areas to improve on.
 
Last edited:

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#8
random prose comments

Togetic is generally used as a bulky Fairy Fairy- and Flying-type Flying-type, [AC] as it is sporting sports high Defensive defensive stats with a decent Special Attack.
"with a decent Special Attack" I don't find this relevant here since the sentence is about how Togetic is used as a bulky mon. "With" isn't strong enough to convey the "an added bonus is Togetic has high Special Attack" idea.

Nasty Plot works well with Baton Pass in passing Special Attack boosts to another Pokemon, while though it can be also be used to boost Togetic's Special Attack to power up Dazzling Gleam or Fire Blast.

(as part of)
Nasty Plot works well with Baton Pass for passing Special Attack boosts to another Pokemon, though it can also be used to boost Togetic's Special Attack to power up Dazzling Gleam or Fire Blast. Baton Pass can be used to switch to another teammate with or without boosts in order to gain momentum, and it also allows Togetic to act as a pivot.
Reads very clunkily, definitely can look for places to reduce wordiness. Also the "it" in "though it can also be used..." can be ambiguous (not for people who know what Nasty Plot does, which is probably most. But still, good habit for writing). I would take a different approach:

Nasty Plot and Baton Pass work well together / Nasty Plot works well with Baton Pass, as Togetic's bulk allows Togetic to pass those Special Attack boosts to another Pokemon reliably. Furthermore, these moves are useful by themselves / independently of each other. Nasty Plot can power up Dazzling Gleam or Fire Blast, and Baton Pass allows Togetic to grab momentum or act as a pivot.

The author says the moves work well together. We keep that. They don't really mention why they work well together though--one reason is Togetic's bulk makes passing reliable. Next, we can see that Nasty Plot and Baton Pass are useful on their own (from what the author originally wrote). Explicitly saying that i) keeps the idea, ii) allows us to eliminate the wordy "switch to another teammate with or without boosts" (which, by the way, isn't clear because is it the teammate that has the boosts or Togetic?), and iii) provides a smoother transition between the "...Fire Blast. Baton Pass...". This version uses fewer words and adds clarity and information. Some variation as the writer sees fit. idr if grab momentum is an accepted term but that isn't really relevant here.

Other thoughts:
Nasty Plot works well with Baton Pass for passing Special Attack boosts to another Pokemon, though it can also be used to power up Dazzling Gleam or Fire Blast. Baton Pass can be used (on its own / without regard to Togetic's boosts) to switch to another teammate in order to gain momentum, and it also allows Togetic to act as a pivot.

Quickly put together a version that more closely follows the original. Could use more refinement. The issue I find is it doesn't balance using Nasty Plot on its own with using Baton Pass on its own. Nasty Plot boost is attached on the end of using them together and feels like an afterthought, but BP gets its own sentence. But both have a lot of potential by themselves.


Try to get rid Stealth Rocks Rock before switching in Togetic in, [AC] as it takes 25 percent upon switching in. entry.
More about what fleur was saying, you especially don't want to do this because of how closely "switching" was already used. Clunky to read.
 
Last edited:

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#9
thought to add this while i was running

If I had to sum of 1 takeaway for IDing prose things, I'd say as you are reading, form ideas about what you are expecting to be there.

For example in point 1, as I read the beginning about Togetic's bulk, I immediately expect a mention of Togetic's defensive stats. That's why when I see Special Attack I identify it as something to change. If you aren't sure, you can also look at context. The following are all about defense: typing, as a pivot, eviolite. This further supports that the special attack mention shouldn't be there without some sort of attention draw, like "It even has decent Special Attack to boot!"

You can apply this to point 2 as well. NP and BP work well together. Maybe you don't know Togetic that well and you skipped the intro, maybe you are new to mons, etc. You expect something about why they work well together. This change can then lead to others.
 

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#11
donut use that diff app, poor readability

it doesn't indicate , (though that is possible manually), also

It's ss Speed
Come in when you predict your fopponent
can shufflewitch
numerous more

edit cost isn't a great fix because it still cuts words in the middle and doesn't leave spaces between new and old changes

ex 100 edit cost

giving there a shuffle loir a switch live
 

fleurdyleurse

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
#12
readability

letting it check BreloomBreloom

this is really odd? like i'm pretty sure that this is because of your gp diff app though, so i'm not gonna blame you for this. however, you use better colours, so i'm giving you an excellent :)

prose & grammar

good removal of fluff in the overview!
which otherwise can otherwise punch holes in Dark teams easily
that's kind of an unnecessary change there. also though hollywood asked you to keep it, next time you should act to make a new sentence that the writer can then correct.
maximizeMandibuzz physical defenseMandibuzz's bulk
this is incorrect, by the way, unless you say "physical bulk". bulk = hp, defense, and special defense.
Pokemon that usesuse a Contact Movecontact move such as Mega Lopunny and Heracross
this is slightly ambiguous (contact move = heracross)? but not that ambiguous, lol. but i would try to rephrase it (for example, pokemon such as...). however, you don't have many grammar errors. i'll give you a good for prose and excellent for grammar.

v&s

you sometimes make a few subjective changes (e.g. otherwise can --> can otherwise, in tandem with --> alongside), but you definitely don't make so many that it's detrimental to the analysis. so good job :)

overall, this was a really good check. keep it up!

 
Last edited:

Mr. Uncompetitive

BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE MIRACLE
is a Pre-Contributor
#13
So I've been out of the GP scene for a while and wanted to get back into it, but I'm pretty rusty. P2 suggested that I post a recent check of mine here to help me derust (hope I don't get disqualified as it's technically not an amcheck >_<)

Check is here, thanks in advance for the help...!
 

fleurdyleurse

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
#14
Dear AM checkers,

I have included a short test in the OP which you can attempt and post instead of posting a check if you prefer -- do it in the same way you would normally do a check.

Happy checking!
 

fleurdyleurse

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
is a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
#15
Mr. Uncompetitive

a short look:

Readability

You definitely performed very well in this area -- your check was extremely easy to read and understand. Thus, I'll give you an excellent for it.

Prose & Grammar (condensed)

Magma Storm traps opposing walls, like such as Chansey, Clefable, defensive Cyclohm, Mollux, defensive Tomohawk, and Pyroak and deals residual damage to them.
Good catch on the like to such as. However, you forgot to close the subordinate clause, which you should have done by adding a comma after "Pyroak."

Magma Storm can also be used trap offensive Pokemon
make sure that your changes make sense and don't leave words out

You don't make many errors mostly, so very good.

Subjectivity & Voice

especially since because it only has 8 PP.
Although we used to remove since, we now are fine with it as long as it isn't ambiguous. However, I won't fault you, given that it's a newly added rule. You tend generally to make a lot of subjective changes that are mostly unneeded (Magma Storm's PP should be is best saved for trapping walls; is a bit customizable; (remove semicolon) . (add period) (this is a completely unneeded change and also extends into grammar)

So this isn't very good, but it's not poor.

overall, your check is fine, but needs a little bit more practice
 

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#17
rquick

I would still make an indication for removing / adding "s" or " 's " and such, single letters are still easy to miss.

next

Focus Sash gives Omastar a chance to set up against any one hit that would OHKO it, although it makes it much easier to be picked off by priority attacks.
Here, what the "it"s refer to isn't too unclear because they are Poke and Item, but I would still never "cross" "it"s. NGL, the "it"s after the comma don't even technically refer to Focus Sash / Omastar.

a) Focus Sash gives Omastar a chance to set up against any one hit that would OHKO it, although being at 1 HP makes Omastar much more susceptible to being picked off by priority attacks.

b) Focus Sash gives Omastar a chance to set up against any one hit that would OHKO it, although being at 1 HP means opponents can pick off Omastar with priority attacks much easier.

"Being at 1 HP" is clearly implied here: 1 HP means any prio can pick Omastar off, and the clause before talks about stuff OHKOing and such. So that deals with the first "it".

"makes 'it'" What does this "it" refer to? Casually this kind of phrasing isn't really a problem but I don't recommend making this a habit. Both a) and b) are possible revisions, though I would lean toward a) because it parallels the first part (even though "being" is kinda ugly).

Since "it" appears a lot in Poke analyses, this is a good general lesson.
 

P Squared

black butterflies and deja vu
is a member of the Site Staffis a Smogon Social Media Contributoris a Super Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor
Social Media Leader
#18
gotta go soon so this is pretty rushed but here
Its solid base 75 HP and base / 125 physical bulk plus Defense combined with its Rock / Water typing gives it a decent amount of setup opportunities against Pokemon such as Fletchinder, Drapion, and Choice-locked Emboar.
I don't see why this was needed (HP / Def does indeed refer to physical bulk), but even if it was, it creates a subject-verb agreement error: "Its HP and Defense [...] gives it"
This set is best used as a late-game cleaner, once the opponent's Omastar's checks and faster attackers than it have been weakened or KO'd KOed.
I would have removed "than it" too, but leaving the beginning part as "Omastar's checks" reads better (and changes less). so I would've had it as "once Omastar's checks and faster attackers have been weakened or KOed"
U-turn and VoltTurn Switch users such as Flygon, Magneton, Scyther, Magneton, and Jolteon can give Omastar an easier time coming in to set up.
Most offensive Pokemon appreciate the entry hazard support Omastar provides, especially VoltTurn Switch and U-turn users such as Flygon, Magneton, Flygon, and Scyther, and late-(AH)game cleaners (such as?).
VoltTurn is an accepted term

and this isn't a big deal because good writers should pay attention to what they're implementing, but be careful with things like this
Life Orb increases Omastar's overall damage out, making it much more offensively threatening, although it compromises its bulk longevity.
Hazard Entry haard support is appreciated as it lets Omastar achieve useful KOs
Focus Sash allows Omastar to set up at least lay up one layer of entry hazards
Pokemon that dissuade Flygon from defogging using Defot such as Glalie and Defiant Braviary are valuable teammates as well.
 

P Squared

black butterflies and deja vu
is a member of the Site Staffis a Smogon Social Media Contributoris a Super Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor
Social Media Leader
#21
Crunch can be an option to hit other Ghost types, specifically Drifloon and Pumpkaboo
just missin a hyphen here
Cross Chop has decent power but can lack killing power if unboosted
hmm, not sure I like "killing" here, since killing power isn't a common term like revenge killing is. I guess I'd put in a comment suggesting a substitute (idk if "KO power" is ok lol), like "but can miss out on KOs if unboosted" or something
Honedge can easily switch in on Fletchling and Spritzee and check both of them (you just mentioned it switches into them, making this redundant), as well as taking take out Abra with Pursuit.
I don't think this is redundant; some pkmn can switch into stuff freely but not be able to do anything. free switch != check
as for the second change, nothing really wrong with it, but I've noticed that you seem to think "as well as" structures follow the same rules of parallelism as like, "either or" etc, which they don't. it's fine to have "Honedge can switch in ... as well as taking out" (sometimes it even reads better that way).
Riolu has a few others move it can use in the last slot
a lost s here
14 Speed EVs lets Riolu outspeed 13 Speed Fletchling and outprioritize it with a Copycat High Jump Kick
I think you went into autopilot here, but if you read it again you'll see this change doesn't work--the writer meant Riolu with a Speed stat of 14, not 14 Speed EVs
From there, (AC) you can spam click (Riolu is what's using the move, not you. You are, however, commanding it to do so.) High Jump Kick throughout the game to wear down checks.
I would've left this alone. I think my usual explanation to amcheckers is that when it comes to using moves, you/pkmn/opponent/foe are all fine bc you use it in the sense that you click it (this is still using it; you don't have to change the word to click here) and the pkmn uses it in the sense that... they use it. switching out is also uuuusually okay for all because you switch out in the sense that you switch the pkmn out, and the pkmn switches out in the sense that... they are switched out. off the top of my head the main case you should be changing opponent/you to foe/pkmn is when it comes to taking damages, cuz there's no situation where a person would take damage. but there are prob other cases i can't think of right now. anyways, since spam basically just means "use a bunch of times", it's fine to say "you" can do it. imo at least.

rest looks gr8
 

P Squared

black butterflies and deja vu
is a member of the Site Staffis a Smogon Social Media Contributoris a Super Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor
Social Media Leader
#22
Also, due to not having less resistances, (comma) Mega Banette cannot switch in on many attacks.
kind of a little-known thing but you're supposed to use "less" for unquantifiable things and "fewer" for quantifiable things. it's the same deal as many vs much. if you can put a number on it, use many/fewer/number; if not, use much/less/amount. like... let's take the words people, colors, and countries. you can stick "three" in front of all of those and they make sense, so they're quantifiable. that means these are right:

many people; many colors; many countries
fewer people; fewer colors; fewer countries
number of people; number of colors; number of countries

you don't say:

much people; much colors; much countries
less people; less colors; less countries
amount of people; amount of colors; amount of countries

but you do say:

much excitement; much praise; much disdain
less excitement; less praise; less disdain
amount of excitement, amount of praise; amount of disdain

cuz those are not quantifiable (you can't say "three excitement"). so here, since resistances can be counted, it should be fewer, not less.

actually since I picked colors as an example. you could say "many colors" (quantifiable) but also "much color" (not quantifiable), since color can be used in different ways. "the wall is painted one color"--color is quantifiable here. "there was less color in her face because she was sick"--color is not quantifiable here. fun fun
Shadow Claw is used to hit opposing Ghost- and Psychic-types for more damage than Knock Off, while also hitting Mega Evolutions

However, all of these Pokemon are scared of Destiny Bond, and Shadow Claw does big damage to Emboar, Fletchinder, (comma) and Mega Camerupt, while 2HKOing Houndoom.
same issue in these two sentences--the comma before while. I...well I don't really know much of the real technical grammatical reasoning about stuff but I think of it the same way as "I went to the store, and bought milk". if you want the comma there then it'll need a subject after it. or just remove the comma. typically with while it reads better to just remove the comma.
Destiny Bond can be used alternatively to stop opposing Pokemon from sweeping, (remove comma) or for securing a kill with a weakened Mega Banette.
no kills allowed outside of revenge kills!
252 Attack EVs with an Adamant nature is used to maximize damage, (comma) as this is an offensively based Pokemon. 28 Speed EVs allow Mega Banette to outspeeds 44 Speed Jellicent prior to Mega Evolution, (remove comma) and is used to outspeed Blastoise after Mega Evolution due to fear of Scald burns.
some subject-verb disagreement here
Aim to use a the combination of Knock Off and Will-O-Wisp when the opponent switches into a wall like Alomomola, Aromatisse, (comma) or Registeel to stop passive recovery.
hmm this one is interesting. "a combination" implies like... you could do Knock Off and then WOW and then WOW and then Knock Off and then WOW and etc. or you could do WOW and then Knock Off and then Knock Off and then WOW and then etc. "the combination" is more like "yknow these two moves you got here on this set? yeah use em". they're both fine but they do kinda have different connotations, imo at least. I don't know which one the OP was going for so maybe your change is correct but yeah, changing it to "the" does change how people read it
Will-O-Wisp should be used against physical attackers, (remove comma) such as Flygon and Aerodactyl. Will-O-Wisp can also cripple and slow down bulkier physical attackers such as Rhyperior and Escavalier.
I would probably combine these sentences!
Thunder Wave reduces its Speed tier and makes it very easy to revenge kill it
the added "it" isn't necessary--I see what you were going for, but if you read the "it"s as Banette--"Thunder Wave reduces [Banette's] Speed and makes [Banette] very easy to revenge kill"--no addition needed.
Most Bulky walls carry status and can also take several hits from Mega Banette; (comma>semi colon) examples include Alomomola and Registeel. Mega Audino is particularly worrisome for Mega Banette, as it resists Knock Off, is not affected by Shadow Claw and Shadow Sneak, and can use Heal Bell to remove its burn. However, all bulky walls, especially Registeel, dislike having their Leftovers removed. Mega Audino is particularly worrysome for Mega Banette as it resists Knock Off and is not affected by Shadow Claw and Shadow Sneak, and can Heal Bell Will-O-Wisp. (moved this before the "However," sentence)
Bulky should also be lowercase. this is interesting though, because the logical progression of [good stuff] [however, bad stuff] is good, but it is kinda... a little weird here! because Mega Audino doesn't dislike having its Leftovers removed (bc it cannot run Leftovers). I can't decide which is "better" here... but yeah, something to think about I guess.

aside from that, I'd say you're good with the objective changes, only missing a few here and there (prob bc of time, and everyone misses the occasional thing, so this is not really a concern), and you make some very sound prose improvements. I think my main advice is to be careful whether your changes are actually unintentionally altering the meaning of the sentence, because you'd be surprised at how much changing one word can do! and as for other, much less important things, I kinda don't like plain black bold for checks (outside of comments), but the strikethrough blue works well enough.
 

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#23
revenge krill



I donut recommend using blue for removals even if you have strikethrough

regarding the first thing with less, I think the author meant "few" there anyway, as in Ghost only resists Poison and Bug (2 types). The giveaway here is the author hasn't compared anything, so "less / fewer" doesn't make sense. The current version uses "lack" which technically isn't right because there are Poison and Bug attackers but w/e.

case of ambiguity
However, Mega Banette has a bad matchup against the main spinner in the tier, Blastoise, as it generally loses if Scald burns.
For example:

However, Mega Banette has a bad matchup against the main spinner in the tier, Blastoise, as it generally wins if Scald burns.
Yes the second one is worse than the first, but still it's a bad sign, even though people who have played a bit of Pokemon know Blastoise is the one using Scald (so M Banette is the one receiving).

Since this is Mega Banette analysis, I would go with

However, Mega Banette has a bad matchup against the main spinner in the tier, Blastoise, as Mega Banette generally loses if it is burned by Scald.
You want Mega Banette to be the "main character" throughout the whole sentence for consistency, so you want to shift that last part into passive voice (ie "Scald burns M Banette" vs. "M Banette is burned by Scald").
 

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#25
manages to check certain Pokemon other Ground-types would struggle to deal with[/COLOR],; (comma semicolon) Meloetta and Magneton, (comma) to name a few couple.
Careful with the semicolons: "Meloetta and Magneton, to name a couple." isn't a sentence by itself so you can't actually use a semicolon. Also, I don't really think anyone has agreed to how many "few" actually means so there isn't really a reason to change few->couple.

Steelix having a massive Physical Defense stat lets it focus on investing mainly on in Special Defense to make a most efficient use of the its EVs, improving its all-(hyphen)around bulk.
Don't really like "having" here. It sounds awkward and isn't as direct as "Steelix has a massive Defense stat that lets..." or the change TDP made.

I haven't really been paying attention to the policy on like vs such as but it seems like they are interchangeable now.

I think your orange "change capitalization" is easy to missable and doesn't really add anything necessary. Also, since the practice is not common, it might not immediately be clear what it means (and having to scroll back to where you say what it means wastes time). It is much simpler just to use add and remove there.

Earthquake is a reliable STAB move capable of doing decent damage to neutral targets like such as Water-types and being the main tool against Fire-types like Emboar and Mega Camerupt, Electric-types like Jolteon and Manectric and opposing Steel-types like Registeel and Escavalier.
I've found that in many cases, using "being" leads to awkward sentences. This means you can now easily identify a potential change. Here, being->is, effectively turning the sentence into "Earthquake is a reliable STAB move... and Earthquake is the main tool against Fire-types...". Here I would say it is grammatically incorrect since the sentence is already using "is".

Also oxford comma, and yes there are more reasons than the cliche strippers one.

Heavy Slam is the primary Steel-type STAB move of choice thanks to Steelix being heavier than most of its intended targets, doing bigger damage to Fairy-type Pokemon like such as Diancie, Granbull, and Aromatisse and Psychic-types Pokemon like such as Sigilyph and Meloetta.
This use of "being" is different. Some might say this is a subjective change, but I say bad style is still an objective change. "Being" makes the sentence awkward. It's hard to say why besides "feeling" but I'll try. When I see "thanks to", I'm basically expecting "Since (sentence)", ie "since Steelix is heavier" -> "Steelix is heavier". However, "Steelix being heavier" is not a proper sentence. Another way to think of this is in formal writing (usually), when you use "being" to express a reason, the clause comes first and does not include the character. "Being heavier (than most), Steelix with Heavy Slam does big damage." The sentence in the analysis jumbles up what one would normally expect. Again, this goes back to paying attention to when people use "being".

tl;dr "...since Steelix is heavier than most of its intended targets..." is less awkward and more direct.

Poison-types like such as Garbodor, Drapion, Golbat and Skuntank help with the Grass-types Steelix despises to face struggles against.
This is more in line with a subjective change. There isn't really anything wrong with "despises to face" except maybe that it personifies (I think this would be the right term) Steelix. But there isn't really an issue with that since it's still accurate.

Water-type Pokemon make great partners for Steelix. Pokemon (useless filler) like such as Slowking, Jellicent, and Blastoise are capable on of dealing with the Fire-types that Steelix despises to face while being a huge help against the Ground-types that can easily overwhelm the iron snake it, while in return Steelix effectively handles most Electric-types.
I like the change in the beginning. Team Options section implies anything you list would be a great partner, and you mention similar phrases later. Condensing the two sentences also reduces the repetition of "Pokemon".

Don't like how "while" is used here. "While" shouldn't really replace "and"; rather, it should be used to show contrast ("Heavy Slam is generally stronger, while Gyro Ball targets faster Pokemon specifically" for example. Since the set slashes Heavy Slam and Gyro Ball, they can't both be on the set, so to compare them you want to show contrast), or that something is happening at the same time ("While choosing your moves, the timer ticks down". Note here that these cases involve concrete time instances / events.). Here, Water-types are capable of dealing with Fire-types and are a huge help against Ground-types. (There's removing the "being" again.) Obviously, there isn't a contrast here. It also doesn't make sense to say "At the same time that Water-types are a huge help against Ground-types, they are capable of dealing with Fire-types". Water-types are always a huge help against Ground-types, in general. "Help" isn't the action here. It is a statement of "truth", not an event. (At the same time / While the firemen were helping people, firetrucks were dealing with the fire. This is correct use of the time-version. Notice how help and deal are the verbs now).

Similar case with the "while" you added. You want to convey "Water-types help Steelix, and in return, Steelix helps Water-types." It's not contrasting. Though since the initial sentence is getting long, you may consider making a new sentence out of it. There's also another instance right after this.

Check out the first mon in Checks and Counters. There is contrast (hate toxic, but don't mind anything else).

Ok I'll leave it at that cuz TDP is going to write a bit.

ps you could get picky about how to use "while" as a conjunction, and that you should usually use "whereas" or "although" instead, but that's kinda pointless and unimportant
 
Last edited:

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 1, Guests: 0)

Top