Rate My Check (RMC)

The Dutch Plumberjack

ace of wands
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#26
re. the "while" examples fwiw, there is a case to be made for it to be fine in sentences that mention reciprocal relationships (like those here), because there's still a connotation "on the other hand" present. what's not okay, however, is using it as a one-on-one replacement for "and" (e.g., in a moves section, "earthquake targets electric-types, while heavy slam targets fairy-types"--that's only correct if the two moves are alternate options for the same slot, because that warrants an "on the one hand / on the other hand connotation", not if they're both guaranteed to be on the set). kind of a matter of where to draw the line where "on the other hand" ends and "and" begins, which isn't super set in stone, so don't let this take away anything from lemo's post @_@

some more things
Lacking the offensive presence to threaten Grass-types the same way Ground-types like such as ("like" is used for comparison) Rhyperior, Flygon and Seismitoad do, (comma) is another thing to watch out for when using this Pokemon
the writer did use "like" for comparison here, i reckon you just misread it but you effectively ended up swapping out "like" for "the same way" and adding "ground-types such as", the latter of which is optional but defensible, but yeah, the takeaway point is to make sure you read everything properly

Toxic is perhaps the most important move on Steelix's arsenal, being its main tool to punish switch-ins from Water-types like such as Slowking and Jellicent, Grass-types like such as Tangrowth, Rotom-Cut and Virizion, (comma) and somewhat patching Steelix's passivity.
"Like" and "such as" are technically not completely interchangeable, but they often do turn out to be in practice. I once made a post on it here, so read that one too please, but in short, the difference between the two is that "like" implies that the given examples are not arbitrary examples from the given category but have another characteristic that they share and that the presence of such a characteristic is considered significant / not self explanatory enough to make explicit (through the usage of "like"), whereas "such as" implies that the given examples are just that, examples.

Since that probably didn't make too much sense, let's take a look at "Water-types like Slowking and Jellicent"--you say that "like" is used for comparison, which actually is what happens here. The writer isn't referring to _all_ Water-types, but to bulky Water-types only; so, he actually means Water-types "like" Slowking and Jellicent. After all, ideally you wouldn't target, say, Samurott (or Sharpedo or Floatzel) with Toxic but rather hit those with a direct attack, so "like" is very much appropriate here. On the other hand, if the writer had been like "well yeah I mention both Slowking and Jellicent, pretty obvious that I'm talking about bulky Water-types only", then there would have been no point in making the nuance explicit and "such as" would have been fine too. So clearly the distinction is pretty subjective at times, and especially for broad categories like (haha) "Pokemon" and "teammates" it's pretty hard to come up with a case where I'd say either is wrong really.

I'm not gonna claim that I have both their nuances 100% down myself, but the notion that "list of examples -> such as" is oversimplifying and incorrect.

Steelix finds better use on more defensively-(hyphen)inclined teams thanks to the valuable role compression it provides,; (comma semicolon) being a Stealth Rock user able to block Volt Switch unlike other Steel-types is a huge plus.
good call on compound adjectives being hyphenated (and on the comma splice), but "adverb in -ly + adjective" is actually an exception to that rule--pairs like that are never hyphenated.

Make sure to preserve Sturdy if the opportunity arises, (comma) against to deal with threatening Fire-types like such as Emboar and Delphox or obnoxious Electric-types like such as Jolteon and Manectric, (comma) examples of Pokemon that can be removed from play if Steelix's Sturdy remains intact. Steelix also finds a good amount of opportunities to set Stealth Rock up against Flying-types like such as Fletchinder, Braviary, and Aerodactyl and Electric-types like such as Jolteon and Magneton, but one gotta must be careful since all the aforementioned Pokemon have means to considerably wear down Steelix.
couple things here, first re. the like -> such as changes; while the one for the Fire-types is optional but defensible, Manectric's Fire coverage makes clear that it's not just any generic Electric-type, and I wouldn't have made the one for Flying-types either (there's a clear nuance "physical" present, and there's likely a bunch of Flying-types that do not give Steelix free setup opportunities--I don't play RU, but Sigilyph, Pelipper, and Vivillon seem good candidates).

Another thing is the usage of "amount"--you only use "amount" for unquantifiable things (if they're quantifiable, like here, use "number" instead). It's the same distinction as much / many, little / few, less / fewer etc. The amount of sand vs. the number of grains.

Toxic is a really very (some don't like using "really" in this manner) safe move to utilize early to mid-game since many of Steelix's switch-ins are nailed ("nailed" implies a huge amount of damage at once to me, "crippled" might be better) by it and Steelix has the typing and power to threaten most Steel-types and Poison-types by itself.
Another optional thing to be on the lookout for here, which is already signaled by you saying "some don't like". Though nitpicky, there is somewhat of an objective case to be made for "really" being inappropriate here (in that it doesn't add anything significant to the sentence), but that's something swapping it out for "very" doesn't solve, so all you're really doing here is changing the wording to suit your preference, which we want to avoid.

And minor, but if you use "since" (or "as") to mean "because", always add a comma before it. If that comma makes it feel weird (like happens to be the case in the previous quote haha), go ahead and change it to "because", because there's some weird rule that actually makes since / as incorrect in those cases.

That'll do, I recognise that this may seem a bit much now, but many of the tinier changes were good + no need to remember this all at once + always feel free to hit us up for more specific questions~
 
#27
Could some one please give me feedback on the amateur check I made for the Monotype [Water] Azumarill analysis? I would like to help proofread and edit analyses as part of the GP team, so could someone help me make better checks? Thanks!

ADD REMOVE COMMENT
OVERVIEW

**Water:**

Huge Power, indisputably one of the best abilities in the game, has blessed Azumarill with enhanced wallbreaking capabilities and fierce offensive pressure, making it one of Water's best physical wallbreakers. This is complemented by its access to hard-hitting STAB moves in Play Rough and Waterfall, as well as its access to priority in Aqua Jet, utility in Knock Off, and set-up in Belly Drum, which turns Azumarill into an extremely threatening win condition and late-game cleaner. Its decent 100 / 80 / 80 bulk allows it to find multiple opportunities to set up Belly Drum, often making it the go-to choice for a cleaner. While When it's not running a Belly Drum set, Azumarill can run a Choice Band set, which, when coupled with Huge Power, allows it to devastatingly wreck devastate unprepared teams with its STAB moves. Furthermore, its typing is great defensively; Azumarill resists Dark, Fighting, and Ice, and is immune to Dragon. These resistances really help Water teams, as Azumarill can take on Choice Band Gyarados and Mega Gyarados thanks to said resistances. Azumarill also has access to Superpower, making it a fine Ferrothorn lure. Furthermore However, Azumarill's flexibility doesn't end there; it is able to even run a defensive set using its other ability, Sap Sipper, to be a great Grass-type counter to Pokemon like Serperior and Breloom. Devastatingly wreck vs devastate and Furthermore vs However are merely suggestions; implement them if you want, but you don't have to.

However, Azumarill is incredibly slow, unfortunately relying on a weak priority move in Aqua Jet to actually move before outspeed the foe in most cases, and this leaves it unable to do much to Pokemon like Magnezone and Serperior. Furthermore, if Azumarill runs a defensive set, it is incredibly weak, as it lacks the power granted from Huge Power, meaning it is unable to do much to Chansey and other walls.
Again, actually move before vs outspeed is merely a suggestion.
SET
name: Choice Band (Water)
move 1: Play Rough
move 2: Aqua Jet
move 3: Waterfall
move 4: Superpower / Knock Off
item: Choice Band
ability: Huge Power
nature: Adamant
evs: 92 HP / 252 Atk / 164 Spe

SET COMMENTS
Moves
========

Play Rough is Azumarill's most hardest-hitting STAB move, dealing great damage to Pokemon that don't resist it and is its main move to hit Dragon-, Fighting-, and Dark-types such as Kyurem-B, Terrakion, Keldeo, and Mega Gyarados, all of which are OHKOed by the move. Aqua Jet provides Azumarill with both priority and the ability to revenge kill weakened threats; it also sets Azumarill apart from other Water-type wallbreakers like Choice Specs Keldeo. Waterfall is Azumarill's stronger Water-type STAB move and is used to hit types that resist Play Rough, such as Fire and Steel. For example, it OHKOes Heatran, Infernape, and Excadrill. Superpower hits Steel-types like such as Ferrothorn that take pitiful damage from the aforementioned STAB moves and also allows Azumarill to break past Normal's Eviolite core. Knock Off provides great utility in removing items such as Choice items, Leftovers, and Eviolite, to name a few, and can help Azumarill break past Psychic-types like Jirachi. Aqua Tail, alternatively, can alternatively be used as a more stronger, albeit less accurate, Water-type STAB move over Waterfall that is able to 2HKO Skarmory. Moving 'alternatively' makes the sentence flow better and removes the pause from the commas, which makes the sentence sound clunky. You can leave "items such as" if you want, but rewording it to only say "items" once in the sentence sounds less clunky. Definitely delete "to name a few" though, it is just unnecessary wording and doesn't add anything.

Set Details
========

Maximum Attack EVs with an Adamant nature, Huge Power, and Choice Band allow Azumarill to hit as hard as possible, turning it into a fierce wallbreaker thanks to the sheer amount of power it has under its belt. 164 Speed EVs are used to allow Azumarill to outspeed non-invested base 70 Speed Pokemon such as Lanturn, Jellicent and Skarmory, though 84 Speed EVs can be used as an alternative option to outspeed base 60 Speed Pokemon such as Clefable. Another alternative is running 252 Speed EVs, which allow Azumarill to outspeed other Azumarill and slower Mega Scizor, though Azumarill loses out on bulk if it runs this. The remaining EVs are dumped into HP for general bulk. As this is a wallbreaking set, Huge Power is the best ability, as Sap Sipper Azumarill is ridiculously weak. I don't know if I should remove "Speed"; the GP Standards thread did not mention it.

Usage Tips
========

Azumarill should be used to revenge kill weakened Pokemon with Aqua Jet and also to sweep late-game. Don't switch Azumarill into non-resisted hits, as it should try to maintain as much health as possible. Avoid getting Azumarill burnt, as burns reduce Azumarill's Attack stat, crippling it and making it unable to deal a lot of damage. When Azumarill is not revenge killing, it should be wallbreaking as much as possible, weakening the opponent's team for either it or a teammate to clean up afterwards. Avoid getting paralyzed or poisoned, as Azumarill is already slow and does not at all appreciate losing more Speed, so maintaining its Speed is very important, while poison puts Azumarill on a timer, and thus prevents it from wallbreaking as much. Switch Azumarill into Dragon-types, such as Choice Scarf Kyurem-B, Choice-locked into a Dragon-type move like such as Outrage; doing so takes advantage of Azumarill's Fairy typing. Azumarill can then OHKO them with Play Rough. Use Knock Off as much as possible to cripple defensive walls by removing their item. For example, removing Leftovers from Alomomola or Eviolite from Porygon2 cripples them by either removing a source of recovery or removing a source of bulk, respectively. Sending out Azumarill early-game is also a good option so that it can begin wall breaking. If you really want to you can keep "as much as possible"; it is borderline 'fluff', though.

Team Options
========

As Azumarill struggles against Grass-types, and since it isn't not running Sap Sipper, Empoleon makes for a good partner thanks to its Grass neutrality, although it can't do much against said Grass-types. Stealth Rock support by Swampert and Empoleon makes it easier for Azumarill to deal with the foe, as it breaks Focus Sashes and Sturdy, and wears down the foe,. while Defog or Rapid Spin support allows Azumarill to have an easier time switching it and also prevents it from being worn down too much. Adding the sentence about hazard control makes this a run-on, so I broke it apart. Feel free to change wording, just don't make any run ons. Rapid Spin support can be offerred by Starmie and Tentacruel, the former running Psychic to help versus Mega Venusaur. Swampert also provides an Electric immunity. Lanturn is another good partner thanks to its immunity to Electric; it also provides Heal Bell support, removing status ailments from Azumarill and allowing it to be played more aggresively without the fear of getting burnt statused. You said paralysis and poison are bad for Azumarill also, so just say statused to cover all three. Burn hurts the most, though, so you can ignore this change if you want. It can also bring Azumarill in through slow Volt Switch, allowing it to preserve its health. Special attackers such as Keldeo and Volcanion can break through physically defensive Pokemon that give Azumarill a hard time, such as Skarmory. Keldeo can use HP Flying to attempt to break past Mega Venusaur, while Volcanion can use Fire Blast against it. Rotom-W makes for a good partner, as it can safely bring Azumarill in through a slow Volt Switch and also cripple the foe with Will-O-Wisp. Tentacruel provides a Grass-type check for Azumarill, while also providing hazard removal support and Toxic Spikes support, which is are very useful for wearing down the foe. Tail Glow Manaphy appreciates Azumarill's wallbreaking so that it can sweep a bit more easily. Gyarados can run Bounce to help Azumarill deal with Grass-types, whereas Mega Gyarados can deal with Psychic-types for it, allowing Azumarill to then run Superpower in the final slot. Mega Sharpedo also helps versus Psychic-types and appreciates Azumarill weakening the foe.

SET
name: Belly Drum (Water)
move 1: Belly Drum
move 2: Aqua Jet
move 3: Play Rough
move 4: Knock Off
item: Sitrus Berry
ability: Huge Power
nature: Adamant
evs: 92 HP / 252 Atk / 164 Spe

SET COMMENTS
Moves
========

Belly Drum turns Azumarill into a frightening sweeper, and Azumarill's good bulk affords allows it to find many opportunities to set up. Aqua Jet makes up for Azumarill's poor Speed and is able to deal massive a lot of damage after a Belly Drum boost, while Play Rough is Azumarill's strongest STAB move and demolishes deals a massive amount of damage to Dragon-, Fighting-, and Dark-types as well as Pokemon that do not resist it. Knock Off is used to provide utility in removing items, as well as providing and a way to hit Psychic-types such as Jirachi super effectively. It also hits Ferrothorn neutrally if you decide to forgo Superpower and OHKOes it at +6. Superpower can be used instead, but the Attack and Defense drop is worrisome, and this set functions more as a late-game cleaner rather than a lure or wallbreaker.

Set Details
========

164 Speed EVs are used so that Azumarill outspeeds Clefable and base 70 Speed Pokemon, most notably Skarmory, Jellicent, and Lanturn. Maximum Attack EVs alongside an Adamant nature allow Azumarill able to break past anything after a Belly Drum boost. To improve its overall bulk, the rest of the EVs are dumped into HP; this also helps Azumarill set up more Belly Drums more than once if it is forced out. The amount of EVs invested in HP also make it so ensure that the Sitrus Berry is consumed right immediately after Azumarill uses Belly Drum. Sitrus Berry is used so that Azumarill escapes KO range after using Belly Drum, and since without it, Azumarill is extremely vulnerable to being KOed or simply revenge killed. On such an offensive set, Huge Power is obviously chosen over Sap Sipper, as Sap Sipper Azumarill is horrendously weak even after Azumarill has boosted with Belly Drum. Saying "set up more Belly Drums" implies that it is possible to use the move more than once to get more boosts; you don't have to use my way but you should make it clear that its a one time boost.

Usage Tips
========

Ideally, Azumarill should be sent out after counters such as Volcanion have been eliminated so that setting up a Belly Drum is easier. As Azumarill will be using Aqua Jet most of the time to make up for its low Speed, defensive Water checks should be eliminated so that Azumarill can easily sweep. Azumarill's reliance on Sitrus Berry for recovery means that you shouldn't switch it into attacks, no matter how weak you may think they are, in order to keep it as healthy as possible. Similarly, by all means, prevent Azumarill from having its Sitrus Berry knocked off, as without it, Azumarill cannot set up Belly Drum safely. Utilize Azumarill's typing by switching it into Pokemon Choice-locked into a Dragon-type move, as it can then set up Belly Drum easily. Use Belly Drum on a predicted switch so that Azumarill can then proceed to sweep. Use Aqua Jet when the foe is low on HP to easily take them out or when the foe is faster than Azumarill and might pose as a threat. Spam Play Rough most of the time before the sweep, as it is Azumarill's strongest attack and not many Pokemon resist it. After the sweep, use Aqua Jet to clean up the team. If you opt for Superpower, be wary of how many times you use it; the more you use it, the more Azumarill suffers from stat drops, so using it once or twice to take out a troublesome Steel-type is often enough. Knock Off should be used to cripple Pokemon that rely on their item:; Either works, use whichever you want. for example, Porygon-2 or and Chansey both require their Eviolite to properly function as walls, and removing them their items makes them much easier to take out. You generally want to avoid using the same word more than once in a sentence, but your original phrasing is fine; don't feel compelled to switch it for "their items". It's also a nice move to spam in general. Avoid status at all costs.: Azumarill may lose a turn due to paralysis, which is incredibly risky; burns cripple it and cause it to hit less harder; and poison wears Azumarill down easily. Keep Stealth Rock and Spikes away from your side of the field, as Azumarill needs to preserve as much health as possible if you want a successful sweep.

Team Options
========

Before When it hasn't used Belly Drum, Azumarill isn't really a wallbreaker, so it's best to have a wallbreaker like Choice Specs Keldeo in the back to break past Pokemon Azumarill struggles with. Keldeo also has Hidden Power Flying to deal with Mega Venusaur, a major nuisance to this set. Manturn I assume you meant Manaphy or Lanturn? can help with Mega Venusaur as well and can break past the opposing team when it is has set up with Tail Glow. Lanturn or Swampert both provide an Electric immunity, the former also providing Heal Bell support and the latter providing Stealth Rock support, while Empoleon or Tentacruel can take Grass-type hits, making them usable teammates for Azumarill. Empoleon also provides Stealth Rock, but on top of that, it can remove hazards for Azumarill, which is appreciated, as it does not like getting worn down at all. Tentacruel provides hazard control also, as well as Toxic Spikes and a Grass-type check. Choice Specs Volcanion is a good partner, as it can break through the foe's team with STAB-boosted Steam Eruption, softening them up as a result and allowing Azumarill to more easily take them out. Keldeo also appreciates Azumarill's ability to deal with Dragon-types with Play Rough. Dragon Dance Gyarados can sweep alongside Azumarill and can also run Bounce to hit Grass-types. Keldeo and Volcanion both can help against Mega Venusaur, a big counter to this set., while Rotom-W and Lanturn both bring Azumarill safely in with a slow Volt Switch. You said Keldeo can threaten Mega Venusaur earlier, so I'm deleting it the second time. Also, adding "while" is just a suggestion, but it prevents the former sentence from being a Very Short Sentence.

SET
name: Defensive (Water)
move 1: Scald
move 2: Toxic
move 3: Protect / Rest
move 4: Perish Song / Encore
item: Leftovers
ability: Sap Sipper
nature: Calm
evs: 248 HP / 8 Def / 252 SpD

SET COMMENTS
Moves
========

Scald is used to get the chip damage on foes, as well as have a chance to burn them, thus crippling them and wearing them down easily. Toxic can be used to put setup sweepers on a timer. It also cripples defensive walls such as Clefable, forcing them to switch out. Protect works well in conjunction with Scald + Toxic, as Azumarill can rack up burn + and poison damage. It also helps scout for the foe's moves. Rest can be used in this slot as a means of recovery, though it is unreliable, and Azumarill can easily be taken advantage of when asleep. Perish Song can be used to immediately put both you and the foe on a timer, thus forcing switches, though Azumarill needs to switch out as well, and this can often disrupting momentum. Encore is another option in the final slot to cripple setup sweepers and defensive Pokemon in general locked into a boosting move for the former and a status move for the latter, forcing them to switch out. Knock Off can be used for its utility and ability to hit Psychic-types decently. It removes Eviolites from Pokemon like Porygon2, making it easier for a teammate to deal with them later on. Hard switching out disrupts momentum pretty much all the time, so there is no need for often. If you don't like my wording, feel free to change it.

Set Details
========

The EV spread makes Azumarill as bulky as possible. 248 HP and 252 Special Defense EVs as well as a Calm nature are used to allow Azumarill to more easily take on strong special attackers such as Mega Charizard Y. Sap Sipper is used to make Azumarill a better Grass-type counter, which Water teams greatly appreciate. 248 HP / 152 Def / 108 SpD can be used, as it makes it easier to take physical attacks, notably from Mega Heracross or the rare SD + Rock Tomb Breloom, though more Special Defense EVs are appreciated for better special bulk. I assume AV lets Azumarill check other strong special attackers, hence my addition. If Megazard Y is the only significant one it checks, ignore this.

Usage Tips
========

Switch Azumarill into Grass-type attacks that would've taken a teammate out and to get a handy Attack boost to power up Knock Off. Use Toxic or Perish Song when up against a setup sweeper or a threat to your team to force them to switch out. Spam Scald most of the time in order to spread burns and gain chip damage on the opposing team. It's also useful to cripple burns, setup sweepers, and walls if they manage to get burned. Using Encore to lock a setup sweeper into a boosting move can be useful to then cripple them with Toxic or chip away at their health with Knock Off + Scald. Use Protect to stall Perish Song turns and also force the foe to take accumulating burn or poison damage. How are you going to cripple a burn?

Team Options
========

Lanturn's a great partner, as it is able to remove status from Azumarill with Heal Bell, which is useful in conjuction with Rest. Lanturn also provides an Electric immunity. Alomomola is able to Wishpass to Azumarill, providing it with a more reliable form of recovery and improving its longevity. Empoleon is great for setting up Stealth Rock, which works well with the many switches that Azumarill forces. Tentacruel provides Rapid Spin support to keep the hazards you set while removing the ones on your side while also being able to set Toxic Spikes to wear down the foe. Quagsire is a great option for stopping setup sweepers and Taunt users, which would otherwise prevent Azumarill from using Encore, Perish Song, or Toxic to stop them. Stallbreakers that break through stall teams that don't mind poison and Azumarill's moves are appreciated, so Rain Dance Manaphy is a good partner. Since Gliscor is a threat to this set, Keldeo and Manaphy are both good partners thanks to their ability to take care of it. You don't need to say "that break through stall teams", that is implied when you say stall breaker. Also, why would a friendly stall breaker mind Azumarill's moves?

STRATEGY COMMENTS
Other Options
=============

**Water:**

Sap Sipper can be used on the Choice Band set to help against Grass-types, though since Choice Band allows Azumarill to be much powerful, and this is usually more preferred. To help stomach hits, Assault Vest may be used, though the power drop is noticeable and Azumarill's lack of recovery makes this set suboptimal. Though is an inappropriate subordinating conjunction, use "since" or "as" instead, whichever you prefer.

Checks and Counters
===================

**Water:**

**Volcanion**: Volcanion's Water / Fire typing and ability Water Absorb make it an effective counter to Azumarill. Both of Azumarill's STAB moves are either resisted by Volcanion or it has is a completely immuneity to it. Volcanion's average Defense allows it to take a Choice Band-boosted Superpower and or Knock Off. Volcanion can then OHKO Azumarill with Sludge Wave.

**Skarmory**: Skarmory is one of the best physical walls, able to counter most all Azumarill sets bar Belly Drum. It resists Play Rough, can use Roost to heal off health lost by Knock Off, can use Whirlwind to phaze Azumarill out in the event that it does manage to set up with Belly Drum, and Superpower only makes Azumarill more susceptible to being revenge killed.

**Mega Venusaur**: Mega Venusaur resists both of Azumarill's STAB moves and takes very little damage from both of its coverage moves. Furthermore, it can easily switch in and use Sludge Bomb (on Sap Sipper sets) or Giga Drain (on non-Sap Sipper sets) to take Azumarill out.

**Revenge Killers**: Kyurem-B and Serperior are both revenge killers that outspeed Azumarill (they aren't the only ones to; a lot of them do due to Azumarill's low Speed), resist Aqua Jet, and can threaten it with Fusion Bolt and Leaf Storm, respectively.

**Status**: Paralysis slows Azumarill down, which isn't at all helpful, and there is also a chance that Azumarill misses a turn, possibly changing the fate of the game. Burns decrease Azumarill's power and cause it to hit weakerly while also wearing it down, while poison damage accumulates and causes Azumarill to be taken out easily as a result.

**Physically Defensive Pokemon**: If Azumarill forgoes Knock Off, it is walled by Quagsire, bulky Mega Scizor, physically defensive Mew, and Rotom-W. However, if Knock Off is chosen, and Superpower is forgone, Ferrothorn becomes a massive problem for Azumarill. In addition, Rocky Helmet + Iron Barbs wear Azumarill down very easily, leaving it in KO range after a few attacks.
 

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
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#28
can look more later when I have time, but I don't recommend using orange for additions. It is a color quite close to red, and unless people are constantly scrolling to where you say what colors mean, it will cause confusion. Blue for add and Red for remove are standard, so you want to use shades close to those colors. Strikethrough for removals also helps, and some people might say any color is fine if you use strikethrough, but it still throws people off if things aren't roughly consistent.
 

P Squared

black butterflies and deja vu
is a member of the Site Staffis a Smogon Social Media Contributoris a Super Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor
Social Media Leader
#30
pretty solid, you don't seem to be consistently missing anything. some of your flow changes I didn't think were notable improvements but idk. aside from that the only things I saved when I went through the check were...
As a wallbreaker, Meloetta gives a much needed offensive presence
much-needed
Shadow Ball hits Ghost- and Psychic-types such as Sableye, Chandelure, Mega Gardevior, and Mega Medicham super effectively.
Gardevoir
Leftovers is needed for Meloetta to gain passive recovery each turn to prolong its longevity and give Meloetta it more opportunities to set up Substitute.
idk I feel like this was worded... strangely. "needed for Meloetta to gain passive recovery each turn to prolong its longevity" is the kind of thing I would come up with if someone asked me to describe Leftovers and paid me $1 for each word I used. even without that, I don't think longevity is something that is prolonged. time spent on the field is prolonged, but longevity is kind of different. so this would have been something that needed revision for ~flow~
 

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#33
"serves to fulfill" don't think that actually means anything

side note: I feel like intuitively a "role" should be useful, so I don't think characterizing "very underwhelming attacker" as a role makes that much sense
Defense to Sap Sipper sentences / transition.

This analysis seems to want to focus on the Pokemon being bad (I think "bad mon revamps are not a great use of time but whatever), so you should change how this transitions. Right now, it's "Goodra has bad defense. But it has some positives too (though it doesn't provide much utility)."--"on the other hand" makes me expect that now you are going to focus on positives, and "though" makes that positive seem like an afterthought. Instead, you probably want to focus on the negative.

(And) While Sap Sipper is good for X and special bulk is good for Y, Goodra provides very little utility.

While + (good thing) = focus is still on bad

Another way to think about it: You are arguing Goodra is bad, so you can give small concessions (Sap Sipper and SpD are good) and rebuff them (bad utility). You don't want to compare and contrast like traditional analyses.

Yet another: Paralleling the beginning. 3 stats seem good, but other stats still hold Goodra back too much. Ability and typing seem useful, but bad utility.

This is a big(ger) picture issue, good to start thinking about (but obviously it helps to know DOU peeps want the analysis to be negative)
 
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Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
#37
will look at some things in backward order
If anyone isn't busy can you rate this check as well?
Thanks, and much appreciated
Scolipede's typing sets it apart from other Poison-types, as its Bug typing and STAB Megahorn allow it to check Psychic-types that pose a huge threat to Poison-type...
Pay attention to how a sentence sounds out loud / whispered / in your head. That seems subjective, but it is really an effective method for making sentences more readable. It also happens that if something sounds weird out loud, there is likely another underlying issue. Here, you should notice "type type type type (-ing)". The main offender in this sentence is "as its Bug typing...". In fact, the "it(s)" is actually referring to "Scolipede's typing" at the beginning. So this doesn't make sense. I would go for something like "Scolipede's typing sets it apart from other Poison-types, as Bug and..."--Bug is "Scolipede's typing", so there isn't anything wrong there. Notice how paying attention to repetition (easy to do) brings other parts of the sentence under scrutiny.

Of course, you can't always do away with the repetition. Monotype has to be precise about types, so there will naturally be a lot more repetition. You could suggest removing "that pose a huge threat...", since it is kind of obvious Psychic teams threaten Poison teams, but the author might like providing some beginner information (hence suggestion).

One change I would make is add "and therefore STAB Megahorn". I can't really describe how to come up with a change like this, but the rationale is Megahorn has STAB because of the Bug typing, and Megahorn is really the part that checks Psychic-types (since Psychic hits bug neutrally).

Relevant to the next part of the sentence, you usually want to look at "as well as". This phrase doesn't place equal emphasis on both subjects (what comes after is less important, intuitively it feels like an afterthought). In this case it's good to offer a suggestion to the writer (writers should not blindly follow every change in a GP check, but unfortunately that takes more work for them) to see what they meant to convey.

Organizationally the overview is good, it doesn't jump around (bad would be: coverage moves and STAB Bug blah, base 100 attack blah, good secondary typing for Poison teams blah. Instead you would want to rearrange like: coverage moves and STAB Bug, this secondary Bug is also good for Poison teams blah, base 100 attack blah).
 

Lemonade

betwixt the threads of fates untold
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#38
I don't agree with the decision to split up the first sentence. I'd say Vig's niche is a combination of its speed, evio bulk, and sweeping potential, but your change puts the main focus on Vig's speed. The "It also has...." makes its bulk and sweeping seem like more of an afterthought.

Similarly, in the next sentence, I don't agree with adding "along with...". This makes it sound like Speed is the main tools that let it stallbreak, putting less emphasis on Taunt and Slack Off. In reality, Taunt and Slack Off are very important for stallbreaking (eg stallbreaker Mew).

which can tend to make it a wincon
Even though using wincon to refer to a Pokemon is "ok", I would encourage you to look out for and change it. I find that most writers can't capture the right idea with it, and misleading things are bad. For example here, the writer seems to imply Vig's decent defensive typing is what lets it sweep / win against the opponent. However, bulk, recovery, Bulk Up, matchups with specific team types, etc. are really what let Vig sweep / win in a certain battle. It would make more sense to say something like "...which lets it set up to dangerous levels" or something--only one weakness means it isn't very threatened so it can set up, and dangerous levels keeps the feel of Vig winning the battle. (Here is an instance of someone essentially treating sweeper and "wincon" the same, which is not correct).

As for the other small changes / rewordings, I don't find them all necessary. But it is much trickier to give precise reasons for these, so I won't go over them. Discussing them in Discord like you have been doing is the way to go I'd say. (I mean changes like "only one weakness in Fighting -> only a weakness to Fighting").
 

The Dutch Plumberjack

ace of wands
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#40
It's been many months since the last time I did an amcheck, so I'm feeling pretty anxious coming back. Specifically, I'm worried that I've cut into the writer's voice too much and made too many unnecessary changes. I'd love a rate on this check, thank you!

http://www.smogon.com/forums/threads/smeargle-gp-0-2.3580681/#post-7054415
Honestly from what I can tell you've done a fine job preserving the writer's voice; you've mostly limited yourself to fixing clear objective errors and cleaning up the text for readability, and in the few remaining cases you made the right call too imo.

Couple miscellaneous things, since there's very little wrong with this check:
But, (AC) because of its pitiful ("other"?) stats and average typing,
In analyses and other (pseudo-)formal writing, you can't open a sentence with a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or, etc; subordinating conjunctions like because, though, if, and while are fine). The easy reasoning is "poor form", the short version of the hard reasoning, if you're interested in that one, is that this way you're technically forcing them to become adverbs, which they're not. (This distinction is less important in more casual writing, which is why opening sentences with and / but / or in articles and such is fine).

Dark Void hits Pokemon immune to Spore like Grass-types, Zebstrika, and Boufallant and puts them to sleep at the cost of the perfect accuracy. Spore is a perfectly accuracy sleep inducing sleep-inducing move that gives Smeargle more turns to lay down entry hazards and cripple the foe opponent.
You don't need to add "entry" before every instance of "hazards", since that basically just makes the writing clunky, once per paragraph is fine. There are even people who say it's never required and that plain "hazards" is always fine; I'm not one of those people, but yeah definitely no need to add it throughout. Additionally, removing "at the cost of perfect accuracy" outright is a bit suspect since that _is_ a notable downside of Dark Void. I understand it's implied since Dark Void is contrasted with (the perfectly accurate) Spore (which is why I do agree with removing it), but right now the writing does not really reflect that the two are contrasted; changing "sleep-inducing move" to "alternative" would've worked wonders here. This is very nitpicky and I wouldn't even have brought it up had it not been for you removing the mention of imperfect accuracy, I just want you to be aware of what you're doing haha.

Use Smeargle as a suicide lead so that you it can start pressuring the for foe faster.
Similar deal here, "so that" is not objectively better than "so", so no real reason to make those changes. If it's the ambiguity you're worried about, that's already taken care of fine by the lack of a comma before "so" ("so that"-so does not take a comma, whereas "therefore"-so does).

Magic Coat can be used to reflect Taunt and other entry hazards back at the opponent foe, (AC)
"reflect <...> back" is a redundancy error


That's basically all I got; there were still some errors that you missed, but from what I can tell "overlooking" was all that happened there (and I assume you'll have seen them in the next checks), so no real need to go too much into those. Ngl you don't seem rusty at all, and you seem to have been taking the pointers that we gave you last time into account (the ones that came into play in this analysis). Keep this up imo.
 

P Squared

black butterflies and deja vu
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#42
Alright this was my first amcheck and I was very nervous on it, so here's hoping I did a semi-decent job at it. Over here with Mega Kangaskhan.
Hey! Not a bad check at all, though the OP ended up editing his post after your check so I couldn't just go over it there. You caught the incorrectly capitalized Ability and fixed OHKOs --> OHKOes, etc, which is great! I just had these two comments--
Mega Kangaskhan's decent base 100 speed tier, combined with a wide movepool, which gives it the ability to run a multitude of sets (this seems a bit off to me, considering there's actually only one set listed and OO is sparse), allows it to put pressure on offensive and defensive teams alike. Because of Due to this, it Mega Kangaskhan has the ability to easily influence matchup at the cost of coverage, an issue that should be addressed when building with it.
I like that you're thinking about these things as you check (and that you included your reasoning in a comment), but the extra move options were in the Moves section :) I'm also not sure what the purpose of the second change is; it's fine to start a sentence with because.
Finally, Sucker Punch is notable for its effectiveness against offense and can be used as a secondary form of priority to pick off weakened attackers.
This change is also grammatically correct but it was fine before too; the OP had "use" as a noun. "Sucker Punch is notable for its use as a form of priority".
 

Kris

that's not very cash money of you
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#44
im just going over the things that you edited that are controversial, not what you missed
[OVERVIEW]

Timburr has a myriad of positive traits that make it one of the best bulky attackers in the Little Cup metagame. Its high Attack stat and good bulk gives it increased longevity and the ability to hit hard, and its Fighting typing is good both offensively and defensively. Timburr can take advantage of these traits with a STAB Drain Punch, which gives it a method of recovery option, and Mach Punch, which is a reliable form of priority. To complement its STAB moves, Timburr has a good selection of coverage options, including Knock Off, Poison Jab, and the elemental punches, which allows it to hit its checks, and access to Bulk Up, which turns it into a frightening wincon late-game late-game wincon. Its abilities don't hurt either, with Guts giving Timburr the ability to switch into status-inducing moves without fear and Iron Fist boosting the power of many of Timburr's attacks. Timburr is held back, however, by its poor Speed stat, which leaves it outrun by practically all of the metagame, and its tendency to being worn down, (RC) which hurts its ability to reliably switch in over the course of a match. It also suffers from four-moveslot syndrome to an extent as it has to choose whether to run a coverage move that hits Flying-types or one that hits Fairy-types.
okay so,

"give" is correct here because the writer is listing two things that give it increased longevity (high Attacked, good bulk);
"method of recovery" is fine as is;
wincon late-game and late-game wincon mean the exact same thing;
the last change could be argued as subjective or not because while that change isn't bad, it isn't one I would make, and if I did make it, I'd at least provide reasoning.

Usage Tips
========

This Timburr set should be used as an offensive pivot, switching in when it can, regaining its health with Drain Punch, (RC) and forcing switches. Timburr's typing makes it a great Knock Off absorber, so it's able to switch in on many Knock Off users, such as Pawniard, and become a threaten them. Later in a match, Mach Punch can be used to pick off weakened threats. Take advantage of Timburr's coverage options to surprise would-be checks, such as Vullaby if Ice Punch is run and Snubbull and Spritzee if Poison Jab is run.
the comma should stay there because that's a list of what Timburr does to act as an offensive pivot
second change is fine
"would-be" could be argued to stay there because the sentence is saying that Pokemon that would act as checks are taken care of with Timburr's coverage moves and are therefore no longer checks

Usage Tips
========

Early- or mid-game, Timburr can use Mach Punch to pick off weakened threats. Otherwise, it should try to avoid being hit by Knock Off or taking too much damage to maximize sweeping potential at the end of a match. Once Timburr's checks have been weakened or KOed, it can set up Bulk Up against a Pokemon that can't KO it and sweep an opposing team, regaining HP with Drain Punch and hitting fast, frail attackers with a boosted Mach Punch. If Timburr does have to be used early in the game early-game, it should draw in its checks and then use Knock Off, which will remove Eviolites and enable Timburr's teammates to more easily wear them down.
early in the game means the same thing as early-game, early-game is just compacted wording
"more" is fine there because it's saying that Timburr's teammates have an easier time taking down foes after Timburr removes it, so even if said teammates could take them down easily already, it's even easier now.

Team Options
========

In order for Timburr to sweep, Poison-, Fairy-, and Flying-type foes must be removed or significantly worn down. Pawniard, Foongus, and Ferroseed all handle Fairy-types well, and Onix and Chinchou can handle Flying-types. Poison-types are more difficult to check in one slot, but Abra can check most of them offensively(again, do you mean effectively?), and various Pokemon such as Vullaby can take on Poison-types such as Foongus defensively(same comment with offensively ^). This Timburr set works well on Fighting spam cores, especially with Mienfoo, as both can wear down each other's checks and counters. Diglett makes a good partner to trap and remove opposing Poison-types and weakened Fairy-types. Entry hazard setters such as Dwebble and Onix help wear down the Pokemon that aim to check Timburr, and so make good partners. Pursuit users are useful to remove opposing Abra, with Alolan Grimer and Pawniard performing this role well. Finally, Carvanha forms a potent offensive core with Timburr; they share many similar checks, most significantly Fairy-types, that they can break past in tandem.
im pretty sure the writer means offensive poison types and defensive poison types respectively

Checks and Counters
===================
**Fairy-types**: Timburr lacks a way to deal meaningful damage to Fairy-types, including Spritzee, Snubbull, and Cottonee, outside excluding of Poison Jab, while they can severely damage Timburr with their super effective STAB attacks.

**Poison-types**: Poison-types resist Timburr's Fighting-type moves. Foongus and Mareanie are difficult to wear down thanks to Regenerator, while Croagunk resists Knock Off as well and can heavily damage Timburr with Sludge Bomb.

**Flying-types**: Flying-types such as Vullaby and Doduo can outspeed and OHKO even a boosted Timburr with their powerful STAB attacks, but the former have to be wary of Ice Punch.
"outside of" is fine
why dont they both have to be wary of ice punch? they're both weak to it and afaik, doduo is frailer
even then, if you add "the former", "have" should be changed into "has"
 
#48
I understand that there's already a queue forming on rating checks, but I wanted to post mine in here mainly since the writer of the analysis wanted to wait until someone from GP looks over it; posting it here is more or less me reserving a spot for it to be checked in the future. Having it rated here can kill two birds with one stone and give me feedback so I can improve c:

The check is for Mega Lopunny VGC 2018, and it's my 9th amcheck (if it matters). It's hopefully not too long of a read, and, if someone would be able to rate it at some point, I'd greatly appreciate it :psyglad:
 

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