Time for some schizo predicts:
Chilly Receptionists (0) vs Jujutsareena Kaisens (0)
SV: hi.namingishard vs JustFranco - both of these guys are complete crackheads. I'm convinced gew smokes some ganja before every tournament game thinking his in game chat bluffs actually work in 2024. Franco on the other hand is the guy to use a horo, and switch it in every turn regardless of what happens. If it's a 5 vs 6, he'll just try to win with slowbro once again like he's done all throughout 2024. No one can predict how this game will turn out, I sure as hell will have the game chat muted when gew is playing so that I don't lose more brain cells.
SV: Hacker vs Sabella - both of these are my guys but my god hacker has had such a bad 2024 from the tours I've seen him play. Lots of these are due to some bad luck but like, I'm blaming it also on him. He lives in the US so going and sacrificing a lamb in Mexico to curry favour with the gods isn't like very hard for you to do. I do feel bad for sab, I made him sign up for this shit and now this tournament is the equivalent of cock and ball torture for him. Still he'll somehow toss out a mon within 5 turns but then get like 80 doubles in a row right to win this game.
SV: THE_CHUNGLER vs Django - speaking of currying favour with the gods, since the turn of the year, the chungler has decided that the way to win this game is to spam status, rely on secondary effects, and make no plays in any games. Somehow, this is a viable strategy and here we are after some backhand deals he made with zarel. Django is one of the funniest guys I've met this year, he is an ultra boomer but acts more zoomer than chungler sometimes. I swear if his name wasn't on the sheet in 2014, I wouldn't have believed he's old and that he just made smogon in his diapers and decided it was finally time to play this game. Both will use scarf gapdos, both will lead with it turn 1, and both will go for the speed tie turn 1.
SV: Floss vs Jojen - Floss has decided that RU isn't for him anymore this year and has decided to focus on monotype instead. When pondering why this could be, it's clear that monotype has no tera and this mechanic has permanently scarred floss. He probably complains about the mechanic quietly, a silent kushalos if you will. He's here to justify his seat on the council so that feen doesn't kick him out and put tsuki instead but don't expect him to be building anything in 2024. I have no idea who jojen is, probably some new guy who showed replays to ampha and good on you for giving the new guy a shot but terrible job for putting him against the best sv player on the opponent's lineup. I hope jojen actually wins this even though I have no idea who you are and probably won't until 2026.
SV: Piyu vs Plague - Plague has decided that this tournament isn't worth his time and clearly forfeited a winning position last week, justifying with 'gtg', showing mercy on mr carapinga and denying him the oppurtunity to spam carapinga in the battle chat. I don't know how piyu gets these unlosable mus in 2024, but he's clearly solved SV and wants to swing his big willy around in every tier now to put kids like maverick shooters in their place.
SS: sol vs Ryu - I expected mace to dominate in RUPL but he sucked ass cuz he kept using these boring ass teams. The worse part is he never even used evil sets most of the time. Why he doesn't farm everyone with stall in this gen, who knows. Everytime I've seen Ryu play, he has been either very lucky or terribly unlucky but the fact that he plays on his phone irks me and I will be praying on his downfall if he writes Hf.
SM: xXcrossbowXx vs cyanize - I'd bold cyan on team choice but will not bold her on execution. How she lost last week after making those aggressive plays is a grade 1 textbook error. Crossbow has finally decided to not load complete crap in 2024 and I think the confidence shows though it's clear he has a predilection for some mons. Cyan will have a good mu, but will let the lead slip unless she decides that she needs to spend a few seconds to breathe and use her timer.
ORAS: neomon vs Beraldo - Beraldo has decided to troll worse than I have in 2024 in everything. Last week I couldn't see how wish + heal bell + camel lost but the magnet sack was a sure sight to behold. Half the games he wins now, he will just luck through because he doesn't give a fuck, respectable. neomon is a guy who will load something honest, and get punished for it. Load evi HO or stall, be the bad guy and you will reap benefits sometimes.
BW: Baddy vs ninjadog - ninjadog has the perfect recipe for winning in this tier. After cleaning out false and drifting from the poker games down under, bluff master will weaponise his time zone to make his opponent groggy and will then bluff every set in order to get into the opponent's head and win. I was pleasantly surprised by baddy in ruwc, but I don't know where he will get his team from and I hope someone passes him something viable and not some kushalos team from 2015.
ADV: Msousa vs Heysup - Heysup is a generational talent at complaining about everything in lower tiers. If you crit a fake out with smeargle vs a 100% metang on turn 1, he will find a way to tell you by the end of the game that it mattered because it gave metang 80% odds to live something else rather than 100%. Respectfully, I don't know who msousa is but he will be the loser either way because either he will lose, or will have to hear incessant complaints about luck in an old gen which is never fun.
Crewmate Dittos (0) vs Time n Trace (0)
SV: Feliburn vs feen - ah yes, feli vs his replacement. Feli still claiming he's retired in 2024 is crazy to me, the main is more active now than he was in 2019. Feen has unlocked a new buff, 'not get drafted for major tournament and crush everyone skill'. When he's not using some fucking dogshit like sd yanmega or glowbro, he can actually play the game. This is a classic game where feli will help everyone else win except himself and feen will just tryhard more because feli doesn't want to.
SV: zS vs Kushalos - At preview last week, I saw kushalos' team and thought, hmm interesting. Fast forward 100 turns and I wanted to bleach my eyes. This man brought breloom stall to this tour and it worked. Ciealu needs to crawl under a rock for two or three days before re-emerging to recover from that game. zS brought alolan tales, and somehow it flopped cuz sab got like 100 turns right in a row after sacking his flygon for no reason. If kush wins this game, I'm just convinced that he's cursed to go 1-8 in every official now because he farms these dumb tours and can't make it in officials.
SV: Xiri vs Mada - Xiri commonly builds his own teams which I never think are good because half the time they won't have some basic resist or half the time they are some weezing/empo fat shit that gets owned by horo/gap. Idk who's supplying mada, but he tryhards too much. I don't have enough energy to say something funny about these two so I'll just generically bold mada here
SV: Bouff vs Lana - Bouff famously talks about how they are in their own head all the time. Apparently being in your own head means that you have paralysis fear of hovering over your mon to know how to calculate if you can live hazards. Umbry has decided to perform more charitable service this year and supporting bouff over the course of this tournament will surely take a toll on her mental health. God bless your magnanimous soul alyssa. I wonder how far gone lana is. Has the brain rot through the icemaster jerk taken its toll and can she not properly converse with her team. Or is she schizophrenic and can control her alter ego. Regardless, bouff's tryhardiness will help them here.
SV: Don Eduardo vs FlamPoke - I was curious to see how fp would do last week. Unfortunately, he failed to bring a non-grounded mon, no steel either and no psychic resist but having said this, he made some very nice and aggressive plays around an otherwise tricky fsight bro to deal with. In a completely serious tone, I do believe FP has the playing ability to progress further and reach a much higher level. However, please use more resists man, I'm begging you that you can keep the creative flare if you just change a few things around here and there. I do not wish to see another carapinga in a battle chat so I shall bold FP.
SS: Dunoks vs OranBerryBlissey10 - Dunoks is clearly the best player this tour when he's not getting haxed. I will never not bold dunoks unless it's vs me, in which case the chief wins.
SM: Lighthouses vs DugZa - the prediction format LBN pasted has L in capital in diogo's name. This is enough to make me bold his opponent. I truly believe dugza brings absolute garbage consistently in this tier, but is always rewarded by rng. Complete shade to this guy, his way of beating a slowbro in this gen was to use dynamic punch machamp in a non oras tier and get enough confusions to muscle through. At this rate he just keeps doing this to bait people and irritate them. Unfortunately it works but I will not be heaping any plaudits until I see some actual teams that don't rely on signing a contract with the devil.
ORAS: GoldCat vs MrAldo - oh boy, goldcat is probably one of the worst people to play against because of his predilection for cheese. Aldo, you're too honest for your own good brother, and you're losing this mu based on preview alone. I'm sorry, better luck next week.
BW: Accel vs Seraphz - This is a case of, can Accel bring a cool team, and play well to win, or will the Brazilian hax through. My guess is the former. Apparently, Accel has come back to play bw ru. I cannot fathom who hit him with a rock for him to come to this decision. Maybe it was the shit rag who enjoys dabbling in ORAS RU himself. There's probably something mentally wrong with boomer UU mains at this rate.
ADV: BP vs BigFatMantis - BigFatMantis has had absolutely generational runs in some old gens like GSC Ubers. However, when I've seen him perform consistently well, his team never wins in team tours. The god like carry seems to come with a curse as well. He hasn't unlocked his full potential here, I hope he does because I can then take credit for buying him for 3k in UPL 3 years ago by absolute fluke. BP is apparently someone relatively new, I do not know much about him but he has a piccolo avi so I think he's cool. I'll still be bolding BFM though.
Goldenrod City Suicunes (0) vs Prime Impressionists (0)
SV: Tsuki vs MachJacob - Sometimes seeing both of these guys play makes me want to punch myself with enough force to rip out my brain and eat it like a zombie. Because this reminds me of how they both play, like zombies. Not the scary zombies like in the walking dead, but those dumb zombies like in plants vs zombies - s/o those who remember. Both bring nice teams, but they often just tunnel vision and let leads slip. Tsuki not showing her timer in 2024, isn't even something she should be proud of, like bruh, you're not playing well, use the fucking timer to think.
SV: Cielau vs Leni - Ciealau is your average french, goes to the boulangerie once a week to shove a baguette down his throat, drinks copious amounts of wine, probably pisses in the street somewhere at 4am, and complains about meaningless luck in game. I think he has potential if he just decides to spend more time to think. Leni is the guy who actually thrives on tilting the opponent if he gets lucky. This paired with playing a french means he just needs to put thunder wave on one of his mons and his victory is assured.
SV: Lily vs Slikkles - Lily appears to have the 'nice' buff where everyone sees her as nice and so roots for her. However, she never responded to my pms so I will instead claim the opposite and say a debuff has been applied to her. Slikkles seems relatively competent, prep for gap + horo and you should be fine.
SV: Kate vs Sir Tetris - Much like plague above, Kate has decided that she has better things to do than play this game such as walking her dog when the time calls for it. Sit Tetris, however, seems to broken out of his cheese days since roaring moon got banned and has decided to become a viable player. For this reason, I shall give him a nod because he cares more about the game than walking his dog.
SV: Asa vs Guille - Guille is one of those guys who has decided, I'm using whatever the fuck I like and the rest of you can suck it. The problem is that too many people have sucked it and despite this, guille has impressive stamina and balls of steel to stick to his guns all this time. I predict an unsuccessful cteam from the opponent and everyone still wondering how guille fat hasn't lost recently even if someone brings imprison mew again vs him.
SS: The_Strap vs Taka - If this were an ubers match, I'd be at the edge of my seat. However, this is a SS RU match so I will be asleep on my pillow instead. Solo somehow has become jesus in this gen and can't stop winning unless he gets severely haxed. I think taka's worth is more in SV but his managers clearly didn't plan to get a proper SS and just threw him here hoping he can make something happen. Good on taka for being a team player but it won't be very good on his record.
SM: Ishtar vs BloodAce - I didn't know who blood ace was so I went to his game last week to see what happened. After the inferno overdrive click into a blastoise, I promptly closed the game. The team he used was alright, nothing special and so if he recycles a 2019 team, you expect feliburn results from 2019, aka 2-5 into bench. Ishtar is someone who I see who has an extremely good sense of humour and translated the messages I sent to mr mclovin so nicely for me and so I'll give her the bold.
ORAS: RufflesPro vs Chaitanya - At this point I'm getting a bit tired. Apparently rufflespro was hyped to infinity in every mock I was a part of. Chait is chait, so he gets the bold in this tier.
BW: Evigaro vs Sneakyplanner - too tired to predict these last two properly, and I don't know enough to say something hilarious so bop
ADV: SpoiledBerries vs plznostep - dash space
