Here goes.
So one of my co-workers invites me to go to a strip club (Deja Vu). At first, I was rather reluctant to go. This happened shortly after my transmission decided to randomly quit on me, so I felt that I needed to save money. Finally, I decided to go just for the hell of it. I mean, come on, a guy always wants to go to a strip club once, right?
So let's fast-forward to the club. There I am, sitting in my seat watching all the dancers. Except the black one, which for some reason no one watched. Not even the sole black guy that was there. First off, let's note that there were two things that were sort of odd. There was an 85 year old man that was there for his regular boobie slap. Then there was this guy that I could've sworn looked like a sex predator that lives down the street from me. The second guy was really weird. He'd sit behind the seat that was near the stage. When a new girl came out, he would walk up and throw his dollar to get some titties on his face. After, he would slowly get up and walk back an inch from where the stage seat was and sit back down. I think he also skipped the black girl, just to add to the madness.
So a chick walks up to me and states how she always gets the first timers. She was pretty cute to be honest, so I figured that I'd give her a shot. The lap dance was only $10, so what could I lose!?! Well to be honest, I stood there. A little bit stiff. No, I'm not talking about my dick. I guess to say the least I felt a little nervous. After a little while I was able to ease into it and what not. So I figured, "yeah this is the last I'll probably see of her anyway".
After a little while, some of my buddies gave me money to do something called a "dive for five". Now, I didn't exactly know what it was, but I thought at the time it just involved something where she grabbed the dollar bill with her tits. I don't know. Randomly they stated "the next girl that comes on stage, you're doing the dive for five with her." Lo and behold...
...It was the same girl that gave me the lap dance. Talk about a... *puts on shades* "Deja Vu". So, the second "show" comes on where she's fully nude. I put the 5 down on the stage, and she asks me to lay on my back on the stage. Then, she starts crawling up towards my legs head first. Yes, the only thing that technically separated her vagina was the 5 dollar bill that was in my mouth. Freakadelic.
Oh yes, to add to the story, obviously I went with my co-workers, and one of them has a big mouth. So what does he do? Tells everyone in the front end of the store what I did. One day I went to pick up my coupon bag at the front counter, and one of the desk clerks walks up and asks "so what's a dive for five?". And who was right there listening to the whole thing? My manager. Yes, my manager even found out what I did. I probably made the most awkward looking face right then and there.
Life will never be the same again.
