Copyright credit screen? Check.
Dramatic music? Check.
Twinkly little stars? Check.
Pressing the A Button because the title sequences for the Pokemon games have always been boring bar the first time you watch them? YOU BET YOUR ASS THAT'S A CHECK!
Dialga showing up with a pulse of energy or something? Check.
Pressing A again, because nobody presses the Start button ever? Check.
Pressing New Game, only to be reminded that Nintendo makes you press Up + Select + B to delete your save file because they're awesome like that? Check.
Overly long checklist that is only nearly the end? Check~
Remembering that the Select button is in a strangely awkward place on the 3DS? Only check I'm regretting.
Deleting the save file, utterly deleting this
version of Warrior from existence? Check (hey, is that evil laughter I hear?)
Trying to make people laugh while describing a portion of the game that probably doesn't even need to be described and failing? Probably check that one off too!
Finally ending this checklist and beginning? AWWWW YEAH!
-One second later-
Blah Blah world of Pokemon blah blah fuck no I don't need help playing the game blah blah Munchlax is adorable, we know, blah blah asking whether or not I want to play as my own gender or play as a character with a skirt that LITERALLY EVERYONE has made some comment on how it gets you on an FBI watchlist and choosing boy blah my name is Warrior blah blah yes I do use the lowercase letters, thank you very much blah blah holy crap this is boring, blah blah oh shit rival's name.
Here comes the hardest decision of all. Do I take the high road and just call him Barry? Do I take the purist road and name him Pearl? Do I take the so-completely-cliched-and-incredibly-low road and just name his something like ASSWIPE or the equally clever DOUCHE.
Or do I take the absolute what the fuck road and let random.org spew out 7 numbers 1 to 26 that will assign his name? WHY. THE. FUCK. NOT.
WELCOME TO THE WORLD PYIFEJE (post your pronunciation of this bastardization of the English language in your response to this Chapter! :D)
AND ITS SHRINKING TIME.
Ooooo Red Gyarados, the report at the beginning of the game that got everyone into thinking that it would appear later in the game in the Lake Resort, then crushing our dreams later when we find out that no, it's just a fucking LVL 100 Magikarp. Which is worth approximately nothing outside of the troll value.
Oh, PYIFEJE wants to see me? Wow, I'm already regretting naming him that! Well, I just hope he isn't an insufferable moron that-
"I'm fining you $1 million if you're late!"
How... how does this person have any friends?
Alright, alright, I'll walk to the lake with you... AAAAND short skirts and panties and 30-year-old men masturbating to pictures of a fictional 10-year-old girl that looks at least 18 because Japan and OVERLY LONG DESCRIPTIONS AGAIN FUCK I GOTTA STOP DOING THAT.
So yeah, Dawn and Professor Rowan, looking for interesting things on the lake, thinking nothing of the cave jutting out just off-screen, etc.
And then Dawn thought: "I probably shouldn't pay attention to the suitcase full of incredibly rare and priceless Pokemon and just leave it lying around."
Yep, there are going to be memes. Lots and lots of memes. In fact, why not ALL THE MEMES!
realization that that involves Dolan-
All the memes? ;~;
Alright Warrior, just reach into that suitcase and pull out a Pip- wait, you mean that this Gauntlet challenge restricts me to 4 types? And that Steel is a waste of a typing? And so is Ground? But Fighting isn't? ... Ass. GO CHIMCHAR!
-Two scratches later-
Wow, that wasn't threatening at all! Now let's see, I have a lot of time to think about a nickname, so what can it be?
-ponders this question while Mom rambles on and gives me Running Shoes-
-continues to ponder while slaughtering Starly's and Bidoof's-
To be continued