Whomever told you a non physical relationship is nothing more than a friendship is a fucking moron.
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How have your past girlfriend/boyfriend relationships been?
- Thread starter Fishy
- Start date
Sorry about replying so late, but I've been having weird problems where my laptop will just randomly not load any websites at all for long periods of time.
@MrIndigo/Fishy: I don't think a phone call is going to happen. I hate using phones as it is, and even though we wouldn't be face-to-face, I'd still be talking directly with her. I just don't seem to be able to do it (I have tried).
@Godudette: Aww, congrats! I hope you two have a great, long time together. :)
So I'll be writing a letter, since even if I do drive myself crazy wondering when she'll get it and how she'll respond when she does, at least I'll be able to DO it because the act of sending the letter and the event of her getting it and responding are separate (although it's still extremely nerve-wracking for me just writing all this out...).
@MrIndigo/Fishy: I don't think a phone call is going to happen. I hate using phones as it is, and even though we wouldn't be face-to-face, I'd still be talking directly with her. I just don't seem to be able to do it (I have tried).
@Godudette: Aww, congrats! I hope you two have a great, long time together. :)
So I'll be writing a letter, since even if I do drive myself crazy wondering when she'll get it and how she'll respond when she does, at least I'll be able to DO it because the act of sending the letter and the event of her getting it and responding are separate (although it's still extremely nerve-wracking for me just writing all this out...).
andrea
/me cresselias
As for me, I do take a relationship as an incredibly serious thing. It isn't something I "need" to have in my life at every moment. I'm one of those over-analyzers... I realize that the ultimate point of dating is to find the person you're supposed to marry, and I kinda regard it as that. If there's no way on earth I'd ever end up with them, then why date? Like, they need to have qualities that I admire, compatibility, etc... Sorry if this makes no sense... I'm having difficulty articulating any thoughts at the moment. I actually tried coffee today.... nevertheless I'm on quite a buzz. 0_o
I actually think that it was MrIndigo... Please don't kill me if I'm wrong. I know there was some discussion on the last 2 pages or so about the necessity of having a physical relationship.
@MagicMaster- Thank you very much =) Good luck with the letter. Don't stress yourself out on the wording and such... But you probably should get someone to proofread it (preferably a girl) so they can point out anything that may come off as creepy or whatever. Girls and guys are not always on the same wavelength, lol.
A girl, huh? Well, there isn't a chance in hell I'm showing this to any family members, but I don't have many friends that are girls... Godudette, feel like reading a letter? :P
andrea
/me cresselias
Haha, lol sure. Bet Fishy would help you out, too.
andrea
/me cresselias
I am so tempted to sig that.
I'd say heck yes but, then again, I'm not making the calls =P
Haha, if you want to, sure.
I hate phones as well, so I'm right there with you.
What I would recommend, however, is something instantaneous (so, direct chatting or some form of IM). I strongly advise not using snail mail or email/SMS or any other left-messages unless you're absolutely certain she will get them quickly; it will tear you up inside while you wait.
It's probably harder to start the process with an instantaneous medium, but it's all over and done with faster, and you will appreciate this once you do it.
However, drafting what it is you want to say isn't a bad idea to help you get over the nerves (akin to practicing a speech for public speaking assignments or whatever; I am -extremely- uncomfortable with public speaking, so the two aren't dissimilar in my mind). I would advise not to wax too lyrical, try to keep it concise (though still sweet). Going overboard with poetry or elaborate prose builds it up into a more intimidating proposal, making it harder to say no.
Just coming clean with "Look, I have had a huge crush on you for ages, and I haven't been able to bring myself to say anything until now, but would you be at all interested in going out/being my girlfriend/other appropriate phrase." is a simple, honest (honesty = good) and endearing way of getting the idea out.
EDIT: To clarify my position on the necessity of physical attraction, I don't mean to imply that platonic friendships are a lesser substitute for a relationship that has a physical component. What Objection seems to want is a great best friend; presumably as a confidant, someone to share interests and acitivities with, mutual respect for each other, etc. etc. And that's totally cool and healthy and normal and I don't mean to imply that it's an unworthy pursuit at all.
And of course, a good "relationship" needs these things too; a "relationship" with someone that you don't connect with on a personal and intellectual level is no relationship at all. What I posit is that a "relationship" (inverted commas showing the nonliteral meaning of the word) is not EXCLUSIVELY those things; in order to have that romantic angle to it, it is requisite that there be some chemical/physical attraction factor as well.
I should point out here that a physical attraction does not necessarily mean a want for sexual intercourse; there are plenty of people in relationships who don't have sexual intercourse (in any sense of the word). It represents some non-personality based attraction. You could possibly describe it as a desire for physical intimacy, and that could be just physical nonsexual signs of particular affection; cuddles, backrubs, hand-holding, maybe even kissing, just to name a few examples.
Now, as I said, from what I've read of Objection's posts, it looked to me that he wasn't looking for this kind of relationship; he was looking for a platonic friendship. Of course, I could have misinterpreted his posts or made some other error of understanding, and if that is the case, I apologise, Obj.
EDIT 2: What do I want from a relationship? Well, I have a lot of friends, all of whom fulfill that role excellently; but I don't really have a "best friend", and I think that sort of companionship is something I want a lot. I would like to have someone that I can spend time with, particularly staying in at night and cuddling up in front of a movie or something; sex would be nice, but the generic affection is what I'm really looking forward to.
Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
This is the exact mindset I have when looking to date people. I don't consider at all dating people if I can't possibly imagine myself marrying them and spending my life with them. I don't spend my time to get to know people and then break up with them a year or so later (although that is sometimes inevitable, and unfortunate to realize after so much time) but that is sort of what you have to do to find your way to your special someone. Plus, all relationships that do come and go are learning experiences, so I can't necessary regret them completely, despite my past relationships having been really shitty at some points.
also, YES MAGICMASTER CAN I PLEASE READ THE LETTER
I concur with the 'Date who you see yourself with in the long term' train of thought.
Relationships you know won't last seem so pointless to me.
Don't get me wrong I did the whole together for less than a week thing many times.
But that was in elementary school. :P
Relationships you know won't last seem so pointless to me.
Don't get me wrong I did the whole together for less than a week thing many times.
But that was in elementary school. :P
andrea
/me cresselias
I'm so glad you actually understand my view. You have no idea how many of my friends do not get this at all. They waste their lives away with these guys that are not at all 'husband-material.' It's really hard to explain to a love struck girl that "Your current boyfriend couldn't do squat for you in the real world." Or something along those lines.
But, like, I kinda get what situation they're in. I did date this one guy for 2 months... He had me convinced at first that he was a godly guy and such- but piece by piece of his mask fell off until I realized that I needed to end it. I kinda put it off cause I didn't want to hurt his feelings... but I also didn't want to keep leading him on. *sigh*
For the love of God do NOT write that letter man; if you do you will have ZERO chance with this girl. Maybe zero is an embellishment, but you are shooting yourself in the foot. I mean you might as well send her a note saying IM A GIANT FUCKING PUSSY.
And its true, you are a giant fucking pussy but that's okay (sorry that's the blunt truth). She doesn't necessarily know that, and even if she does, you can prove yourself by coming up to her and saying "fuck it I like you" (put it more eloquently... please). She will be at the very least impressed. I cannot guarantee success but it's better than running into no man's land with a fucking musket. It's an important life experience to have, as well. You will have ZERO success with women if you can never at any point express your feelings because of an irrational fear. So you might as well start now when you have a good opportunity.
you may think well I just dont have the courage to do that so Ima send a letter. Honestly though, you have a better chance of summoning the courage AND her not rejecting you than you have with a god damn letter. Your letter will not be romantic; it will be creepy. And what the hell do you do after that? Will you send her a letter asking to kiss her? Send her an email hoping for a bj? You need to ask her out in person.
In fact, go to someone you can really trust and give them 100$ (or hell, even more). Tell them that unless you asked her out (regardless of rejection), do not give the money back. Find a way for the truth to be verified as well (so you dont lie your money back). If you really want to raise the odds, make it so that you dont get your money back unless she says yes.
And you need to hurry. I did that kinda shit in the 8th grade. You are WAY behind and if you continue along this path you will be one of those decent looking 30 year old virgins that you just look at and wonder... what happened?
And its true, you are a giant fucking pussy but that's okay (sorry that's the blunt truth). She doesn't necessarily know that, and even if she does, you can prove yourself by coming up to her and saying "fuck it I like you" (put it more eloquently... please). She will be at the very least impressed. I cannot guarantee success but it's better than running into no man's land with a fucking musket. It's an important life experience to have, as well. You will have ZERO success with women if you can never at any point express your feelings because of an irrational fear. So you might as well start now when you have a good opportunity.
you may think well I just dont have the courage to do that so Ima send a letter. Honestly though, you have a better chance of summoning the courage AND her not rejecting you than you have with a god damn letter. Your letter will not be romantic; it will be creepy. And what the hell do you do after that? Will you send her a letter asking to kiss her? Send her an email hoping for a bj? You need to ask her out in person.
In fact, go to someone you can really trust and give them 100$ (or hell, even more). Tell them that unless you asked her out (regardless of rejection), do not give the money back. Find a way for the truth to be verified as well (so you dont lie your money back). If you really want to raise the odds, make it so that you dont get your money back unless she says yes.
And you need to hurry. I did that kinda shit in the 8th grade. You are WAY behind and if you continue along this path you will be one of those decent looking 30 year old virgins that you just look at and wonder... what happened?
Although I wouldn't put it as Dickfrog does, the idea behind it is not without merit; that's why I recommend not embellishing the letter, and making it as simple as you possibly can.
Your situation is also the reason that I tell people to act as soon as they have the slightest inclination towards having an interest in someone; it becomes much harder if you let it build up into a full-blown crush.
Your situation is also the reason that I tell people to act as soon as they have the slightest inclination towards having an interest in someone; it becomes much harder if you let it build up into a full-blown crush.
In my personal opinion letters are reserved for people who are already in an intimate romantic setting with each other.
Otherwise it feels formal and strange.
But like I said that's just my opinion, do what's right for you.
Cause after all if she doesn't like one thing you do she might not like another thing.
So I think I'm saying be yourself cause if you don't then the relationship is based on bullshit.
Lol. DickFrog's bluntness makes me smile.
Otherwise it feels formal and strange.
But like I said that's just my opinion, do what's right for you.
Cause after all if she doesn't like one thing you do she might not like another thing.
So I think I'm saying be yourself cause if you don't then the relationship is based on bullshit.
Lol. DickFrog's bluntness makes me smile.
Señor Indigo tiene razón.
I've received a few love letters from females (and one male) that I didn't love.
Creepiest shit ever.
I've received a few love letters from females (and one male) that I didn't love.
Creepiest shit ever.
I think making a simple declaration of one's feelings can be effective and emotional without being poetic, yet respectful enough not to be creepy to those who don't reciprocate.
That being said, there shouldn't be so many posts about something so damn simple. Do it!
That being said, there shouldn't be so many posts about something so damn simple. Do it!
@DickFrog: If you're going to give advice, spouting a constant stream of insults and profanity is only going to make you look like an asshole who has no idea what he or she is talking about. There's a difference between being blunt and merely pissing people off, and you're being the latter, regardless of your intentions.
In any case, no, I have not sent out the letter yet, although I have written it. I haven't sent it yet because although I do not like the way he said it, I do agree with DickFrog's sentiments that saying it in person is more "manly". I won't be able to say it directly to her face (unless I wait another three or four months), and as I said before phone calls are out of the question, which leaves IM... I suppose it can't hurt to at least try before sending the letter out.
In any case, no, I have not sent out the letter yet, although I have written it. I haven't sent it yet because although I do not like the way he said it, I do agree with DickFrog's sentiments that saying it in person is more "manly". I won't be able to say it directly to her face (unless I wait another three or four months), and as I said before phone calls are out of the question, which leaves IM... I suppose it can't hurt to at least try before sending the letter out.
Dude no way you live in Manassas?
I JUST left that place.
Watcho name is?
Ummm IM is one of those things akin to 'text breakup'.
It's just not a respectable medium.
I recant my earlier statement and request that you deeply consider a letter over an IM.
Just sayin'.
I JUST left that place.
Watcho name is?
Ummm IM is one of those things akin to 'text breakup'.
It's just not a respectable medium.
I recant my earlier statement and request that you deeply consider a letter over an IM.
Just sayin'.
Honestly, tough fucking shit.
Im an asshole sure but you're wrong in that I do know what Im talking about here. And though part of me enjoys humiliating you an even greater part of me would like to see you succeed! Even if you end up being rejected, knowing you manned up is an empowering feeling. It's necessary as well; you cant have a romantic love life writing letters and sending IMs. So either be a little bitch about it and complain about how offended you are by my vulgarity or stop being a little pussy. Up to you. I've exerted the extent of my wisdom in this particular scenario so Im done.
all in all, I do actually hope the best for you, and yes even if you send a letter. Just know your letter is hopeless.
Im an asshole sure but you're wrong in that I do know what Im talking about here. And though part of me enjoys humiliating you an even greater part of me would like to see you succeed! Even if you end up being rejected, knowing you manned up is an empowering feeling. It's necessary as well; you cant have a romantic love life writing letters and sending IMs. So either be a little bitch about it and complain about how offended you are by my vulgarity or stop being a little pussy. Up to you. I've exerted the extent of my wisdom in this particular scenario so Im done.
all in all, I do actually hope the best for you, and yes even if you send a letter. Just know your letter is hopeless.
Well, technically it's Woodbridge, but we're literally right on the border. And I just moved in here a little over a year ago, so it's pretty unlikely we've ever met. :B
Anyways, if IM is not good, that leaves email, text, or the letter, and I'm pretty sure you'll agree those are even less respectable. At least with IM I'm talking to her directly.