I have a girlfriend who was raped. It was over 2 years ago. Shes trying to let it go but i know it still hurts her. I love her to death and i cant understand why people are such assholes. The man who did it got away without any penalty whatsoever. So i feel its my job to teach him a lesson. To stop him from hurting others and to make sure he realized what he did was wrong. Im a 19 year old black male, so people just think im trying to act hard. But i really dont like people who abuse women and i think something needs to be done. The girl wants me to just let it go but thats not gonna happen. Were you or someone you know raped? How does it affect you/them? What happened to the person who did it? And if you were in my situation what would you do?
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Rape
- Thread starter Boondocker
- Start date
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Im not letting it go. Cuz she still feels pain, and he hasnt learned his lesson. For all i know he could be raping little girls right now and as a good man i cant allow that. Why cant people understand that? Maybe if hes truely sorry and makes up for it somehow (witch he cant), then i would let it go. I dont care if it was 2 years or 20 years. He fucked up big time. Why do u say i should?
Well does she want to go to the police? I've been in a similar situation but my ex didn't want to go to the authority about it. It's her decision. If she wants to let it go, then the best thing to do for her is to let it go as well. I know you love her and want to do the best thing for her, but trust me this is the best thing.
No, she doesnt want to go to the police for god knows what reason. Plus its been so long i doubt we can prove it. I disagree its NOT her decision because my decision>hers everytime because i have reasons for mine. If she can explain to me a good reason as to why i should drop it, then i will concider it. I guess its cause she doesnt want anyone to get hurt, but im willing to take that risk. She may be fine with being raped but i cant let him do it to others. I dont even care if she hates me i want this asshole to pay. Cuz i know he wouldnt do that to me or anyone else who could defend themselves. What a bitch
Nahhh all thats uncalled for. I would just do like the old days and cut his dick off lol. But what seperates him from others is the fact that he did it to my bestfriend. I cant defend everyone. But i will defend my family and close friends to the end. Maybe someone will see what happened to him and change their mind about a crime. Id be a hero. An unrecognized hero. I would dedicate my life to crime fighting, but id be thrown in jail for a looooong time
I'll tell you why she doesn't want to go to the police. She doesn't want to because she is terrified and doesn't want to relive the experience. She wants to forget it. Unless you were the one raped, then your decision is not > hers. It's not yours to make. You can suggest possibly getting a therapist or going to the authorities but it is ultimately her decision.
The guy that raped my ex was abused by his drug addicted father who eventually skipped town when he was still a child. I'm not saying that it isn't his fault for what he has done but if you do kick his ass or whatever it is you want to do to him it will probably make things worse. People like that are dangerous and you shouldn't put yourself at risk. I wanted to see him pay to and was even considering dragging her to the cop station but she just wouldn't allow it. I told her the exact same thing, that he'll just do it to someone else and she didn't care, she just wanted to forget it. I'm not saying that's right but I've never been raped so I don't know how people go through it.
The guy that raped my ex was abused by his drug addicted father who eventually skipped town when he was still a child. I'm not saying that it isn't his fault for what he has done but if you do kick his ass or whatever it is you want to do to him it will probably make things worse. People like that are dangerous and you shouldn't put yourself at risk. I wanted to see him pay to and was even considering dragging her to the cop station but she just wouldn't allow it. I told her the exact same thing, that he'll just do it to someone else and she didn't care, she just wanted to forget it. I'm not saying that's right but I've never been raped so I don't know how people go through it.
Both of you should get professional counselling and crisis therapy. This is without a doubt the single most helpful thing you can do for her and for yourself.
It's possible that the statute of limitations has expired (I don't know the details of US law on this), but you'll have basically no evidence anyway so trying a legal prosecution now is probably going to be fruitless. But rape counsellors spend their whole life dealing with these kinds of things and they have infinite compassion and know how to help recover.
It's possible that the statute of limitations has expired (I don't know the details of US law on this), but you'll have basically no evidence anyway so trying a legal prosecution now is probably going to be fruitless. But rape counsellors spend their whole life dealing with these kinds of things and they have infinite compassion and know how to help recover.
Fine by me i have no previous record. Itll make sure he never does it again not help her
How is whooping his ass making her relive the experience? If anything therapy would. She has a therapist btw. And running from your problems doesnt solve anything you need to solve them. Why would it matter who was raped? Hes an asshole either way and IMO he needs to pay. It doesnt matter if it was her or me, we all know rape is wrong, and we should make the decision together. Problem is she cant give a good reason as to why i shouldnt, so i have to take over. As for the dangerous thing, thats a risk im willing to take.
Dude, i dont care about any of that. I had a problematic childhood too but like u said its no excuse. How will it make it worse? He cant rape without a dick. If u mean worse for him then idc about him because he obviously doesnt care about my girlfriend. Ive never been raped either but im pretty sure she didnt like it. If she did then i should rape her lol. U say she didnt care if he did it to others, but i do so im the one thats gonna do something about it
I dont need counceling. I need a reason not to beat his ass. But i agree she has it.
Do you hate him more than you love her then? Even if you say you don't care, you're inevitably going to harm her as well by doing this.
I dont see how i can POSSIBLY be hurting her. She doesnt even have to know about it. If anything it should make her feel better knowing that justice has been served. Besides its not about hate and love, its about making sure he doesnt do it again
Thanks for warning me. But thats exactly the problem he doesnt care about consequences. He can and will do anything. And if i do something i will be careful about it. Really I just wanna talk to him about it but i doubt hell be to happy about that
Sounds to me the problem is you want to kick that dude's ass for yourself, not actually for her. Remember you aren't the victim here.
That said, I certainly wont put myself on a moral high ground on this like everyone else seems to whenever these types of threads pop up. It's difficult to stay cold-headed and gauge the consequences when something is done to someone you love. I'm not sure I could.
In your position, I wouldn't want to randomly come across him. There could be some sparks.
That said, I certainly wont put myself on a moral high ground on this like everyone else seems to whenever these types of threads pop up. It's difficult to stay cold-headed and gauge the consequences when something is done to someone you love. I'm not sure I could.
In your position, I wouldn't want to randomly come across him. There could be some sparks.
Therapy is an environment based around giving control of life back to the victim. Your actions are not; they're just going to add more chaos to her life and make things worse.
This represents a radical misunderstanding about rape; rape is not the same as sex. Rape is a crime of anger and violence in which sex is used as a weapon; he does not need a penis to continue raping. The fact that she didn't like it does not mean
It is recommended by many authorities, including FBI psychologists, that the partners (and even family) of rape victims should be counselled, not just the person who was raped. The fact that you are clearly demonstrating an irrational reaction to the situation at current shows that: yes, you DO need counselling. You're obviously more concerned about yourself and your feelings than her because if you actually cared about her you would respect her wishes to let it lie and not be entertaining your hero complex fantasies.
You hunting the guy down and hurting him will not fix a single thing, and in fact will probably just cause her more distress and prolong her recovery period, not to mention causing you to fuck up your own life so she doesn't even have you to rely on.
So, in short. Get yourself counselling (her therapist is probably a good one to go to, by yourself and not with her, at least initially) because you are clearly completely out of your depth and have no understanding about rape, it's impact, or it's treatment.
Idiot? Haha ur a terrible arguer. I gave arguements as to why i should do it, you just say let it go. If someone, ANYONE can give a good reason as to why i should let him rape other girls then please speak now. U obviously cant so im glad those were your last suggestions.
Your stupidity is actually starting to hurt now.
Get yourself a fucking education; nothing you have proposed in this thread has any hope of fixing the situation, and you clearly have ZERO knowledge about rape or methods to fix it.
You're obviously stuck on some hero complex you have in your head, and you should seek therapy. Vigilante justice solves fuck all, but you can't see this because you don't know how to cope with the damage your girlfriend has suffered.
Irrational? Ive spelled it out as to why i should. Ur the one eing irrational because ur just going by how u were raised. Give me a reason as to why i shouldnt and then we can talk. Ive said it multiple times and im getting tired of it: Its not about feelings, its about making sure he doesnt do it again and bringing justice. Id respect her wishes if she could give a reason. I dont respect random shit only stupid people do stuff without reason. Besides i dont even love her that much ive only known her for a month.
She wont even know. And if my life gets fucked up then so be it. Ill find a way just like ive always done. Hunting down the guy will stop him from raping, not doing anything is what wont fix anything. By the way i do understand rape, and everything you said about it is true, excapt i dont need therapy but i was not emotionally effected by it.
Edit:
Do it.
Do it.
Im a sophmore in college thank you very much. I go to west chester university in pa. Tell me how cutting his dick off wont stop him from penatating another woman against her will. If you cant then im done with you because its your stupidity thats starting to hurt. I have plenty of knowledge about rape, but none of it even matters. Wrong is wrong and something needs to be done about it. Not kicking his ass does nothing, at least my method stops it from happening again
Wrong again, the hero thing was just a metaphor. I am a man so it is my job to protect the weak. If you dont agree, then we just have different belifes.
Finally, someone who understands. But i actally have guaged the consequences and have concluded that i should do it. As a last resort im turning to somgon to see if anyone has a reason as to why i shouldnt. So far no one has given me one
1) Me. If he did it once im assuming hell do it again. Sure thats slippery slope, but im forced to assume it
2) Nope never met him
3) Yes, because i can fix it
4) Hopefully shell follow my example and stop letting people push her around. Then she wont need me
I don't believe that one bit. Like I said, it's got a lot more to do with your hunger for revenge than a fear he might recidivate.
Rape can be "fixed"?
Ah yeah the all so miraculous 'therapy', which just happens to be all-problems solving; the same that would fix his 'hero complex'. As much as I would probably encourage it myself (for the rape victim anyway, although she doesn't seem interested), you definitely shouldn't advertise it as such.
You may not believe it, but its true. I know i said i loved this girl but really its not as much as you think. My values say dont let people mess with my family or friends and this man did it. I have SPELLED out reasons as to why i should do it, but no one can give me a reason not to. Thats why i am doing it as of now. I admit i wanna do it to bring some excitement to the table, but thats not the main reason
lol
Yeah you are quite a nutcase are you: you're no hero. Plenty of reasons were given, although pretty rudely I might add and by cretins that felt abnormal that you didnt react as favorably as they thought you would to their suggestions.
That said, if it's not for revenge, I don't understand you; this is the only reason I personally would intervene and it would be done before my head could cool off. If someone were to hurt my kid brothers for example, there would go my rationality. Only people I love to no end would push me down that cliff and you say you don't even love your gf that much ( O_o' ) ...
Your case is different, you actually think yourself a crusader on a mission.... although I'm not so sure still I'm buying.
Yeah you are quite a nutcase are you: you're no hero. Plenty of reasons were given, although pretty rudely I might add and by cretins that felt abnormal that you didnt react as favorably as they thought you would to their suggestions.
That said, if it's not for revenge, I don't understand you; this is the only reason I personally would intervene and it would be done before my head could cool off. If someone were to hurt my kid brothers for example, there would go my rationality. Only people I love to no end would push me down that cliff and you say you don't even love your gf that much ( O_o' ) ...
Your case is different, you actually think yourself a crusader on a mission.... although I'm not so sure still I'm buying.
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