So!!! Tired of the same-old, boring RPS game? Then this is for you. Rock Paper Scissors, Infinity! is basically RPS if RPS was hilarious and absurd. The premise is simple; the two combatants nominate an object/person/sea monster/anything ever, and both things duke it out to the DEATH. The decision of whatever stands victorious goes to 5 elusive judges, who basically play God and tell a witty short story pertaining the battle. Here are a few examples from IRC of a few battles: Code: <Alper> a chaotic evil colossal planetouched abyssal black swan with metal wings <Brain> a t-rex with long arms <thunda> Alpers beast is fearsome. It is collosol. It is as black as the night. The swan rears it steel head and flies high into the sky, uttering a deafening honk. The honk echoes across the globe, but Brain and his mutated T-rex, they do not care. The t-rex stretches its arms out, and plucks the swan out of the sky. It then feasts upon the demonic bird, its dark heart granting him new abilities and powers. [B]brain[/B] <Doomsday> The biggest battle ever! The Mecha-otic Swan flies around the T-rex, zapping him repeatedly with its patented Swan laser Eyes. The T-Rex does NOT give a fuck, for he has... long arms! Using them, he grabs the Mecha-Swan and promptly devours him. However... the Swan's eyes begin blinking, and it is heard "self destruction sequence activated", right before it explodes in a mass of steel feathers and jawbone. T-rex stands victorious, but toothless, in the end. Winner: [B]Brain[/B] <cookie> The black swan knows that under normal circumstances it is overpowered by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. But they have one weakness: they are beaten in arm-wrestles. Knowing this, the swan bought a prosthetic rocket-powered arm and challenged the T-rex to an arm wrestle. When they finally met, the swan saw T-rex's huge arms and was like 'OH SHIT FUCK' and the T-rex was like [B]'PLOT TWIST'[/B] Winner: [B]Brain[/B] -- <+thunda> a duck with a beak made of diamond <@daquiri> wolverines claws made out of toothpicks <@hnic> I come here. I come here with a sad, sad story. A duck. With a beak. Made out of diamonds. Normally this would be good, but if you've ever read 'The Ugly Duckling' you'll see why it's bad. He was an outcast. A Mutant. This duck, looking for a home was recruited by Magneto to defeat Wolverine. Wolverine had 1 thing on his mind, killing Magneto. Knowing he could control metal, he removed his metal claws and replaced them with toothpics. This way he stood a chance, but did he know about his new found body guard, the duck? <@hnic> replaced them with toothpics. This way he stood a chance, but did he know about his new found body guard, the duck? A showdown happened between the two. "THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, DUCK. RUN HOME." said Wolverine. "QUACK QUACK QUACK SO SUCK MY QUACK" the duck replied. <@hnic> A fight went on. The duck had the upperhand, with wolverine on the ground and his diamond beak about to peck him in the neck. Cookie, an avid duck sex lover wandered into the building. The duck was grabbed and raped, then left for an easy assist kill for Wolverine. [B]Dak wins![/B] -- <cookie> a solar-powered flashlight <daquiri> general rahm kota weilding a crowbar <Mekkah> So we have a flash light. In the dark, it would not be able to charge, while it makes no difference to this general dude. In light, however, it IS able to charge, but it still does shit to this general dude. We must take into account ALL scenarios though - not ones where they straight up fight, but others. Who wins at pattern knitting? General. Drinking contests? General. Barrel rolls? General. Rick rolling? General. [B]General.[/B] <thunda> The great General Rahm Kota draws for his lightsaber... but he is surprised. In its place he find a crowbar, made of black steel. Steel black as a black swan. Anyway, Kota gets on the Rogue Shadow with Starkiller and flies to Imperial Raxus Prime. He beats a Rancor to death with his crowbar, but is soon greeted by a... stranger foe. It is a light emitting device, but it appears to have to power source? Wtf??? is what Kota thinks. <thunda> The light shines in Kota's eyes, but then he remembers, AHA I am blind. Kota is unaffected by the light. Being a mighty Jedi, he picks up the flashlight and tosses it into the Rancor pit, where Maris Brood awaits him... [B]dak[/B] <Doomsday> Once upon a time, a solar-powered flashlight got lost on space and stood orbiting around the Sun for over a thousand years. One time, while travelling through the galaxy, general Rahm Kota found the drifting solar-powered flashlight, and since he had to resort to using a crowbar now, decided to test its power. <Doomsday> "I have discovered that, because this flashlight spent so many years absorbing solar energy, it can now display its light in lightsaber fashion." <Doomsday> He made a contract with a flashlight, who was now a sentient being (he enjoyed the movie The Shining and lots of films from the land of the rising sun) and they went out to conquer the galaxy. <Doomsday> During many years, Rahm Kota and Flash L. Ight fought together, forming a bond that could never be shattered. It was only then when a Fleshlight visited them both that their friendship was DESTROYED because they both wanted to make it their loved one! <Doomsday> So the flash light FLASHED SOLAR LIGHT against general rahm kota, who got half of his page melt down. and he said: "FLASHLIGHT GOAST, LEAVE THIS PLACE!" and he died. <Doomsday> winner: [B]cookie[/B] -- <Brain> sentient whipped cream <Steelicks> antelope <Justin8649> the antelope sees the whipped cream and runs full speed to eat it. and then A FUCKing TREE FALLS ON IT OUT OF NOWHERE HAHAHAHA THE RULES 1) PM me IN THE FORUMS with your chosen weapon. The matches will be posted in the thread, and they will be awaiting judging. 2) The competitor with more judges on his side wins, obviously. 3) Be creative. It is easy to say "Superman", or for example "cat", but the more creative you are, the better the stories will be. Examples of good weapon prompts: --> "Ghandi raised by wolves", by matamato. --> "A wooden R2-D2 that is powered by the wind.", by thunda. --> "Vineon's salt shaker (reference: http://album.smogon.com/archive/Vineon19.JPG)", by Brain. --> "Double-(BAN ME PLEASE)", by cookie. --> "Karl Marx weilding the hammer of classlessness and the sickle of the proletarians", by dak. --> "gormenghast without the following chars on his keyboard: _ e" by Isy. Basically, just pick a normal object and make it crazy and insane, or just fuse lots of stuff. You don't want to pick up more 'abstract' concepts, such as "Justin8649's whining after losing a battle to luck" since then you'd be referring to the whining itself and not to Justin. That makes things very confusing, so, keep it simple but wacky. THE MIGHTY JUDGES - Doomsday - cookie - Brain - thunda - Isy We will be deciding who's the best around here. THE COMPETITORS 1. dak 2. matamato 3. Mekkah 4. GTS 5. Az 6. WER 7. zerowing 8. Batpig 9. gmax 10. DM 11. Hipmonlee 12. StrangerDanger 13. CaptKirby 14. Gormenghast 15. Mormoopid 16. Jackal SUBS 1. Shiv 2. Alper 3. moi 4. TheBM 5. Blue_Kirby 6. moot 7. stoo 8. darkie If you want to sign-up, post in this thread. If you are new, seriously, don't. No offense, just lurk a bit more, go to irc, and see how this shit works in real time. Those who have reserved spots need to post to confirm. WE WILL ALSO BE PICKING UP THE PLAYERS WE KNOW BEST FROM ALL OF THOSE WHO POST. IF YOU DON'T GET PICKED, DON'T BE OFFENDED. TRY TO GET ON THE NEXT ONE. Sorry all newcomers but I want our first tournament to be a BLAST.