VKCA
(Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)
That sounds really cute. Congrats man! Which aunt is your mother suggesting you come out to? Your mother's sister or your father's sister?
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Seeking advice on coming out / not coming out to friends and family
- Thread starter Flamewheeler
- Start date
My first post in this thread, but I just want to say congrats man and stuff-- honesty (with oneself) is the best policy, and living proud to be who you are is the best and first thing anyone can do for himself. I know it's easy to talk the talk but not walk the walk-- but hey, you're walking man! Respect!
Hell naw. Not only are we full of life experience of all different kinds, but there are plenty of other gay Smogoners who can share their experience. Personally, I love helping people in any way I can.
Congratulations for being who you are? No seriously, this is ridiculous; your homosexual (or bisexual, it doesn't matter) and it's just how your made, the same way I am a heterosexual. It's nothing to be happy of, nor to be ashamed of. You shouldn't be celebrating the fact that you accepted this (if you do it would be pretty sad) for there is no difference between being homosexual or heterosexual, we are made that way, there's nothing else to it. You should not celebrate the fact you accepted that, but you should instead blame and look down upon those who says your abnormal for they created that whole situation in which you were.
He shouldn't have to be so happy for being able to come out and be accepted, but in the current environment what he did was actually risky and it worked well for him. He has every right to celebrate right now even though in a perfect world he wouldn't need to.
Congrats on finding courage and self-confidence. Those things go beyond the sexual-orientation thing. For a lot of people, being self-confident and proud about themselves is extremely difficult. Whether it's something as trivial as being 5 lbs "overweight" to something as serious as having an obsession with Pokemon (lol), people have a hard time being honest even with numero uno.
The OP has been honest with himself, taken some brave initiatives to be open about who he is. I respect that-- what's wrong with throwing the word "congratulations" out there? It's obvious that he's been through a tough internal struggle.
Inspirational.
I shed a tear reading your post, must be a mountain off your back.
People that love you cannot do any less than accept you for what you are and it is clear that your mom, and the same surely goes for the rest of your family, love you.
I dont feel I need to know you to be proud of you.
I shed a tear reading your post, must be a mountain off your back.
People that love you cannot do any less than accept you for what you are and it is clear that your mom, and the same surely goes for the rest of your family, love you.
I dont feel I need to know you to be proud of you.
im waiting for my 1st class of the day to start and you guys just made my day a little better. if i wasnt on my phone i would personally reply to each of but ill come back to that later! =D Wanna thank you guys so much!
Well, actually she's not even my aunt lol. She's been my Mom's best friend since they were young, but she's my Aunt. =) She's like my seconf Mom actually...So, I'll go with my Aunt on my Mother's side lol.
That actually made me feel really good! After reading this, I felt like what I did was actually a good thing. And for the first time I actually felt good about this entire experience, so I thank you very much for that.
That is quite respectable, DM, especially since most heterosexual men want nothing to do with a gay man. I appreciate that and I'm also glad that there are so many people willing to help me out and I don't know any of them personally. S/n: I still think you're gorgeous. ;)
You know I can see both the good and the bad in this..at first, I thought you were just being a douche and I honestly still think so. I don't see the point at getting pissed at or looking down upon the people who don't like me for any reason and not just because I'm gay. Like Junior's avy, Haters are gonna hate and people hate out of anger, jealousy, and stupidness. So, I must have something they don't is they're jealous of me or even angry. Beauty is a gift from God and they can hate on that all they want. ;)
Back to the original point of this response...why would I not celebrate the fact that the woman I am closest to accepts the fact that I'm gay? I've lived in fear of losing those people I love the most over this shit. I'm overjoyed to know that she accepts me no matter what. Also, this is my moment, so let me have it! K thanks! =D
And I don't think I will ever tell my Father. He's the most homophobic, close-minded person I've ever seen. But in reality though, I'm not sure how much it would affect me even if he didn't accept me. We don't have the best relationship anyway...it's sad to say, but oh so true.
And I'm sure there is plenty more to come! I actually didn't think I would have so much emotion burst out of me- I'm not an emotional person. In fact, if someone starts crying around me, I have to get someone else because I'm just not good with drama and shit. =/
I shed a tear when I think about someone who I've never met or even spoken to could feel this way. I thank you because that actually makes me feel great. I think I'm doing something right. =)
Thanks again everyone! I'll be sure to keep you all updated. This is like a journal...but I don't keep those..lol
Congratulations on all of this man. If you ever want to come out to your father, then I think I could help.
If your father is as Christian as he sounds (I assume this is the reason for his homophobia), he probably wouldn't mind a theological/philosophical debate. See, I have a friend who was Catholic and seriously homophobic. Like he literally wanted to burn them. But after debating with him, he honestly has no qualms with homosexuality at all.
Basically, Jesus' coming was to cleanse all previous sins of humanity, and thus nearly all previous laws were repealed. It's not exactly encouraged, but there's no longer anything that says you must burn in hell. (I will expand on this soon, I'm afraid I can't completely remember it now).
Hope this helps.
If your father is as Christian as he sounds (I assume this is the reason for his homophobia), he probably wouldn't mind a theological/philosophical debate. See, I have a friend who was Catholic and seriously homophobic. Like he literally wanted to burn them. But after debating with him, he honestly has no qualms with homosexuality at all.
Basically, Jesus' coming was to cleanse all previous sins of humanity, and thus nearly all previous laws were repealed. It's not exactly encouraged, but there's no longer anything that says you must burn in hell. (I will expand on this soon, I'm afraid I can't completely remember it now).
Hope this helps.
I apologize if the OP is unclear, but actually, my Father is the least christian person I know...or at least very close to it. And a debate about God's views is probably not the way to go with him. xD
Yes, courage and self-confidence are things we should be happy of having. And I agree that for a lot of people it's very difficult to be proud of themselves (I am one of those persons, I can understand; I don't think much of myself, but that's beside the point), but the sexual orientation of people shouldn't boost nor degrade self-confidence for it's part of you and you can never change it, it's just there. However, you should blame people that made a society where homosexuals are persecuted and that directly causes these type of situations in which MrFlameWheeler was. Heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals (and others) are not different from one another, the only difference between them is how people view other's with these sexual orientations. @ FlameWheeler, I can understand why your happy your friends don't care about your homosexuality and still accept you, but you shouldn't even have feared the fact that they might reject you; you only thought that because some people and a part of society thinks it's wrong to be homosexual. Anyways, I don't want to break your fun, just wanted to tell my opinion so go ahead and live without fear.
I absolutely understand where you're coming from TheAmazingFlygon.
And on your self-confidence issue-- I'm not one to talk, but I have been getting better. Just as you said I shouldn't be ashamed of the fact that I'm gay, well you shouldn't have any issues with yourself. God made everyone uniquely beautiful and I'm sure you are. =) When you learn to embrace the qualities that only you can offer, confidence is no longer a problem. I think it's just human nature to focus on our flaws, but we should instead focus on what makes us beatiful and that's often forgotten. =/ So, love yourself and fuck the ones who don't love you! =)
OFT. Firestrom put it very well. Of course, I would love to live in a perfect world where no one cared who I liked/loved or anyone for that matter, but unfortunately, we don't live in that kind of environment. This has just been a long-time-coming kind of thing. I needed the right place and the right time (cliches ftw!) and I actually got pretty lucky to have such an understanding Mother and friends. I'm celebrating the fact that this wasn't messy and no one has been hurt in this process, including myself (so far) and I hope it remains that way.
And on your self-confidence issue-- I'm not one to talk, but I have been getting better. Just as you said I shouldn't be ashamed of the fact that I'm gay, well you shouldn't have any issues with yourself. God made everyone uniquely beautiful and I'm sure you are. =) When you learn to embrace the qualities that only you can offer, confidence is no longer a problem. I think it's just human nature to focus on our flaws, but we should instead focus on what makes us beatiful and that's often forgotten. =/ So, love yourself and fuck the ones who don't love you! =)
VKCA
(Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)
@theamazingflygon
I think you are confused. We are talking about his mom. His fears of his mom rejecting him are perfectly justified. Yes it's not the way it "should" be. But that's the way it is. It's his fucking mother. You can't just say "oh whatever she's closed minded I shouldn't care about her feelings anyways".
I think you are confused. We are talking about his mom. His fears of his mom rejecting him are perfectly justified. Yes it's not the way it "should" be. But that's the way it is. It's his fucking mother. You can't just say "oh whatever she's closed minded I shouldn't care about her feelings anyways".
It makes me sad to hear all these stories about peoples families not accepting them and even disowning them. I'm a gay guy and I'm out to pretty much everyone, other than extended family. My sister's gay too, which is really fucking weird, but it was pretty difficult to come out to my parents because of that. I'm really glad I did though.
My suggestion to anyone who's gay/bi and not out, come out to a close friend when you're ready. Someone you know you can trust and you know will accept you for who you are. The first person you come out to is extremely difficult but you gradually get more comfortable about it and eventually just stop caring if you know everyone knows. The first person I came out to was a good friend of mine sophomore year of high school. I knew I could trust her and she didn't tell anyone until I came out senior year. You do NOT wanna get outed, I've been there and it's fucked up.
My suggestion to anyone who's gay/bi and not out, come out to a close friend when you're ready. Someone you know you can trust and you know will accept you for who you are. The first person you come out to is extremely difficult but you gradually get more comfortable about it and eventually just stop caring if you know everyone knows. The first person I came out to was a good friend of mine sophomore year of high school. I knew I could trust her and she didn't tell anyone until I came out senior year. You do NOT wanna get outed, I've been there and it's fucked up.
Thanks Ninahaza! =D
And umm orangekows...something makes me think you didn't read the thread through..
And umm orangekows...something makes me think you didn't read the thread through..
Errmmm...lol
i read the first page and then posted my response. so sorry for trying to be supportive.
My apologies if that came off as douchy. I thank you for the support, but just putting in a random line that I've read a million times doesn't help at this point, especially since I recently updated the thread. Idk, it would just seem more helpful or even meaningful if your support was up to date as well. I do sincerely apologize though because I'm really not a dick! =D
nah it's cool. i'd probably give the same kinda response. i just put in my experience of the whole situation, i didn't take into what other people posted into consideration. there's just only so much you can say before it starts getting repetitive.
it's good that you're able to talk about it atleast, even if you're only talking about it online. i didn't even come out on the internet before i started coming out to people in person. i was really paranoid about my irl somehow finding out about the forums i go to and reading through my posts.
it's good that you're able to talk about it atleast, even if you're only talking about it online. i didn't even come out on the internet before i started coming out to people in person. i was really paranoid about my irl somehow finding out about the forums i go to and reading through my posts.
Wow, that's pretty awesome Flamewheeler. I just read about your coming out.
I dunno if I've said this, but I previously used to hold rather homophobic views myself until I went to college and met a few openly gay individuals, which led to me changing my perspective. Also, I met an openly gay subcontinental Indian, and he is probably the most courageous person I know for that.
I dunno if I've said this, but I previously used to hold rather homophobic views myself until I went to college and met a few openly gay individuals, which led to me changing my perspective. Also, I met an openly gay subcontinental Indian, and he is probably the most courageous person I know for that.
Why I am pretty courageous now, aren't I? xD Jk jk I'm glad that you came to the light. I find it ridiculous that people can reject people based upon something they cannot choose. It's like hating someone because they're black, or asian, or whatever else. And, of course, there are the exceptions-- those who were raped and feel the need to go gay as a precaution, but those are different. Actually, I got all emotional about this exact thing when I came out to my mother, mainly because it pains me to know that there are people out there who will hate me for being gay without even getting to know me first. I've been told I'm quite the likeable guy! =D I know for a fact that if I had the choice to be heterosexual I would take it in a heartbeat which is sad, but oh so true. =/ But I am what I am and I'm actually quite happy with it these days. =) Thanks again!
And orangekows, we should totally talk sometime. ;) Not like that...was that creepy? xD