JAA Raleigh (SKYUPPERCUT60)

The trip to Raleigh

Last day of June, 2:30PM, I've got my bags packed, my shirt from Atlanta, gameboy and game, pokeball, and Im ready to kick some ass..... until mother kindly reminds me to pack some socks as well! Shit, I knew I forgot something!

Raleigh is about a nine-hour drive from where I live. The fact that dad isnt going with us scares the shit out of me at first, anyone who has seen my mother drive would know exactly why. Plus, she had knee surgery about a month before this whole thing, so that means that we end up having to stop for twenty minutes every two hours or so because her driving leg is giving out or something.

And would you believe that the traffic is heavier in north georgia than it is in the entire Carolinas? It took us over an hour just to get through the town of Cumming. And dont even think about making a joke about that. assholes.

So finally close to midnight we get, we arrive at a hotel in the city about a mile or so away from the mall. I am relieved, sitting all day sure does make one's ass tired! But then the unthinkable happens-- see, dad apparently reserved the room for us a couple weeks ahead of time using his credit card, but mom, being the BRILLIANT person she is, didnt think she would need to bring it with her to get in the room! She tries to pay with her gas card lol, which gets dirty looks from the girls behind the counter. So after a couple more minutes of just standing there looking baffled, one of them suggests that we just get dad to fax the hotel a copy of the card. Then they let us in at last.

So after unpacking and all that crap we finally get some sleep!.....well, not really.

Around 2 in the mourning, a group of guys can be heard yelling at each other right outside the hotel room. Then all of a sudden I hear some loud noise that sounds like someone falling on the ground and what I originally thought was gunshots. So naturally I wake up mom, who's snoring blocked this out of her ears, and inform her that we might possibly die! Mom looks out the window and--- they're just playing b-ball? wtf negroes go practice for the NBA draft in a junkyard or something, there are some people trying to sleep here.

So around 7 in the morning I wake up yet again to the alarm, groggy as shit. Now, why in the world did mom order a wake-up call at ten AM if we are getting up right now? Maybe she is psycic and knew what was going to happen the night before and set a second alarm to wake me up again because getting only ~four hours of sleep before pokemoning is absurd.

So yeah, finally I get out of bed to get some breakfast at the hotel. Cereal, bagles, muffins, orange juice, milk.... wait, this is an all-carb meal! Dr. Atkins would stab me if he saw this!

After eating, I hop in the shower and afterwards proceed to apply the Pokemon gear! I have my hat, my pokeball from the Burger King promotions of years gone by, my SWANK shirt I got in the mail after Atlanta (Which was two sizes to small =/), and my bluejean shorts.

This is the part where I wish I had a digital camera ;_;

JAA Raleigh

So around noon I head to Crabtree Valley Mall to start off my pokemoning day!

So the tournament registration starts at 1:30. Mom sees this as saying 'OK cool I have more than an hour to lose you' and heards off to the disney store. I kinda stand around for a while near the area, scared to death (Im afraid of malls ) then out of nowhere mom pops up like one of those annoying internet adds and says I need to eat before the tournament starts! This is like five minutes before registration is about to begin, and I inform her that I REALLY need to stay where I am (Plus I wanted to see the 12 and under finals for a chuckle or two) but mom is convinced that you cannot Pokemon on an empty stomach!

So, reluctantly we go over to the food court and order some chicken. I devour mine in like .7 seconds because Im in a big hurry, but mom takes forever. Then she decides to go pee and that I am like six and need to wait outside the bathroom until she gets out! Jesus help us, Im thinking.

So just as I expected, I am the VERY LAST PERSON in the line for the tournament. asdf. I look up, and there are a group of kids doing some last-minute trading with each other in preperation for the event, as well as other stuff like showing each other their shinies ect. One guy shows the others TEN, and they all orgy. Latter, one of the guys asks me if I have a Leichi berry I would trade him. Im like sure and I give him a Poocyena holding it for an Eevee. I look a little further up the line and O LORD WHAT IS THAT DEMON-LAMA DEVOURING THAT POOR GUYS HEAD. Wait, is that kholdstaire? Apparently it is, his shirt blantantly states thats him after all. I see him hugging his gf before the event. She's cute, let me know when she dumps you, mmkay? Unless you've slept with her, no telling what diseases you have. ;D

Uuuugh, I forgot how many papers there were that we have to sign. I hate paperwork.

So finally, Im registered! Also, they give me another shirt right off the spot, which startles me because I had to wait like two months for the one Im wearing right there. Nintendo has gotten there act together from the first few events. Also, this one is the right size for once. HOORAY.

It seems like most people in the south dont play pokemon, there were definately less than 64 people age 13+. The guys running the event had to work around this by giving everyone in Group 2 a bypass the first round. But I'm in Group one.

Before I go any further, I guess now would be a good place to explain my team to you:

My Team

They had us take several photos before the event started. If anyone happened to have a shot of the whole group together, I would be happy to point out which one was me. HINT: Larvi has them!

Even though I now knew who khold was, for some retarded reason I didnt even speak to him. I was thinking in the back of my mind that I would simply introduce myself when we met in the semifinals or finals. lol I must smoke crack in my sleep or something, that definately did not happen.

Oh, before I forget, there was this HUMONGOUS statue of the Carolina Hurricanes at the mall made out of sand. Haha, I feel sorry for anyone that actually thought the bulls or whatever were gonna win.

Round 1: Random Guy

Random Guy's team

I used: Mewtwo, Snorlax, Groudon, Rayquaza

First turn, I had lax Protect expecting a random fighting move from blaziken. But he switched that out for Kingdra, expecting a psycic from me. I Ice Beamed Porygon2. He tries to Psycic Snorlax, but alas, Protect. Next turn, I have Mewtwo use Endure. Kingdra Hydro Pumps Mewtwo doing about half damage. Porygon2 uses Recover (!), and snorlax self-destructs, destroying everyone on the field excapt Mewtwo. He sends out blaziken again and Cradily. I send out Rayquaza. Peyata Berry, ACTIVATE! Mewtwo Ice Beams Cradily for a OHKO. Rayquaza Dragon Claws blaziken down to 19HP. Blaze Kick finishes off Mewtwo. I send out Groudon. Finally, I ES with Ray and win 2-0.

Apparently they have either done away with the whole 'first match is best 2/3' thing from the earlier events, or these people are just stupid. I'd bet on the latter =/.

OK, next match I probably made about three and a half dozen mistakes, so feel free to point them all out and lower my self-confidence even more!

Round 2: "Mr. I have 10 Shinies"

My Team

I used: Groudon, Shirfty, Mewtwo, Snorlax

I Fake Out Ho-Oh, then promptly get shirfty OHKOd by a Sludge Bomb from Gengar. gogo Snorlax! Of course Ho-Oh flinches, and then Groudon subs. Next, Gengar uses Shadow Ball in an attempt to break my substitute. Doesnt work. Ho-Oh uses Sacred Fire on my Snorlax and I am BURNED. This is important to keep in mind later. Groudon Swords Dances. Snorlax uses Shadow Ball on Gar, but because its burned, it only does ~55%. sdklfjsadkl;fjasdkfjklasdj. On the next turn, Snorlax Protects. Gengar uses Destiny Bond. I begin to cry inside. Ho-Oh uses Solarbeam to finally break Groudons sub, then Groudon returns the favor by using Rock Slide to KO both of those azn bastards. Unfortunately Gengar is a cunt and Groudon of course goes down with them. Mewtwo time! Then he sends out- The dynamic duo of Salamence and Tauros! Seriously, what the fuck? But I later learn I have no room to talk.

See folks, despite the number of times I have messed up thus far, I could have still won in this situation in three turns, I know that. Ice Beam Salamence, Body Slam Tauros, Endure/SD, then finish off tauros with Mewtwo's Solarbeam on the third turn. However thats not what happened, at all. Apparently, I thought that even with burn and double Intimidate, I could still kill his pogeymans at full health with Self-destruct. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.

So like I was saying, I endured with Mewtwo. Apparently his pokemon had decided to gang up on Mewtwo this turn with Aerial Ace and Return respectively, so he's at 1HP even before the boom. Snorlax commits suicide, and......... both his Pokemon are still standing at half health each! So of course next and final turn, I Ice Beam Salamence, but it doesnt matter, because Tauros uses Return to do exactly 1 Damage and this is all over!

So a word of advice to anyone going to DC/Philly/Boston/NJ/NY/NY finals: fucking pay attention to what your doing or you will lose to a fat faggot from serebii in less than five turns. Then everyone will laugh their ass off at you for all eternity!

......So like right after than I storm out of the mall with mom in a blind rage. lol it was kinda funny actually, glad noone saw it.

When we get back to out temporary prison, mom is stil trying to calm me down. I tell her to shut the fuck up and start yelling random shit like I lost on purpose or something. Words of wisdom: NEVER tell your mother to shut the fuck up.

I recieved an XD sticker thingamabob for my 'cube, which despite it being rather ugly I put in on my gamecube when we got home anyway because I was bored. I also got the Emerald Strategy Guide. Ironic because I was using an Emerald cart and beat the game well over a year ago, so of course it was useless to me.

But I dont need to skip from my spasm all the way to getting back home, do I? Of course not.

The trip home

So after a couple of hours of rest and relaxation, mom decides that this vacation doesnt need to becaome a total waste, if we at least go drive around downtown Raleigh. I had a feeling this was a bad idea. I was right.

See, here's what happened: I was the one looking at the map telling mom where to go. We were going down a road that CURVES left, and I apparently accidently told mom that we needed to TURN left. So she obliges. For a few minutes I keep giving mom directions following the correct path, not noticing my fuck-up, until she looks at me and then the map, and realises that we are currently L-O-S-T is a city completely foriegn to us. It takes us over an hour to figure out where the hell we are.

So after out little mis-advanture, we go to eat dinner at some random chinese buffet resturaunt. I can tell something is wrong with me, I can barely scarf down two plates when I usually get like four or five.

We leave there, and mom informs me that she would like to look around in the dollar store nextdoor. I am like what the hell, we just got back from a major mall. But she tells me I need to shut up because Ivew been doing whatever I want all day and this is what she wanted. Err, the whole point of us going was because of the pokemon thing, I didnt see the logic in holding that against me, but I oblige anyway because im getting sick of this town and I figure a little trip to the [really] poor man's Walmart wont hurt. lol I fight with her all the time and I bet your all getting sick about hearing about it. Its the hormones I tell you =[

After that little fiasco, we return to the humble home-away-from-home known as Room 101 (My first thought when I saw this Friday was lol boah subs. I have a sad life)

Apparently the hotel has a shitty printer, so we have to call dad to get the number off the card, write it down, and give it to them. I hate hotels.

Then, I watch what may have amounted to the worst horror film in existance on the SiFi Channel: Jolly Rodger: Slaughter at Cutter's Cove. Title explains it all.

......

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! Wait, this isnt football season? Dammit.

So yeah, mom and I prepare to depart back home on this day. Mom has carefully planned out another route so that we dont have to go through the construction in Cumming (Dammit didnt I tell you to STOP THAT MOTHERFUCKING GIGGLING, its the name of a town ok) After eating another shameful breakfast, we gtfo of Raleigh, NC.

Once again we are making pit stops every 50 miles, which is starting to irritate me. I have never really understood why bathroom breaks are so important on long trips to everyone except me, maybe I am just awesome at retaining water or somesuch.

We were getting hungry in South Carolina, and mom is telling me to look for signs that point to places to eat. I see a sign advertising a place called 'Cafe Risque' that promises topless women will serve you good food! After getting beat over the head with what felt like an iron skillet, we stumble upon a Cracker Barrel.

Now, Cracker Barrels have always been an irritance to me. Partly because at every one I have been to across the USA, there has always been bad service and passable food. But this one was dfferent! The food was great, we got what we actually ordered the first time we ordered, and everyone was so nice to us. There was this one black kid that kept asking me every ten minutes if I wanted a refill. Wow, I guess they are right, everything in South Carolina IS backwards!

Ohh look, there's a choclate store next door! Mom wants to buy some candy for dad as an aploogy for raising a kid who sucks at Pokemon apparently.

Nothing or note really happened from here all the way home. Except I peed somewhere in Gainsville. Shocking isnt it?

Well, that's my report. I would like to thank everybody here that stayed long enough to hear my awesome story. I also want to thank khold for not winning because I think I would have gone apeshit if you did. And I also want to take this time to especially talk to Tauros: YOU ARE THE GAYEST MOTHERFUCKING COWFUCKER EVER YOU SONBITCH HO.

Thank you and have a nice day!